Here I am, looking at the skies above. Am I ready? After those 6 years, am I really ready? I sighed as I went back to the cabin that I stayed in for 6 years. An empty cabin that brings me strong emotions.

I closed the door as I finally reached it. I took off my jacket and placed it on the counter. I went to my bedroom and opened the closet, and there it is, the box with solid memories, happiness and pain, I carefullly took it and sat on my bed.

Should I really open this now though?

It's already 6 years, I should be strong.

With a deep breath, I opened it.

The first thing that I saw was the picture of the entertainment that nourished me to grow into the idol that was desired. I smiled as I remember that this was the place that I saw the love of my life in which we will never be.

 

"Dad, are you going to leave when I enter?"

"Of course, Taengoo. You're big enough already. A 15 year old going to training already." He said that as he ruffled my hair.

"Can you not go? I might cry."

"Aigoo. I'll pick you up later, okay? Now go and impress everyone there with your lovely voice." I nodded at him and walked towards the building. "Goodluck princess!"

I slowly entered the building and approached the girl near the counter.

"Hi sweetie. What can I do for you?"

"I'm Kim Taeyeon. They said to go to this training room." I gave the lady the piece of paper.

"Ah. Room 9-8G. The room is at the fifth floor." I looked behind me as I heard the door open, I saw a small girl enter with short hair. She seems to know this place well just with the way she entered.

"Taeyeon, sweetie. You're new here right?" I nodded.

"Tiffany! Can you accompany this girl at room 9-8G? She's new here and I know that you surely know that room. Is it okay?" The girl named Tiffany nodded her head. She went near me and grabbed my hand. We ran, well she ran and dragged me to the elevator. As the door opened, we entered the elevator.

"Hi! I'm Tiffany Hwang."

"I'm Kim Taeyeon." I said shortly, I was really shy with people.

"My real name is actually Hwang Miyoung, but it sounds too old. Yoona and Yuri would always tease me about it." She pouted which I find it cute.

"Uhh. It's actually a beautiful name. It suits you, it gives a different feel, but it's good." I said shyly as I scratched my head. She looked at me with a big smile.

"You're the first one that said that besides my father. I think we will bond well. Thanks. Your name is good too."

"Can I call you that? Miyoung."

"Yeah. I give you the right to call me that since you actually think that it's a good name. You made my day, Taeyeon."

"You made my day too, Miyoung." She suddenly laughed at me.

"I didn't even do anything to you, Taeyeon. Don't be silly. No need to return a compliment just because I said one to you. Which is by the way, true. Thank you. Really. For making my day a little less crappy from the teasing of my friends." I can only smile at her back as she didn't understand that her simple presence made my day.

 

I took the picture to my side as I examined the other things that I placed there. There were a few awards that I noticed. I don't even remember why I took these along.

As I removed the rewards, I saw another picture. It was us. The nine of us, complete. A tear fell down my eye as I remember the first heartbreak of the group.

The day Jessica left.

I didn't wanted that to happen.

There were always two sides of the story.

But I decided to remain silent as that would only destroy the image of the latter.

I scanned the picture more and saw that Tiffany was holding my hand. She always liked doing this. She said that it was warm, I thought that it was cold. She liked holding it but only for a short while, because at the end of the day, she went back to the 'man of her dreams'.

I never objected about the men that she dated.

I told her, I was happy for her.

It's true.

It was just me, unhappy for myself for even thinking that we can happen.

And then the second heartbreak of the group happened.

Well, more like a heartbreak to me and some fans. Probably some members too.

And I never wanted the group to end. The group was the only thing that kept me by her side. It was the only connection that we can still possibly have, if we weren't going to be with together, in love. I'm selfish, I admit. 

I fought for the group, but the entertainment said that some of the girls were already planning for some of their weddings.

They offered me to be a solo artist, but I denied. They asked me why I didn't want the group to end yet I also didn't want to become a solo artist. I just left the room, with their question answered only in my mind.

If I become a solo artist, I'm still separated with Tiffany.

When I promoted 'I', when I have to do thank you speeches, I always include 'snsd' in it. It reminded me of her, her unending support for me. To become a solo artist without them is different.

As I put the picture beside, I noticed that there was only one item in the box. It was my phone. I slowly took it out and pressed the power button.

A small light greeted me.

I decided to check up instagram. To see how she is doing, is she happy? Happy without me in the picture?

Her pictures slowly loaded, wifi is very slow here in the woods.

One picture caught my eye. A simple selfie of her.

I realized that I was slowly forgetting some memories with her that I promised to myself to remember dearly.

I forgot how she cared for me when I was sick.

I forgot the way she smiled, and looked at me. I'm forgetting because I let one small problem get the best of me. I loved her.

I don't know if I like this. Me, slowly forgetting her. For some odd reason...

Forgetting her hurts more than thinking about her having someone else. This isn't what I wanted.

But this is what happened. Apparently, moving on needs the action to also forget.

I decided to close the application, I can already feel the tears stinging my eyes. I may have grown too independent on her. Thinking about her first before the group. Before I can close my phone, I saw 119 messages.

Some were from my parents asking about my life. Some were from my members, friends, and her. Tiffany...

 

 

From: Pani (August 10, 2027)

Taetae. Where are you? I miss you. You just suddenly left with no goodbyes. I know it is hard but remember, we are all still one.

 

From: Pani (August 21, 2027)

I heard from your mom(more like our mom hehe) that you needed some time away. I understand, but don't take too long. We already miss you. We are still one. :)

 

From: Pani (February 2, 2028)

I miss you, boo :( I feel insecure these days, I need your 'ertness' hahahaha But seriously, I miss you. My wife :(

 

From: Pani (August 5, 2029)

Taetae, this is our 2nd reunion that you aren't here. Please come? It's never too late for cake! Hehe. Pretty please? :)

 

From: Pani (September 17, 2029)

Taengoo! Sooyoung's getting married! Seems like that oppa really filled her stomach to the point of filling her heart <3 They are so sweet, if only you could see. All of us are still waiting for you, leader. Fightaeng! :) I'll text you later the details about sooyoung's wedding. :*

 

From: Pani (October 20, 2029)

Today is Sooyoung's day, tae. Where are you? :( 

 

From: Pani (June 21, 2030)

After 938274834719 years:

Error: Taeyeon's reply :P

 

From: Pani (March 9, 2031)

Taetae, you once said that I'm your happiness, please understand that it goes the same to you. I'm so sad without my bestfriend/wife :(

 

From: Pani (August 1, 2032)

At least give a sign or something if you're still alive and reading this. Your family called to ask if I knew about your whereabouts. But I also don't know...It is starting to hurt that you aren't even giving out a simple reply to me. Or even everyone. I'm afraid to think if you are actually dead, I hope not. I'm sorry but you're hurting not only me, taetae, also everyone. At least give a sign or something. I understand that you need space but isn't 5 years of space enough? I also need you.

 

From: Pani (August 2, 2032)

Please, Taeyeon?

 

 

I stared at the last message that was sent last year. Could you possibly be married as well?

Was that 6 years of space truly worth it? With that simple message of her, I'm at the starting point of moving on again. But no, there is still one thing to do in order to know if I haven't moved on.

I clicked the call button.

It started to ring.

Into the new world started playing, so this is her ringtone.

 

"Hello?" It's her voice. For some reason, every voice that I had was gone.

"Hello? Who is this?" I inhaled deeply.

"Miyoung?" My voice immediately cracked after saying her name once again after 6 years.

"Taeyeon?! Is this you?! Taetae, I miss you!" She said as she sniffed, she was crying.

"Miyoung-ah. This is a very late reply to one of your messages, but it's better late than never right?" I chuckled. "Anyway, I'm here to tell you that, I am alive. I'm still at the point of thinking about life. Tell my family and everyone that, I'm okay. Congrats to Sooyoung too, I wonder how many of you are already married?"

"Are you going back home now, Tae?"

"About that..."

"No! Please, go back home Tae! I-I miss you, we all miss you!" Tiffany cried.

"Miyoung, I'm sorry but I can't go back yet. At least you know that I still walk here on earth. I came here to tell you to not worry much about me, I'm fine. I'm sorry if this is hurting you but I still can't go back. Goodluck on your lives, who knows, I might go to the reunion next year, right? I have to go, this phone is dying. And don't bother with this number, I didn't bring a charger and I don't have any means of charging it."

"Tae, please don't go! I miss you and love you! Please. Tell me where you are and I'll pick you up."

"I-I can't do that."

"Taetae...Please go back...Here, with me. I love you." I chuckled a bit as I know this phrase was nothing but friendly.

"I love you too, Miyoung. But I'm sorry. Maybe I'll go back on a wedding of yours maybe? I love you, I'll say that once again, you probably miss me saying that to you, right? Last one, I love you. Goodbye. I'm sorry, but I need to stay longer."

"No, Tae. I'm no--" I hanged up the phone. The phone ringed again though, it was Tiffany. As I was going to press the close button, the power of the phone died.

I chuckled as tears ran down on my face.

After all those years, it's still her.

But nonetheless,

 

Yes, I'll stay longer here.

I need to stay longer.

 

But don't worry Pani, I may be here but I know, we are still one.