March 23rd 2015 :

21 :53

The show is over , I’m still at disbelief I've actually held a concert in front of thousands of fans. I take a last look at the crowd , I'm happy i'm making people happy with my music ... And am so glad I have so many people by my side , I lift my head just to see them smiling and cheering for me .

23 :17

The real show was about to start , cars started arriving one after the other . It was my first After-Party , and the fact that I was the host made me so nervous about it .

« Oh My God honey you look gorgeous !!» Gummy unnie screams as soon as she reaches the door .

« Preach goes to Chaerin , my stylist for the night » I say and you can sense the excitement in my voice ..

CL just smirks at my comment , she was too focused fixing my foundation. And I got so lost in my thoughts while she was doing it , daydreaming of how this party might possibly end ..

« DONE ! » CL breaks the silence and pulls me out of my thoughts . She held me and leaded me in front of the mirror . I was dressed in a short tight gray dress , a black oversized leather jacket covered my shoulders , and a pair of Chanel heels completed the look , I looked pretty ... Prettier than I ever was .

« Your friends are waiting for you downstairs , go have fun baby girl » Chaerin says with a bright smile covering her face .

00 :06 

Kiseok greeted me with a friendly hug , I haven’t seen my friends in like ages . I was pretty close with the AOMG artists , especially SsamD and Jay , I've been with them even before joining YGE and they’ve done lots of things for me , they all showed up to my after-party , and I was so thankful . I was supposed to debut as a rapper , hanging out with so many of them influenced me so much , but I ended up being a vocalist instead.

Choice was the DJ for the night , I walk on stage and ask him to play one of my fave songs , A$AP Rocky's Wild For The Night . The fans went mad at my music choice , and at Choice's amazing skills… I offer them some fanservice before leaving the stage .

I was sitting with Lydia when i saw that CL was waving at me , she had an excited look on her face , so I rushed to see what was going on.

« He came » She whispers .

I stood there with a blank expression , but as soon as his name crossed my mind , my hands started shaking and guilt traveled within me . « Why's he here ? I told him not to come » I said with an unstable voice.

Chaelin seemed confused and was about to say something when a silhouette made its appearance behind her , it was him , that zico guy.

His stare was making a hole within me , I hated his presence in front of me , I wanted to run away so bad , to escape a huge mistake I have made . His eyes made me wanna break down and cry , I can't believe I gave myself to him so easily , can't believe I betrayed the guy to whom I'd give my all with this guy standing in front of me right now . I blame it on nobody but myself , who could've said no when he asked for a dance , who could've rejected his lips instead of kissing him back with so much passion , who could've been honest when he confessed his feelings , but who didn't .

We stood there not saying a word , his hand reached out to mine and I wanted to let go so bad , but I instead tightened my grip .. I never knew what Jiho has done to me , I know my heart belonged to no one but B.I , but there was this warmth about him I couldn't avoid .