rated [M] for language

Kibum angrily chucked his phone against the wall.

He was tired of the notifications piling up, tired of seeing his name pop up over and over again and not having anything to say to him. He picked up the phone whose screen had cracked and muted it, but his eyes stayed glued to the messages and calls he was getting from the concerned male. He didn’t know how long he stayed there, staring at each incoming message, but he did know that when they stopped, he felt anything but relief. He felt like he was suffocating, drowning in a sea of his own guilt but there was no one now to help him.

Jonghyun didn’t know though. He didn’t know that it was him, Kim Kibum, who had stolen his money. He felt so angry at himself for what he did, that he almost ran out to those ATMS and ripped his scammer slot with his bare hands. Almost. He had been stealing the money that was wired to that credit for over a month now, and before he didn’t even bat an eye but now he felt sick to his stomach. Every time Jonghyun would put money in, Kibum would take it out and the other didn’t even notice. Jonghyun thought he was saving up when in reality there was nothing there and that was the reality that made Kibum want to dig himself into a hole and never come out again.

Jonghyun was so kind to him, made him feel like he was truly a person of worth and capable of love, yet here he was causing him this trouble. Even when a week went by of his avoidance, the elder still tried to reach out to him and make sure he was alright, which only made Kibum remember that he had agreed to be his friend if Jonghyun did him this stupid favor. It sickened him, how someone with a soul so beautiful could want to be friends with someone like him: a dirty, disgusting, lying, thief.

“I’m so ing stupid. Why can’t I ever do a single goddamn thing right? I’m a mistake, a stupid, stupid ing mistake.”

He was unknowingly crying now, the tears rolling down his cheeks and down his chin, but he didn’t care. He didn’t deserve Jonghyun’s kindness and he definitely didn’t deserve his forgiveness if he ever decided to tell him. No, he could never tell him about this. What he could do however, was stop stealing his money. He’d go out tonight and remove the card slot and cancel his bank account. He was breaking the one promise he made to himself, to never give in to his parents’ schemes, but if doing that meant hurting Jonghyun, then he’d just have to break that promise.

He looked at his hand, swollen and red from when he went to install another fake slot at another location a few nights ago, before he got caught at the cafe. He had hurt it in his rush to install it quickly and leave, but there was a policeman around on guard and he was already growing suspicious of the teenager in the black hoodie. He ran as fast as he could when he was spotted, not before tripping and falling onto his arm in his attempts to hide from the police. Even though he hadn’t actually installed the slot that night, if he had been caught they would have found the device in his pocket and lead an investigation that would direct them to the one he did install--the one that took Jonghyun’s money. Lying to him saying it was carpal tunnel seemed so innocent until he realized what he had done.

Kibum hated himself more than he had ever done so before.

Now that the two weren’t on talking terms, Jonghyun was spending time again with his friends and not thinking about Kibum. To their relief, he was starting to look like his old smiling self again. He was going to Taemin’s after school dance practices with them, and as expected he never did anything productive. He’d either try to mimic the younger’s dance and fail miserably, and lay upside down with his feet on the wall groaning about how hungry he was.

He even got himself a job. He was old enough to, and he scored one that didn’t require too much experience. He was going to be a busboy at a nearby restaurant, four days a week. The job was laborious and tiring, but he was making money which was all that mattered. He also dyed his hair, going from a chestnut brown undercut to a blond one. The change was liked among his friends and peers so he was feeling even more happy. Things were looking up again for him.

That is, until Kibum visited him at work.

Jonghyun was wiping down tables, his bangs tied up apple-style that made it look like he had a tiny palm tree on top of his head. He was hoisting a plastic tub to his side where he’d place the dirty plates and his apron was dirty with the day’s work.

Hearing the door of the restaurant open, he greeted the person without looking up from his task. “Good afternoon, someone will be right with you.”

He hadn’t noticed that it was Kibum yet because he turned around to go back to the kitchen while a waitress stepped out to seat him. The younger man was taken aback at seeing Jonghyun here, but he was relieved that he hadn't been spotted. Yet.

Every time it seemed like Jonghyun would walk in his direction, Kibum would quickly duck under the table, pretending to be picking something up from the floor. He bit his lip when Jonghyun was heading towards him, doing his best to hide behind his menu. Oh god please don’t recognize me….

“...Kibum?”

Damn.

Shyly, Kibum put the menu down, looking up at him. Jonghyun’s face wasn’t smiling though, nor was it relieved, (he still hadn’t heard from him since that day.) It was blank and hard to read.

“Ah… Jonghyun-ssi…,” he said awkwardly, taking in his appearance. The now-blond blinked in confusion at the sudden honorifics.

“-Ssi?” he repeated, making Kibum bite his lip again. The tension between them was more than obvious, but he was the one that was making it so difficult. Jonghyun’s eyes snapped up to look behind him when his boss called for him, and then slowly turned back to Kibum.

“We need to talk,” the younger blurted out, not wanting to hold him up but not wanting to miss his opportunity. He felt his heart drop to his stomach and his fingers went numb when Jonghyun only frowned, giving him a skeptical look. , he already hates me.

“My shift doesn’t end until 8:30,” he told him.

“I’ll come back,” Kibum was quick to answer, which was surprising to himself. He usually thought about his words carefully before saying them but he was so desperate to talk to Jonghyun that he wasn’t thinking at all. The other simply gave him another hard to read look before shrugging him off, as if saying ‘If that’s what you want,’ before going back to the kitchen.

When he was away from Kibum's gaze, Jonghyun put down the plastic tub with shaking hands, taking deep breaths to calm himself. He didn’t expect to see him so soon and so unexpectedly. He could only wonder what it was that he wanted to talk about and he debated with himself on whether or not he wanted to hear what he had to say.  

When he went back out to clean more tables and get customers refills on their drinks, he noticed that Kibum had already left. He went over to his table to clean, but there was only a coffee mug and the exact change left on the table. The waitress who served him came over to pick up the money, frowning with a pout.

“He didn’t leave a tip,” she whined, making Jonghyun chuckle.

“Maybe you weren’t friendly enough, Krystal,” he said and grinned when she raised her hand to playfully swat at him.

“Jonghyun-oppa you’re so mean,” she said, but her smile quickly broke through her frown. He hadn’t been working there for long but he had already made friends with the staff. They were all young, around his age, so he didn’t have trouble fitting in. There was Krystal, Suzy, Baekhyun and Chanyeol who were in the year below him, and then Yoona, Sooyoung, and Minseok who were in his year. They all went to different schools, which was a huge relief since they didn’t know about the whole drama between and Kibum.

“Hyung, do you want to go bowling with us tonight?” Baekhyun asked as they were all finishing up with their shifts, ready to close the store down.

“Who goes bowling at night? Isn’t that a daytime activity?” Minseok asked, making the girls laugh.

“It’s better at night. Come on oppa, come with us! Pleeeaase?” Suzy said, batting her eyelashes cutely. The taller boy blushed at her action, giving in.

“Alright,” he grumbled, and the group cheered.

“Jonghyun, you’re coming too right?” Chanyeol asked, dropping the honorifics. He didn’t mind since this cheeky boy was hard to convince anyway but he paused as he thought about his question. He could either go bowling with his new friends or stay back to meet with Kibum. He gave them an unsure answer, but it was enough to get them to preoccupy themselves with serving the last customers and closing down for the night.

Kibum waited outside the restaurant for an hour. He wanted to be early because he didn’t want to miss Jonghyun if he left before his shift, (or if he was trying to avoid him.) He spotted a group of teenagers walk out and he shrunk himself into the shadows, waited until they were gone before stepping back into the light. He didn’t see the person he was looking for in that group, so his eyes stayed fixated to the restaurant’s door.

Autumn was quickly passing by and giving way to winter, which only meant colder nights. Kibum underestimated the weather and dressed lightly, but quickly regretted it when he found himself shivering and his teeth chattered uncontrollably. Still, there was no sign of Jonghyun. Did he leave through the back door? That would have been awfully childish of him. He considered giving up when 30 minutes after 8:30 passed, but he then he heard someone calling his name. His head snapped up to meet Jonghyun’s worried expression.

“Kibum, how long have you been standing there? Your lips are turning blue,” he pointed out, and Kibum raised his fingers to his cold lips. Jonghyun shook his head and dug some keys from his pocket, motioning Kibum to come inside the warm restaurant.

The place felt creepy now that the customers and the staff had left, but Jonghyun turned the lights above the bar on and it went from unsettling to comforting. He disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a mug. The smell of coffee reached Kibum's nose before the cup did, and he reached out to take it carefully. He had forgotten about his hand though, so when the exchange happened, he yelped in pain and dropped it, making it spill all over the counter and on himself.

He didn’t even hear Jonghyun’s surprised yell as he went to mop up the mess, and he didn’t hear his concerned questions asking him if he was okay. All he could focus on was how tired Jonghyun looked in this lighting. He remembered that he didn’t sleep but now he was also holding down a job? It made his self-hatred grow even more to see him like that. The shadows under his eyes were all too noticeable, and he overall looked so exhausted and like every action was physically painful. It was so because of him.

“Kibum, where did you get burned? Answer me,” Jonghyun was pleading, holding his cheeks to force the younger to look at him.

“Oh,” he blinked dumbly. “I-It’s okay, it didn’t touch my skin.” he lied. “I’m really okay, see?” he touched his thighs with a smile, trying to reassure the older male, who only nodded slowly. Jonghyun wasn't in the mood to argue. The silence that followed as Jonghyun cleaned up the shattered cup had his mind racing to find something to say, coming up with nothing.

“You said you wanted to talk,” he spoke finally, and Kibum nodded, shifting on the stool he was sitting on. He tried to ignore the stinging from his legs from where the coffee burned him.

“I--...,” he was having a hard time forming his words, which was new. What was there to say? It had been almost been two weeks since he had begun avoiding him with no explanation and he knew the explanation was what Jonghyun was waiting for.

“You… changed your hair color,” he ended up saying, slapping himself mentally. Really?

“Yeah, I did,” Jonghyun didn’t look amused though, and that made Kibum flinch. He was really mad, wasn’t he? He bowed his head, counting the tiles on the floor as he tried to come up with something to say.

“Is that all you wanted to tell me? I could have been out bowling if I knew this was all you were going to say,” Jonghyun sighed, straightening up.

“No, it’s just that I’m… I don’t know where to start...”

“You could start with an apology.”

They had another silent staring match, Jonghyun’s lips drawn into a thin line. He was about to tell him to never mind when Kibum sighed.

“I guess I should. I’m sorry,” he said, but wouldn’t meet his eye. Jonghyun’s expression softened though, and gently put his fingers under the younger’s chin to tip it up. There was concern and worry all over his eyes, but there was mostly disappointed. Kibum never cared when people looked at him like this but now he was really feeling like a small kid who just got scolded by his mother.

“I’m sorry,” he said again despite his voice cracking. Jonghyun wordlessly pulled him into a hug, his hair as he began to cry. He felt so small in this moment, but strangely comforted. Jonghyun didn't know that his apology was not only for ignoring him, but for adding onto his problems. Kibum didn’t deserve this, he wanted to push Jonghyun away and yell at him to stop being so nice, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He had always been selfish and now he was being selfish over Jonghyun's affections too. He felt safe in the other’s large arms and wanted to stay there forever.

Jonghyun didn’t push him further, which Kibum was thankful for. He hadn’t realized that the blond had begun singing to him when he stopped and was aware now of the silence. He looked up to find that the elder’s eyes were closed, but quickly opened them when he sensed that he was being looked at.

“Do you want to spend the night?” Jonghyun asked quietly.

“I’d love to.”

omg here is chapter 9! kibummie is really feeling regretful isnt he? plase subscribe and let me know what you think aaaa.