(please read the author's note at the end!)

“Taemin!” Jonghyun barked as the curtains to his room were harshly yanked open, leaving him to shield his eyes from the strong light that now flooded his room. Unfortunately for him, he couldn’t stand up to close the curtains, so all he could do was just glare while sunlight shone uncomfortably in his eyes. 
 
“Don’t give me that look, hyung. You need sunlight to get better, or else you’ll lose that healthy golden glow,” the youngest simply said, plopping down on the bean bag chair by Jonghyun’s bed. 

“Maybe I don’t want to get better. Maybe I want to spend the rest of my life in my room in the dark until I turn into a cockroach,” Jonghyun grumbled with a pout, which didn’t phase the younger at all. 

“I can’t let you do that,” Taemin snickered. “You have way too many things you owe me.”

“Owe you?” Jonghyun blinked in confusion, his face lifting from the scowl he had for the first time that week. “What do I owe you?”

“Naturally as my hyung, you have to spoil me. You said you’d take me to the carnival, which you have not, the beach, which you have not, and you said you’d buy me banana milk until I’m sick of banana milk,” Taemin listed off, and Jonghyun’s eye twitched. 

“You can just buy your own banana milk.”

“It’s better when someone else buys it.” 

They sat there staring at each other, neither of them wanting to break the silent battle. Taemin was a pro, since years of staring off into space allowed him to keep his eyes open without blinking for long periods of time. Jonghyun reluctantly looked away, which made Taemin silently cheer in victory. The elder couldn’t help the tug at his lips, but also didn’t want to let it be known that the younger had broken through him.

“Did you just come here to annoy me?” Jonghyun sighed. Taemin shrugged, looking down at his phone for a few seconds. 

“Jinki and Minho are worried about you,” Taemin said instead, making the elder huff. He had time to cool off on his own, and he was starting to regret snapping at his friends the way he did. However, he was too prideful to tell them that. 

“.... Kibum is worried about you.”

Jonghyun’s eyes snapped to Taemin’s face, the scowl returning instantly. He didn’t know when that name had become ingrained with pure bitterness, but hearing it out loud after trying to forget it in the first place had made the anger he had just let go return.

At the same time though, he couldn’t exactly say he was angry. He was sad and hurt, but the fact that no matter how hard he tried to forget Kibum, pretend he didn’t exist, Jonghyun’s heart would ache and his mind would rush with adrenaline in ways that left him dizzy and sick with longing.

“I know you don’t want anything to do with him, but hear me out.” Taemin quickly went on before Jonghyun had the chance to say anything. He only nodded with a sigh. 

“He has issues, but you can ask him about that later. The point is… none of what happened was intentional. I should probably add that he looked like the equivalent of death when we went to see him, so you can bet that he feels really bad about all of this.”

Jonghyun listened and tried not to let the tug at his heart change his opinion. No, he couldn’t forgive Kibum so easily. Kibum did wrong, and it cause him a lot of trouble! Jonghyun needed to make sure Kibum understood that he was not a toy he could use and throw away whenever he pleased. He wanted to turn his back (and his heart) away from Kibum forever and move on with his life.

...Unfortunately though, Jonghyun’s heart was not made of stone and could not think harshly like that, nor could he see himself going through with it.

 The days he spent wallowing in self pity and feeding a hatred that never existed suddenly made him exhausted, as if all of that was for nothing, and in a way, it was. Kibum did wrong, yes, but so did Jonghyun; he should have heard Kibum’s explanation and sorted everything out instead of being quick to act butthurt, and then like a jerk. After all of this, could he really expect Kibum to want to come back after all this pettiness? But then again, Kibum wasn’t making any move to come apologize either. (That was a lie, but Jonghyun wasn’t taking that into account.) 

It wouldn’t get resolved if they kept avoiding each other, but pride was such a hard thing to go against. Seriously, when had his life turned so dramatic? All he wanted was to live peacefully and be happy. Was that too much to ask? Apparently so, in the eyes of the universe. It had bigger plans for Jonghyun and wasn’t going to let him go so easily. 

“Alright.” Jonghyun gave in, closing his eyes. He felt like he could properly rest now that he wasn’t using up all his energy to force being angry at Kibum. Taemin smiled, texting Minho and Jinki that their plan had been a success. 

To be honest, Kibum was all Jonghyun could think about for the past few days, which was the opposite of what he had been trying to do all along. His mind was filled with imaginary conversations and encounters that included them apologizing to each other and forgetting the whole thing ever happened. 

The reality of that was pretty in low in terms of it actually happening, but there was no doubt that Jonghyun missed Kibum. He missed their aimless talks about anything and everything, he missed Kibum’s hard-to-please standards and how passionate he got when he’d talk about his latest Instagram post. Sure, they annoyed Jonghyun at the time, but he found himself craving to hear the sound of Kibum’s laughter again. He was so lovesick it wasn’t even funny. 

There was also that hope that maybe, maybe, Kibum missed him too. It was with that hope that he let go of all the frustrations and anger he had been bottling up, and with that hope that he allowed room forgiveness in his heart. 
.
.
.

“It’ll be fine, Kibum. Don’t worry so much,” Jinki attempted an encouraging smile, one that would have worked if the latter hadn’t been already worrying for three days straight when Jonghyun had agreed to meet up. It had shocked him at first, then excited him, then made him nervous now that he was on his way there. 

Jonghyun was doing better by physical means, at least. His head was still bandaged up but his stitches were due to come off soon, and his leg was casted up and functioned well with minimal movement. Taemin had gone off first with him to help him get to the cafe Jonghyun had taken Kibum when they had first met. 

Kibum felt a warmth rush through his body when he saw Jonghyun sitting by himself in all his beautiful glory, so much that fingers turned numb and knees were threatening to buckle. 

Kibum, get your together! It’s just Jonghyun! He scolded himself, only he couldn’t get his together because suddenly, it wasn’t just Jonghyun anymore. It was also the relief of knowing there was a chance to make things right. Now was his chance to tell Jonghyun that none of this was meant to happen, and that if it was alright, he’d like to start all over with him.  

Plotting what he was going to say in his mind, Kibum figured the best approach was to just ease into the conversation. It was going to be tense and awkward, he knew that, but it had to be done. He fantasized an ending where he and Jonghyun made up and laughed together, spending the rest of the afternoon catching up, which felt nice, but it was still only a fantasy, and he was still glued to his spot staring at Jonghyun.

As if things couldn’t get any more awkward,  Jonghyun had already spotted Kibum and wasn’t tearing his gaze away. The gaze wasn’t scornful, nor bitter, but it wasn’t happy either. All the conversations and lines he had practiced in his head suddenly evaporated to thin air and his mind was left blank. He was now in the flight or fight mood, every nerve on his body on edge and his head screaming at him to decide on something quickly. At the last minute, he decided on--

Running.

Unsure of what else to do, Kibum took off running in the opposite direction, his heart beating loudly against his chest and blood rushing in his ears. If it weren’t for his horrible stamina, he could have kept going all the way home, but he was stuck just a block away. He cursed at himself for furthering worsening the situation, and he angrily kicked a pebble in his path with a huff as he regained his breath. There went his only chance. 

But the universe wasn’t letting Kibum off the hook, either. 

Kibum looked up quickly when he heard footsteps following him, only the footsteps didn’t sound normal. One foot hit the pavement harshly, and the other sounded like metal hitting the ground.

Slightly out of breath and cheeks red, Jonghyun stood in front of Kibum, supporting himself on his crutches. Kibum was unsure if he should help him or if maybe that wasn’t what the other wanted, so he stood still. 

“Why did you run, Kibum?” Jonghyun choked out, his voice breathless. Kibum blinked dumbly, not finding an answer to his question. Why had he run? He thought back to how similarly this felt to their fight back at the hospital, and closed his eyes. There were too many things running through his mind, and most of them were just telling him to run again. He fought against that urge and tried to rationalize with himself. 

“Kibum, answer me.”  The words came out in a soft, defeated plea. Kibum realized that these were the same words Jonghyun seemingly kept saying to him. Kibum was always making Jonghyun force an answer out of him, and it made his heart clench tightly with realization of just how often he had done this to Jonghyun. Unknowingly, tears were escaping his eyes, but he didn’t have room for pity from the other, so he spoke first. 

“I’m always hurting you. I see that now,” he said weakly, smiling bitterly as he wiped the tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry.” Jonghyun’s concerned look went unnoticed by Kibum.

“An apology isn’t what I want from you,” Jonghyun interrupted, surprising Kibum. It was actually what he wanted, but more so, he wanted answers. “I want an explanation.”

“Here?” Kibum asked in a small voice, looking around the alley they were both resting in. It smelled horrible, thanks to the dumpsters, and Kibum saw something scutter from the corner of his eye, which made him shudder. 

Jonghyun seemed to read Kibum’s mind and nodded, already turning to leave the alley. “Right, let’s go somewhere else.”

The two walked quietly back to the cafe, the trio of friends nowhere in sight out of respect of privacy. They sat down, neither of them speaking, neither of them looking at each other for a few minutes. Finally, Kibum broke the silence. 

“I’ve only been living in Korea for maybe 5 months,” he said. Jonghyun looked up, listening intently. His expression was blank.

“My parents… are really wealthy. So wealthy that they can afford to own multiple houses across the country and abroad. I guess you could say I some sort trust fund kid, huh?” he chuckled quietly, all the while looking down at the floor. Jonghyun figured that much, but the emptiness in Kibum’s eyes told him there was more to that. 

“My grandmother raised me, since my parents were too busy working. I only saw them maybe 4 times a year if I was lucky, and even then they were always so cold towards me like if they were strangers,” Jonghyun didn’t miss the slight tremble in Kibum’s voice as he spoke, slowly letting down his guard. 

“I started acting out to get their attention, but that only got me sent here by myself with a credit card full of money. I was already the president of robotics club back in America, so I knew how to construct and wire a lot of things,” he said. “Mostly to prank people. But when I got here, I was just so angry that they left me here that I decided I wasn’t going to depend on them and make my own money.”

With that information alone, Jonghyun was starting to piece the puzzle together, so he took a stab at the dark. “So you created a fake ATM slot to make money.”

Kibum blinked in surprise at how quickly Jonghyun figured him out, then let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah.”

“You do know that’s illegal, right?” Jonghyun continued, making Kibum shrug.

“At the time I wasn’t thinking right,” Kibum said. “My first victim happened to be you, but I felt really bad afterwards so I didn’t do it again.”

“But you continued to take money out of my account,” Jonghyun pushed.

“It was already wired and I figured there wasn’t any harm in taking a few $20s here and there…” Kibum didn’t meet his eyes, feeling shame now that it was pointed out to him, but suddenly straightened up quickly. “But I swear, I didn’t know it was you. I only found out after you had mentioned you had been scammed at the cafe. After that, I went home and did some research and, well…”

“Yeah, it was me.” Jonghyun’s voice was quiet, thinking. He pulled a card from his pocket, sliding it over to the other, who took it with a confused expression. 

“What’s this…?”

“The money you put back into my account,” Jonghyun said dryly. “I don’t want it.”

“B-But, I took this from you, don’t you--”

“You didn’t take that much. There’s way more than a few hundred dollars in that card. I’m not a charity case so don’t treat me like one,” Jonghyun interrupted again, a little harshly. Kibum shut his mouth, but didn’t accept the credit card either. 

“Well, you got your explanation,” he said softly, already gathering his stuff to leave. 

“Is that it? Isn’t there something else you want to say to me?” Although Jonghyun’s tone was steady, his eyes were pleading with Kibum to stay; stay and say something.

“I…um…” Once, again, Kibum was lost for words. Jonghyun waited, yearning for his made up encounter to come true as well. He waited for Kibum to pour his heart out to him, a final sign that they were meant to be and that Kibum needed him. That would be the sign that would let him forgive Kibum, and attempt to start something new. In that ideal place, he would date Kibum and they would be happy.

Sadly, that wasn't the reality he got. Kibum only looked at him with those feline eyes, calculative but so secretive that he didn't know what he thinking or feeling. Jonghyun sighed, standing up instead and pocketed the credit card. 

“I didn’t want to lose my faith in you, Kibum.” 

Jonghyun hobbled out of the cafe, leaving a heartbroken Kibum to himself as he watched what could have been his lover walk out the door. 

*hides before i get trampled by you guys*

omg first of all, i should apologize for the long wait! i know i told you guys i had lost motivation but i didn't know it take me this long to muster something up. school has been stressful and im a staffer in my school's magazine so i've been busy with that, but i finally got inspiration to write and so here we are!

second of all, i bet this was not the ending you guys were expecting :P to be honest, i hadn't planned this ending either, but as i was writing it i was thinking about where the story would go if kibum and jonghyun made up, and though i could have very well written an ending where they made up and forgave each other, i don't think it would have been that realistic. plot twists like these are always so hard to come by and i have to admit, i really liked that this was the ending i ended up choosing. 

third, there is an epilogue, and it is a happy one just so you know ;]

thank you everyone who has stuck along for the long ride, i hope you enjoyed my first ever fanfic and hopefully stick around for the more i plan on writing! your kind comments are always encouraging so do not hold back! 

thank you all so much again<3