Regret. Anger. Embarrassment. Disappointment.

Jonghyun sighed and fought back the lump that formed at his throat as he quickly tucked the math test that was just handed out to him in his backpack. He had failed, again, and he knew his mom wasn’t going to be happy about it. The thing that really most of all was that he actually studied this time, and he still didn’t pass. He felt that empty feeling of failure expand in his chest and he didn’t even feel hungry when the bell rang for lunch. He just sat there at his desk, staring at the worn out wood with a hard frown on his face. Jinki, whose locker was in that same hallway, noticed his friend sitting alone in the classroom and instantly knew that the younger boy had failed his test just by looking at his expression. That, and he was usually the first one out of the classroom when the bell rang.

“Hey Jonghyunnie, it’s okay,” he said softly, sitting at the edge of the other’s desk. Jonghyun was annoyed at his friend for his kind attempts. Jinki never failed a test in his life to his knowledge, so how could he know what he was feeling right now? He was so good at everything, good at academics, good at sports, good a being social, he was left wondering what wasn’t he good at. When he looked up at him though, he felt bad for thinking that way. After all, Jinki was just trying to help.

“What am I going to do?” he groaned, his head falling onto his desk. “My mom is going to kill me.” He felt like crying again, and although he didn’t care about crying in front of his friends, he couldn’t risk someone walking in on him.

“You’re over exaggerating,” Jinki chuckled, lightly ruffling his hair. “She knows you studied for this test.”  

“That’s not going to matter to her! Jinki, how are you so naturally smart? Why couldn’t I have been lucky enough to get your brain?” he grumbled, making the other boy sigh.

“It’s not a matter or natural smartness or luck, it’s hard work. I sacrificed a lot of time that I would have rather spent hanging out with you guys or practicing sports or taking up a new hobby, just to study. I worked hard to earn my grades,” he explained to him, but it didn’t look like it was getting through. “Look, how about you ask your teacher to let you retake the test? Explain to him that you didn’t understand despite your studying and that you would like to try again now that you know where you made a mistake.”

“You think that will work?” Jonghyun asked, blinking up at him. It really wasn’t that bad of an idea.

“Of course! Teachers love that, it shows that you really care and it makes them feel better about themselves. I do it all the time,” Jinki said with a smug smile, getting off the desk. Jonghyun looked at him startled.

“You ask for retakes?” he asked, baffled.

“Sure, lots of times. I’m not perfect you know, I fail stuff too,” he said with a shrug, helping Jonghyun gather his things. He wasn’t going to say it out loud, but he was really happy to have a friend like him. Jinki didn’t need to hear it though, noting how much livelier the other was once they headed off to lunch.

--

Jinki and Minho were going to watch Taemin practice again, so Jonghyun waited outside the school for Kibum. After their little ‘date,’ he felt like the tension from before had lifted. Even if just by a little. He had talked to his math teacher though, whom was surprised to see the boy ask for another chance. With a grin he gladly told him that he could, and Jonghyun felt like running up to his friend and giving him a big hug. Too bad he had already left.

“Hey,” Kibum greeted him, and Jonghyun smiled.

“Hey! Listen, do you mind if we do this at my house today? I really need to study for this math test my teacher is letting me retake…,” he said, making Kibum blink. He was getting curious as to when he’d get to see the other’s house and now he could.

“Sure, I don’t care,” he told him and followed Jonghyun as he led the way. He was observant as they headed there, not having ever been down these streets before. Everyone seemed a bit more...friendly. Jonghyun’s three-story apartment was one of many in the neighborhood, and they were all clustered in one long continuous row. Kibum felt a little claustrophobic, and he noticed that there were a lot of people outside. Kids were playing on the sidewalk or on the empty street, women were chatting with each other as they hung their clothes on a rack to dry. A few of them greeted Jonghyun, but paid Kibum no mind.

“How polite,” he muttered, making Jonghyun roll his eyes.

“The ahjummas aren’t used to me bringing new people home,” he explained as he led him towards the back of the street. “Plus, you look out of place with your fancy clothes.”

“Fancy?” he muttered, looking down at himself. He didn’t consider this anything more than casual. Looking again at what everyone was wearing, he now felt a little overdressed.

The house was empty, since Jonghyun’s mom and sister both worked at this hour, so they had the place all to themselves. Although it was bigger than his own apartment, Kibum’s was definitely better. Still, there was a homey feel to the place which made him a bit jealous. Pictures on the wall of the small family, random items that either belonged to Jonghyun or his sister were littered around, and it smelled like Fabuloso cleaning supplies whereas his own didn’t really have a distinct smell.

“I like your place. It’s cozy,” he said, following the other’s lead as he took off his shoes at the doorway and put his bag down on the table.

“Thanks,” Jonghyun said with a small chuckle. “Do you want something to drink? We haven’t gone grocery shopping recently so we don’t have much…”

“No thank you, I’m alright,” Kibum said and watched him take a seat at the small round table.

“We don’t usually eat on the table,” he told him as he took his books out of his bag. “We just use it to do homework and stuff. We eat on the couch.” Kibum turned to look at said couch, cringing.

“Doesn’t it get dirty?” Jonghyun paused to look at him, raising a brow.

“Not if you’re careful. Anyway, what did you have planned today?” Kibum pursed his lips, moving on from the topic.

“I’m gonna tell you a bit about my friends so that when you meet them you don’t embarrass yourself,” he told him while the other rolled his eyes and took out a math textbook.

Kibum spent about an hour and 30 minutes explaining the complexity that was his friendships to the older male, who kept glancing up from his textbook to ask a question or let him know he was listening. He pursed his lips because he really wasn’t advancing much at this rate. He told him about the stuff they were into, what they thought was cool, what they didn’t, how to address them, and whatever else. Jonghyun thought it was incredibly excessive and let him know multiple times, only earning him a glare or a scoff from Kibum.

“You know, you’ve been on the same page since we got here,” he said, pointing to his textbook and then crossed his arms. Jonghyun shrugged, pushing his hair back from his forehead.

“Hearing you go on and on about Nicole’s eye contact preference is much more interesting than synthetic division,” he said, and Kibum snorted. He peered over at the paper Jonghyun kept looking at, furrowing his brows.

“Is that what you’re struggling with?” he asked, and Jonghyun nodded. He took the paper and examined it carefully, his eyes scanning over the red marks the teacher had made to indicate where a mistake was.

“You have the setup down,” he said, putting the paper down. He moved to Jonghyun’s side so he could show him better. Jonghyun held his breath as Kibum literally leaned near him, so close that their shoulders were almost touching. He even caught a whiff of his hair, which smelled like honey. The whole time Kibum was explaining to him how to solve a problem, he was caught in trying to keep his breathing in check. He didn’t want to breathe too fast or too hard around him, but at this rate he was going to pass out.

“Get it?” Kibum went back to his chair, watching Jonghyun slowly recover.

“Uhh…,” he realized he hadn’t caught a word of what he was saying. Kibum just sighed and took a blank sheet of paper, scribbling something down. When he was done, he handed it Jonghyun. The paper had the problem solved step by step, and the boy almost jumped out of his chair to tackle Kibum into a hug.

“Yah,” the younger boy said as Jonghyun stared at him with his eyes starting to water. “Are you… crying?”

“No!” Jonghyun quickly said, blinking to hold the tears back. He felt so happy, he could actually use this to help him. He was the type of learner who needed things to be explained step-by-step, otherwise, he was quickly left behind.

Thanks to Kibum, Jonghyun was able to finish up quickly and finally pay attention to his lecture. He actually found it pretty interesting how observant Kibum was. He told him how the guys only wore certain styles of shirts on certain days, how the girls never used the same brand of makeup for more than a month, which side was their good side, and other things Jonghyun would have otherwise not even picked up.

The sound of the door being unlocked caused them to both look up, and Jonghyun smiled as his mom walked in. Despite the exhaustion that lined her face, she still smiled for her son.

“Jonghyunnie! You’re home! Oh, who’s this?” she looked at Kibum as her son hugged her, giving her a big kiss on the cheek.

“Mom, this is Kibum. He’s a friend from school. We were studying,” he told her and she smiled, bowing to him in greeting. Kibum quickly bowed back, but remained silent. Jonghyun’s mom was very friendly. Everything from the way she spoke to the way she moved indicated that she was a typical mom. Kibum couldn’t even recall how his own mom looked like, which would have otherwise been sad, but to him, it didn’t matter. But, seeing the mother and son interaction as Jonghyun helped her put her stuff down and mindlessly talk about their day made him a bit jealous. He wished he had that sort of bond with his own mother, but that was likely never going to happen.

“Kibum, will you stay for dinner?” his mom suddenly snapped him out of his bitter thoughts, making a blush dust his cheeks.

“I would love to,” he said politely, making the woman laugh.

“Of course it’s alright! I’m making a stir fry, is that okay?” Kibum nodded with a smile, while Jonghyun watched with a loving expression.

“Oh, mom, guess what? I failed my math test,” before she could scold him,--he already heard her murmur his name in disappointment,-- he showed her the sheet Kibum had made for him. “The teacher is letting me retake it and Bum even helped me out by making this sheet for me to study off of.”

Kibum felt it again, that jittery feeling. It made his fingers numb and his head dizzy, and he wondered if maybe he was sick. The feeling quickly passed and he forgot about it.

“Wah, Kibum-ah, you’re so kind,” she said, smiling at the taller boy with so much sincerity that he felt warmth course through his chest. He felt giddy for making the woman so happy, and was eager to do it again.

Jonghyun’s sister had arrived as they were beginning to set the table, and they all ate together. It was mostly the two siblings bickering over the best piece of meat while their mom engaged Kibum in conversation. Although he didn’t want to disclose any information about himself, he couldn’t resist telling the woman everything she wanted to know. But the thing was, she didn’t ask anything personal. She asked him about his studies and what kind of things he liked. When he told her truthfully that he had an interest in fashion, he was expecting for her to give him a strange look, but instead, she lit up and asked him to tell her about it. He was actually enjoying himself. He knew it was silly, but for a moment he pretended he was part of a real family. He wanted to experience this every night, he wanted to also fight over the best piece of meat and talk about his day. For a moment, he was truly happy.

“Jonghyunnie, ask Kibum if he’d like to spend the night,” his mom told him as they washed dishes. He wondered if maybe it was too soon for that, but it was already late and he didn’t want him to walk home alone, despite knowing he was very capable.

“Would… you like to spend the night?” he asked Kibum a bit shyly, taking a seat next to him on the couch. He didn’t want to make the older boy upset by saying no, and plus, he kinda didn’t want to walk home alone so he just nodded. Besides, he wasn't over his little family fantasy.

Although Kibum was thinner than Jonghyun, he was still taller so his clothes were very short on him. Jonghyun didn’t even hold back his loud laughter when he had to resort to wearing a pair of pajama pants a friend of his sister’s had left the last time she slept over.

“It’s actually flattering on you,” he wheezed, rolling on the floor of his bedroom. Kibum was red, crossing his arm with his jaw set. The pants weren’t uncomfortable, but the ridiculing was what was making him upset.

“Stop laughing at me, it’s not funny. I’ll sleep in my underwear if you can’t keep yourself together,” he grumbled, not aware of what he was saying until the other had gone quiet. He looked up at him, smirking when he saw his face red as well.

“Where you just imagining me in my underwear?”

“NO!”

“Yeah you were!”

“No, I wasn’t, you just caught me off guard and--” Kibum’s laughter drowned out his protests, so he just quieted down and watched. The other would throw his head back when he laughed, only to rock forward and drape himself over the nearest object. Because he was on Jonghyun’s bed, he fell on top of the pillows.

Jonghyun felt his heart pound in his chest at the action. It seemed to be doing that a lot lately now around him. He noticed how Kibum’s eyes were shut so tightly the area around them turned red, or how his mouth hung open in a silent laugh, or how his chest heaved trying to catch his breath.

“So where am I sleeping?” Kibum asked, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the tears that lingered there.

"Ummm...oh, there's Taemin's sleeping bag," Jonghyun snapped his fingers, remembering how often the other slept over. He raised his eyebrow when they other sent him a glare. "What?"

"I am not sleeping in someone else's sleeping bag, much less on the floor," he crossed his arms. They had a staring match, each silently challenging the other to break. Whatever nice moment they just had disappeared into thin air and gave way to negativity. Jonghyun couldn't remember the last time he felt this irritated, but he remembered that Kibum was a guest in his house and whether he liked it or not, he had to be a good host.

"Fine," he sighed, looking away from the other's smug look. "You can sleep on my bed."

"Thank you," Kibum said, climbing into the bed. Jonghyun watched him shift around to get comfortable, before he eventually stopped moving and his breathing evened out. The brunette occupied himself with other things, none of which were productive, but by the time he looked at the clock, it was already 2 in the morning. He turned around in his chair, and froze when his eyes fell on Kibum. The light of his open laptop gently shined on his sleeping features, making his skin look like he was glowing. Maybe it was his unusual fascination with the moon and things that resembled it, but Jonghyun was really in awe at the other’s beauty. He engraved his image into his memory, loving how his lips were puckered up in a pout and his brows were slightly furrowed. He was clinging to one of the pillows, making him look small fragile.

He felt his heart speed up in his chest and there was no doubt about it now that he was starting to grow feelings for Kibum. Despite the fact that the younger annoyed him, and his personality was too forward, he couldn't deny that there was an unspoken attraction and refusing it would only make the desire grow. He wanted to figure Kibum out and learn everything about him, be that shoulder for him to lean on, anything if it meant being close to him. But, even he knew that was going to be difficult. They were already having trouble in their fake relationship, so starting a real one would take serious dedication. He noticed how tense Kibum got whenever he was asked about his personal life, and how little acts of kindness startled him. Jonghyun vowed to be the person that Kibum could call a friend and hopefully someday, lover.

The only problem was, he wasn't sure how long he could pretend for.

Saturdays at Kibum’s house were usually more or less the same. He woke up no later than 9:00, stayed in bed until 11 just scrolling on his phone, did all his homework before 1, and then roamed the city streets until he got bored.

Saturdays at Jonghyun’s house were a little different.

The younger male woke up to light shining through the blinds, squinting and grumbling in annoyance when one ray in particular hit him in the face. He was warm and comfortable in the bed, so all he did was roll over to try to fall back asleep. That was until he realized he was alone on the bed, and he quickly sat up. Where was Jonghyun…?

To say he expected him to be in the same bed as him wasn’t an unrealistic suggestion, however much outrageous. The smell of breakfast cooking in the kitchen just outside the door made his stomach grumble and he assumed that the other had already gone out before him. He swung his feet off the bed and nearly screamed when his toes came into contact with flesh.

“Jonghyun…?” he whispered, peering over the bed. He sighed in relief when it did turn out to be him, but felt uneasy at the sight of him. He had combined the two bean bag chairs and stretched out on them, using a thin blanket to cover himself. Luckily, the room was warm, but it still couldn't have been comfortable to sleep like that. He didn’t mean to cause an inconveniencet, since this was his bed. Although he wasn’t a fan of sleeping on the floor, watching the other’s discomfort almost made him wish it was him in his place.

Almost.

He bit his lip, reaching over to shake his shoulder and try to get him to go back into his own bed when he stopped. Jonghyun looked so different up close, and sleeping no less. He could see all his imperfections, and on any other person he would have been quick to judge away, but on the older male, he found them attractive. The two hair whorls on the top of his head drew his curiosity, and judging by the limpness of the hair that wasn’t being held up by gel, he came to the conclusion that he had showered before bed; whatever time that was. He had the urge to comb his fingers through the fluffy mess, his fingertips stopping mere inches away. A sudden intake of breath from the sleeping boy caused Kibum to jump back with a yelp, cradling his hand to his chest with wide eyes. He felt so ridiculous acting this way. Since when did he become so careless?

A horrible shriek had him ducking for cover again, lunging himself onto the bed as Jonghyun's sister burst through the room.

"KIM JONGHYUN GET UP RIGHT NOW," she screamed, causing the boy on the floor to jolt awake. Uh-oh, he'd done it now. Did she find out about the credit card?

"What's wrong, noona?" he tried to act innocent, even rubbing his eyes in a cute way to try to soothe her anger. It didn't work.

"How many times have I told you not to use my eyeliner,"

Wait-- eyeliner?

Jonghyun wasn't sure whether to be relieved or embarrassed. He snuck a glance at Kibum, groaning to see him looking back with wide eyes; he had obviously been startled as well.

"Noona, I promise, this is the last time--"

"NO YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS," she lunged at him, trying to tackle him into a headlock. Used to this, Jonghyun quickly slipped from her grasp and ran out of the room, his sister hot on his heels. He heard their yells loudly resonating through the small home, and he smiled when it all settle in. He had a feeling this was normal here.

He decided to go help Jonghyun’s mother in the kitchen. She gladly accepted his help, looking up to scold her children for being so nosy. His sister had succesfully gotten Jonghyun in a headlock, rubbing her knuckles furiously on the top of his head. His protests and whines were only met by her laughter, and when she finally let go, his hair looked like a tornado passed through his hair. Kibum vowed never to make Jonghyun's sister mad.

Eventually everyone settled down again and Jonghyun went to go brush his teeth, so he was left alone with their mother again. The company this early in the morning felt strange, but still nice. The way she’d carefully show him how to stir the eggs, or gently correct him when he did something wrong made him feel all warm again. It reminded him of cooking with his grandmother, back before she was still able to.

Jonghyun's family was definitely more lively and different than his own, but he was loving every second of it. He wanted the feeling to last, but he knew that sooner or later, it would have to end.