Dara's POV

Getting ready for Seoul isn’t as smooth as I expected it to be. The thought of getting into a university makes my body shiver of anxiousness. I wonder if checklists are meant to be this messy, but I don’t think I can ever finish packing. Scattered laundry, unfolded blankets, and strew bags on the carpet – it’s impossible to get it done by tonight. So I then thought of going in a cozy café which might help me loosen my mind.

Take a breath, Dara. Take a breath. This is serious business and I should never leave anything behind. College scares me more than anything so I can’t have my guards down. I breathed deep as I walk down the street to find a nearest coffee shop, hoping I can sort some things out – or at least organize my checklist for goodness’ sake.

It’s amazing how the taste of coffee gives my body the taste of calmness after a big rush. It’s also fascinating how this café felt a lot homey - my mother’s scent, greenly trees, and warm ambiance – things I liked the most. I found myself jotting down notes I never even thought of before.

Smooth. Just as how my pen kisses the paper and how my mind works – this is going so smoothly than I ever imagined. I wonder if baristas put some magic on their mix but this is surely why busy business people work in a café rather than their homes or offices.

“Dara.”

A familiar voice suddenly stopped me from writing. I was sure it was from a distance that it sounded like a mumble but it was impressive how I heard it soft and clear. The name I disdained most of the time was said in a voice I was longing to hear. I looked up with much mental agitation thinking how he said my name so uniquely.

All the hatred, confusion, mystery, perplexity that I felt before, gathered up in just a second. I yearned for his existence for so long that I locked all my feelings away in the seas, wishing it wouldn’t be found again. But then the same eyes and the same reason why I can’t trust anybody today met mine for the first time in five years.

“Jiyong.” I felt so many emotions crashing inside me that I can’t even hear myself. Did I say it out loud? Did I just say his name out loud?

His lips curve like a reflex and – boy, it was still mesmerizing. I can’t find the right words to describe how happy I was to see his smile and how confusing it was to pretend it never once shined my day. This is a fight between me and myself – I can’t be fooled twice with that gesture again. I turned away believing if I shake my head it will all eventually just go away. From head to toe, I was all covered with confusion. I hurriedly got off of my seat as if I was running away from something.

Right, I’m trying to run away from him.

It’s such a shame how fast I spent my time in that café I just got to know. How could I possibly find a café that never tasted like cliché cities in Seoul? I probably looked like a fool for acting so randomly and it probably shocked him too – but I can’t help my body acting that way. I didn’t realize it was this cold on the start of a winter season until now that I found knees shivering while running as fast as I could away from him. My breathing got a bit faster so I slowed down in contrast. Breathe in, breathe deep.

So I continued walking down the street feeling empty as if all my emotions were caressed away by the winter air. It’s starting to get a lot colder and my hands also start freezing. I looked for gloves in my bag but I couldn’t even glance a strand of it. It probably fell while I was on my way running up to here. Then I decided to look for it rather than buying a new one because – damn – I’m saving up for college.

As I turn around thinking it might just be close from here, I suddenly bumped into someone.

“Ow.” I exclaimed.

He was pretty tall – tall enough to bump my head onto his chin. His scent was familiar as if I was already used to it. Please, don’t be him. I mustered my courage to look up and get away from his arms but it was hard to break loose from the arms I longed to be held. As I was about to turn my head up, he my hair and pushed my head deep in his chest. It was his scent.

“I missed you.” He whispered. I attempted to escape from his hold but the strength I let out turned into tears I never thought would stream down my face.

Was my ruined childhood fairytale really this painful?

 Even I wonder how I held it in alone. It was his existence that made me trust myself before and it was also him who made me trust nobody today. I can’t do anything but feel the warmth of his body as if it was meant to cripple down my freezing veins. He then let his grip loose after a moment, placed his hands over my ears and wiped my tears away. But tears just can’t stop shedding as if it was begging to be wiped by his soft, warm hands.

“You’ve been hiding it in for so long, Dara. Cry.” And with his words, I crumbled.

I lost myself in his embrace. My arms keep on pushing him away – punching his chest, scratching his biceps, and staining his shirt with never-ending tears. I want to runaway. Run where I hope I won’t see him and at the same time run where I hope I will. I was too embarrassed sobbing in front of him so I sat down hugging my knees crying like a kid.

Why am I like this? 

Just as how I waited for him, he waited until I finish crying. But do my tears worth the wait? He didn’t speak a word and listened to my weep instead because I know he knew how I hated people being nosy whenever I don’t seem alright.  I wiped my tears and stood up. I gave it a shot to initiate a conversation.

“Wh-why are you here?” I mumbled. He didn’t answer.

Instead, he brought out a couple of mittens – my mittens. He reached for my shuddering hands as if he was about to put it on me. I hesitated.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

My question was unclear but I believe he knew what exactly I meant. Why is he here? Why has he come back? Why did he follow me? Why has he left?

I didn’t intentionally grab my mittens aggressively but my hands sharply slipped with his.

“We should see each other again.” He gushed.

His words made the whole situation as if it was nothing. I have felt things I wish I hadn’t before and I don’t want to be shaken up again today. But there’s a part of me that still holds onto it. I turn around walking furiously. To where? I don’t really know. I can hear his footsteps following me behind until I turn to – I guess – the third block of my neighborhood. He probably got tired of chasing me and my savage actions. Was I too cruel? Instead of feeling at peace without him walking behind me, it felt lifeless.

My feet lead me to a playground I barely even went to. I don’t even want to go home because it has no difference with this almost abandoned playground anyway. Empty. But I just remembered I was actually packing for tomorrow – college shizz. The sunshine I came to find in the café earlier was down so promptly. My body is still shivering but I don’t think it’s from the cold. Everything happened so quickly and I couldn’t even fathom how to wrap this day up. I rode the swing a few times to clear my mind – notes, luggage, clothes, college stuff – I made sure to remember all those. Then I came to find myself swinging for almost a couple of hours already.

“Shoot!” I stood up and ran home to get things ready for tomorrow.

I was used to going home without anybody welcoming me. Dad was always at work. And mom, well she’s doing fine with angels, I guess. I get calls from my dad from time to time and we barely even see each other. He checks up on me during his free time through messages and it was okay. But tonight, he should be home. He said so yesterday. His words are the only thing I hold on to. So while waiting, I ran up to my room to fix whatever it is needed to be fixed.

Clothes? Check.

Notebooks? Check.

Shoes? Check.

Pajamas? Check.

I made sure I completed my checklist properly so I won’t be able to leave anything behind.

Time sure passes by so fast and dad should be here by now. It’s almost 8o’clock, just the right time for dad to reach home with his 6-hour drive from work. We barely eat dinner together because he has always been reassigned to different places. I was cool with it – no problem.

The door bell rings and I heard heavy footsteps.

“I have cake!” It sure was dad’s voice.

I rushed down the stairs feeling excited like a kid. Since the time mom was gone, it was dad who stayed by my side. And although he barely goes home, he always makes sure to keep our home alive. It was hard for me but I know it was harder for dad too so I adjusted to get used to that routine. It was okay because it’s for dad to always feel easy and for our house to be a home forever.

“And I have Jiyongi with me too!” Dad bragged.

And my world stopped for a second.

We should see each other again. His words just came to life.

A/N: ugh im so mad right now it's my third attempt to post this update (ty connection) so if u read this it means i finally succeeded kfhdfkjsghskerug anyways, im still out of town right now and i have super weak internet connection that's why this update came a little too late ;A; but this chapter was supposed to be twice as long but i cut it short bec idk where to end it so expect the next one to be out sooner hehe thnx 4 reading my ty updates it makes me happy thnx u piece of gem

let me know your thoughts in the comment section below~ subscribe and update!!

-koraens