Chapter 29: Getaways & Guilt

Four days passed. The farmboy and the Princess went on with their own lives, despite of the fact they longed for each other’s presence.

Yeonhwa had been going nowhere outside the palace. Sometimes, she would only stay in her room and read her stories to get her mind off of Hwayang, but the method wouldn’t budge a bit. She would even take a stroll around the palace and head to the pond as well, and feed the ducks. But it still wouldn’t work. Nothing could get her mind off of the farmboy. She missed him too much.

Hwayang would rather dig up all the dirt that covered the earth to keep Yeonhwa safe if he had to. He distracted himself everyday by doing farmworks, selling embroideries, and hanging out with his little brother. But everything somehow just wouldn’t knock him out of his senses. He was too worried about the royal girl and always wondered how she was doing.

They both were. They just wanted to confirm it for themselves in person.

Jungseol slowly stopped brushing Yeonhwa’s hair and looked at her reflection in the mirror.

“Princess,” she said.

Yeonhwa blinked and looked at Jungseol. “Yes?” she replied.

“I-I… You…” Jungseol sighed in guilt and looked down as she resumed brushing the princess’ hair again. “I know you told me many times that it’s not my fault and that I shouldn’t feel guilty… but I’m really am sorry, Princess Yeonhwa.”

The Princess smiled lightly at her. “I’m tired of saying that it’s not your fault. So I’m just going to say thank you, Jungseol.”

Jungseol looked up at her. “For what? I didn’t do anything.”

Yeonhwa shook her head and turned in her seat to face the standing maid. Reaching down to grab her hand, she held onto it. “Just thank you… That’s all I have to say.”

Jungseol didn’t need her to elaborate any further as she knew what the Princess meant. She squat down to kneel in front of Her Majesty. “I don’t think I’m being sorry because I feel guilty…”

Yeonhwa looked at her with confused eyes.

Jungseol sighed. “I think I’m being sorry… because what you and Hwayang have… it’s precious. You two were so happy together, and seeing Queen Shim break you guys apart… it’s so wrong and I feel sorry for you… It’s like I want to help, but… I don’t know what to do.”

The words were really wise coming from her maid. Yeonhwa smiled and pat the young girl’s head. “I understand that you feel pity for me,” she said. “But you don’t have to.”

Jungseol raised her head to stare at her.

“You’ve already done so much. So thank you…”

“It still isn’t fair, Princess Yeonhwa. It’s been days since you last saw Hwayang. Don’t you want to see him again? Don’t you miss him?”

Yeonhwa’s expression fell as so did her hand from Jungseol’s head. “I do. Trust me, I really do. I just…” She looked down at her fingers on her lap. “I don’t know how to face him once I see him… ” The horrific thought to bewedding some stranger crossed her mind as she remembered what her mother arranged. “I really don’t want to marry Prince Dosung…” Her eyes began to burn. She remembered the minute she came back to her room, she called for Jungseol to meet her because she wanted to tell her everything that happened. Jungseol spent the night listening to her thoughts and cries as it was all she could do as a maid. “Hwayang…” Yeonhwa continued. “I don’t want to disappoint him…”  

Jungseol bit her lower lip and was saddened to see Her Majesty’s defeated expression. She didn’t want Yeonhwa to give up. Jungseol’s mother once said, “Follow your heart, and you’ll be happy.” If Yeonhwa did so, then maybe she would meet her happiness, too.

“Then, why don’t you go find out?” Jungseol finally suggested.

Hwayang jerked his wooden fish pole out of the water when he felt a tug at the string. Yanking it out, he pulled the squirming fish off and managed to put it with the basket of others he had caught. He grabbed another tiny piece of bait before throwing the line back into the lake.

“Are you just going to ignore me forever?”

Hwayang felt someone sat beside him and looked over. “I’m just fishing for dinner, Eunpil,” he said.

The huntress clicked her tongue and brought her legs up to her chest to hug. She exhaled lightly and gazed out at the lake. She stayed quiet for a while as she didn’t want to bring up the issue just yet.

After days, she never had the courage to talk to Hwayang about what happened. Just like he was, she avoided him as well. It was hard. Even though she attempted to escape the heartbreaking fact that Hwayang willingly got hurt for Yeonhwa, she couldn’t come to conclusion that he was okay with it. She couldn’t stand it - especially if it came from the Princess.

Yeonhwa might have been beautiful, wealthy, and very kind. But Eunpil knew Hwayang longer. She was the one there for him whenever he had a hard time. She was the one who always managed to put a smile on his face, even if it was to embarrass herself. She was the one to knew him from inside out. She was the one for him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Eunpil decided to ask.

Hwayang knew where this was going and sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it, Eunpil,” he said.

“Fine. You don’t have to talk.” Eunpil turned to look at him. “But you have to listen.”

Hwayang kept quiet as he continued staring at the lake where his fishing line was plunged under.

Eunpil sighed. “You’re an idiot for not saying anything. You should’ve told me what happened. I’ve been by your side for as long as I can remember. I don’t understand why you had to keep this from me.” She was quiet for a moment as her expression fell softly. “Am I not worthy enough for you telling me what goes on in your life now? Do you not care about me anymore?”

Hwayang took in her words and let his head drop, staring at the ground. “Of course I care about you, Eunpil.” He looked at her with his warm, brown eyes. “And yes, you are worthy. I would tell you everything that’s on my mind because there’s no such thing as secrets between us.”

“Then, why didn’t you tell me you got hurt? Why didn’t you tell me it was because of Yeonhwa?”

A scoff almost escaped Hwayang’s lips, but it got caught in his throat. Instead, he let out a dry breath and stood up before he pull his untouched fishing line back to tie to its pole. “It’s not her fault,” he said as he grabbed the basket full of dead fishes. He turned away from the huntress as he walked out of the site.

Eunpil was determined to talk to him about the issue and quickly stood up to follow him. “Are you saying that because it’s true?” she urged as she caught up beside him. “Or are you saying that because you’re just too blinded by how you feel about her?”

Hwayang made a disbelieving face and turned to her. “Eunpil,” he said while halting. “How can you say that? I’m not blinded by anything. I care about her.”

Eunpil emotionally fired the pain inside away and glared at him. “Like I don’t know that. Everyone knows that, Hwayang! Look at yourself! You got beat up! You got hurt! It was all because of her, and you’re still defending her!”

Hwayang finally let out that scoff that tried to break out of his throat. “Why are you being like this?” he asked her calmly. “Besides, this is none of your business. I don’t understand why you’re getting so angry about my problems.”

“Yes, I am angry!” Eunpil took a step closer to him. “I am angry because I don’t like seeing you get hurt! I can’t stand to see you in pain!” She took a breath and lowered her tone. “Hwayang, you and I have known each other since we were kids. We grew up being best friends, and we know everything about each other… And I know that you’re doing all of this because of your feelings for her, but will she fully return them back?”

Hwayang set his jaws and looked elsewhere from her.

“Yeonhwa is the Crown Princess of Joseon. I get it. She’s pretty, rich, and she’s… She’s just perfect, alright? But…” Eunpil frowned sadly. “She isn’t right for you.” ‘I am,’ she spoke in mind.

Hwayang inhaled a heavy breath and looked at her again. “You don’t know her like I do,” he said quietly. “Please don’t say things you aren’t sure of.” He stared at her a while longer before picking up the pace to walk away again.

“What about you?! Does she know who you really are?!”

Hwayang stopped again, but didn’t urge himself to turn back to look.

“Does she know what you are really like?” Eunpil asked as she slowly walked towards him. “Does she know you wake up super early in the morning just to put breakfast on the table for your family? Does she know that when you are upset about something, you tend to shut people out? Does she know that you love festival music even if it’s too corny? Does she know that you would dance crazily for Jooyang just to make him laugh when he cries?” Her eyes began to tear up. “Does she even know your favorite food? Your favorite color? Your favorite leisure activities? Your future plans?”

Hwayang could take the hint of her upsetting tone. He gathered the courage to spin his heels and looked back at her, only to find her eyes drenched in tears.

“Most importantly,” Eunpil said, “does she even know you like I do?”

Hwayang swallowed the lump in his throat. He exhaled heavily and stared at her with a forced, emotionless face. “Why would you care?” he painfully asked.

Eunpil’s eyebrows met in the center as she clenched her fists in anger. “Why would I care?” she repeated for him. “Because I can’t stand watching you be with Yeonhwa! Because I love you!”

Jungseol stepped out of the kitchen as she finished putting the Princess’ empty breakfast dishes away. She closed the door and turned around, but she gasped when she saw Dongil in front of her.

“Dongil-ssi,” she said placing her palm on her chest. “You gave me a fright.” She sighed in relief knowing that it was just him and dropped her hand. “Is there something you need?”

Looking around for their surroundings, Dongil didn’t say a word. He gave her a stern expression before grabbing her hand and pulling her along to follow him.

Jungseol quietly whispered, “Dongil-ssi,” while trying to pull away from his grasp, although it was making her blush. She was confused as to why he was taking her with him and where. She soon found herself alone with him when they were behind the palace.

Dongil instantly dropped her hand and glared at her. “Where is she?” he muttered quietly.

Jungseol felt a nervous chill blow down her back and looked down at the ground. “I don’t know who you speak of, Dongil-ssi,” she managed to not stammer.

“Jungseol, I’m serious.” Dongil tried to search for her eyes. “Where is Yeonhwa?” The moment he saw Jungseol exiting Yeonhwa’s Quarter with a tray of empty dishes, he knew something was up. Yeonhwa would never finish her meal whenever she was upset or frustrated about something. Yeonhwa never had the appetite because she was too busy sulking in her feelings. After two hours, he managed to sneak into her room only to find it empty. He practically searched the whole palace as well, but found no familiar princess.

Jungseol bit her lower lip, in hopes she wouldn’t give in to her feelings to tell him anything. Besides, she knew Dongil was aware of where the Princess was. And indeed, he did.

Dongil sighed in frustration and clicked his tongue. “You let her out to go see him?” he asked her quietly, afraid the trees would hear them and gossip to others.

Jungseol bravely looked up at him with her big, guilty eyes. “I was only helping her,” she admitted.

“Helping her? Jungseol, you do realize she’s on probation to leave the palace, right?”

“So what? Yeonhwa has been sulking around for days. I couldn’t just let her spend the time being all depressed before…” She quieted down. “I couldn’t let her be sad before she gets married…”

At the sound of her words, Dongil’s frustrating worries died down. His eyes fell elsewhere as he turned away from her.

Jungseol stared at his back and sighed deeply. “I know that your feelings for her aren’t mutual,” she brought herself to finally confront him. “But I know that you still care about her. And if you… If you really do love her… then you should do what’s right to make her happy.”

Dongil spun back to look at her with surprised eyes. “You… You know?”

Jungseol forced a tiny, heartbreaking smile. “It isn’t that hard to miss.”

Dongil gulped and looked down. It was just Queen Shim said. Everyone knew.

“Dongil-ssi.” Jungseol approached closer to him. “You can’t tell Queen Shim. If you do, she’ll lock Princess Yeonhwa up in her room until the marriage date.”

Dongil looked at her. “What do you want me to do?”

“Do what you’ve always been doing. Keep Princess Yeonhwa safe and happy.”

“I have been doing that. And look where that got us.” Dongil sighed uneasily. “Jungseol, Yeonhwa is… She’s really important to me. She’s been looking out for me ever since her parents consulted mine to let me come work here. She’s someone who will do everything and anything she can to keep those around her happy. That’s what makes her so… good.” He pause