It was a crisp autumn evening, as far as he could remember. That day had been beautiful from the start until in the end it became the day he would not ever forget in his whole life. He was devastated, dumbfounded, being left alone by the one who he cared and even loved the most. No wonder the wait was making him feel there was going to be no more tomorrow.

L was strolling around the park alone in the early morning. No one was even there yet. He breathed in the fall air that smelled of fallen leaves. With every breath he drew, the memories became more and more vivid. How come he still cannot forget it? It was the past. Get over with it, get a grip! As he was contemplating with himself, he was unaware that someone was keeping an eye on him. L walked towards a bench by the small lake. The view was so beautiful. And it was going to be more beautiful with his special someone sitting beside him. He could imagine how he will exclaim in his elementary kid like voice about the view. And maybe he would even suggest them to dive into the lake. He sighed.

‘He meant that much to you, huh?’

‘What do you mean?’ L replied with a puzzled look.

‘I mean the one who you are thinking about now. He meant so much to you, isn’t he?’

‘How do you…’ L was not able to finish his words.

‘It’s clear, boy. But it’s more painful to see you like this. Move on. He wouldn’t be happy if he knows you’re being like this.’

‘How do you know? Who knows that he may actually want to see me like this?’ L raised the tone of his voice. His face stiffened.

‘Stop saying that! That’s not a nice thing to say about someone…’ Hoya could not finish his words and L stood up suddenly.

‘Let me! Let me say everything that I feel about him. He’s stupid for leaving me without a word. He’s evil for making me wait for so long. He’s a pain in the for making me think of him every second that passed. He’s cruel for making the memories of us become more and more vivid every passing day.’

As L finished his words, tears were streaming down his face. He hides his face beneath his hands and sobbed as much as he wanted. Hoya was looking at him helplessly.

‘But for how long are you going to be like this? We are here for you, but you won’t even share with us.’ Hoya said in such a heartbroken tone. Of course he was heartbroken to see his teammate became someone who always stayed away from people. L who once was the one you could always seek on a bad day and he will turn it into sunshine now became someone Hoya himself barely knows.

L left Hoya’s question blown away by the chilly autumn wind.  He did not want to share. He would not burden someone else with his problem, moreover if they were his teammates. Let him carry all the excruciating pain himself because he was the one who seek for it in the first place. Let him regret of the times that he did not value the treasure that he once had. Now when the treasure disappeared, he felt how much he needed it, how painful it was to draw another breath.

Once he believed that whatever was going to happen, he would not cry. But finally he was not able to hold it in anymore. He did not cry on the day he lost him but he did cry, now. After all those heartbreaking moments passed and he was left with the memories he was not able to erase, he still did not cry. But today, he cried. He regretted everything that he had done during the hard times where the whole team was feeling his absence. He just pretended as if nothing ever happened. But why suddenly now he cried? Why all those tears that he held for so long came out now? The tears keep running down his face non-stop. He did not even make an effort to wipe it. He just let it be as that was he was yearning for all these while.

Hoya was standing beside L helplessly. He knew nothing he could do to help expect for leaving L alone and let him cry his heart out. But at the same time he was afraid if something bad might happen to L as he was so devastated by the loss of his loved one. Although L never agrees to it, the whole team knew that he had someone special among the members that when L was with him, L became a different L from the L that danced and singed on stage. Hoya then his back and walked away from the bench where L sat and made his way back to the park’s main gate. He turned his head back once to look before he got going, and he could see that L’s shoulders were still shaking. He hesitated but he pushed away the urge to go back and slap some sense into L and instead, he heavy heartedly turned back and made his way back to their apartment.