CONFESSIONS OF A

SOCIOPATH

Chapter 1

With my head resting against the fist of my propped up arm, I glance over at the boy three tables across. It's been a while since I've delved into such a lack of affinity. Even for most, there was something interesting in them, be it if I regarded it in disdain. People like Kim Himchan, for example. Nothing but a pathetic loudmouth who begs like a dog for attention and is disgustingly self-centred for someone who reiterates his claims that he has low self-esteem and requires great care. Hypocrite.

Some of these fascinations became obsessions. My obsessions have all been pretty girls and, mind you, they were all very unique. Part of me believes they're not as special as they seem but that it was because of how intimately I'd broken them down into my mind that they seemed special, but it does seem like other people agree with me. Those that I went after always had this spark of crazy within them. Jun Hyosung was a straight-A student that suddenly went on a downward spiral and decided to be a tightrope walker because she felt like it while Han Sunhwa was absolutely wild with her gasoline antiques and arson strikes and most wrote her off as unhinged. She was completely disconnected from the world and the people aorund her. Everything they did was so mystical but of course, only till I lost interest in them.

This time, it's very different. Who is this boy across me? Yoo Youngjae from class 3C, three classes below me with a mediocre and utterly common passion in photography, who also started school one year early because he moved from the U.S. There is pretty much nothing interesting about him except how politally correct and boring he is. I guess it's a slight disgust mixed together with a pitiful curiosity for a boy who is so boring and tries too hard. Perhaps there is one thing about him that stands out: he is too pretty to not have been mistaken once or twice for the opposite .

Looking at him makes me wonder if I do bear a semblance to him. Hopefully not. I would not want to have such a fragile face and unsure eyes; those are what I love on other people. Neither would I want the anxiety crawling up his skin so obviously and making it so easy to read how awkward he is. What an uncomfortable sight. 

I met him a few weeks ago. I've seen him around in school several times, though. I remember that idiot because he ed about me to someone who he didn't know I was friends with. Myungsoo rat him out, of course, and I didn't bother about it till we officially met. He'd been standing by the lockers talking to Eunji who promptly scurried up to me upon seeing me. After she thanked me for helping her out with her scholarship application, she'd introduced the boy with a hidden surly look behind her. Watching Youngjae smile so awkwardly nearly made me puke but at least I could force a natural one out. Once I told him his photos were beautiful and asked about his latest project, he'd promptly dropped all animosity and I nearly laughed at the blush that bloomed over his face. What an easy .

For someone who says I'm fake as hell and truthfully a bastard underneath my nice facade, he's sure pandering to me. How pathetic. Envy can be so ugly.

He's right, anyhow. Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I turn to Himchan as he sighs, rubbing his stomach.

"They're serving apple pies and they smell so good," Himchan whines, as always. "I want to eat them so bad but I'm on a diet. Eat them for me."

"You're on a diet?" I ask, putting aside my drink. "Why? You look fine the way you are."

"I'm too fat," Himchan heaves, prodding at his thick thighs. "Just look at my legs. They're so gross."

"That's a lie. Your size is perfect." Churning out a smile, I nudge Himchan. "Don't starve yourself. Go buy the strudel."

"Thanks, Daehyun," Himchan beams, sheepishly scurrying off to join the queue. I'd love for someone to one day just tell him to the face how fat he is and that he's just desperately looking for momentary comfort and concern so he can have an excuse to binge like a pig.

"You're so nice," Jihyo hums, smiling up softly at me. I sigh and state, "I'm just saying the truth. Himchan looks fine the way he is. I'm worried he's going to really starve himself one day."

"He wouldn't if he keeps you as company," Jackson says, patting my shoulder.

"You've really got to stop this," Jihyo exhales in amusement. "This is why so many girls like you, Daehyun. You're so nice."

"I'm not," I insist. "Wait, Jihyo, didn't you say you have to leave early for class?"

"Oh, right! Thanks for reminding me!" She jumps from her seat and knuckles Jackson's arm, pecking her boyfriend on the cheek before rushing off. Jackson immediately kicks me underneath the table and drawls, "Dude, you're raising her standards of me. It's so hard to please her nowadays."

"Get on his level then," Mark jokes, patting Jackson roughly on the shoulder. 

This is basically my clique, whatever you want to call it. Himchan, Mark, Jackson, plus his girlfriend Jihyo sometimes. We have a few others like Jaebum and Jinyoung who join us but these are the essential few. Like I said, Himchan is an attention and motor mouth. Jackson is the same but at least he doesn't seek for attention as grossly as Himchan does and he doesn't try as hard. Mark is alright but everyone can tell despite his popularity that he's awkward like mad, and it's pitiful to look at sometimes. Jihyo is fine, maybe because girls tend to get an easier pass from me.

Just as Himchan returns with his face stuffed with his strudel, a cluster of students get up and start heading for class. As they near us, I sieve out Youngjae amongst the group, his eyes meeting mine as well. Waving and offering a smile, Youngjae blinks twice and waves back with nervous fingers, giving me a lopsided smile.