It had been a while since love had found me. 

           I had grown to love this man before my eyes even before I realized it.  He was such a splendour.  He was like stardust in the midst morning, turning into sparkle of light.  He was the one who literally would open your eyes and make you realize what beauty really meant.  I met him in the middle of chaos.  In the middle of people chattering, challenging, and demanding for better future of the brides and grooms who went to that place.  He was all in white.  He was there to organize his own wedding, with a man he believed he had the future with.

I knew.  I was brokenhearted in just an hour after my eyes set for him.

           I met him again the second time, after three months I tried to forget every single bit of sight I could remember of him.  But then, I understood.  Fate made us meet each other.  Fate made us meet each other for a reason.  For the second time I met him, he was all in black.  He came to that wedding organizer to return the rings he once bought.  The rings he once believed would tie his love and his future spouse together in serenity.  Yet he was wrong.  He was sad.  That I could tell. 

I was happy.  I knew.  I was guilty, for having this little happiness to see him brokenhearted.

Fate gave me chance to know him.

Fate gave me chance to know his name.  His life. 

It had been so long since there was silence. 

His voice was a soft as the heaven.  Like a bird who sang to greet the morning, and to him, I was his morning.  To tell him that the new day had come. 

It had been some time since I had felt lonely.

To stay in the darkness, believing my life was not worthy.  Then he came and filled it with joy.

And eventually we were close.

He accepted his fate meeting me.  I accepted our fate to be together.

           We were now back to that wedding organizer, not as strangers, but as a couple.  We designed our rings, our invitation cards, and eventually we designed the vow we would say to each other.

I’m Eric Mun, will take Shin Hye Sung, as my one and only spouse. 

Till Death parts Us. 

He would say the same, and we meant it.

            It was the greatest happiness of my life.  Being able to marry my first and last love of my life.  But there was this little secret that I had to keep.  My parents did not agree on my relationship.  Our relationship.  They told us that I was not meant for him, and he was not meant for me.  They told us to rethink of our options.  They told me to rethink of my choice.  They tried to convince me that there was another who was way more perfect than my Hye Sung.

I knew, I told them. 

To them.  Maybe.

To me.  No. 

I chose my future with him.

Then it happened.

He came into my life. 

           I hated him from the moment I saw his face.  His dumb look.  His dumb smile.  His dumb words.  Even when he said nothing, he was hated to the core of my heart.   Sadly, he was adored by my parents.  He was wealthy, they said.  He was young and good looking, they said.  He was talented, they said.  He was the best choice one could get for the future.   I closed my ears.  Whatever they said, I had made up my mind.  In three months’ time, I would be marrying him and him only.  My Shin Hye Sung.  My heavenly voice.

Sometimes, I felt Fate play jokes on our life.

           The devil found my mother.  My mother got ill.  She needed treatment, and it was never cheap.  My father did not have enough.  We seek for help.  But there was none. 

           Then this man came.  He offered his help.  He told my father, he would not ask anything in return.  First time, it was so easy, he gave everything we asked for.  My mother fell indebted forever to him. 

           Next, the devil found my father.  My father gambled.  He needed help, or the mafia would take his life for payment.  My mother cried and cried.  I was mad and mad.  We seek for help.  But there was none.  I came to him.  I came to that man, and asked his favour.  Again.

          He looked at me in silence.  I came to see him in his studio.  He owned an art gallery.  He collected sculptures.  He was carving one of his own.  I told him I needed his help for the last time.  I told him that I would repay him soon.  Soon after I settled with my own marriage.  He stopped his carving.  He did not say anything in return.  He just went to his desk, took a cheque book, and put out his pen.  He asked me how much.  I told him the number.  He wrote down the number.  He signed his name on the bill.

Jun Jin.

He gave it to me.

With one condition.

‘Grant me three wishes’.

I narrowed my eyes.  What did he mean?

‘Grant me three wishes’.

‘You don’t have to repay me in money.’

           He was weird.  But I did not care.  As long as I did not have to repay him, I did not mind.  I gave him my word.  But I never could forget his face when he looked at me.  I could not forget his face when he said those words to me. 

           One day before my marriage, he came to me.  This man, Jun Jin, asked me to meet him.  I met him out of the courtesy.  I realized my father and my mother were indebted to him.  My father and my mother owed him their life.  I met him. 

He was standing there in the darkness.  Eyes glowing in the darkness.  He smiled when he first saw me.  He told me it was about time to have his first wish. 

Why now?  All of sudden?

Because it would be too late if he did not tell it tonight.

Then the devil itself came to me.

He wanted me to cancel my wedding.

He wanted me to leave my Hye Sung.

I said, why?

Because, he said, I would regret it. 

Because, he said, he knew who should be with me, instead of my Hye Sung.

I was in rage.

I was in wrath.

I could not accept it. 

Who was he to tell me all these things?

           He told me I had given him my words.  That was his first wish.  Or he would take everything he had given.  My father was there.  My mother was there.  Their eyes begging.  I yelled at them.  None of them stood for me.  I slapped the man.  I hoped he would change his mind when he found out I hated him.  But he just bowed.  He said he would NOT change his wish.  He even told me his second wish.  He wanted me to marry him.

I asked why.

He told me, he had fallen in love with me even before we met in this life.

I laughed at him.  I laughed out loud.  

He was out of his mind.  He was insane.

He did not care what I would say. 

He would not change his wish.  Or he would take everything he had given.

           I knew.  I had no choice.  I had to grant him his two damn wishes.  I went that night under the rain to find my Hye Sung.  To find my angel.  I was the devil myself.  I would break the wings of my angel.  He was screaming to me, throwing anything to me, hitting me and slapping me.  I cried.  He cried.  He was broken.  I was broken.  He said, he hated me for not fighting for him.  For us.  For our love.  That I was only coward and I did not deserve to have his love. 

He ran out. 

He left me.

Maybe forever.

           The day I was supposed to marry my Hye Sung, had turned to become a cursed marriage of me and that man, Jun Jin.  I had one condition too.  I told him.  I skipped the vowing part, because he should know, our marriage was not out of love, but only out of contract.  He was muted.  Yet he did not oppose.

Anything, he said.

As long as I gave him a chance.

As long as I gave him time.

As long as I could see his reflection in my eyes.

But none of them, I gave.

           I did not give him a chance to love me, and to be loved.  I did not give him any second in my life to spend with him.  If he came to the house we called home, I would leave.  If he went out to find me, I would come home.  I would never let my shadow rest in his eyes.  I would never spend a moment being together in the same place and the same time.  We were two strangers living on a life time contract. 

           I did not care how long he stood under the rain holding an umbrella to wait me go out from my car.  I did not need his umbrella.  I would rather be wet and raindrops pierced my skin.  Rather than let him hold my hand and lead me inside.

           I did not care how long he sat there at the dining table waiting for me to dine with him every night.  I would rather starve myself to death, than having to share the same food and the same table, looking at his despicable feature. 

Yes, one might say he was handsome.   But to me, his face was the demon itself.

           I did not care how long he spent alone in his carving room.  Until midnight, I could still hear him working.  Until morning, sometimes.  Until he got sick.  I did not care.  I wished he died soon.

I got a call. 

Hospital.

My Hye Sung, my one and only love got accident.

He was drunk.  He did not see a car coming when he crossed the damn street.

Now he was handicapped.  He had to spend the rest of his life on a wheelchair.

           He was crying, and I was listening.  He cried for being disable forever.  I cried because I could not protect him.  If only that man was never exist.  My Hye Sung would never end like this.  I kissed him.  I slept with him.  I promised, my love was only for him and him only.  I would never leave his side. 

Never.

I could not stand it any longer.

           I came home that night, coming home to his house.  I found him sitting where he used to be.  At the dining room, waiting for me to come home and eat with him.  I came over.  He was surprised.  I glared at him.  I pulled the table sheet.  I dropped all the plates, the food, the glasses, the beautiful vase he used to put on that table to the floor.  Shattering in deafening noise.  He was shocked.  I pulled him up from his seat.  I yelled at him, blaming him all that had happened to Hye Sung. 

He was tearing.

I was shocked.

I had never seen him in tears.  He was crying.  He was sorry, he said.  He was very sorry.

           I did not care.  My heart was hardened.  I hated him to the core.  I said I wished it was him who got that accident.  I want a divorce.  I did not want to stay in this hell with him.  He could stop me, and I would die right before him.

I left him and packed my things.  I left him and went to my Hye Sung.  I would spend my days in our heaven now.  Let him rot in his hell.

           I called my lawyers.  I filed a divorce.  I did not care how much it would cost.  I wanted to marry my Hye Sung.  To fulfill our postponed vow.  Hye Sung was beside me.  He was happy.  Finally, we would fight side by side.  We would fight for our love. 

That day, I would not forget.

           He called me.  That man, Jun Jin, called me to come home, and discussed about our divorce.  I came.  Of course.  I was a man.  I was not afraid of him.  When I came, he sat there on his desk.  The papers were in his hands.  The pen was beside them.  He told me, he would sign my divorce files, if I granted him his last wish.

The third wish.

           Then he would let me go.  We would meet in the court the next day.  We would sign each other’s paper, and we would take separate ways.  He smiled.  I hated his smile.

Please, he said.

Just one wish.

I was a man.  A man true of his word.

I agreed.

He asked to see my hand.  What?

He asked to touch my hand.  What?

That was all?

He nodded.  That was all. 

I sat before him.  I extended my hand, and placed it on his desk. 

I looked at him.  He looked at my hand.  Then he touched it.  He caressed it slowly.  Gently.  Carefully.  His tears were forming. 

He was sorry, he said.  He remembered, he said.  He remembered all his past life, he said.

He was glad to find me, he said.

Then he said, ‘thank you’.

For being with him, even if it was only in minutes.

For seeing him, even if it was only in a glance.

He looked into my eyes.  He smiled again. 

Finally, he said, he found his reflection in my eyes.

A single drop of his tear fell on my hand. 

It was warm, yet piercing.

He wiped it.  He wiped his eyes.  He apologized. 

            He let go of my hand.  He bid farewell.  He said he would meet me in court tomorrow.  He went back inside the room he used to spend his night in.  Suddenly, I wanted to follow him.  I wanted to see what was in that room.  What he was doing there.  He did not say a word when I went with him.  He pretended he did not see me watching him.  There was a statue there.  He took his tools.  He pulled down the white cloth covering the statue. 

It was me.

          He was working on me.  I was mad.  This was outrageous.  I pulled him away from that statue.  He had no right to carve me.  I pushed that thing.  I pushed it down.  It was breaking to pieces.  The biggest piece was its head.  My head.  It rolled to his feet.  He was sobbing.  He lifted it up and hugged it. 

           Then it hit me.  The way he caressed the head piece.  The way he its hair.  Our eyes met.  He did not say anything.  But I knew his eyes were saying goodbye to me.

I walked my way home.  To my Hye Sung.  But I could not forget his eyes.  Somehow, somewhere, I had seen those eyes.  Those eyes. 

Where?  When?  How?

It felt an age ago, yet if felt so closed.

           The sadness crept into me slowly, even when I laid my body beside my sleeping Hye Sung.  I was lost in Jun Jin’s eyes.  I could not sleep that night.  I could not think.  My brain was collapsing.  I lost my hatred toward that man.  Instead, I found something I had never felt before.

What was it?

I did not know, but I felt pain.

I did not know, but I wanted to see him again.

In that court.

I found him.  Dressed in all black.

I did not notice how gorgeous he was before.

I did not notice how beautiful he was before.

I did not notice how warm his smile was before.

To me, he was the king of demon.  Before.

To me, he was the broken angel.  After.

           He smiled at me.  He was on the other side of the table.  The judge was way far before us.  The lawyers were by our sides, like knights ready to defend their kings.  I looked at him.  His eyes were red, swollen.  He had been crying.  I could tell.  Then it was time.  The judge called him.  Asked him, whether he agreed to divorce me.  He nodded.  He stepped forward.  The papers were ready.  He signed it on the desk in the middle of the room.  He smiled at me. 

           My turn.  The judge called me.   Asked me, whether I agreed to divorce him.  I was stunned.  I was speechless.  I could feel my Hye Sung’s hand grasping on my fingers.  I did not say anything, yet I stepped forward.  I took out my pen.  I took up the papers.  I read it again.  For the last time. 

Then I looked at him.  He was motionless.  Breathless, even.

Then I did it.  I faced him. 

I RIPPED the papers.

Everyone gasped.  He gasped.  My Hye Sung gasped.  The judge-  he was stunned.

           I announced, I would like a second chance.  I would like to keep our marriage.  I would like to run our marriage one last time.  His eyes were in tears.  Mine too.  I did not know why.  I did not know whether my decision was right.  But I knew, if I did not give it a second chance, I would never know whether it was right or not.  I would eventually regret it if I did not give it a chance.

I walked to him slowly.

I reached for his hands.  I apologized.

He was crying.  He shook his head.

There was nothing to forgive.

There was nothing he regretted.

From the corner of my eyes, I could see Hye Sung fled from the scene.

I disappointed him.  I betrayed him.  I was sorry.  But I knew I had to do this. 

We walked out.  Me and my Jun Jin.

We walked out to start over.  Our life.  We would be well.

We were at the court gate.  We were smiling to each other.  I had hope.  He had hope.

Then I heard it.  A loud BANG.

Very loud,

Bang!

I saw him.

Once my loving Hye Sung – turned to be a devil himself.

He aimed at me.  A gun in his hand.

He screamed I betrayed him – he would never let himself be betrayed for the second time.

He wanted to end my life.

But he missed.

           My Jun Jin covered me.  My Jun Jin saw it coming.  He stepped forward.  He braced the hot metal.  He braced the bullet aimed to me.  I saw him falling before me, in a slow motion.

I gasped.  In that slow motion.  My past life returned to me.  

The day I was born in his hand.  How he made me with his hands, his mind and tears.

My sun, my moon, the star of my life – I remembered his light. 

He gave me my life in the past.

He saved my life in the present.

Now that I remembered, fate played jokes on me.

I was so blind. 

He was reborn.  As we promised.

He remembered.  As we promised.

He searched for me.  As we promised.

I was reborn – not as a stone anymore, but my heart was made of stone.

He spent so many nights crying for not being able to find me.

He spent so many days crying, knowing I hated him.

He spent so many nights crying for not being able to make me accept him.

He spent so many days crying while carving my body, my figure, and my look.

He spent so many nights crying, wishing I would look at him in the eyes.

He was in my embrace.

I hold his hand.

He smiled.  I knew, he would leave me, again.

Please.

Don’t.

Please.

Don’t.

Don’t leave me.

What would I be without you?

What would I be without my sun, my moon and my star?

Don’t let my heart be a stone again.

He gave me his last gaze.  He closed his eyes.

He was an angel now.

I smiled.  I hugged him tighter.

It’s okay.

I whispered to him.

His blood wet my hands.

I sensed his warmth.

It’s okay.

I whispered to him.

We would be reborn. 

I promise you, there was a miracle.

It happened to me.

We would be reborn,

And I would find you.

I would recognize your soul.

I would fall in love with you again.

I would.

I promised. 

Until that time came to us,

Remember me,

Please.

           Then I saw a gun dangling beside me.  A police was trying to help me and my Jun Jin.  He would.  I reached for his gun.  He did not expect it.  I aimed it to my temple.  I closed my eyes.   I smiled.   I pulled the trigger.

I would find you.  This time. 

I promised.