It’s already 11 pm but Junhwe is still wide awake in bed, his arms folded under his head as he stared at the ceiling above him. It felt like so much happened in just a couple of hours, when all that had occurred was the Hanbin-Hayi date and hanging out at the Performing Arts Society with Donghyuk.

Ah, yes. Donghyuk’s the cause.

Donghyuk, who can make his heart stop with just one smile.

Donghyuk, who can command his attention as if he owns it.

Donghyuk, who can make him realize things and reevaluate his whole life.

Junhwe slaps both hands on his face as heat spreads on his cheeks. , now he’s become sappy and cheesy too. What happened to the “cool” and “cold” Goo Junhwe that he knows? He’s ing smitten with no way to escape.

Yet he doesn’t mind it. Doesn’t care one bit because it’s Kim Donghyuk and for once he feels like there’s a meaning behind attending university.

Speaking of university…

“How about you join this club? You can sing freely here.”

He sighs and sits up on his bed, hand scratching his head slightly. He didn't expect that at all, didn’t even think of joining a performance-based club as a possibility. He already explained his reasons to Donghyuk and he got it while also providing him another perspective. Donghyuk made him realize there’s another option: not sacrificing something he loves to do.

He does love singing. He sings in empty classrooms, whenever he showers, sometimes even belting out notes inside his flat without a care if his neighbors will be disturbed by it. But due to the trouble he caused to his parents, he deems it as an unimportant distraction. Welcomed, but not important enough for him to put effort on - or that’s what he tries to convince himself. After all, he gave in to Hanbin when he asked for his help being the vocal guide for his songs.

The question is, does he want to join? If there are no issues with his parents, will he join the club? He thinks for a moment and he realizes that yes, he would join.

Chris Brown’s Fine China interrupts his thoughts. He grabs his phone from under his pillow and smirks when he sees it’s Hanbin calling.

“Yo.”

“Junhwe!” Just from his tone, Junhwe already knows the date went well. “Leaving us alone like that is not cool, but I did it dude. I’m going to collab with Hayi-ya and she said yes to a second date!”

“Congrats. You finally grew a spine and asked her out yourself. Be sure to thank me and Donghyuk properly.”

“Sheesh, let me live will you? And I didn’t forget my word. I still said lots of good things about you even if you and Donghyukie are already friends.”

Junhwe raises a brow. Since when did Hanbin call Donghyuk with a nickname? He asked his friend that and he’s answered with a snicker.

“You’re there Junhwe, didn’t you hear? He said I can address him casually. You’re the only one who kept on calling his name in a formal way.”

That’s because he’s absolutely sure he’ll end up stuttering and blushing if he calls Donghyuk by his equally adorable nicknames. So no.

“Anyway, what happened to your end? Don’t tell me you didn’t at least ask him to hang out?”

“We did hang out actually. I watched his crew practice their dance in their clubroom.”

“Ah. Too bad the movie plan didn’t go through. There’s still a next time right?”

There is, but that’s not important right now. Junhwe’s mind is still half-filled with thoughts of the Performing Arts Society itself.

“Hey, Hanbin.” He clears his throat and presses the phone to his ear more. “I’m going to ask you a serious question.”

“...Okay.”

“Do you think it won’t be weird if I join a club?”

He can hear some shuffling from the other line. Then, “The fact that you’re thinking about joining a club is already weird. But it’s definitely not something bad. What club?”

“The Performing Arts Society.”

“What?” Another round of shuffling, this time louder. Probably Hanbin rolling out of his bed in surprise. “Hayi-ya and Donghyukie’s..?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow, man that’s…” There’s a 2-second pause. “...surprising! But I can totally see you there Junhwe. Your voice needs to be heard and that’s the perfect place. You’re totally going to nail the audition.”

Hold up.

“What? Did you say audition?”

“Yeah.”

Ok, he didn’t hear anything about that. Donghyuk failed to mention that to him earlier. He’s suddenly having second thoughts.

“Do I have to go through that?”

Hanbin snorts from the other line. “Of course. That club’s no joke. It’s not some hobby group where you can just stroll in and leave whenever you like. You have to be serious about it Junhwe.”

Junhwe knows that. The gravity of it just didn’t sink in yet until Hanbin mentioned the other details. He’s really interested about joining though, not only because Donghyuk’s there, but because he feels like he can genuinely enjoy being a part of it. Donghyuk’s dance crew were all chill and nice. Hayi is nice to him as well even if they barely spoke to each other earlier. Besides, the pictures he saw all screams fun (not to mention that there’s lots of guys and girls in the pictures who, in his opinion, were clinging too much on Donghyuk. He needs to be there for surveillance.)

“Yo Junhwe, you still there?”

He clears his throat. “Yeah. Still here.”

“What made you want to join though?”

“...Donghyuk invited me.” He still blushes even if the one he’s speaking to isn’t there. As expected, Hanbin starts snickering at him.

“Wooooow. He invited you and suddenly you’re willing to sacrifice your free time to join a club? You’re whipped Junhwe, and just from being friends.”

The warmth on his face intensifies. “Shut up Hanbin. As if you’re one to talk when 90% of your songs are done by your Lee Hayi daydreams.”

“T-That’s not true!”

Psh. Like he had already established, it’s not totally because of Donghyuk okay? It’s about a 70-30 ratio. 70 being Donghyuk and 30 because he’s genuinely interested. There’s nothing wrong with that.

“But really Junhwe, if you’re serious, I say go for it. It’s a legit club, I’m sure your parents won’t mind it.”

And then, back to reality.

That’s the biggest issue. What would his parents say? A troublemaker like him, who barely passes his subjects, joining a performance-based club? They might think he’s just joking, or he’s out of his mind.

But if joining means feeling alive. Having more time to be with Donghyuk…

“Hey, I think I’ll drive to my parents tomorrow. Talk with them about the club.” he tells Hanbin.

“Really? Dude, that’s cool. Finally.” Hanbin answers with relief obvious in his voice. “It’s about time. Good luck Junhwe. I’m glad you finally grew a spine too.”

Junhwe smirks at the intentional repetition of his snark earlier. He’ll let that slide and won’t retort, because talking to Hanbin has given him more reassurance than he expected.

He’ll go talk to his parents and hopefully, everything will go as he hoped.

♦♦♦

It does.

He told his parents about the Performing Arts Society, about joining it and even about this guy he likes who encouraged him to step up from his monotonous routine. His parents just gave him surprised looks, asking him why he’s asking for permission when he’s already an adult - a freaking university student. They say he’s passing all his course subjects anyway, and his record is spot-free. Past is past, what’s important is he’s doing really good now.

He felt embarrassed and stupid then. So he’s been worrying for nothing? He tells them that, explains his fear of disappointing them like what he did in high school. He realizes there’s a lot of miscommunication going on and even some misunderstandings about his life choices.

They said he can join, have fun with his friends and his boyfriend (not yet, but he doesn't correct them). They even told him he can shift to a different course if he wants to, if he thinks taking over their business is not what he wants. Junhwe assured them he won’t. He doesn’t have a specific program course he really likes and he wants to finish what he started. Taking over their business is also something he already knows he’ll be doing but haven’t explicitly acknowledged until now.

It was a conversation half-filled with tears but in the end, he finally reaches an understanding with his parents. And he has to thank Donghyuk for that. For paving the way for him to step out of the grim and bleak place he dragged himself in.

He decides to tell Donghyuk all about it in their Monday Advanced English class. He comes in feeling really excited, eager to share the good news. But one look at Donghyuk and all excitement just blasts out of his system.

“Hey. You okay?”

He asks as he slides in beside him on their row. It’s the first time he sees Donghyuk like that, eyes unlively and even unsure; no smile present on his face.

“Yeah. Just lack of sleep is all.” Donghyuk tries to reassure him. He remembers Donghyuk talking about the research papers he has to finish for two majors so maybe that’s the reason?

There’s a tensed silence after that - which is weird for him now because they’re already comfortable with each other. He can’t stand it so he mentions the topic he wants to talk with him.

“So, about your club..--

He stops because he immediately noticed how Donghyuk tensed up more.

“About that…” he glances up at him. “You can forget what I said about it.”

He blinks. “What?”

“I mean, you don’t have to join the club Junhwe. Really. It’s fine if you don’t want to join.”

But he does want to join. He wants to see what makes it so fun for Donghyuk and be a part of it as well. He almost says that but Donghyuk doesn’t look interested. He seems dispirited even and that scared Junhwe a bit. What if he somehow offends Donghyuk if he says what he thinks?

So he shuts up. But just in case, he caustiously asks when’s the next audition anyway. Donghyuk wasn’t able to answer right away.

“It’s next week, Thursday. You don’t have to bother yourself though.”

They didnt talk about the club anymore for the duration of the class. Donghyuk was quiet, seldom participating in class discussion, much less with speaking with him. Junhwe tells himself it must be tiredness, or pressure with his studies because he heard papers from the Biology department are really hardcore even for Science standards.

After class, he tries his luck again. He doesn't expect much but he still feels a bit disappointed when Donghyuk says he can’t hang out. He asks if he could do something to help, maybe he can shoulder the bulk of their Advanced English midterm project.

But Donghyuk seems adamant not to let him get involved.

“I already did three-fourths of that Junhwe. I have extra time yesterday so I just went ahead with it. The conclusion’s the only one left. I hope you don’t mind.”

Any other student wouldn’t. In fact they'll rejoice in it because that means less academic things to do, Junhwe included. However, Donghyuk had told him with emphasis that he doesn't want a half-assed effort from him so why strip him of a chance to do more? Just doing the conclusion is already half-assed in itself.

But Junhwe doesn't want to argue with someone who looked like he’s inching to get out of there - probably return to the labs for his experiment. So he zips his mouth and just watches Donghyuk go.

Calling himself confused is a big understatement.

♦♦♦

Four days in and Junhwe is suspecting Donghyuk is avoiding him.

They talk lesser and lesser in Advanced English and when they do, it's always about their midterm project. Donghyuk’s also always not free to do something else. When Junhwe asks him if he could sit in at the labs, Donghyuk tells him he’ll only feel bored with it and get in the way of stressed science majors. Yunhyeong-hyung once told him about science students being quite scary during evaluation periods so he immediately believes Donghyuk.

He also talked about watching his dance practice again but Donghyuk informs him there's no practice for the whole week to give way for students to focus on their academic requirements. When he opens up helping out at the Admin Office, Donghyuk says he and Jinhwan-hyung can manage by themselves.

It's getting frustrating for Junhwe because Donghyuk’s reasons are legitimate. It's not too out of ordinary for Donghyuk to be so invested in his studies and responsibilities, but Junhwe still can't help thinking there's something wrong. How could he not when Donghyuk barely smiles and replies to his text messages now? It's like they're drifting apart, or is he only exaggerating with thoughts like that?

“Junhwe! Wanna sub?” Bobby shouts from the middle of the community basketball court. He holds up the ball as if asking if he wants to catch it from the benches. Junhwe frowns and shakes his head.

Not long after, his 5 friends gathers around him,