This morning I wake up in my room with the sun's beam shining straight at my face. I slowly sit up in my bed, looking at the suitcases there on the floor and then the necklace around my neck. memories from yesterday roam around my head making feel upset again, even scared for Namjoon hyung because Of the way I treated him. What if he stays mad at me and never forgives me? Or worse, what if he saw what I have in my suitcase? 

Hesitantly I crawl out of bed and slowly turn the handle to open the door. The smell of hot pancakes enter my nostrils and my stomach begins to growl for hunger. I sneak all the way inside the bathroom to wash myself and brush my teeth meanwhile thinking of some way to run away because i believe Namjoon hyung will be mad if he sees me. I turn the faucet to the hot and cold water until it becomes warm. Sure he will hear me in the bathroom but if could just hurry and run out of the door in a hurry.

When I finished washing myself i fix a towel around my waist and I speed run back into my room leaving small puddles of water on the floor. Quickly i put on my uniform, comb my hair covering half my eyes with my fringe, throw my book bag over my shoulder and commence plan A for running away. I exit once again my room, careful not to let Namjoon hyung hear or see me and I reach the front door safely. I thought that maybe I should apologize to hyung but not know.

" yoongi ." I freeze in spot when I hear that familiar voice behind me and i turn to face Namjoon who has a straight serious face while crossing his arm. ' Just like I thought, he is angry at me.' I say in my mind, mentally pouting. " Where you think you're going? Aren't you gonna eat breakfast?" He grabs my hand yet again and leads me to the dining table where I sit right in front of some steamy hot well made pancakes. I can almost droll at the sight! I am surprised that he still treats me kindly even after i yelled at him last night.

Namjoon sits in front of me and smiles slightly before cutting a piece of pancake with a fork and I join him as well. I feel so awkward and embarrassed at this moment and he doesn't even seem that mad at me and of course that doesn't mean I shouldn't apologize but the problem now is that I don't know when exactly to say it or in what form of way to say it. At this moment I wish for us to go back to normal, back to the way we were! I don't wanna lose Namjoon hyung Just because of my stupid behavior, because he is so special to me. He is the only one I have and can trust.

I'm just gonna do it...

" I'm sorry!"

" I'm Sorry!"

I lay back in my seat surprised at what he just said. Did he apologize? to me?!? But why? He seems shocked too because he is just staring at me in disbelief. 

" No I'm sorry-"

" No I'm sorry-"

We both say in union again. It almost makes me smile in relief.

" Namjoon hyung....I'm really sorry about the way i reacted yesterday...I-I didn't mean it." I lower my head in shame feeling tears wanting to come out. " I guess I was mad and I bent my frustrations on you so I'm really sorry!" I confess but only silence responds to me. It's okay if he hates me...I guess I am destined to be alone even if kind people like Namjoon are there for me. I look up and almost jump back in fright when I see Namjoon kneeling in front of me!

" H-hyung what are-" I couldn't finish my sentence when i feel Namjoon hyung's embrace wrap around my body into a warm hug. I feel strange yet warm and I don't know how to respond to this. My hands hesitantly wrap around him making the hug more cuddly and warm. At first it feels awkward but in a bit I did not want to let go.

He releases me and stares up at me. " I'm sorry too yoongi. I shouldn't have went all bossy on you." He also confesses. " I'm just glad you are not mad at me and that we can go back to normal." He says while sitting at his chair again.

" But- It is my fault "

" It's not."

" It is!"

"Okay Let's just say it's both our fault. Let's take the guilty blame together." He shows me an eye smile again which makes me smile in relief. To experience how much it hurts to think about losing someone you care about is scary.

A few moments later after we finish breakfast we go on our way towards school. Namjoon finds my hand and wraps his own into mine, Intertwining our fingers together. I blush again even though I just realize that he always does this! No matter who I am he just holds my hand when were walking.

" What should we eat today?" He tries to make small conversations as we walk.

" I don't know sashimi? lobster? fried shrimp?" i suggest all these kinds of sea food because I just crave sea food.

" Oh~ So you're up to some sea food. Okay maybe...fried shrimp with lobster and rice on the side?" He suggest and I just nod my head. I don't care what he makes as long as I can eat his food because it taste really good. Meanwhile we continue deciding what exactly to prepare I start to remember about the kiss and the confession. I still remember how gently it felt when he connected our lips and gave me soft pecks repeatedly and I actually want that to happen again...Is it wrong for me to want that? Do I really love Namjoon in a romantic way or am I just needy because I never experienced this feeling before? Do I really love him?

It doesn't matter anyway...

He won't love me back when he finds out that his crush is a male cross dressing in female's clothing. He will hate me and feel disgust towards me so what's the point of treasuring him and trying to never lose him when in the end...I will lose him.

" Woah yoongi! y-you're crying what's wrong?!?" Namjoon stops right in front of the school to attend to me, the stupid unwanted boy.

" I..." I wipe my tear away and look up at him and his concerned eyes. My heart beat rises in fear and nervousness and my palms become sweaty as I suddenly shake. I feel so scared! I don't wanna be alone again! I don't want to tell him about Sara but I have to!

" Y -yoongi you are shaking under me! what's wrong? Do you need to go to the hospital?!" He keeps asking these questions but I just shake my head and swallow the tears that want to burst out at any second. I try to stay positive and wish that Namjoon hyung would stay by my side.

"H-hyung I have to t-tell you something i-imporant." I can hardly utter any words and my voice is breaking.

" What? What is it? you can tell me anything yoongs." I notice how he called me yoongis for the first time and I feel at ease.

" There's actually something I have been holding from you for a long time...and I think I should confess." The time runs more slower but it all feels so fast and scary.

" I'm actually Sa-"

" Namjoon oppa!"

Me and Namjoon turn our heads to a girl running towards us. Her black shiny hair is loose and she did this cute little pony tail above her head and she also has red glasses. She wears a really dark red plaid skirt with a white see-through long sleeve shirt. She seems like a decent girl so she wears a black undershirt . The more closer she get's the more I recognize her features! Isn't she...That's right!!! Oh my lord! I was so focused on my own problems that I forgot Namjoon has a girlfriend! B-but then why did he kiss me? I-I mean Sara...

" M-minah!?" Namjoon questions feeling shocked to see her. She reaches towards him and throws herself on him giving him the biggest hug I'd ever seen a girl giving to a guy.

" Woah!! I miss you! miss you! miss you a lot!" she smiles up towards him, giving him hard pecks all around his face. The sight is nearly hurting me and I feel like trash again. I've been too stupid recently and It's just hurting me more. I feel my eyes sting and my lips quiver as all of the happy memories with Namjoon and me as Sara feels like extreme lies! I feel used and foolish and hurt....I can't hardly put into words all of the feelings emerging inside me. I want to feel angry but I'm too broken. I want to feel emotionless and un-affected but I feel it! I can't believe Namjoon is the kind to cheat on others! and I feel so ing stupid and ridiculous for even having the slightest feeling of love towards him.

I mentioned this before, But I literally feel like I don't belong here. It was nice experiencing kindness while I had it. Feeling a huge bump in my throat of sourness I commence walking on my own inside the school leaving Minah with Namjoon. I enter the bathroom for a small breather, telling myself that 'I don't care' and that ' I'm emotionless' But my knees are trembling and I collapse on the floor to cry. My weeps are probably being heard by the possible boys in the bathroom but I can't help myself from crying and I hate myself for that!

I sniff and wipe the tears off my face only to have more tears quickly roll down my cheek and I notice the hand that is being offered to me.

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Halla! i think I made it too dramatic....*Re-reads again*

Meh~ I shall leave it like this.

If you see Jungkook's or Jimin's name. It is meant to be yoongi or namjoon but I'm really sleepy and I can't focus too well on my editing so sorry I'f I missed any names so sorry if I misspelled things.