Mixed Signals

I awoke well before eight the next day, surprising myself beyond belief. Had I actually managed to wake up at -- what was it again? -- 6:49 AM? As I sat up, my head swiveled, looking around the room. Nope. It wasn't Mom who had woken me up, and after a quick check of my phone, I could safely say that I hadn't set any alarm, nor had I received any phone calls or messages that would possibly disturb me from my sleep.

Correction: I did have one unread message, though. Letting out a yawn as I tried to blink the sleep out of my eyes, I opened the message, squinting slightly in the darkness to read it.

Morning, Daeun. I hope you slept well!

I did a double take as I glanced at the sender's name. Kyungsoo? Honestly, that surprised me more than getting up early had. My mind felt slightly blank as I tried to remember exactly why I was so astonished because of one simple text, and I racked my brain despite my sleepy noggin screaming in protest.

Almost immediately, I felt an extreme sense of overwhelming stupidity, and I audibly groaned, burying my face into the palms of my hands. Had I seriously made a crying spectacle of myself the day before, that too in front of Yixing? I didn't mind crying in front of Kyungsoo, that guy had probably seen every single mood of mine, ranging from bubbly happiness to seething anger. But I was pretty sure Yixing hadn't expected me to be so pathetic, and now I had just ended up shattering his expectations and hopes -- if he had any, that is -- about me.

I dragged myself off the bed, sighing loudly for some unknown reason as I cleaned up and walked out of my room. I headed towards the kitchen, where I could hear my mother shuffling about, and I had to stifle the laugh that was threatening to escape as I took in the utterly stunned expression on her face. Of course, that was to be expected.

Sitting down at the table, I watched as she recovered from her shock and moved about to hand me a plate of breakfast, and I hungrily dug in. I definitely had not forgotten about her stranger-than-normal behaviour from the previous evening, and I cleared my throat, diverting my attention from the food- trust me, that is something which is really hard to do, especially when you have a love for food.

Well. I had to admit I hadn't seen it coming. After literally years of having shielded me away from every single person of the opposite , Mom had finally come to accept the fact that I would, someday, need to be in a relationship if 'I wanted to secure a good future for myself', in her exact words. She had thrown in another bomb when she announced that she was completely fine with me having a boyfriend, mostly because I had never been in a relationship before this.

Oh, and she also gave me her blessings. Seriously, why was she so cute sometimes? I had had such a hard time trying to breathe normally in front of her as she had uttered those very words, resisting the urge to throw myself into her lap and curl up and cry like a baby.

It had been a couple weeks since my emotional breakdown, and I had a feeling that it had changed the behaviour of both the boys towards me. While Kyungsoo had begun to stay in touch with at least one message every day, Yixing just seemed awkward when he was with me. I had expected him to harbour sympathy or pity towards me, the way too sentimental girl, but all I could get from him were these uncomfortable vibes, almost as if he was shying away from being too friendly with me. Even if I tried, I couldn't get him to talk too much, not even about literature. It was certainly starting to worry me a bit, because that was not how the Chinese was. I considered myself an average judge of character, but it didn't take long for me to figure out that he was awkward and nervous in my company. Now if only I could figure out why.

I was in the library as usual -- it had kind of turned into a second home for me -- hunched over my notes. Finals were creeping up on us faster than we could comprehend, and I was beginning to see familiar faces from law school in the library building, either studying alone or in groups.

My face was scrunched up in confusion as I tried to understand the case study that was staring back at me from the book, but I was unable to make either head or tail of it. I sat back in my seat, scratching at my chin in thought when I heard footsteps approaching me. My gaze fluttered upwards to meet the familiar eyes of Yixing, who was currently looking like a little kid who had finally got the present he had asked Santa for on Christmas day. I could feel myself grinning back as he planted himself hurriedly across from me, catching his breath. It had been days since I had seen him so happy, and while a part of me wondered about the reason behind it, I couldn't help but be relieved. This was the Yixing that I was used to, the clueless but ecstatic guy.

I could literally see him bouncing in his seat as he beamed at me, that oh-so-beautiful smile refusing to leave his face. His dimple seemed to look deeper than ever, and I was pretty sure my hands were itching to reach out and poke his cheek. However, I did not want him to think of me as a creepy maniac, so I kept my hands to myself, clasped together in my lap.

"So?" I heard him ask as I pushed my crazy thoughts aside. "Aren't you going to ask me what happened?"

I opened my mouth, only to snap it close as I let out a soft, low hum, drawing the sound out slowly, enjoying every second of impatience that had begun to show itself on his face. In return, he crossed his arms, scowling at me. In my opinion, though, he had failed, and it just looked like a cute pout than a glare.

"Let me guess... oh!" I exclaimed, widening my eyes dramatically as I held his gaze. "You just found out that you've inherited a considerable sum of money, and you're going to buy this library?"

His scowl deepened, which made him look cuter than ever.

"I didn't even ask you to guess," he mumbled, sighing loudly as he pushed himself off the chair. "Forget it. I will just tell someone else about it."

I could only chuckle more as he turned around, and I rushed to grab a hold of his arm, stopping him before he could really leave. "Wait, I was only kidding!" I whispered between laughs. "Come on, tell me what you're so excited about."

With another sigh that could only be called hopeless, Yixing sat back down, shaking his head exasperatedly. His frown was soon replaced by a grin, and he threw furtive glances around us before leaning forward, motioning for me to do the same. Once I was a bit closer, he brought his hands up to cup his mouth, bringing it close to my ear.

"So, I just found a stack of old books in the basement of my house," he said in a conspiratorial whisper, which made me lean back and stare at him, dumbfounded.

"What about it?" I whispered back.

He gave me a look that was a cross between are you kidding me? and were you born stupid? In return, I just blinked at him, shrugging.

I could feel him struggling to keep calm, and he leaned in once again, enunciating each word slowly. "They're extremely old, know what that means? Some of them are first copies."

That got to me all right. I was a complete nerd when it came to literature; 'old books' and 'first copies' in the same sentence making me feel more thrilled than anything else ever had. With wide eyes, I stared at Yixing, my mouth slightly agape. His grin only widened as he took in my expression.

"Do you have them with you right now?" I asked, my words getting slightly jumbled due to the excitement. Although, upon seeing him shake his head, I frowned at him.

"They're really old, like I said, so the thought of taking them out of that place gives me the chills." He shrugged, but I could see an electrified shiver in his body; clearly, he was trying to stay calm and collected, but was failing.

I blew my hair out of my face in frustration as I turned my attention back to my books. "Why did you even let me in on it, then?" I muttered under my breath, taking a pencil in my hand, only to be stopped by his voice.

"Hey, Daeun..."

A chill ran up my spine as he pronounced my name in that accent of his, while my insides felt the exact opposite: warm. I glanced up at him through the bangs that had positioned themselves on my forehead -- much to my annoyance -- to see him looking at me anxiously.

"Yeah?" I prodded, smiling faintly to put him at ease.

"Would you like to uh, you know..." he trailed off, rubbing a hand at the nape of his neck as he gave me a sheepish look, to which I could only wait patiently, staring at him silently. "Do you wanna come over so we could look at those books, I mean, only if you want, it's perfectly fine if you don't want to come because I can understand-"

"Yixing." I cut in, effectively stopping his jabbering as I watched him with an amused smile. "You don't have to be so nervous, I'll come over," I said without thinking twice; after having known him for quite a few weeks, I trusted him enough to accompany him to his place- I just hoped I wasn't making a terrible mistake there. I could literally feel him let out a breath that he seemed to be holding, and he flashed me a bright, grateful grin.

Fortunately, I had the day off from my job, so the same day itself, I found myself walking with Yixing to where he lived. I had informed my mother that I would be spending the rest of the evening studying at a friend's house, and although I wondered if she had truly believed me on that, I couldn't be bothered with such thoughts now. My body felt strangely tense and wired with excitement as I matched my steps to his, and I was smiling to myself as I kept my eyes glued to the pavement.

A few minutes later, we reached a quaint, cute bungalow in one of the quieter neighbourhoods of Seoul, and Yixing let me in, walking inside after me. "My parents are currently out for work, but my grandmother is at home," he said just as a middle aged lady walked towards us, and he introduced me to her. She was a total sweetheart as she welcomed me, asking me to feel at home before retreating inside what seemed to be the kitchen.

Taking my bag from my hands, Yixing dumped it on a chair along with his backpack, and beckoned me to follow him. On the way, he rummaged around in the drawer of a table, and I could see something that resembled a flashlight in his hand. He stopped outside a door, turning towards me with anticipation. "Ready?" He asked, his free hand on the doorknob.

"Why do you have a flashlight with you?" I countered, pointing suspiciously at his hand, and heard him laugh sheepishly.

"There's no source of light in there, we need this."

That did not make me feel nice at all, and I was beginning to rethink my decision. Before I could even contemplate about backing out of the plan, Yixing had opened the door, and was lightly pushing me inside the basement. I heard him whisper a slight warning to me about being careful on the stairs, and I clutched the railing tightly with both hands as I climbed down. Even with the flashlight , I could barely see a thing as I reached the bottom, blinking to get used to the darkness.

Within seconds, Yixing was standing next to me, with his hand placed gently on my back to lead me further inside. I stood rooted to the spot, however, as I heard something. I grabbed at the sleeve of his sweater, inching closer to him as he stopped. "W-what was that?" I asked in a hushed whisper. "Are there s-snakes in here?"

That set him off into fits of laughter that he tried to mask by coughing loudly, and I could feel the heat rushing to my face in embarrassment. "There are no snakes in here, Daeun, don't be silly." He tried to reassure me, but I scowled, silently cursing the darkness.

"You're not helping! I did hear something scurrying-"

The next second, I broke off with the loudest shriek mankind must have ever had the misfortune of hearing as I latched myself onto Yixing's arm, hanging on to it for dear life. In the process, I had managed to startle the poor guy as the flashlight slipped out of his hand, clattering noisily to the floor. He let out another chuckle, possibly having realised what it was that had scared me so much.

"Come on, that was just a little mouse," he said as he laid a hand on my shoulder, trying to pry me off his arm.

"Well, that little mouse was on my leg!" I blubbered, moving closer to him as I buried my face deeper into his chest, my words coming out muffled as a result. I could feel pathetic tears stinging my eyes, but what else could I do? I was afraid of anything and everything in this world.

"Was it really that scary?" He asked, and I could feel the slight rumble of his chest as he talked. I nodded mutely, refusing to let go of him. He sighed, no doubt wondering how big of a scaredy cat I was as he moved his hand from my shoulder to my back, rubbing it comfortingly.

"All right, let's get out of here," Yixing said in a soft voice, but my feet were frozen, feeling like lead from the fear. "Daeun, come on, let's go," he repeated, dropping his voice to just above a whisper as he brought his mouth close to my ear. I could feel his warm breath on my ear and the back of my neck, and I let out an involuntary shiver, tightening my grip on his arm. Something about the whole situation felt different, but surprisingly, his closeness was not bothering me this time.

I hesitated, but slowly, loosened my hold as I took a small step back. My eyes had begun to get used to the darkness, and in the faint light coming from the door to the basement, I could make out the fabric of Yixing's sweater. I tilted my head upwards to look at him, only to have his lips lightly graze my forehead. My senses seemed to have become sharper as I shifted my entire focus on the man who was now holding me flush against him, and I could hear the sharp intake of breath from him, his breath catching in his throat abruptly, his bright eyes were visible even in the dark.

As I kept my gaze on him, I felt him take a step towards me, and just a second later, I was wrapped up in his arms, with his chin resting lightly on my shoulder. The mild scent of his cologne hit me, but before I could relax against his hold, he had suddenly let go of me, almost as if he had dropped a piece of hot coal from his hand.

"I'm sorry you were so scared, uh, and I... I hope that you're feeling okay now... We should get out of here, don't want any... mice scaring you again... Let's go." He turned around swiftly on his heels, leaving me staring after him as he bounded up the stairs faster than I could have ever imagined. After a moment's thought, I followed him, walking out of the basement.

"I realise I shouldn't have done.. that, I apologise," Yixing said as soon as I had closed the door behind, and in the light, I could see that he was fidgeting quite a lot as he refused to meet my gaze.

After a few minutes, I left Yixing's house, feeling more confused than ever. I had to accept his apology -- for what, I didn't know -- but I could feel a different emotion soon enough: sorrow and disappointment. For whatever might be the reason, the close proximity to him had, in no way, felt awkward or uncomfortable. If anything, it had felt... just right. I couldn't help but feel terribly disappointed as he had broken the hug; I had wanted to stay in his arms for longer, maybe even hug him back. Being in that space with him had made me feel so normal at that time, and I swore that I had got similar vibes from him. Then why had he shied away from the hug? Why had he apologised to me for hugging me?

More importantly, what was this twist in my gut I was feeling?

Author's Note:

Oh god, I know I had disappeared for days, and I'm sorry! I had a lot of things to do, and more stuff just kept popping up. Even writing this chapter took me more than 24 hours, because something or the other kept interrupting my thought process.

This must be the longest chapter in the entire story so far. I think we're finally getting somewhere with these two?

Hope you liked it! I would really love it if you guys wrote comments about what you thought, because comments help me improve and deliver in more ways than you might know~