“Man, do you know this y dude? I heard his stats are ing seven to zero. All divisional. AND I MEAN ALL SEVEN WINS. IN DIVI-ING-SION.” J-Hope screeched.

The gang was gathered in a tiny square space aka Jin's apartment. Suga, J-Hope, V and Jungkook were all squished in the shabby excuse of a furniture called couch. Jimin was hovering, trying not to get out of place at the commotion in front of Jungkook's laptop. Jin was in the farthest corner (like more or less 5 feet away. Small space, remember?) while he shifted from checking out his smartphone to sulking every now and then. Namjoon was plopped down on the bean bag, attempting to solve a crossword puzzle. All the meanwhile, he cautiously observed his friends. He seemed mentally unavailable from their viewpoint but he's attentive as a guard on a nightwatch.

He then heard the other boys sighed at J-Hope's exclamation. Hell, even he himself mentally sighed with them.

J-Hope's a walking hyperbole, that one.

“Seriously, kid. Take a chill pill. I happen to have a pair of well-functioning ears to hear you,” Suga grumbled. He rubbed his ears as he put distance between him himself and J-Hope. (Translation: He sat on the arm of the couch instead.)

“I thought his name's Bobby though?” Jimin interceded, oblivious at the point. Suga and J-Hope (as well as the others) paid the guy no attention.

“Take a chill pill? That's all you gotta say hyung? This is serious as a heart attack!” J-Hope replied, short of a screech. (Again). He then shot Suga a pointed look. “And honestly, before Namjoon could compete with that, he had to take either B.I. or Ravi first.”

“Tablo sponsored this y dude so of course he's got his stats doctored.” Suga calmly retorted. As calm as one retort could be. “And for 's sake those other two are just easy as green peas.”

If J-Hope was exaggeration personified, Suga was thunderous expression personified. He's a walking ‘just peachy!’ slogan, that one.

“Ugh, his name is Bobby. Like B-O-B-B-Y. Bobby. And the saying is easy peasy not easy as green peas. What the does that even mean?” Jimin griped, now simply irritated that no one heeded him.

Of course the gang ignored him again. Silence descended except for a few loud clicking noises from the mouse. (Yes, even the touchpad of the laptop was broken. Hell, what's not broken when there were seven guys using it?) Namjoon could only think that the guys were checking out other competitions with better schedules (and maybe with easier opponents) to consider.

“Well I think no matter what, Namjoon hyung has to establish a cool rep first. Whether he wins or not, as long as he left one hell of a great impression, he's gonna own the underground the next time for sure.” V nodded to himself after the conclusion, as if satisfied that he had shared his piece of wisdom with the boys. Although, to Namjoon, V sounded quite like defeated. Not that he would voice that out. The kids were trying, actually.

“Well I don't think losing will leave one hell of a great impression either. So basically it's win the competition or leave a less than great impression.” Jungkook haughtily pointed out. He's the logical kid apparently.

V looked at the maknae as if he was seeing the younger guy in a whole different manner. “You didn't get my point,” He protested with an embarrassed groan. The maknae just raised an eyebrow as a form of reply. As if a verbal response was not deserved. As if all his counter points were expressed through a single arch of thick, delicate hairs. V cleared his throat. “Yes, a lose is a lose but what I meant to imply is that...ugh, at least he tried dude!”

Hearing his friend trying to rationalize the situation...and failing to do so, at least articulately, was awkward in itself.

But before Jungkook could finally verbalize any remark, Jimin beat him to it. “Well I rather think that we're not in condition to say if Namjoon hyung is gonna win or not because he's not even joining the competition himself in the first place!” He snapped.

In response, the guys snapped their necks so fast (must have hurt) and glared at Jimin.

Jimin had just opened a can of worms unknowingly. If V's last statement was the epitome of discomfort, Jimin's was painstakingly blunt. Direct to the paint, cut to the chase but not in a complementary manner. Just flat out careless.

Jin just sighed in his place, all the meanwhile contemplating every now and then. Namjoon wasn't sure though if Jin's exasperation was related to the scenario before him. At least not exactly, Namjoon mused. He didn't know if he's going to laugh or scowl. But he ended up grimacing at the somber and guilty expressions of his friends. He then cleared his throat. “Well. True that.” He simply stated, shrugging one shoulder casually.

The other boys refused to stop walking on eggshells with him so they brought their glares back to Jimin. Jimin, whose strongest point was clearly not subtlety, raised his arms in surrender. A period of painful and awkward silence and Namjoon decided to humor them. This was the type of situation wherein he might be the of the joke (a dry one at that) and his friends didn't know whether they should actually laugh or avoid the pressing topic altogether. However, the embarrassment he felt was more for the sake of his friends.

“Um, me not joining the competition is not for definite. But I guess priorities change. And, um, I think I'm going back to school next school year.”

Various expressions of horror and disorientation crossed the boys' faces. Namjoon wanted to laugh at that. Or slap a palm over his face. He's still undecided.

“I think my well-functioning ears are not so well-functioning right now.” Suga joked, half-dazed and half-accepting.

“What the hell? Shut the up, Namjoon!” J-Hope, as articulate as an infant in grammar.

“Someone slap me I must have been dreaming all this time.” V said as if that made sense instead.

“Huh.” Jungkook muttered, rubbing his chin calculatingly.

Jimin, for the first time in his existence, was speechless.

Well that has to be a record for Jimin, Namjoon mused. He then just heaved out a deep sigh for the umpteenth time. “What do you guys want me to say? The idea's not so far-fetched, really.” He then crossed his arms and pondered to himself. “Maybe I can get a scholarship in college if ever I get to excel in high school, huh...”

The guys gaped at him again which he responded with an eyeroll. Of course. 

“You...you...what???”

“I agree with Namjoon hyung, actually. The idea's not so bizarre.” Jungkook said quickly and cryptically. He then looked at Namjoon with an equally strange glance. “Well if you meant taking things in the traditional sense, I'd support your idea.”

“Traditional...?” Jimin, J-Hope and V asked simultaneously. Suga remained quiet. Jin still seemed mentally absent.

“Traditional as in get a high school diploma, graduate in college, produce songs later on...I don't know exactly what he wanted. But I'm guessing rather than establishing an image, he's thinking about more in the lines of an ensured future.” Jungkook elaborated.

Namjoon was honestly astounded for a second. “Yep.” He nodded, with the sound of p resounding for further emphasis. 

“Now you're just ing with my head, Jungkook. You'd be the last person on earth to get on with that. Studying is the first thing you passionately hate. And the second, and third—”

Jungkook cut off Jimin's scoff with an annoying smirk. “I didn't say I'm going to pursue higher education, dip. I said I'd support Namjoon hyung in his pursuit. And you're right, I'd be the last person. On the other hand, technically, I couldn't really decide for myself to just not finish high school. We are all obligated to do so. It's a sooner or later situation. I just happen to agree with picking the sooner side. I mean, that's our reality...”

The maknae didn't have to expound that because it was pretty obvious what dawned to them all by the somber expression painted on their faces. It needed not to be spoken loudly that their extracurricular activities would eventually lead them to their own downfall. As teens, they might find it okay and, to an extent, cool to deliberately fail grades and take absences in classes for several times. But in the long run, not so much.

Guilt and tinge of regret surrounded the vicinity and it took a weighing silence before they could all finally prod the subject.

“I'm on board with this...we can't change overnight but we will try, kids.” Suga, who was quiet for an ample amount of time, asserted subsequently. He looked at each of them in the eyes with a determined resolution. “We'll face the hurdles soon when we get to them but for now we have to touch the bases first.”

“Huh. Maybe noona can help us in that area. She's an assistant to an admin in Gwangju High,” J-Hope supplied. “Hopefully, she can re-register us in classes without a hitch. We'll have to work on the requirements and prerequisites individually though.”

“My cousin just got his teaching credentials last month. Maybe he can help us decide which classes to take...wait, Jimin, your mom was a teacher in Gwangju High before right? She probably has an idea of what's in the curriculum there?” V asked.

Jimin nodded eagerly, negative preconceptions were obviously cleared away.

Namjoon's eyes were like a small ball in a heated table tennis match as he watched the scenario unfold among his friends. “Well, this is all unraveling conveniently...much easier than I have imagined.” Wary tinged his statement, as if waiting for one of the boys to jump suddenly and yell ‘just kidding!’ However, the determination he reflected from their eyes was candid; it definitely felt like a er punch right in the gut.

Of-ing-course. What was I thinking? These are my brothers for Pete's sake!

It was so easy to think that no one would have understood him especially under some tight circumstances and that no one would be able to help him cross the bridge with all the figurative baggages he carried over his shoulders. But these guys whom may not be his brothers in biological sense, but counts as brothers in every other important way, would never leave him behind.

His adam's apple bobbed at the overwhelming feelings he tried to swallowed.

“Thanks,” he finally amended, quite tenderly. He cleared his throat, trying to ease away the bundle of nerves. “We'll do this, kids. It's not a secret we all don't want to end up like the deadbeat people surrounding us. And I'm telling you all now this, we won't. Not under my watch. With the right motivation and intention, we will do better.” Namjoon met each of their eyes, silently communicating and commanding. He sensed their collective nods more than he saw them.

“Sooo, any chance this motivation is embodied by a young, dainty girl whose name ends with hyun?” J-Hope suggested with a playful wriggle of his brows. The snickers and snorts emptied the thick tension in the room.

Namjoon sighed inwardly at that. He refrained to give them the absolute pleasure to embarrass him right there and then.

“I don't know, J-Hope. Though, from what I heard, her brother is living among us apparently.” Suga smirked, followed by the ever-growing loud guffaws from the rest of the gang. 

“Yikes, I don't know about motivation and intention but I do know whipped when I see one...” V clucked his tongue as if disappointed and all the meanwhile throwing mock-subtle glances at Namjoon.

Well, nobody ever said his friends were mature. 

“Shut up!” He just grumbled. Then he unconsciously checked out the alleged brother, Jin, by peripheral vision. The others followed his gaze and silence swept them once again.

When Jin felt the probe of their glances, the guy stopped sulking then frowned. “Whaaat?” He asked defensively, pocketing his phone as he crossed his arms.

Namjoon hid his flinch by a cough. The other coughed nervously. Namjoon wasn't the only one they walked on egg shells to.

Jin's frown grew worse after his glance landed Namjoon. It had been a week already since the campfire incident but the older guy still looked at Namjoon as if he wanted to squish the hell out him. Namjoon knew the guy wasn't the type to hold a grudge but obviously Jin drew the line wherever his sister was in concern. 

Namjoon couldn't help but think about the said sister. He strived to not mentally go there but it seemed that his endeavor wasn't hard enough. Shame, guit, regret, frustration, grief...you name it. The girl had him strapped tight in a roller coaster of emotions. He replayed the actions and words exchanged between the two of them every night since then. He often imagined the what ifs: What if he hadn't confronted Jin? What if he hadn't said the hurtful words to her? What if he had just freed himself from the overpowering temptations to avenge? What if?    

Seohyun practically occupied every space in his head.

“Anyway, kids...if that's all, I'm going to head out tonight.” Jin purposefully avoided to look any of them in the eyes as he stood up and stretched out. “Be sure to lock up.” He muttered as he slipped his flip flops on. Not more than a minute later, he's gone.

It wasn't really so shocking he'd leave them in his apartment. After all, he trusted them enough to do so. However, that was still unusual of him. He usually concluded their family meetings, going over some things until everyone's fully settled about a certain issue. But nada. The guy didn't even utter a word all throughout, only sighing to himself every now and then.

“What's up his  anyway?” Jimin complained, voicing out everyone else's thoughts.

“Was his mother acting up again?” V wondered out loud. Their hyung didn't throw much tantrums unless, and only unless, he was caught up with his mother's episodes.

“Not really sure but he's been dodgy ever since...” Jungkook didn't continue, letting the statement hang and Namjoon knew exactly why.

Ever since that night.

It all came down to that, alright.

In three words, Namjoon ed up.

//

“Honey, would you get me the dark blue yarn?”

Namjoon snapped out of his own thoughts and looked up to see his mother pointing out to her sewing kit. He then stood up from the stool to take the yarn and brought it to his mother who was on the hospital bed with her back on the headboard. She was currently knitting something and Namjoon felt a tug at his heart at the sight.

Usually, his mother knitted as an escape; the way he and his friends walk at the streets late at night to escape reality. He had now memorized how his mother's facial expression was composed, her body poised and except for the shaking of her small hands, looking all calm. But ever since she finally said yes to staying in a public sanctuary for women, she slowly gained true peace. 

“Thank you. I have mistaken this indigo for dark blue.” His mom smiled faintly. She then gazed at him, full of warmth and gratitude. “So how's it going for you and the whole...what do you young punks call it nowadays? Gang is it?” She teased.

If someone suggested Namjoon that his mother would , he'd probably punch that person. Such would be mocking because his mother wore one and only one expression—beaten down—literally and metaphorically speaking.

He just chuckled softly at the instigation. His mom was clearly fond of his friends, too. “We're doing okay...” he paused, contemplating whether to open up or not. “We, um, we decided to continue our senior year in this upcoming school year.”

His mother stilled, gradually removing the fabric on her lap to her side. She then tentatively grasped Namjoon's calloused hands. Though steady, her hands seemed frail compared to his large ones. The sensation was new but at the same time familiar. Like a memory buried for a long period at the deepest of pits but once retrieved, was actually well-known and well-used. 

“T-That's really good, darling boy. I'm really glad.” Namjoon couldn't hide the surprise that passed his eyes and his mother lamented at that. “Oh boy, I-I'm sorry if—” 

Namjoon gripped his mother's hands and cut her off before anything else. “That's not solely on you, mom. I just thought at that time, it was for the best. I'm wrong, as I've realized only lately.” He then loosened his hold, slowly lowering his hands to his side. 

“There's nothing wrong with tripping, Namjoon. Now, whether you get up or not is the problem.” His mother heaved out a wavering breath. “And I'm so glad, so proud to see you not only getting up but also helping others to do so.” Whether she meant her herself, or his friends, Namjoon felt his heart soften at that.

An alarm suddenly went off and Namjoon jolted. Standing up, he fumbled slightly then his back when he realized it was his phone indicating that it's time to get his mother take her pain relievers already. He opened the small, steel cabinet beside the bed to grab a water bottle, along with the prescribed meds on top of the said cabinet. He was about to ask his mother where was the drinking glass when he realized there was a small bunch of fresh flowers placed inside it. It consisted of yellow roses and white carnations so he instantly thought of Jin.

“Oh? Jin didn't tell me he went today,” he said but mostly to himself. He then frowned. “Ugh, Christ! Now where am I supposed to put this water?” He complained. The thought behind Jin's idea counted but right now, he only had one glass so it's kind of a half-half.

“It wasn't Seokjin. It was his younger sister, Seohyun—or she said so.” His mother corrected and before he could react, she scolded him. “And don't use the Lord's name in vain, Namjoon.”

He blinked coupe of times before he asked his mother slowly. “Um, mom, can you repeat that?”

His mother didn't blink at all even if she knew he clearly heard everything she had just said. “I said...don't use the Lord's name in vain, Namjoon.” His mother replied with an equally slow pace.

He felt his pulse thundered. “S-Seohyun went here today?” He clarified instead, his tone ranging between horrified and awestruck. He wanted to exclaim 'what the actual !' but considering he's in front of his mother, he bit his tongue instead.

“Oh. Oh, that. Yes.” His mother answered simply. Obviously, she was unaware of Namjoon's predicament at the moment as she seemed to rack up something from her memory. “I don't remember Jin having a sister though.”

Seohyun went.

She was there just a while ago.

And she brought his mother a bunch of flowers.

Somehow, the whining about where to put the water since the glass had flowers was now at the back of his mind.

Did it mean she forgave him already? Or was it simply her orientation and good manners to visit her brother's friend's ill mother? Several more thoughts flitted at his mind, mimicking the heavy and fast beatings of his heart. Either way, it all came down to the fact that the gir was that kind.

He felt undeserving of it, honestly.

“Namjoon? Dear?”

Namjoon stood gaping before his mother, then clenched his jaws tightly as he finally gave his mother the water and her meds. He waited with strained patience for his mother to finish, debating whether to ask further about the visit. He didn't want to appear so desperate about the whole thing. But then again he knew his mother noticed the sudden shift in the atmosphere. Yep. His own nerves practically permeated the air in the room.

“Did she said anything? About the visit, I mean.”

For what it's worth, his mother appeared oblivious at Namjoon's bewilderment. Or was he to pitiful that even her mother decided to ignore it?

“Well, she introduced herself as Seokjin's sister so I thought at first that he sent her in his behalf. But then when my therapist arrived, she helped around until we get to talk more and I realized she went here in her own accord.” His mother then sighed. But it wasn't the negative type. It sounded like relief. “She and her brother are so good for my heart, I tell you. Apparently, she's not from here? That must be why I didn't know Seokjin had a sister...” His mother then proceeded to tell him stories about physical therapy, the doctor's same interest in knitting and the young, handsome security guard from the ward.

Namjoon smiled faintly, having no heart to tell his mother that he would rather know more about Seohyun's unexpected visit. 

His mother caught on his silence and eventually ceased talking.

There his mother laid sick right in front of him but he only minded about himself. He was about to engage her about the therapy she had that day when she suddenly blurted out, "This Seohyun girl likes you. A lot."

Namjoon went from confused to dumbstruck, blanching to flushing. “Oh god, , ...mom!” He stammered.

His mother smoothened out her features, ony her lips twitching as if considering whether to point out the filth that came from his mouth or the fact that he was affected by such a small statement. “Well. It's true. And you should be honored to catch such a humble, resilient and beautiful girl.” She just said primly. She then became all stern at him. “However. She's easily spooked, if you get what I'm trying to say.”

Namjoon's mouth was still slacked. He recovered and tried to clear his throat. “Ma, I...eh, what?”

His mother sighed, folding her hands to her lap once again. She then began to impart some of her thought about the girl. “She seemed like she had just experienced one of the major turning points of her life and it could either make her or break her. Now, she has this look of steely determination in those beautiful eyes of her. Still, that doesn't mean she won't break down.” His mother directed her gaze onto him, enough to pin him down to his seat. “Now, boy, do you get what I mean?”

Oh, Namjoon knew. As a matter of fact, he got exactly what his mother was trying to tell him in the very first place. He just didn't know how to respond. It hurt, really. It did.

When he remained quiet, his mother continued. “Knowing you, you'll want to fix her situation, ease her up from her burdens. But you know too that that isn't what she needs. Right now, what she needs is someone who'll be beside her, listen to her when she needs a break or two. What you don't know exactly is how to be like that. So you—”

“Mooom! Stop, okay? Good lord, I get it. I really do, more than I want to,” he grumbled. “, does this program offer you a how to antagonize your teenage son 101? You've grown too much backbone.” The moment Namjoon said it, he froze and threw a panicky stare at his mother. That's just officially the most ed up thing to say to a woman who's trying to build up esteem and character. Maybe he did belong to his father.

But his mom just shook her head at him, a smile on her face hinting that she took no offense.

Of course, he felt even worse.

“S-sorry mom. You can grow backbone as much as you want. It's a trend apparently, bad moms and all that jazz,” he diplomatically declares. 

“Oh, I'll get there someday.” She arched an eyebrow. “And now that you mentioned it, a class for how to anatgonize your teenage kids 101 is the first thing I'll enroll myself in. I'll get what I can for when the Seohyun girl comes visit me again.”

Namjoon groaned loudly. “Oh God, noooo! Just stop it mom, I mean it.”

“Huh, I wonder what stories to share? Maybe, that one time you broke a pair of my sunglasses, one of your jammies, the bathroom's doorknob consecutively in a matter of an hour or so?” She mocked pondering.

“It was within a matter of four hours, mom.” He felt obliged to correct. Not that his mother stopped.

“Perhaps, that time when you convinced an unsuspecting drama teacher that you're a dancing king slash prodigy?” His mom paused before her expression suddenly brightened as if she came up with something brilliant. “Oooh, the best will be when you flashed your —”

“La la la la la! I can't her you over my poor, grumbling stomach. I'll just buy me some dinner!” Namjoon cupped his ears while he yelled his excuses. “We can practice this esteem building some time. Later. Or like, never at all. Yep. Let's do just that.” He muttered, passing by his mother who was now chuckling.

And Namjoon knew himself that he didn't have the heart to be mad at her. Not when she had just started to be happy and have real fun; even if the said fun was at his expense. And damn if those chuckles he heard were tinkling in a carefree manner. It was worth his life and more.

For the first time in forever, he left his mother with a huge and genuine smile on his face.