Warnings: , mentions of and s and what not

 

It’s been a week, one week after it happened, one week after that stupid kiss and Tao is a wreck. He couldn’t forget, no matter how hard he tried he would always remember the taste on his lips, the soft feel of a shy kiss pressed against his mouth, the hands that skimmed his waist through his shirt. He could never forget the chills that ran across his whole body, the sudden burst for more, more, more, more.

 

And when Baekhyun was over, next to Chanyeol when he used to be next to Tao, he felt empty, irritated, so many emotions he never felt so intensely before. He just wanted it to stop, he didn’t understand why he felt so angry, just the thought of Baekhyun doing anything they did with Chanyeol made his blood boil. The constant urge to slam Chanyeol’s head against the nearest surface was terrifying. It scared Tao so much, Chanyeol was a good friend, someone he trusts, someone Baekhyun trusted since they were kids and just the thought of how badly he wanted to hurt him just for touching scared him.  

 

It drove him crazy every time Baekhyun would look at Tao, smile at Tao, the look in his eyes changing into something sad, like he was playing an act so everyone wouldn’t notice that they weren’t really talking anymore. It stung, especially when Chanyeol would send confused looks his way, Baekhyun leaning on him when he spoke to Kyungsoo in a soft voice instead of his usual boisterous yells. He was different, sad and distraught, and it was all his fault.

 

He missed when Baekhyun would pick him up from work everyday, missed the movies they would watch, the deep talks they sometimes had when everyone was gone and they were on their backs, looking up at the ceiling. He would remember small things about Baekhyun late at night, whenever he couldn’t sleep and it drove him up the wall, lashing out at Kyungsoo whenever the man would try to ask what was going on.

 

So, the next morning, after another dream of that stupid kiss, Tao called in sick to work and marched to the front of Baekhyun’s door. The thoughts of how much he’s ed up finally reaching its breaking point. He couldn’t stop thinking about how beautiful the other man was, how much he wanted to kiss and touch and just be with him. They were driving him crazy.

 

Before he could even knock, Chanyeol opened the door, jumping slightly when he saw Tao in front of him.

 

“Tao?” Chanyeol whispered, shutting the door behind him to crowd into his space. “What are you doing here?

 

Tao swallowed loudly. “I really have to talk to Baekhyun,”

 

He sighed, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “Look, Tao, we’re all friends, and I really like you, but I can’t let you do that, if you’re going to hurt him again.”

 

Oh no, “I--I,” Tao tried to explain, his blood running cold at the realization that Chanyeol knew, he ing knew. “It’s not what you think it is--”

 

“You don’t have to lie, it’s okay I won’t tell anyone, you know me,”

 

“Chanyeol I--” Tao took a deep breath, fingers numb with how terrified he was at that moment. “I just want to talk to him, please.”

 

Chanyeol shook his head, squinting his eyes to look at him, suddenly getting serious. “Listen to me okay, if you’re going to string him along for whatever reason, I’m going to stop this now, if you’re going to reject him, reject him and forget this ever happened.” he was boring his eyes into Tao’s. “I won’t tell kyungsoo and everything will go back to how things were, it’s your choice, don’t it up.” and then he was gone, brushing past Tao with one last look.

 

The feeling of regret sank deep inside his stomach, Tao shaking his head at the thought of just leaving and forgetting anything happened. So before he convinced himself to go back to his apartment, he pressed his thumb into a pad to alert Baekhyun he was at the door.

 

There was no response at first, Tao shifting in place anxiously, fingers already on the door when he saw it open a little bit. It was now or never.

 

He barely saw a glimpse of Baekhyun’s hair when he shoved the door open. He was never good at things like this. “I’m sorry,”  was the first thing he said when he clambered into Baekhyun’s apartment, the older man almost tripping over his feet with the way Tao pushed into him.

 

They were kissing before any of them could say anything, Tao holding both of Baekhyun’s cheeks in his hands, Baekhyun clutching onto his shirt, whispering something Tao couldn’t understand.

 

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” Tao kept repeating in between kisses, Baekhyun whispering a small, I know, I know it’s okay.

 

“I’m an idiot, I love you so much,” he continued to babble, Baekhyun’s hands sliding up to clutch the shirt around his chest, pulling their bodies until they were touching, before grabbing Tao’s chin in between two fingers and into his mouth.

 

“I know, I love you too,” Baekhyun soothed, moving away to pepper kisses on the side of the other’s face, moving up to place a small peck near his ear then lowering to mouth around his neck. “It’s my fault, we should have talked about it before I kissed you, I scared you off.”

 

“I’m just scared, I’m scared of being caught, scared of everyone knowing, scared of messing up this little family we created for ourselves, but as crazy as it sounds, I’m scared of losing you the most, I’m sorry.”

 

“It doesn’t matter now, stop apologizing.” Baekhyun shook his head connecting their lips one last time before he took one step back, hands still holding him closely. “But we have to talk about this, Tao, you have to know what you’re getting into. This isn’t like one of the movies we watched.”

 

“I know, I know,” Tao knew he sounded desperate, but that didn’t stop him from leaning in and kissing Baekhyun again, he couldn’t stop, he felt like he was finally breathing again.

 

“We need to set up boundaries, and specific times for each other. We need to choose who to tell, we have to be completely honest with each other for this to work. No secrets, no nothing.”

 

“Chanyeol already knows, he saw me before I came in.”

 

Baekhyun paused. “I guess that’s one out of our list.”

 

“Yeah,” Tao nodded, fingers searching for Baekhyun’s so they could lace them together. “So, what do we do now?”

 

Baekhyun thinks for a while. “We watch movies?”

 

“Yes, please.”

~*~

 

“I--” Baekhyun cut himself off, his lips before starting over. “I don’t know how to ask this.” He groaned.

 

“You’re starting to make me nervous,” Tao admitted, Baekhyun folding his legs underneath him, bring the laptop closer to himself.

 

“I want to show you something, but I don’t know how you’ll respond to it.” Baekhyun confessed, shifting his position every so often.

 

“Just spit it out already,” Tao whined, flopping onto his back.

 

‘R-Remember when you asked me about the secret folder? Before we started dating, a few months ago?”

 

Tao’s ears perked up at that, flipping to his stomach he looked up at the older man. “The secret folder?”

 

Baekhyun nodded his head, Tao grinned.

 

“No way, finally!” Tao screeched, dragging a pillow onto his lap as he watched the other expectedly.

 

“Before, you get excited. It’s really..” He trailed off, playing with his fingers, before turning his body fully to the laptop and began to scroll. “It’s named the secret folder for a reason, Tao.”

 

He furrowed his eyebrows, Baekhyun double clicking the folder and pausing. There were a few more folders in there with different names.

 

“B’s favorites,” Tao read the first one out loud. “C’s favorites?”

 

“Uh, yeah,” Baekhyun covered his face. “Let’s not go to those just yet,” he groaned, sliding all the way down to a folder named soft.

 

“Soft?” Tao questioned, looking at Baekhyun’s red face. “Why are you blushing?”

 

“In order to get these videos, Chanyeol had to steal his father’s password and use his personal holo.” Baekhyun began to explain. “He downloaded a piece of it, so he can go to their files whenever he wanted. We were really stupid teenagers, we could have gotten in some serious, serious trouble, but Chanyeol was going through his rebellious stage and I really wanted to jerk one off to the real stuff instead of stupid rated R movies.”

 

Tao didn’t understand anything Baekhyun was saying, but he nodded his head anyway.

 

“I know they always tell you that love is an incurable disease, that you’re sick, and they never go into detail about what’s happening to your body.” Baekhyun breathed, zipping his hoodie up to his chin. “And they tell you all this stupid stuff about not touching yourself and, and, have you ever?”

 

“Touched myself?” He whispered, thoughts racing to the time when he was a teen. The weight of regret and nausea still palpable. “Uh,only once.” Tao admitted, pulling the pillow to cover the lower half of his face in embarrassment.

 

Baekhyun groaned loudly, zipping the hooding all the way up to his nose now, falling to his side, face pressed against the covers. “This is too much, I can’t do this anymore.”

 

“These are dirty movies, aren’t they.” And Baekhyun groaned again, kicking his legs in spastic motions.

 

“This is so awkward to talk about, with Chanyeol it’s so easy, but I can’t do this with you!” Baekhyun kept kicking, grabbing the pillow Tao was using to cover his face to smother his own.

 

He didn’t know what to say, he was curious, he has always been curious. “I want,” Tao began, sliding until he was near the computer, sheets wrinkled and crumpled near him. The laptop was still stirring in front of them, screen bright against the dark room. His fingers shook as he slid them over the mouse pad.

 

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun froze for a moment, shoving the pillow to the side of the bed and crawling quickly towards the other to grab his wrist.

 

They stared at each other, Tao opening his mouth to say something before closing it again, Baekhyun’s eyes following the movement. He kissed him before Tao could open his mouth to say anything, lips parting to press his tongue to Tao’s.

 

Baekhyun’s hand slid up his thighs, fingers tracing the skin of his arms, sending chills in its wake. Tao followed Baekhyun’s mouth when he began to pull away, the older man lightly, his other hand cupping the back of Tao’s neck.

 

He liked it like this, Baekhyun’s mouth soft and pliant, following the movement of Tao’s tongue when it slipped inside his mouth.

 

“You’re stalling,” Tao managed to deadpanned when Baekhyun pulled away to look at his flushed face.

 

“Yeah,” he laughed, pulling his boyfriend into one more kiss before picking the pillow up and placing it against his lap. “I’m ready pick whichever you want, this folder isn’t as bad as all the others.”

 

“I kind of want to go to your favorite folders though,” Tao confessed, scrolling down the different titles until he found something interesting.

 

“Maybe later,” he shook his head. “They’re embarrassing.”

 

Tao hummed, preparing himself mentally before clicking one. Baekhyun’s hand pushed his own when the familiar black screen popped up, pressing the spacebar to pause before the movie can even start. “Are you sure about this, Tao?”

 

“Not really, but I want to try, I want to see, I want,” he bit his bottom lip, “I’ll tell you if it’s too much, I promise, just play it.”

 

Baekhyun breathed in deeply before pressing the spacebar again. He grabbed onto the sheets to pull over his head, the pillow still on his lap. The film panned to an empty bedroom, a man walking into it with a headphones in his ears.

 

“Doesn’t look too bad so far,” he mumbled, Baekhyun side eying him.

 

“Just wait,”

 

The conversation continued until a man walked through the door and crawled on the bed. Before Tao could even blink they started kissing heavily, no conversation, no warning. It was nothing Tao couldn’t handle though, he’s seen heavy kissing in some American movies Baekhyun showed him.

 

He could feel the other man shift uncomfortably beside him, Baekhyun’s shoulder brushing with his for a moment before he quickly pulled away. Tao noticed the space between them getting larger as the video went on. The man in the beginning has his hands down the other’s pants when Baekhyun is practically an arm length away.

 

Tao doesn’t say anything, his attention caught between Baekhyun’s hand pressing down against the pillow on his lap, and the men on the screen each other’s mouths loudly.

 

“Baekhyun,” Tao called, Baekhyun freezing in his attempt to move another centimeter away. “What are you doing?”

 

“Nothing,” he shooted out quickly, straightening his back to look back at the video. They barely made it to a good part when all of Tao’s curiosity melted in favor of watching Baekhyun squirm.

 

“Really? Because you’ve been moving away from me since this started.”

 

Baekhyun looked at him for a moment, mouth opening to such in a quiet breath before blurting, “I really want to kiss you right now.”

 

Tao quirked an eyebrow. “Then do it,”

 

They both paused for a second, Baekhyun’s ears turning a pretty shade of red before Tao leaned forward to crawl his way towards him. Baekhyun scooting back even more until his back was pressing against the wall, the pillow still over his lap.

 

“Tao,” Baekhyun moaned when their lips pressed together, one of Tao’s hands curling around the back of his neck. Baekhyun still sitting as Tao rose on his knees to deepen the kiss, his head tipping down and turning to the left. “Wanna touch you so bad, wanna feel you.”

 

“Do it, do it,” he was chanting against his mouth, Baekhyun’s hands finally reaching up to grab onto the fabric of Tao’s shirt. He barely knew what he was asking for, but the way Baekhyun was pressing his tongue against his teeth was driving him crazy. Absolutely insane even, he could barely breathe, barely think, his other hand coming up near the other to cup Baekhyun’s chin dragging him up from his sitting position until he was on his knees.

 

It was hot, and getting hotter, especially when Tao pulled Baekhyun closer towards him, the Baekhyun was trying so hard to hide pressed against the inside of his thigh. The moan that slipped out of the older man’s mouth was quite possibly the hottest sound Tao has ever heard. This is the farthest they have ever went, Baekhyun usually pulling away before anything could get too heavy, but not today. Today, Baekhyun was groaning into his mouth, his hands the front of Tao’s shirt into small balls, he was rolling his hips against one of Tao’s thigh and it was beautiful.

 

Almost too much, and before Tao could think against it, his hand was moving its way downward, his fingertips sliding from Baekhyun’s chest, down his stomach until they brushed the front of his pants.

 

“Oh,” Baekhyun gasped, his head leaning back to pull away, but Tao only leaned in closer, hand moving up to palm against Baekhyun’s crotch. “Jesus,” he managed to breathe passed Tao’s heavy kissing.

 

“Not Jesus,” The younger man laughed slightly, the heel of his hand rubbing in circles, applying more pressure.

 

“I’m gonna come,” Baekhyun said roughly, holding onto Tao’s wrist as he began to roll his hips.

 

“Already?” Tao’s pride was hitting the roof, after only a few seconds of soft petting and kissing Baekhyun was ready to come.

 

“Shut up, I’ve been this whole time, now hurry up and kiss me.” So after a few more of Tao’s hand grind and a deep kiss to Baekhyun’s mouth, the older man was coming in his pants, still holding onto Tao’s wrist, loudly.

 

“Well I didn’t expect that,” Baekhyun slumped onto his boyfriend, head pushed in between the space of Tao’s chin and shoulder, while Tao attempted to force him into lying down.

 

“Wanna you off,” Baekhyun mumbled when they were both on their sides, his fingers teasing the skin on Tao’s stomach. “Been dreaming of you off for ages now.” and Tao groaned, covering his face with his hands, suddenly feeling how hard he’s been the whole time, too preoccupied with Baekhyun to even notice his straining in his own pants.

 

Baekhyun doesn’t blow him, Tao too shy for that just yet, instead, he sticked his hand down Tao’s pants, whispering pretty things until he was coming hard with his own teeth against his bottom lip and Baekhyun’s mouth near his ear.

 

~*~

 

 

“So,” Kyungsoo began as he washed the dishes, Tao watching him from his sitting position on the counter. “You and Baekhyun?”

The taller man sputtered. “What?”

 

“The looks you give each other at dinner today was pretty obvious.” He shot back, drying the dish he was holding with a wash cloth, glancing to the side to see Tao’s reaction. Had they really been that obvious? He feels like today wasn’t nearly as bad as the other days where Baekhyun pushes him against the kitchen counter to kiss him when he thinks no one is looking. They only kissed once during dinner!

 

“So?”

 

“Uh, maybe?” Tao tried to appear nonchalant, Kyungsoo humming with his eyes closed.

 

“I see,”

 

“You’re not,” Tao hesitated, his dry lips in hopes to calm his nerves. “going to tell anyone right?” he eyed the security panel, Kyungsoo opening his eyes to shrug.

 

“Too much work, plus, I’m just a surgeon, if anyone was gonna tell it would have been Chanyeol and I’m sure he knows already. So you’re safe, for now.”

 

Tao breathed a sigh of relief, shoulder sagging onto one of the shelves. “But, be careful, They have eyes everywhere.” was all Kyungsoo said before he set the clean dishes where they belonged and pointed to the security panel Tao was looking at.

 

“Do you love him?” the question took Tao by surprise, the tall man looking at Kyungsoo with an opened mouth.

 

“I do,”

 

“Good,” Kyungsoo dried his hands. “Take care of him, Baekhyun has never been one for rules, he’s as meticulous as he is careless, he’s an idiot, but he feels emotions with his whole body, he’s a good person.” he sighed, turning his whole body towards Tao. “We’ve been friends for years, and he’s not as secretive as he thinks he is. He loves with his whole body and hurts with his soul. Don’t hurt him.”

 

“I won’t, I swear I won’t.” Tao promised, because he knows he would never, he knows that Baekhyun is what he wants, what he could ever want.

 

“Then you have nothing to worry about, and if anything does happen, Chanyeol would be the first to know. We’ll help you escape, the both of us.”

 

“Thank you,”

 

Tao didn’t know what else to say, so touched that Kyungsoo was even considering spending time in confinement just to help them. This was the longest conversation he has ever had with Kyungsoo, the shorter man always so polite and short with his answers. But now, Tao could feel how much he cared for Baekhyun, for all his friends.

 

Kyungsoo patted Tao’s head, Tao smiling into it softly. “Have you ever been in love?” He decided to ask since Kyungsoo was being so chatty, he couldn’t let this opportunity go by.

 

“Only once, I think.” Kyungsoo admitted, the surprise so evident on Tao’s face the other man couldn’t help but laugh. “What? You can’t possibly think Chanyeol and Baekhyun are the only two people to watch those sappy romance movies, I know a thing or two about love.”

 

“Then what happened?”

 

“He was taken away, it’s dangerous when you’re too obvious.” Kyungsoo shrugged. “We were young, stupid and couldn’t bare to think about not being each other’s life partner, he’s the reason I resented this arrangement so much. It’s the reason I’m merely a surgeon and not one of the officials in the government, I think They know Yifan was in love with me.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Tao was heartbroken, the mere thought of Baekhyun being taken away terrifying him. He didn’t know if he could live in a world without him.

 

“Don’t be,” Kyungsoo waved his hand around, taking a few steps back. “Just be careful and learn from this, They’re cruel people and will stop at nothing to keep Their order.”

 

“Goodluck,”

 

“Thank you,” Tao felt grateful, leaning forward to give Kyungsoo a small hug, smiling at the way he quirked his eyebrow.

 

“Just don’t be dumb,” Kyungsoo patted his head. “And tell Baekhyun I said to not be an idiot, either. I know about how you sneak out at night, just didn’t know it was to see him, you rascals.”

 

Tao groaned, covering his face as Kyungsoo chuckled to himself, leaving the taller man to suffer in the kitchen by himself. “Why me,” he huffed, sticking his tongue out in the direction Kyungsoo left in,before leaving the apartment. There was no point in sneaking out when Kyungsoo already knew.

 

He ended up in the same place he always was, in Baekhyun’s couch with his head on the other’s shoulder, Chanyeol sitting a few spaces away from them.

 

“Whoever picked this movie, I hate you.” Tao seethed, covering his eyes at another scene of a man stabbing a woman. “I hate you so much.”

 

He could hear Chanyeol laughing, covering his mouth in an attempt to muffle the loud sound with chips.

 

“This is all Chanyeol’s fault, I swear I had nothing to do with it,” Baekhyun glared to the side, watching as Chanyeol began to laugh even louder, almost knocking down the food he had on his lap.

 

“You ,” Tao seethed.

 

“Am I really the only one that around here?” Chanyeol tried to joke, Baekhyun swatting him with the closest pillow, his face red with embarrassment.

 

“You’re disgusting, we’re leaving,” he gritted between his teeth, tugging on Tao’s wrist so they could leave.

 

“Don’t use this as an excuse to ditch me, you traitors!” They could hear Chanyeol yell, the screams on the television rising on purpose, Baekhyun pulling him on the bed so they both could lay down.

 

“What an idiot,” Baekhyun murmured to himself, shifting around the bed until he found a comfortable position in Tao’s arms.

 

“I was talking to Kyungsoo, before I came in.” Tao cleared his throat, Baekhyun snuggling into the space between his chin and shoulder, humming around the skin there. “He knows about us.”

 

Tao expected Baekhyun to freak out, the older man known for his theatrics, but nothing came, Baekhyun just placing lazy kisses against his neck. “I was wondering when he was gonna catch on.” was all he said, biting a patch of skin lightly.

 

Tao arched his back. “You’re okay with this?”

 

“I trust him, I wanted to tell him before, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted him to know,” Baekhyun breathed, soothing the places he’s bitten with gentle pecks. “We’re going at your pace.”

 

They’re looking at each other now, Baekhyun tilting his head up to smile, leaning his forehead on the side of Tao’s face, his eyes twinkling with something mischievous and something else, love.

 

“I love you,” Tao blurted before he could stop himself. “I would tell everyone about you if I could.”

 

Baekhyun hummed, closing his eyes and wiggling closer. “You always say the right things to get me in the mood.”

 

“I’m being serious, hyung.”

 

Baekhyun groaned. “Keep calling me hyung, I think I can get off on that.”

 

“Stop!” Tao hissed, Baekhyun chuckling near his neck.

 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” Baekhyun pouted. “Is that all you wanted to tell me, that Kyungsoo knows, because I really want to makeout.”

 

“He just told us to be careful, and if anything happens,” Tao’s voice drops to a whisper, despite Baekhyun’s clear disinterest in the subject. “He’ll help us escape if he has to.”

 

“We already had a conversation about this, Chanyeol and I,” Baekhyun admitted, exhaling loudly and pulling some space between them. “They don’t know anything yet, the police force too busy training new recruits, the security panels only being tapped into the lower ranking districts right now. Chanyeol is keeping tabs on them, deleting our security panel audios, making sure no one is checking in on us. We’ve been doing this since the first week after we met, I knew I wanted you since then.” Baekhyun was running his fingers through his own hair. “You don’t need to worry about anything, because we’ve got it, we’re handling it now, but if anything does happen, I have to know if you’re willing to leave with me, leave everyone behind and move into a new country. Chanyeol knows a guy that if you pay him enough, he’ll open a piece of the wall for us to go, I’ve already been saving money if that ever happens.”

 

“Baekhyun,” Tao’s breath hitched, he’s already been thinking about all this without him, worrying and planning with Chanyeol for such a long time. “I thought we weren’t supposed to keep secrets, Baekhyun, when were you going to tell me about this? When it happened? In the middle of the night once we have to leave?”

 

“I just didn’t want to worry you until we had a forsure plan.”

 

“But we’re in this together, not you and Chanyeol; me and you.” Tao wasn’t angry, the look Baekhyun giving him twisting his insides into knots. It felt like he was scolding an innocent animal. “I can scrape up some money too, I know I’m just an instructor, but Kyungsoo pays for most things and I have money just lying around, Baekhyun, I can help.”

 

“I know, I’m sorry, I just,” he sighed. “I don’t like talking about these things, it feels like this is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode in my face. I just want to enjoy this, enjoy you.” Baekhyun was sliding his hands up the inside of Tao’s shirt then, thumb rubbing his skin in soft lines.

 

“Just promise me they’ll be no more secrets.”

 

“No more secrets,” Baekhyun agreed, thumbs swiping against Tao’s s. “Can I kiss you now?”

 

Tao rolled his eyes, moving to roll his shirt up to watch Baekhyun play with his s. “No,” Tao grumbled fakely in defiance. “Not until you tell me how much you wanted me the first week after we met.” he tried to hide his smile, Baekhyun gaping at him like a fish for a moment before quirking his eyebrow in challenge.

 

“Do I get to you off if I do?”

 

“Deal.”