No place I'd rather be​

Sunggyu was restless the last months. Everything had been fine, they were preparing for their summer comeback and his last solo album was successful, so was Woohyun’s and their last world tour.  He should be happy, but deep within he felt stressed out. He was always so busy and with each passing month he became older and it was somehow burdening him – where did all the time go? Since their debut many years ago, they became one of the oldest still active groups with regular albums and their fandom grew, their fans were always there, sharing love and success. A stable fandom is after all what every rookie group is hoping for and the 7 boys are already living their dream. Though, Sunggyu’s heart was missing something. There were lots of idols who were dating, but whenever they were granted free time and vacation, he somehow always ended up spending it all for his family and closest friends. There simply was never enough time at hand and so, one night he once more couldn’t sleep and sat at the open window, staring out of it, enjoying the warm summer night and the view from their skyscraper apartment with a can of beer in hand. Hoya approached him and joined him looking over the lit Seoul skyline. After a moment of silence, the elder started talking.

“It’s really hard sometimes. I wonder if it would have been easier not going this way, leaving my dream behind, finding a job, a wife, having a family. You know, Howon-ah my cousin died when we were on tour in the US and I was not able to be with my family, hold my mum and my aunt when they needed me. I couldn’t say goodbye and I am still sorry for it. I loved my little cousin and I feel that it’s not fair to him, nor fair to my family that I am always away, abroad, somewhere in Asia and other places thanks to our success in the States and even Europe. I know they are proud of me, but I feel somehow so useless. My old school friends can support their family whenever they call or invite them, but we, you and me and the rest of the guys, we are mostly not available and busy. When I see my family I have to press all the missed time into a few weeks or only days depending on the next promotion circle. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to complain, but I realized over the years that having the people who love you without any restrain around you is something we do not have. We have our manager, our staff, we have each other, but I miss my mum, my parents, my family. I missed so many important events. My cousin’s wedding, my uncle’s funeral, the birth of my sister’s baby. How can I ever make up for the time I was missing – is the fame and money worth all this? Do our fans know what we are missing out in our lives, what we can never have – a normal weekend with our family, without some crazy fans following us? Well, I guess I think too much and the alcohol doesn’t do me good, but think about it – you’re also old enough to think about such matters and I know Howon-ah, deep within you know I am right – every single word I said is the truth. Sometimes I wonder how it is for you, Busan is not Seoul and not around the corner. I know you have a hard time too and I am sorry for you too, that you never can talk about it, even though I know your hardships and how much you want to go and spend some time with your family and old friends.” Sunggyu felt guilty towards his younger friend. He liked to listen to ’s problems to find together a solution, but often, they hadn’t got the time for much talking. The one time he encountered Woohyun behind the stage crying made his heart stop for a moment since he didn’t know how to handle the situation in a leader’s way. The only thing he could think of was just embracing the younger and letting him talk, assuring him that everything would be alright – even though he knew that it was not. He himself would always state and complain about the obvious, but deep within, he had lots of insecurities and secrets himself and Sunggyu knew the others were not ready to know about this part of him, so he kept silent and preferred to listen to s.

Hoya understood well, but there were no words, no answers for these finally spoken-out-loud questions. Therefore, he remained quiet for a moment, then simply responded: “It’s alright hyung, please go and try to sleep, we have an early schedule and we need our sleep.” With that being said, Hoya squeezed the elder’s shoulder lightly and turned around to find a few hours of sleep, while Sunggyu glanced up to the stars, wondering until when he was able to admit another part of his life, which was undeniable knotted to his fellow member Woohyun, and therefore needed to be kept a secret.

The next day Sunggyu was touchy with Woohyun, like he always was when he didn’t get a lot of sleep the night before. The younger already was used to the elder’s behavior and accepted every hug and every touch. He was glad that the leader was so comfortable around him. Though, he knew that already for a while, the other had deep thoughts on his mind and worried about his future.

Sunggyu appreciated the closeness and acceptance from the other vocal and secretly he felt the safest when the younger was around. Whenever Woohyun wasn’t with them, by his side, he missed him and all the years spent together he grew very fond of him. He would never admit it out loud, but his heart became at ease when the other was next to him. They encouraged each other, worked together so well on many different levels and despite some things being pretty obvious to fans, it never was to them. Silent gazes, warm touches, unspoken words, there was too much between them, but neither of them wanted to see more, to read between the lines, to give in to something that wasn’t tolerated by Korean society.

Over time, Sunggyu became more distant. He prepared every minute of his free-time for his upcoming musical, memorizing the script and getting into his role. The members saw that he tried to be busy all the time, distracting himself from disastrous thoughts. He was their oldest hyung and even the elder group members could only guess what was on his mind. Woohyun was at a loss. He observed Sunggyu from afar, feeling the inner conflict he himself had to manage. Why was he missing the other so much, even when they saw each other frequently for lunch or dinner? He missed the elder, talking to him freely, messing around, and laughing about stupid things like they loved to do. Surely, Sunggyu had his serious side and regarding work he always tried his best, working hard every day for his group and for their fans. Though, it felt like the elder was slowly drifting away from him. He didn’t know what to say, what to do. Woohyun just knew he had to act soon, otherwise his heart would explode, because he couldn’t take it longer that their leader was caught in this self-destructive loneliness.  

After the leader’s musical wrap-up, they were given the chance to film their new summer music video on a Philippine island. In addition, they were able to have a secret fanmeeting and a beach photo shoot. All of them were rather nervous because they were used to pose fully dressed and this shooting would be quite special as far as they were told.

The seven boys arrived under the scorching sun on a late afternoon, glad to be – for once – free from Sasaeng fans. They headed to the hotel which was situated right next to the beach and were granted an evening off duties, which some spent relaxed at the pool and others at the hotel beach. Since the photo and video shoot would start early on tomorrow morning, they should hit the mattress early, but Sunggyu and Woohyun, who shared a hotel room, were watching the sunset from their little balcony, having a glass of wine and some finger food for dinner. Looking over the sea and the beautiful purple-red-orange colors the setting sun painted over the horizon, they finally had the time to talk and relax for what seemed like hours. Woohyun watched the other’s every move, trying to read what was on the older’s mind. When they started talking about their debut days and old times together, about their fun video shoot of “She’s back” and how their dress and hair styles changed. After a little pause the mood changed, Sunggyu’s answers became shorter and more monosyllabic and he avoided the younger’s eyes. The little candle on the table burned out and the first stars could be seen is what Woohyun noticed when he tried to hold it in, while his eyes were already glistening with tears. He hated how the older tried to keep his problems to himself. “It’s quite late, we should head to bed.” Was the only thing being said while the elder got up, placing his glass on the table, turning to enter the room but he was stopped by Woohyun’s hand around his wrist. “Hyung, why do you always do this? I am here to listen, like you are always there for me and my problems. We know each other for so many years and yet you still do not trust me and let me in. Why? I can be there for you. I can…” Sunggyu didn’t dare to look into the other’ s face, afraid the other would see his own shimmering eyes, trying desperate to avoid some spilling tears, so he held his head up high. He couldn’t let his guard down. The walls he had built around his feelings for the younger were built on solid ground over years, their walls so thick, though these few words and the broken voice and obviously teary eyes of his dongsaeng alone made them crumble. He shouldn’t. “I’m tired Woohyun, let me have some rest.” The leader tried to get his arm back, but the younger held on tight. He stood up and stepped closer to the elder.

“Let’s have a short walk on the beach. I need to talk to you. Honestly hyung, I have to talk to you – in private.” Sunggyu still didn’t dare to look into the other’s eyes, so he just nodded and they went out.

The older’s hands were sweating as soon as they stepped into the still warm sand. He wondered what else the younger had to tell him and yes, he was afraid that one of them could get hurt by his unspoken feelings. In the back a romantic bachata song was heard from one of the bars along the empty beach. It was late and the only light were the twinkling stars and the half-full moon next to some party lights from the restaurants in the distant.  

The two of them walked along the water, the dimmed lighting and sound of the crashing of the waves with the slow music from afar set them into such a romantic scenery that Woohyun had to smile. He felt like being the protagonist of a romantic movie. If this wouldn’t be the right place and time to finally ask the other about what was going on over the last months, he didn’t know which was. If he himself was ready to reach out his hand to the other beyond friendship he didn’t know yet.

“Now tell me hyung. Why did you become so distant over the last year? Please, I need to know, I can’t handle you being like this. I want the old Sunggyu back. I have to see your sincere smile, have to feel your heart.” Woohyun stopped right before the other, making him look up, straight into his face. The younger tried, but he couldn’t hold it in anymore. All these emotions ran through him and silently tears started to pour down his cheeks. Sunggyu was caught off guard. He felt helpless with the crying younger in front of him. He hadn’t realized how manly Woohyun’s features became despite this still childish spark in his eyes every now and then. His shoulder’s were so broad, his face edgier, his voice though was still as honey to his ears and without much thinking he reached out to capture the younger’s cheek, brushing away the tears carefully. By all this self-centeredness and the ignorance of looking at Woohyun and the suppression of his deep feelings, in the hope he might lose them when they just were buried deep inside, he missed the younger’s development from being a cheeky boy to becoming a reliable adult. It was right, they weren’t boys anymore. They were young men. Would this be the moment to finally after such a long time confess his true feelings for his group member? Would this be the right moment that the other wouldn’t push him away disgustedly, but actually understand him and the problems at hand? Hundreds of different thoughts ran through the older’s head, but Woohyun just looked at the beauty of the other, mesmerized by how breathtaking the moonlight shone on the other’s hair, reflecting in the deep, but confused eyes of his elder. Despite Sunggyu’s inner conflict, he had to see this as his one and only chance. “There are so many things on my mind about the future, about the people we love and about people we love but can’t show, since others might not accept it. You know how old I am, you know that society’s pressure on me increases day by day. There are days Woohyun where I cannot breathe, days I feel depressed because I have not the time and space to freely date whoever I want. We cannot have a normal life, we cannot be anonymous wherever we go. Whoever we date is in the spotlight too. I am afraid that there will never be the right time to confess to the one – to the only one my heart is moved by – the one I would fight for against time and society. The one who would make me forget time.” With this being said Sunggyu looked deep into the by surprise opened eyes of the younger. Woohyun looked back into the older’s eyes and saw the sincerity and purity of love. Sunggyu reached out to take the other’s hand at the barely lit spot they stood, intertwining their fingers, drawing the younger’s body closer. When they were only inches apart he whispered into the dark-haired’s ear “There’s no time, if you’re afraid, hold my hand.” Then he drew his head back, watching the other’s face, waiting for a reaction, waiting for rejection of any sort, but within a moment Woohyun closed the space between their lips, surprising the older. Sunggyu had waited for this moment to happen for such a long time and when he felt the younger relax in his embrace, he deepened the kiss. The time of waiting and dancing around their feelings was over; the time for more action than words was now. Their time of being together as lovers had finally begun.  

// Prompt: "There's no time, if you're afraid, hold my hand" - Inception 

// I personally though it's a very endearing way to solve the prompt idea! Yet another beautiful story added to the mix. Leave feedback for the authors!