Taeyong got out off the shower, putting on his signature scowling face as he went to his bed without sparing a glance at Ten who has been trying to catch his attention for quite sometime. All Ten’s asking for is for Taeyong to talk to him, though he’d knew it would be difficult for the latter to do.

“Taeyong, I know you’re tired. But please, hear me out?” Ten pleaded, as he caught Taeyong pausing to listen for a brief moment before diverting his attention back to his phone once again. Ten took that as a sign to continue, swallowing down a gulp.

“It was my fault for dirtying your shoes. I was selfish, and all i could think of was to take revenge in return for what had happened. But, i guess i went a little far this time. I swear, i didn’t know that pair of shoes meant so much to you.” A sigh escaped Ten’s quivering lips.” And for overlooking that, i’m sorry. I don’t know how else to make it up to you, but to keep apologizing, and hoping you’d forgive me someday. Stupid huh. Guess I wasn’t that smart to begin with.”

“That makes us even then.”

“Huh?” Ten stared at Taeyong puzzledly.

“Sorry.” Before Ten could even register anything, he was pulled into a bone crushing hug. Ten’s face turned beet red as he felt Taeyong wrapping his arms securely round Ten’s petite waist. Ten never would’ve expect Lee Taeyong to initiate a hug, this was a first.

No words were exchanged between the two as Ten stood rigid in Taeyong’s embrace, hands clammy. He felt helplessly drawn towards Taeyong, as he stayed still waiting for Taeyong to pull away because his heart was throbbing so loudly he thought it might explode.

“Take this as our friendship hug.” Taeyong muttered, before releasing Ten and pulling away from the hug. It was a peace making treaty, Ten concluded, not helping to feel albeit disappointed. What was he wishing for anyways?

“Goodnight Ten.” Ten was snapped out of his thoughts by the rustling of satin bed sheets. And on the bed, was a heavy-eyed Taeyong, looking as if he was going to doze off anytime soon. Ten smiled in amusement, as he crawled back to bed, eyes never leaving his’.

“Goodnight Taeyong.”

-

The night went by fairly quickly, and it was soon dawn. Ten decided that he was going to wake up a teed earlier today, just so he could go to the practice room with Taeyong since Ten noticed that the latter had a habit of going to the practice room early in the morning, way before others do.

Ten got up off bed, feeling a weight off his shoulders. He let out a yawn, stretching his arms wide as his eyes squinted to adjust to the glaring sunlight penetrating through the window panes. Little did he know, Taeyong had already awoke, and was staring at the younger silently by the side.

Ten was about to head to the bathroom to freshen up, when he felt a pair of eyes boring through him. Ten turned over his shoulders, his anthracite eyes meeting a pair of chestnut one’s. “Oh!” Ten gasped, as he avoided the other’s gaze, flushing radish red. Ten stared at his feet, hoping Taeyong would not notice how embarrassed he was.

“Sorry, did I startle you?” Taeyong grinned sheepishly, as he bit onto his bottom lip, something he always does when he’s nervous. “Why are you up so early anyways?” Taeyong made an attempt to change the topic, rubbing his nape. Silence engulfing the two.

“I-i thought i needed an extra practice since I haven’t been able to catch up lately.” Ten broke the silence with a forced laugh, lying to save himself from further embarrassment. We all know that this isn’t the reason why Chittaphon sacrificed his sleep, he did it because he wanted some alone time with Taeyong.

There isn’t a particular reason why Ten wanted to, he just can’t help but want to. “Oh, okay..” Taeyong replied with a nod, not saying much. “I-i’ll use t-the washroom first then?” Ten stuttered, trying to sound calm and collected although his heart was drumming blaringly.

“Yeah sure..” Upon earning a simple nod in return, Ten hurried to the bathroom, nearly slipping in his way. Neither would he have expected Taeyong to chuckle at Ten’s clumsy sight, “You okay?” Taeyong asked genuinely out of concern, suppressing his laugh.

“Of course, why wouldn’t i be?” Ten retort, as he shut the bathroom door tight. Ten swore he was going to pass out any moment if not for the fact that Taeyong was just right outside. Ten rested his head against the door, slumping onto the floor. He didn’t knew why he was feeling and behaving this way. The last time he ever did was.. Ten shook himself out of his thoughts, as he shut his eyes, refusing to recall that heart wrenching memory that haunted him for years, and still is.

-

“I don’t get why i can’t get this move right.” Ten grunt in frustration as he stamp his foot in exasperation. “You’re almost there.” Taeyong encouraged in spite of Ten’s incessant grumbling. They had been in the practice room for hours, with Taeyong constantly trying to help Ten get his moves on the beat. Taeyong noticed, that Ten was a lot temperamental than usual.

The usual Ten would’ve smile it off, and would’ve kept trying till he got the moves right. But today, Ten seem to be out of it. Not only did he looked a lot gloomier today, Taeyong could tell that was something was bothering Ten.

“Maybe we should take a break.” Taeyong suggested. It was still early, and the boys hadn’t arrived yet. “I’m fine.” Ten shrug it off, as he struggled to keep his eyes open. His head was spinning, and he was trying to stay focus but his thoughts often wandered to someplace forbidden. “Ten..” Taeyong grew worried, as he approached Ten from where he was standing. “Tae-” Ten was just about to brush it off saying he really is okay, and there was absolutely nothing to worry about, when he felt himself collapsing on the floor, gasping for air.

“Why did you have to go?” Ten cried, voice cracking.

“I’m so sorry.” The brunette replied with a shook of his head, as he spared Ten a despairing look.  

“Am i not good enough?” Ten’s eyes brimmed with tears, feeling a dull, empty ache gnawing in his soul as he heard the other sigh bitterly. Ten could tell the brunette was trying his best to conceal his tears that threaten to fall.

“No, no..”

“Then why do you still have to go? Why do you still have to marry her?” Ten dissolved into tears, at the expanse of knowing that the love of his life was going to get married with somebody else. It tore to him bits, knowing that he was never coming back.

A pair of wounded look stared back at him, as Ten bit his lips so hard he thought it might bleed to prevent himself from bawling. Ten felt a lump in his throat, as he let his tears fall, heart aching with grief. “Ten, i really am s-”

“Leave.”

“Ten-”

“I said leave!” Ten, lips quivering, pushed the latter forcefully out the door despite the other’s protest. “Ten, please..” Said man sighed in anguish, as he pushed him towards the door, not even sparing a glance at the latter.

“I’m going to let you go, because i love you.” Ten shushed him up with a  lingering kiss on the lips, as they stayed there in each other’s embrace, neither wanting to let go. Ten’s eyes were puffy and red after all the crying. Leaving him, made him felt as though his heart was ripped out of his body. It hurt, more than anyone could’ve imagined.

But if you genuinely love someone, you’d wish that someone would be happy even if kills you inside. So Ten made a choice he’d knew he’d come to regret.

Ten pulled away at last, smiling bitterly, as he pushed the latter out of the door, sparing him one last glance before the other was soon out of sight.

“Goodbye..”

Heart breaking memories flashed through his mind briefly, it was as if it was swallowing him whole. All these years, these memories haunt him even in his dreams. Like what Harden Coben had once said;  Painful memories didn’t just ease back in - they shoved the door open hard, all of them and all at once.

“Yah!” Taeyong widened his eyes in terror, as he watched Ten clutching his chest in agony. Red faced, panting, Ten was breathing a lot quicker, taking rapid short breaths as he place his weight on Taeyong for support. Taeyong didn’t hesitate to help Ten over to the side, holding him firmly by the waist. He got the younger to sit, as he started rubbing comforting circles round his back.

Ten relaxed under Taeyong’s hold, he was no longer breathing raggedly, but he was still panting heavily trying to catch his breath. “Hey, hey. Relax.” Taeyong lulled, as he pulled the other closer. Ten flinched at the touch, but he kept still as the latter whispered words of reassurance. “Feeling better?” Taeyong asked, earning a weak nod from Ten.

Ten was okay, or at least said man convinced himself to be. Ten rarely had panic attacks these years, it puzzled him as to why it would’ve relapsed. Maybe it’s the heat, Ten reassured himself as he let himself stay in Taeyong’s embrace, not wanting to think about anything else further. But somehow, somewhere, deep inside, Ten had an intuition that something was bound to happen.

And Ten’s prediction was always right.