Jihyo stared blankly at the letter.

What was Gary talking about? Why did he suddenly want to end this game?

Pain gripped her heart. She knew it wasn’t mere jealously. He’s giving up.

It hurt her so, because she thought he’d never leave her. Tears welled in her eyes.

Doesn’t he know? The only reason why she behaves so naturally around Bolin was because she imagined Bolin as him. She imagined that she was having a real date with him. That’s why she could smile like when she was with Gary. In her heart, it was always Gary.

She guessed that he must have been disappointed when she didn’t answer the casts’ question during the Q&A filming session, but honestly, she hadn’t dared to answer. She probably doesn’t know the answer as well. She loves all her cast-mates, but she doesn’t know if she loves Gary the same way she loves her other casts. Maybe she does, or maybe she loved them equally, but it was a different kind of love for Gary.

To be honest, she had been disappointed when Gary’s brain scan revealed no feelings for her. She had been jealous when he’d reacted to Seolhyun’s picture. But she could only laugh and clap.

That filming ended early, and Gary came to find her as usual. She must have been hostile to him, because he asked her if she was jealous.

“No,” she said instinctively, sticking out her tongue.

“Don’t be,” he told her, ignoring her protests that she wasn’t jealous at all. “You can’t measure love just from brain scans.” He held her hands and swung it left and right, until she smiled again.

“You didn’t wear the socks,” he said, now his turn to be upset.

“I brought it…” she replied, digging into the pockets of her jacket.

He already started to grin like a fool. “Then why didn’t you wear it!”

“I thought you weren’t wearing it…”

Then suddenly, he turned serious and looked into her eyes intently. “I’ll never break my promises to you, you know?” She looked away. Had she hurt him then?

There had been more than once when she questioned her feelings for him. In the early days of Running Man, after he held on to her and gave her his notebook, she started to feel attracted to him. But neither of them made a move, so life went on as it is- with them being a couple only during Mondays.

Then Chang Joo came along, and Monday couple had to stop. It was then she started to feel the emptiness during filming. Even outside filming, Gary no longer talked to her or joke around with her, and she felt a longing for him. But she never mentioned it.

And then came the incident where Gary was contemplating to quit Running Man. It was the last straw for her. She could do without talking to him, but she couldn’t handle him leaving the show altogether. She persuaded him to stay, and what that failed, she shamelessly told him to stay for her. That was the closest thing to confessing her feelings she had ever done.

He stayed, but Monday couple wasn’t quite back on track yet. But he started to open up to her again. And then one day, after filming, he called her to talk for a while.

“Whatever feelings we have for each other, just ignore them and think of it as our work, okay?”

“Huh?”

“What I’m saying is, we should bring back Monday couple, but just think of it as work, okay? Whatever I say to you, or do to you, don’t bring the feelings out of filming.”

She agreed, but that’s when all the troubles started. As more filming passed, they grew more natural at being a couple, and sometimes, when they went out with the casts for dinner or whatnots, he would hold her hand and they joke around like a couple. And then she started to wonder if he actually harboured real feelings for her.

And then she broke up with Chang Joo. It was an amicable break-up, after dating for close to 2 years. It hurt, but she wasn’t devastated. Among the casts, the first person who realised it was Gary.

“It’s okay,” he comforted her. “You still have me as your Monday boyfriend.”

And he started to care more for her. More than just buying her Americano every Monday morning before filming, more that looking out for her during breaks and making sure she got her rest, more than making sure she got home safely after filming. He started to call her on some nights just to chat. And if she was still out late at night, he would go and pick her up. Initially, she wondered if he was just doing all those out of pity, but it continued for a long while.

Sometimes she wished he would stop, because she got confused. Wasn’t he the one to say that they were just a business couple? Then what is he doing now?

But another part of her wanted to be cared for. So she let him be.

And then, he kissed her in episode 163. Honestly, at the point of filming she had been too shocked to feel anything. But she chose for him to sit with her nonetheless. Because it would be a huge blow to him if she hadn’t right? Even throughout the filming she hadn’t thought much about it. It was only after filming, when Gary came up to her, then she started to feel conscious about it. He talked to her, but all she remembered was him kissing her and her heart fluttered.

He waved his hands in front of his face. “Did you hear what I just said?”

She looked at him blankly.

He smiled a little and she thought there was a tinge of blush in his cheeks. He looked down shyly. “Just now… about the… kiss…”

Her heart skipped a beat just at the mention of it.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t in the right mind… I just…” You were too beautiful, he thought in his head. But of course he couldn’t say it out loud.

“It’s okay…” was all she could mutter. She wasn’t in the right mind now.

But then in an interview during their Asia Tour, while she had confessed that it was a memorable episode, Gary nonchalantly said that he was teasing her and just doing it for the team. At that point she felt a sharp pang of pain, although she knew that he probably said it that way because there were cameras. But it still hurt. She had been quite cold to him after that, even until the plane ride back to Korea. She didn’t know if it had been too obvious, but she chose to sit beside Suk Jin on the plane. But later, when she woke up, it was Gary who was beside her, his hands on hers. A small smile formed on her face as she reached out to brush his hair affectionately. He stirred awake.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “For saying that I was just teasing you. I wasn’t. It wasn’t just to win.”

She waited for him to continue, but he hadn’t. He couldn’t confess his feelings- they both know it. But it was okay. She’s okay with it this way.

And then during the filming for episode 206, there was a game to make their heartrate increase. She had asked him if he would have dated her if she confess