God..I cant believe I’m doing this right before my paper LOL

Jihyo sat in the van nervously, wondering who would be her next partner. The previous session with Kwang Soo… it stirred up too much emotions.

Gary walked towards the van. He had just ended his apology/ confession session with Haha. It felt awkward, but at the same time, it was kind of nice to admit their feelings for each other. He knocked and peered into the van, and got a shock when he saw it was Jihyo.

They laughed awkwardly.

“Ya… I didn’t know it would be you,” Gary said.

“I didn’t know too, oppa,” she said, shifting awkwardly.

“Who did you talk with just now?”

“Kwang Soo… You?”

“Jae Suk hyung… and Haha.”

They chuckled a little before becoming silent again.

“Ah… this is so awkward,” Jihyo finally said.

“We don’t have to say anything. It’s going to get cut out anyway,” Gary said, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could, but Jihyo can still tell the bitterness in his voice.

She sighed, knowing that with her new program, there wasn’t much they can do to help this.

“Don’t be like that…. Oppa,” she said gently, using the voice she only uses on him.

No, don’t do that, he thought. He hates how she can make him feel so special, yet be so indifferent to him at times. He hates how she keeps playing with him, pushing and pulling.

He looked away.

She tried to ignore that. “Then… I’ll start first…” she said. “I’ll say about what I wrote in the letter to you.” Then she paused. This was much harder compared to when she did it with Kwang Soo.

Gary finally looked up, as if encouraging her to continue.

“I wrote that I’m thankful…” she paused again. “Just… thank you for everything you’ve done for me, oppa. Thank you for always being there for me when the others are busy with the other female guests. I know I often say that it’s okay, I don’t mind, but sometimes it still kind of hurts, even when I’m part of the family. And I feel like I always take you for granted because I never say thank you to you before, so thank you.”

“Don’t say that…”

“And… I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I always ending up betraying or rejecting you. Or pushing you away. I know I hurt you sometimes, but…”

“I’ve never blamed you.”

Jihyo finally manages to make eye contact with him.

“Because it’s you,” he said. She looked away.

“I know it’s for the show,” he said again. “Everything about us is just for the show, right?”

It stung her heart. She had always known his words were powerful, but he had never used it on her like this.

“Oppa… don’t…” she pleaded him again. Her eyes were shiny with tears.

This time he looked away. She sighed and forced herself to continue on. It wasn't everytime she had a chance like this- to be able to thank the man who was always there for her. Who understood her when no one did.

“And I’m thankful that you held on to me at the beginning, when I wanted to quit.”

Since the conversation with Kwang Soo previously, she kept thinking about the period 6 years ago.

It was late at night, almost midnight. Jihyo hesitated for a long while before finally dialling Kwang Soo’s number.

“Kwang Soo yah… can we meet up for a while?” Jihyo asked nervously.

“Eo? Noona? Why?”

“Just… I’ll tell you when we meet. The café near your house is okay right?”

“Eo… ok, noona.” Kwang Soo frowned, wondering what it was about. She sounded quite serious, and he was worried for her.

“I… I want to quit…” she finally said.

“Quit? Quit what?”

She closed her eyes. She couldn’t even bring herself to say it out. “The show… Running man.”

Kwang Soo stayed silent. He waited for her to explain.

He eventually persuaded not to, to stay on a little while more. And each time she agreed, but a couple of weeks later, she would harbour the thoughts again.

Until one day, she really, really decided to quit. She had already stayed on long enough to know that she’s not suited for this. She doesn’t want to suffer any longer, nor does she want to burden the casts any more. She remembered thinking that she was quitting not just for herself, but for the casts.

The next filming, Gary came up to her.

“Jihyo-yah,” Gary asked hesitantly. He wasn’t as slick as he was when cameras aren’t rolling. “Can you talk to me for a while?”

“Eo…”

They waited until the rest of the casts are gone, and the crew too. They sat on the bench, neither of them saying a thing. It was awkward like this, with no camera and just two of them alone.

“What did you want to tell me?” she asked.

“I… Kwang Soo told me,” he said, stealing a glance at her before looking away. He saw her expression change. Her eyes shifted away. She didn’t reply.

“I asked him first, actually,” Gary admitted. “You were acting strange recently, and you know… it affects me because we’re the couple. So…” he paused and looked down.

“I’m sorry,” both of them said at the same time.