I step out onto my balcony, EXO is home, well at least some of them at least. I also took the chance to look up who exactly I’d been chatting with.  I pull my jacket closer to me. After that night with Sehun I never saw him, even though we were both off the next day. I got busy with my own schedule soon after and I’ve hardly had the chance to go over and introduce myself, and now I feel like that proper time has passed to do so. I check my pocket for my pack of cigarettes as I mull those thoughts over. Taking one out, I let out an annoyed sigh, my last one. I quickly light it and inhale. I always come to the end of my pack by surprise.

I hear the sliding door next door open and then close. “It’s been a while.” Sehun’s familiar voice says. I glance to my right and nod my head, unlike last time I can see him, the light is streaming out from inside their apartment. “You’re still smoking.”

“Bad habits.” I say with a shrug as I tap off the ash. “Why’d you come out?” I ask curiously.

Sehun smirks at me and takes a deep breath. “A break from my hyungs, it’s kind of hard to be the youngest sometimes.” Sehun explains calmly. Sehun speaks in the same tone from last time. “That guy really isn't with you?” He asks. Sehun has a very serious look on his face, almost like he knows how much I miss him, how much I want for him to be back.

“He left. In fact he is settling down with some doctor type. They’re supposed to be getting married soon.” I reply gently as I look away from Sehun and out to the city. I take a long drag letting the smoke fill me up. I slowly exhale trying to make it last. “It’s funny, he’s gone and he was the only reason I started smoking in the first place, and now he’s quit because of that doctor and here I am, unable to stop.” I say seriously.

“Well maybe you should quit.” Sehun says slowly. “I mean cigarettes are bad for you too.”

I glance to him, bad for me too huh. I suppose Hyunwoo really wasn’t good for me either, but I really did love him. I mean I still do even after everything, I still do. Now the only way I can really back away is by smoking. “It’d be nice.” I mumble quietly. Though by smoking I also remember more of him. It’s this vicious cycle.

Sehun lets out a long sigh. “Well, if you aren’t going to really commit to it, there isn’t any point.” Sehun says rather bluntly. I don’t say anything in reply as I finish my cigarette. “What was so great about that guy that you started and can’t quit smoking? Henley, he was kind of trash. He’s bad for you, even now that he’s gone.”

“Night.” I say abruptly. I don’t stay to see if he’ll say goodnight, I don’t stick around because I don’t need to explain it, I don’t need to think about it.

I pull on another jacket and grab my wallet and keys on my way to the door, I pull on a pair of shoes and head out. I walk down the hall feeling anxious, it almost feels like I’m out of air. Hyunwoo doesn’t come around anymore. He doesn’t stop by to see me just because, he doesn’t offer me one of his ty cigarettes, he doesn’t stay the night, he doesn’t help me decide what modeling jobs I should take, Hyunwoo moved on to someone else. Hyunwoo left me behind even after all that crap about loving me, about not wanting or needing anyone else. Hyunwoo found a girl to marry, I was just someone to keep him from being bored. I wasn’t good for him. And he isn’t good for me. It’s like Sehun said, he’s bad for me too.

These thoughts only make me agitated, annoyed, sad, but mostly, they just hurt. They sting just like Sehun’s last words had. I mean even I know Hyunwoo was trash, even I know that Hyunwoo was bad for me. Hell, I still know it, but I still want him back. I miss him, he was an addiction too. And I guess this is withdrawals. Painful, agitating, annoying, sort of like an itch that doesn’t quite go away or that small nagging thought in the back of my head telling me I need another cigarette.