It was like being invited to a feast and not being able to partake in the sumptuous food. Being invited to look but not touch.

As pleasant as the recent development in my romantic life had been since that night I confessed to Dongmin, it was a source of extreme frustration as well. We both couldn't have picked the worst time to start a relationship with the members of ASTRO often finding themselves pushed and pulled into different directions in a span of a day and me being unable to do anything but catch glimpses of Dongmin when he passed on the way to who knows where.

There were times when I would wish that all the progress and preparations for their debut would come to a halt just so I could have a few, precious moments with him. But then perspective hits me like a fist in the gut and I remember how hard everyone in the group had worked for this to happen, then guilt sets in. ASTRO was meant for bigger things and new relationship or not, Dongmin had more pressing commitments to deal with than me.

It offered little comfort; those limpid, flirtatious looks he somehow manages to discreetly send my way when I already had an inkling of the pleasures his mouth had to offer. I had to have more.

Another taste.

Another sip. 

But if I was going to have any time alone at all with Dongmin, it would take luck and a whole lot of ingenuity on my part. The opportunity came when another meeting was called to discuss show appearances. Although the group received many offers to be in tv shows, the proposals had to be evaluated according to how much the exposure in these programs would benefit the overall image of the band. It was the first time in a while since Dongmin and I were in the same room long enough for me to really be able to look at him. Out of the corner of my eye, I would see him gaze back at me, not long enough to attract any suspicious attention on himself but enough to tell me that he was missing me too.

I could barely contain myself when the CEO finally told us we could go. I walked out of the meeting room quickly, not bothering to wait for the rest of the attendees to file out. What I had in mind had to be carefully timed and in order to do that I had to be the first one out the door and in position by the time all the ASTRO members made their way to the elevators. Walking briskly and tucking myself into the narrow, inconspicuous niche that led to stairwells, I waited. Dongmin had a habit of always being the last to leave, lingering near the conference room doors so he could bow to people politely as they left. The company honchos certainly enjoyed having a charming, well-mannered trainee kowtow to them as they walked out.

I watched Jinjin and MJ pass, elbowing each other. Their managers scuttled by, along with Sanha and Rocky who appeared to be immersed in a discussion only the two of them could understand. And then the trainers and the company higher-ups strode past engrossed in either the papers in their hands or whatever the person beside them was saying. Dongmin finally came into view, walking in slow, measured steps with his eyes cast down.

I reached out, taking hold of his right bicep with a fierceness that surprised him. He gasped, struggling immediately in reaction to being pulled away. I lifted a finger up to my lips cautioning him to be silent when our eyes met. I cocked my head towards the metal door behind me that led to the stairs. He nodded to tell me that he understood. Trying to make as little noise as possible, I pushed against the door until it opened outward and I was able to slip past. I peered up then down the stairwell to make sure that we were really alone before I waved him through.

Once the door closed behind him, I released the moan I had been trying my best to repress for the past two hours. Having him sit across from me in that meeting looking so edible, clouded my concentration during the entire proceedings. I kept my hands under the desk, clenching my fingers tightly when my body reacted predictably to just having him near.

And now that I was finally alone with him, I allowed myself free reign to touch; cupping at the side of Dongmin's head until my thumb was caressing his chin and the other four fingers were grazing his neck.

"Hi, mine."

At the sound of the word, his skin flushed, cheeks burning at the endearment. I had this insane urge to check if the blush spread to other parts of his body as well - the parts I couldn't see but would very much enjoy discovering.

"Hi, boyfriend." He whispered back shyly. But there was a coy, mischievous sparkle in his eyes that lured me in, pushing him to lean against the metal door.

I really only wanted to feel his lips. Inching my thumb forward, I traced the line around the plumpness watching his eyes close at the sensation. But damned if the boy had other ideas. He mewled, a small gap appearing between his teeth as he released the sound. If I moved my thumb a bit further...

As if sensing my hesitation, Dongmin's head dipped down to draw my thumb within the moist warmth of his mouth. My breath stuttered then came to a complete stop when tongue lapped at the pad of my finger and his lips formed a gentle suction at the joint. I could sense my chest heaving, working to pull in oxygen into my lungs while parts of me, hidden behind the layers of clothing, were thickening, hardening almost to the point of pain. It nearly undid all of my self-control when he whimpered, his throat bobbing to take the taste of me inside him. It was too much and not enough all at once. A taunt that promised darker, more sensual treats in the future.

So the boy wanted to play at being a tease, does he?

I withdrew the digit he was on, relishing the disappointment that crossed that pretty face. "Hyung."

"Sssshhh. I know what you want."

I first sipped at the dipped hollow above his upper lip, at the peaks with the tip of my tongue. I placed both my hands on his face, using my thumbs to draw circles over his jaw. Dongmin's mouth opened, in expectation that I would claim that part of him next.

But I had other ideas.

I held him by the shoulders, nuzzling down to the tender skin between his shoulder and neck. The boy smelled unnaturally good to me and the milky skin along the column of his neck was begging to be sampled. I nipped at him. Softly at first, then sank my teeth into the softness of his throat, rolling the pale flesh between my bite. Dongmin flinched then gasped, muscles spasming at the unexpected sensations. His hands clutched at my back, fingers curling into dull claws while I nibbled at random spots. Diligently finding those particular areas that were , I heard him beg for more; small mewls of pleasure that turned in throaty whispers of "Please. Please. Please."

He rocked forward, canting his hip so that it rubbed deliciously against my crotch. Wanting more of the same contact, I pressed forward until our torsos were touching, pushing my leg in between the V formed by his thighs. Taking a breath, I stared at the image Dongmin presented to me as he panted in my arms skin hot and flushed. Those lush lips were a siren's call and having savored his surrender moments before, I was going to surrender to mine.

I bent down to finally draw a kiss from his lips, flicking my tongue at the edges until he opened up to my exploration. Everything that was both a blessing and a sin was contained within Dongmin's mouth - a flavor that could save a man's soul or condemn him to a life of constant thirst for want of another sip of his sweetness. I moved slowly over his mouth, taking and returning the very same pleasure he was giving me until the need to breathe finally overtook our need for each other.

"Gods, I missed you." My voice was unsteady, immediately regretting having to relinquish the kiss we shared just to say the words.

Dongmin nodded, his breathing still labored even as his fingers flitted lightly on the side of my face. "I know. I'm sorry. We've been so busy and things are moving so fast. I wanted so much to-"

I shook my head. "No, don't apologize. None of this is your fault. I'm happy that things are going well for the group. I just wish we could have more time together."

"Me too."

A sudden idea occurred to me. Luck seemed to be on my side today having managed to steal this moment with him. Why not push it further? "What does your schedule look like tonight?"

Dongmin went quiet, head cocked to the side as he did a mental check on what else was happening for them today. "We just have to film something till 9pm and then we were promised an early night off. MJ-hyung has exams tomorrow."

"Do you think you can get away for a few hours?"

"Yeah, I think so. I can say I need to go to the library or somewhere else to study. Why?"

"We're going on our first date."

"A date? Where?" He gave me a radiant smile so full of hope my stomach lurched at the sight.

There was no way I would be able to forgive myself if I messed this up.

Everything had to be perfect.

I nodded. "Yes. You won't have to go far though. How about 10pm on the roof?"

"Here? But I was hoping we could -"

The radiance receded, replaced by disbelief tinged with sadness. I had a fairly good idea why he was disappointed. I was his first real relationship and he wanted something that could at least be construed as normal couple stuff - go out to see a movie, eat a dinner, maybe even the arcade or the amusement park. But sadly, our circumstances weren't normal. In a society that still resisted accepting the idea of two men being together, hiding was a painful but necessary precaution. And at this point in his life, he had so much more than I to lose.

"Stop that." I chided him. "I know what you're thinking. But I also know you know why."

That night we both decided to see each other exclusively, we also had a discussion about the limitations we would have to impose on ourselves - the adjustments we would have to make in order to keep what we have together without fear or interference. He told me he understood, but then understanding was still a long way off from accepting.

"Of course."

I at his face, trying to ease the sudden tension there. "No one would think to look for us here. The roof won't even look the same by the time you see it tonight. Promise."

"Okay." He wasn't completely pacified, but at least there was a ghost of a smile already starting to make his mouth turn up at the sides.

I gave him one last peck on the lips before I pulled the stairwell door open. "You should go before the others seriously start wondering where you are. Take the elevators. I'll take the stairs. Be careful, okay?"

"Yes."

"I'll see you again soon..."

I kept my eyes trained on his back until he disappeared into the elevators with a wave in my direction. As I made my way down the steps, I was already plotting how I could make tonight unforgettable.

**********************************************

Finding time to actually buy the things I needed and lugging my new purchases on to the roof top of the agency building was not an easy feat. Although most of my students were absent from training these days being in the middle of midterm exam preparations, some of them still showed up leaving me with very little time in between training sessions to go out and buy stuff. The E-mart three streets over from Fantagio was a god-send; well-stocked in the bits and pieces I would need for tonight. Two trips and three well-placed excuses for being late in class and I had most of the materials I needed.

By 8 pm, the trickle of students came mercifully to a stop and I was finally able to get to work on my surprise for Dongmin. After retrieving the styropor ice chest filled with food and drinks I had in the car, I took the elevator to the last floor of the building and then ascended the steep metal staircase that led to the roof.

Fantagio's rooftop garden was one of many artificially-made oases in the middle of the Yeoksam business district; the installations often thought to be trendy rather than environmentally friendly. The flora was made up mostly of shrubs with delicate branches that grew up to be as tall as an average human; some flowering, but mostly leafy. Other hardy species of perrennials were well-placed in concrete planters along the rooftop borders. The plants had an aesthetic as well as protective function - giving the area the look of a park but with plants strategically placed to block curious observers from the surrounding buildings.

There was an island at the center, also planted liberally with bushes, but beyond that, facing the direction of the main street, was an outdoor swing made of weathered hardwood with a wooden awning to keep the occupant away from direct sunlight. I went about setting up a thick blanket on the cobblestone walkway in front of the swing. The night air was cool, hardly any breeze. Perfect for the lighting I had in mind. I took out the packets of tealight candles I got at the department store; small, aromatic ones that smelled of mint and vanilla when lighted and began placing them around the blanket.

Next came the pillows. I claim no expertise in design so my game plan at E-mart that afternoon had been to grab the comfiest pillows I could find in different colors. Thankfully, they came vacuum-packed or I would have had a hard time explaining them when I passed through the agency lobby. Removing my shoes, I stepped onto the blanket and placed them around liberally where they would be out of the way but still easily reachable when needed.

The food came next. Inside the ice chest were containers of food; rich and indulgent - the kind the ASTRO members were not allowed to consume because of diet restrictions. There was a cafe within E-mart that sold authentic meatball pastas and really scrumptious looking chicken parmigiana with lots of melted cheese. I got two servings of each, packed prettily in paper boxes with clear covers. There was dessert, of course - two slices of blueberry cheesecake. I laid them out on the center of the blanket and then stepped back on to the cobblestones to light the candles.

Checking on the hands of my watch as they ticked nearer to 10pm, my ears perked up when I heard a rustling noise and then the groan of the roof door being opened. I brushed at my clothes then ran a hand through my hair, hoping that I looked presentable enough to the new arrival.

"Hyung?"

"Over here."

There was a tremor in my voice that I didn't like. I was thirty-one years old for crying out loud! I should think that by now I would be immune to the very same nerves that plagued teenagers on their first date. But that was exactly how it felt, the first of something - the beginning of something so monumental it would change two lives forever.

When Dongmin came into view, I very nearly swallowed my own tongue. The boy's innocent prettiness was transformed and it its place was this vision dressed in a red scoop-neck shirt that showed off his delicate collarbones and the top of his chest; his long legs encased in tight-fighting blue jeans artfully faded and ripped to show delicious winks of pale skin. It was a wonder he managed it out of the dorm and back into the agency in one piece without being accosted for looking so downright delectable it hurt. Even I couldn't stop craving the feel of those long legs draped over my shoulders that other parts of my anatomy were also reacting in a painfully inappropriate manner.

"Hi again, boyfriend." Dongmin was biting at his lower lip, that innate bashfulness rearing its head even when he's trying to be coy.

"Hi yourself." I stepped forward, reaching out to take his hands to pull him forward until we were standing chest to chest, the length of our bodies touching until barely an inch was between us. My fingers rested on the curve of his waist. "Did you get away easy enough?"

He nodded." MJ actually covered for me. We left pretending to go to the library together."

"So, MJ knows about us?"

"They all do. Well, except for Sanha. Jinjin thought that he may still be too young to understand, but he's planning on having a talk with him soon. Sanha's way too precocious for his own good."

"Are they... okay... you know about... us?" It was both a relief and a cause for anxiety having other people know about us. If I sounded worried, it wasn't because I feared for the impression the other members had of me for choosing to be with someone so much younger. I was thinking more about him. Finding acceptance within ASTRO was hard enough and then we happened without really thinking too much of the consequences.

"You're doing that thing when you think too much and your eyebrows come together." Dongmin chuckled, kissing at the spot just below my forehead. "They're fine with it. I wouldn't even be here if they weren't. You know how protective they get."

"Good." Tilting my head to the side, I placed a kiss on his lips brushing my tongue against the dimpled flesh until he sighed and leaned into my embrace. I felt his fingers rise to skim at my rib cage even as I gently probed the inside of his mouth with my tongue, finding the dip of his teeth. I pressed in further, deepening the kiss we shared as I reached up to cradle his head in one hand while my other one found a way inside his shirt, at the small of his back and along the line of his spine.

I was very surprised when it was Dongmin who pulled away first, giving me a playful smirk as I pouted my disappointment. He turned slightly, still clutched within the curve of my arms. His eyes widened in awe; a burst of warm sunshine in his pleased smile as he surveyed the simple picnic affair I prepared for us.

"You did all this? For me?"

I shrugged. "Yes? I'm sorry. I promised you a different rooftop but I was so pressed for time, I couldn't get everything I -"

"This is perfect." He declared. "Nobody has ever done something like this for me. Did you also get food?" He peeked at the containers in the middle of the blanket.

I nodded. "Of course. But I kind of want to snack on something else." I growled playfully, nibbling along the line of his jaw as I made my way up to gnaw at the tip of his earlobe. Dongmin giggled, twisting in my arms screeching that he was ticklish. I had to stop when the moment was interrupted by a grumbling stomach. "Was that you?"

He looked sheepish. "We didn't have time for dinner today."

The members of ASTRO were beginning to learn that one of the hazards of being an idol was the irregular feeding hours, if there were any that their schedules would allow at all. The times when they weren't being carted off to another interview or appearance, they would have to forage for food. Often times the sustenance would come in the form of something instant or ordered in, consumed while standing up or crouched over work, with gulps of water taken in between bites. Hardly what you would call healthy, but that was part of what their world was going to be.

"Why didn't you say so?" I led him onto the blanket where we sat with our legs crossed. I began to pass him the food. "I hope you like pasta? There's chicken too. And cake. And..." I peered into the open cooler bringing out a six pack of soda. "What?" Confused at the frown on his face. I was starting to doubt my ability to live up to the role of being a good boyfriend when this was the second sign of displeasure I've seen from him today.

"Don't you think wine would have been more... suitable?"

I had thought about it while I was shopping - going the whole nine yards and splurging on some really expensive wine made in some French province I couldn't even pronounce. But I was worried about the impression I was going to make - the adult with nefarious plans to get a teenager drunk and unconscious. Looking at the beautiful male seated next to me, a curious mix of child and adult trapped in one irresistible package, I sensed the same sort of longing I had at his age to plunge headlong into maturity. To experience and enjoy the things that were once forbidden.

Instead of replying directly to his question, I took one of the soda cans and fiddled with the tab until I heard that familiar carbonated hiss. "Don't rush too fast into being an adult, Dongmin." I told him, placing the soda in his hands. "It's not all its cracked up to be."

He seemed to consider my words while taking a sip of the drink."Hyung, it was just a thought."

Funny how the young ones always forget they're always being watched. I have known him for months. Dreamed and fantasized about him for the same amount of time. Observed him. Honed his skills. Learned of his strengths and weaknesses. Peeked into some of his hopes and dreams. And none of what Lee Dongmin says is just a thought. But I decided to let it go and content myself with watching him dig into his food with relish.

At some point during the night, eating turned into feeding. I couldn't even tell you what the food tasted like when much of it was flavored by small bites I took right off Dongmin's mouth. Perhaps, I vaguely remembered the chicken having shared cheesy nibbles of it passed from his lips onto my tongue. There were probably times when I also moaned while I stared unabashedly at the way his lips moved, feeling jealous of every piece of food that passed through their succulence.

"Stop staring at me," He murmured, arching an eyebrow.

I shrugged, taking a long swig of my soda. My throat was parched for something else just inches away from me. "It hadn't occurred to me to look anywhere else."

He was just starting on his cake when he glared adorably in my direction. "I can't eat. You're distracting me."

I smirked, enjoying that brilliant flush of red dusting his cheeks that was visible even by flickering candlelight. Standing up, I started propping pillows against one arm of the swing behind me. I settled down on the seat, stretching my left leg along the length of the wooden plank while the right was bent at the knee still touching the floor. "Why don't you sit here then?" I nodded to the space between my legs. "That way I can look at you all I want and you don't have to be distracted by it."

He looked like he was about to balk at my suggestion, titling his head to the side as he stared. I suffered his inspection, striking an invitingly seductive pose that made his eyes turn into slits as he let out a laugh. Ambling on to his feet with the grace of an unfurling cat, Dongmin made his way on to the bench. He sat down, one