"Dealing with a sullen teenager was one thing. Dealing with a sullen teenager I had feelings for was an entirely different ball game.

Dongmin or Eunwoo, as he was insisting to be called these days, continued to be respectful and hard-working. He showed up on time for his classes; has not missed any of our dance practice schedules unless he had go-sees which the company had recently started to put him up to; has not complained nor spoken out of turn whenever criticized or called out.

He was still, by all means and accounts, the perfect trainee. 

But after the episode at Haze, he underwent a setback – a change that only those who regularly see him would notice. He returned to his old habit of listening passively rather than contributing to the discussion - allowing others to decide in his stead.  Even in the company of his band members, he would sit quietly in his corner while the others went on talking, mind seemingly in a different place. His face, although still incredibly beautiful, was frozen in a mask of porcelain apathy. It was as if he was watching the events in his life unfold quickly with detached and glazed eyes, unfeeling and uncaring.

And with each day that passed; as his skill in performing grew, mastering the complicated steps along with conquering the range limitations of his vocals; the warmth behind Dongmin’s smiles waned until it became altogether frigid.

It pained me to know that I had caused the drastic change - that I had hurt his already fragile ego by my words and actions that night. It brought me little comfort knowing that it really was the right thing to do. There was just no way I could allow the insanity of my feelings for him blind me from the fact that he is supposed to be under my care and therefore completely off-limits. Never mind that he felt the same way.

It just wasn’t meant to be.

So I honored the words he had spoken to me that night. I began to refer to him as Eunwoo – not just a stage moniker but also a clear demarcation of the boundaries of our relationship. I was no longer a friend and mentor; merely a teacher and a despised one at that.

An unspoken agreement had passed between us. We didn’t interact with each other outside of classes. We didn’t communicate unless the situation absolutely called for it. We didn’t even look at each other because in the times I did manage to glance at him his eyes would cloud over and his jaw would clench with hostility. 

Things have gotten so uncomfortable between us that it came as a welcome respite not having the group on my schedule on some days because they had to be in recording. It was during those days when I allowed myself to mourn the loss of the closeness we once had, even if I already came to terms with it being a necessary sacrifice.

I cherished the first half-hour or so of solitude before the start of my dance classes in the afternoon. Those minutes were usually spent tweaking new choreography, listening to new songs or catching up on the progress notes of the other trainees in my care.

Pleased that I had managed to build a good working relationship with the staff and of the perceived progress I had made with Dongmin’s performance, CEO Na had decided that I was to be given regular dance class schedules with the younger company talents and with it a regular paycheck and benefits. I attacked my new duties with fervor, anything to take my mind off Dongmin and what could have been.

I was already into my third progress note of the afternoon when to my surprise, Jinjin came in to the studio, looking disheveled and sleep-worn, in a sleeveless shirt that had seen better days.

 “Hyung?” He stood in front of me hands shoved inside his jean pockets.

I didn’t bother to hide my look of confusion. I knew ASTRO had no schedule with me for the day, their handlers opting to have them in the recording studio for some final tweaks on the album. Could they have finished early?

 “Jinjin? Done with recording?”

He shrugged. “Actually, no. But I found a reason to get away. Can we talk?”

Well, this was certainly new. Jinwoo had never been one to want to speak with me privately. “About what?” I nodded to the spare chair across from mine.

I watched as he dragged the chair to a space beside me before sitting down and taking off the cap from his head.  “I think you know about what.”

And so it seems the tension between Dongmin and I had already spilled over to concern the rest of the group; so much so that ASTRO’s group leader already felt the need to address me personally.

I bit my lip. “So what about Eunwoo?”

He sighed. “I’m not really sure what recently happened between the two of you, but whatever it is, it needs to be fixed and soon. The sooner he deals with his other involving you, the sooner he can wrap his head around the idea of our debut.”

I shook my head, palms held up. “I don’t know what to tell you, Jinjin.”

“Then, may I speak plainly?”

“It’s not like you to hold yourself back. So, tell me.”

“I know there’s something going on between you and Dongmin.” He held up a hand when I tried to protest. “I’ve suspected as much when I saw you together that one time.”

I averted my eyes. “There’s nothing going on, Jinjin.”

“But that’s not really true now is it? Not for you, not for Dongmin.”

“We haven’t done anything that – “

“Oh, I know you haven’t. The question is why not?”

“I’m sorry?” I must have slipped into some kind of alternate universe because Jinjin was asking me something that did not make any rational sense.

“You are attracted to Dongmin, aren’t you?” He pried, leaning over his chair to peer at my face closely.

Unable to stand his scrutiny, I stood up and began to pace. The conversation was making me antsy. Just what was he trying to get at? Was this some kind of ploy to make me admit that I had feelings for a trainee much younger than me? Was he trying to get me fired? I watched him, narrowing my eyes into slits as I tried to figure out what he wanted from me.

“Of course, you are. You either have to be a fool or blind not to.” He leaned back to cross his arms over his chest, his eyes rolling deftly from side to side following my every move. “And it seems, Dongmin feels the same way.”

I stopped moving barely able to breathe at his words. “Jinjin, if you think that I will ever try to do something that will harm Eunwoo or the group in any way, you are –“

“Calm down, hyung. It’s not what I think at all.” He patted the chair beside him. “Please sit. I feel so much shorter with you standing up.” He added with a chuckle.

Wow, he was actually cracking a self-deprecating joke. Another first. I settled back into my chair waiting for him to continue.  

“Eunwoo… Dongmin…he … Well, he has always been different. None of us were ever really clear about his circumstances. He’s not one to talk about himself. But you could tell something else was going on underneath that pretty exterior.  He was always so detached… cold even. He kept himself emotionally isolated from us, and to be frank with you, we stopped trying to reach him after a while.” He paused, chewing at the corner of his lower lip as he gathered his thoughts into coherency. “But when you came, he changed. It was like a switch came on inside of him. I’ve never seen him so alive… and it was beautiful.”

I gazed down upon my hands, clenching my fingers into fists. I wanted to tell Jinjin that Dongmin did the same thing for me – that whatever was dead inside of me the two years I was gone from Korea came alive the moment I laid eyes on him.

“We’ve always suspected that Dongmin had different preferences.“ Jinwoo struggled with the word, trying to come up with a term that was neutral but would still get his point across. “Maybe that’s why he chose to close himself off to us, thinking we wouldn’t understand or we’d hate him for it. But what we hate is that he makes himself so inaccessible to us. We don’t really care about that. We just wanted him.”

Then he took a different tact, in a tone that reminded me too much of CEO Na the first time I spoke with him. “And let’s face it; we need Dongmin for ASTRO to succeed. We’re made up of really talented people but in order for the rest of us to be noticed, Dongmin has to play the bait. I hate sounding like a bastard about this, but that’s just how it is. We’ve all accepted that, if only he would.”

I frowned, feeling my eyebrows draw together in consternation. It was crass to refer to a person as bait, especially someone who’s a member of the same team. But what Jinjin said was the truth. I knew as much with my own company toying with the idea of making me a group visual when I was still a trainee too.

“I don’t know what you want me to do.” It was another truth. I placed my head in my hands, pressing against my temple to silence the confusion in my head.

“Dongmin wants you. You want him. I don’t think it’s that hard to figure out what to do, hyung.”

“But I can’t. You know, I can’t.”

“Again, why not? If you’re going to argue that it’s because you’re older or because you’re a teacher, don’t. The rule only applies if the trainee is a minor. Dongmin is an adult now.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It’s not that complicated either. It’s pretty obvious that both of you like each other and denying it has been hell so just do something about it already!”

I threw my hands up in exasperation. “It’s not just about the age. It’s – “

The difference in our ages was cosmetic. What scared me was that I was going to be bringing another person into a lifestyle that was taboo in a society that still had very conservative views about relationships. My own parents had no idea of my proclivities and Dongmin was just far too young to have to deal with the negative consequences of being with another man.

“He would have to live a lie to be with me.” I muttered sadly. “I don’t want to do that to him.”  

Jinwoo sighed, “We all have to live a lie. It’s the part of the job description that isn’t clearly defined but it’s there. With you at least, Dongmin would have someone. And he needs that right now, even if he has to lie to keep it.”

“Why are you telling me this, Jinjin?”

“I’m a hopeless romantic? And I happen to think attraction…love shouldn’t have to be limited to what any society thinks is appropriate?” He took out his smartphone from his pockets to check the time. “Think about what I said, okay hyung? I have to go back to the studio before our vocal coach sends out a search party. I don’t really relish having to explain how I had to give love advice to someone aeons older than I am.”

“Hey!” I struck at him with a swipe at his leg with my extended foot, but the slippery bastard managed to dodge my blow even sticking his tongue out.

A light knocking on the glass doors and the s