ghost

doyeon didn’t like standing in doorways. why? because people would walk through them. because people would just walk through her.

t/w - death

-

“it would always beat really fast.”

-

doyeon fell in love with yoojung the moment she laid her eyes on her.

“you gotta give it up, doyeon.” her friend said. doyeon sat on an empty seat in the bus, a couple rows behind yoojung. “she can’t see you.”

“but i can see her.” doyeon replied numbly. she could see yoojung’s lips curving up as she stared outside the window. she was smiling at the sunset - doyeon knew that yoojung loved the sky. yoojung liked seeing the different colors - from bright orange to pale pink - though she particularly liked the orange.

a small smile appeared on doyeon’s face. “that’s all that matters, really.”

“how long will you keep on doing this, doyeon?” her friend asked sadly. “this is just a continuous cycle. you’re only hurting yourself by doing this.” it was true. this was not the first mortal doyeon fell in love with. she couldn’t help it - she was a hopeless romantic at heart. it ran in her blood. well - it used to - you know, when her blood still ran.

every person she loved she watched die. she tried to find them in the afterlife but it was impossible. she could never find any of them despite the world being filled with ghosts all around.

“have you gone into her bedroom yet, doyeon?” her friend questioned. doyeon shook her head. she refused to go into yoojung’s bedroom. doyeon knew the meaning of privacy, and she wouldn’t invade yoojung’s privacy - ghost or not. besides, it was like part of the code of being a ghost. don’t get too invasive - you had your life already so let others live theirs.

her friend nodded. “alright. you don’t plan to, right?”

“no. of course not.” doyeon replied. doyeon would only see yoojung in public. it wasn’t hard to find her, either. the town was small. doyeon lived in it when she was still alive. in fact, she had gone to the same high school yoojung currently attended.

doyeon had died in a hit and run. it was years ago though and she was over it. they had found the culprit and he died a miserable life in jail.

now, doyeon was a ghost among millions, roaming the earth with no real purpose.

but... maybe doyeon’s purpose was just to continuously fall in love with humans who don’t even know she exists. that seemed like a decent enough purpose… right?

it was another day in the life/death of kim doyeon. she watched the sun rise as she stood just outside the bus station. it was winter so yoojung would most likely come in a big jacket with a beanie on. the mental image made doyeon smile.

being dead meant she didn’t experience the cold/heat, which was great considering her fashion sense consisted of shorts and crop tops. she could wear the same thing everyday without being judged. except by other ghosts… but doyeon didn’t really care about the others.

her mind ran blankly as living people walked by her - some went straight through her. it gave doyeon a slight tingly sensation whenever that happened but it had happened so much that she didn’t mind anymore.

when the bus finally came, doyeon looked around for yoojung because this was the bus she usually got on. her eyebrows furrowed. where was she?

doyeon moved to look at the line of people getting on the bus and she tried to find the girl but-

“sorry!” a voice called out as a body collided with hers.

wait -

what?

doyeon’s eyes widened, turning her head to look down at the girl in front of her.

“sorry!” yoojung said again, bowing to doyeon.

doyeon looked around. was she talking to her?

“i slipped on some ice just then and i was in a rush and-” yoojung stopped talking when she saw the look doyeon was giving her. “sorry.” she muttered, moving past the tall girl.

if doyeon still had a heartbeat, her heart would be hammering against her ribcage.

yoojung could see her?

doyeon stepped on the bus after yoojung and watched the girl take a seat. she bit her lip and decided to test her luck as she plopped down right next to yoojung. the shorter girl glanced at her before looking away. doyeon fidgeted and mustered up the courage to talk. “it’s okay.” she said to yoojung, who looked at her confusedly. “that you bumped into me.” doyeon cleared up.

yoojung nodded, eyes struggling to maintain contact with doyeon’s.

“but… are you okay? did you hurt anything?”

doyeon saw the girl’s eyes flicker down towards her ankle before she spoke. “it’s okay… nothing that won’t heal overnight.”

doyeon wanted to squeal. she was talking to a living person - and this person was the person she had been infatuated with for months!

yoojung gave a quick glance to doyeon, cheeks pink. “aren’t you cold?”

doyeon shook her head. “no.”

“yoojung, who are you talking to?” a friend of yoojung’s said as she boarded the bus. yoojung pointed to doyeon, who panicked. the friend sat straight down onto the seat doyeon was occupying. yoojung’s eyes widened and doyeon cursed under her breath, getting off of the seat.

“yoojung? are you okay?” the friend asked. “you look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

yoojung’s jaw dropped because she literally just saw a ghost. doyeon let out a deep breath and turned her head to look out the window. there goes her chance of ever trying to interact with yoojung again. the girl was probably terrified of her.

when the bus reached their school’s street, doyeon saw yoojung staring at her. doyeon didn’t look over, knowing she should probably get over this mortal love quicker than the others to avoid even more pain.

but yoojung was different.

when doyeon looked over to the seat she was sat in, she noticed a small note placed there. she read it with curious eyes.

meet me at the bus stop later. i have questions.

-

“you’re dead, aren’t you?” yoojung asked the girl once they were away from the others at the bus stop, not wanting to seem for talking to herself. doyeon nodded, feeling nervous for some reason.

“then why can i see you?” yoojung questioned irritatedly, as if this were doyeon’s fault. the ghost widened her eyes.

“i don’t know.” she replied, shaking her head. “i’m wondering the same thing.”

“so, i can see ghosts?” yoojung stopped walking to look up at doyeon, holding the straps of her backpack with both hands. doyeon found the girl irresistibly adorable. “wouldn’t this earth be completely clustered, if that’s the case? i mean… there are a lot of dead people, right?”

doyeon hummed. “most ghosts don’t like to spend eternity on earth. they choose heaven. more space.”

“and hell?”

“they don’t have an option.” doyeon shrugged.

“why’d you choose earth when you could go to heaven, then?”

“i miss being alive.” doyeon murmured. yoojung frowned in sympathy.

“if you don’t mind me asking, how long ago did you die?”

“a few hundred years ago, i think.” doyeon answered. “i lost track to be honest.”

yoojung’s mouth opened in shock. doyeon scowled. “i’m not that old, okay? i was sixteen when i died and i’ll be sixteen forever.”

“forever?” yoojung asked with raised eyebrows.

“yep.”

“when’s your birthday?”

“december fourth.”

“i’m older.” was all yoojung said before she her heel and continued to walk home. doyeon followed instinctively, a smile on her face. she had never followed yoojung further than the bus stop. it was the first time she would find out where yoojung lived.

“how is it?” yoojung broke the comfortable silence.

“hmm?”

“how’s being dead?”

“that’s a pleasant question.” doyeon laughed a little as she said this, causing yoojung to look away embarrassedly. before the girl could turn too red, doyeon continued to speak. “it’s not bad.”

yoojung looked over. “it’s not?”

doyeon narrowed her eyes. “don’t get any ideas.” she commanded. “it’s not bad but i’d prefer living.”

“make me a pro and con list.”

“do you want to die?” doyeon asked worriedly. “please don’t.”

“relax. i plan on continuing to live. i’m just curious.” yoojung kicked a pebble on the sidewalk.

doyeon sighed. “fine. the good thing about being a ghost is you don’t feel too cold or too hot and you don’t get sick. also you can’t die.” yoojung giggled at the last one, making doyeon’s nonexistent heartbeat pick up. “everything else is bad, really. nobody can hear you, nobody can talk to you… everything’s just lonely.”

yoojung took hold of doyeon’s hand, surprising the ghost. to make it seem less awkward, yoojung stuffed both of their hands into her sweater pocket so the passerbyers wouldn’t think she was totally off the rails.

doyeon, who hadn’t felt any physical interaction in hundreds of years, was surprised.

“i’m sorry that you died so young.” yoojung squeezed doyeon’s hand as she spoke under her breath.

“i’m sorry you didn’t get to live your life properly.”

if doyeon could cry, she would.

-

“wait! stand still!” yoojung giggled as she tugged doyeon into the center of her bedroom before letting go of her hand. “i want to see if i can pass through you.”

“what? why?” doyeon asked incredulously.

“because it’s cool!” yoojung replied. she started walking towards doyeon but ended up colliding with her. the shorter girl bounced back angrily. “no fair. how come others can do it but i can’t?”

doyeon pulled her into a hug. “be glad you can touch me.” she grumbled, ruffling yoojung’s hair.

-

“i can’t believe you did that!” yoojung hissed. doyeon sat on the edge of the girl’s bed like a puppy being scolded by its owner. “you could’ve really hurt someone!”

“all i did was knock his chair over.” doyeon mumbled. “it wasn’t that bad.”

“why did you do that, though?” yoojung asked, still heated. “he was just being friendly with me.”

doyeon didn’t admit that she was jealous. she just shrugged, playing it cool. yoojung sat down next to doyeon with a huff, hand reaching up to punch doyeon’s shoulder but passing right through it.

the two girls froze and looked at each other.

yoojung tried it again but failed, fist successfully punching doyeon’s shoulder.

“ow.” doyeon said monotonously because it didn’t hurt at all.

that was when they learned that yoojung wouldn’t be able to touch doyeon when she wasn’t thinking of doyeon in good terms.

-

it wasn’t until the start of yoojung’s last year of high school that doyeon started to realize she shouldn’t keep the thing they had going on.

doyeon was sitting on yoojung’s bed with the other girl. the shorter girl was telling a story about another cute transfer student when doyeon interrupted.

“i think we should stop talking to each other.”

yoojung looked at the girl, confusion in her eyes. “what? why?”

“it’s not…” doyeon trailed off. “i just think we should stop.”

“weren’t you the one who said you missed interacting with humans?” yoojung voiced out, getting aggravated.

doyeon sighed. “yoojung, seriously.”

“i am being serious.” yoojung replied.

“you’re going to go to college soon. please just focus on that.” doyeon kept her voice steady as she stared at yoojung, whose eyes were beginning to tear up.

“you said you’d stay with me until i pass.”

doyeon looked away, remembering the promise she had made to the girl a year ago.

“you lied.” yoojung whispered.

“how do you think i feel about this?” doyeon’s eyes snapped up as she reached her breaking point. “i don’t like seeing you get older, yoojung! i don’t like not being able to grow up with you!” she exclaimed, eyes turning glossy which wasn’t something that had happened ever in her years of being a ghost. i’m nothing compared to your other friends who are graduating with you. i’m literally nothing!

yoojung turned silent at the outburst, lower lip quivering. doyeon sniffled.

“i care more about you than the others i’ve watched over because i can interact with you.” doyeon whispered. “i don’t want to watch you die, yoojung.”

the ghost reached out to place hand on yoojung’s knee, only to have her hand fall through the girl’s body.

doyeon stared at yoojung, a hurt expression on her face.

“leave, then.” yoojung spoke harshly. “leave, kim doyeon.”

-

the next time they met was when yoojung graduated. doyeon was standing at the bus station, watching people enter and exit the bus. she hadn’t noticed yoojung until the girl passed right by her - right through her, actually.

doyeon hadn’t felt physical pain in years until that encounter.

she stared at the back of yoojung’s figure with teary eyes, teeth biting onto her lower lip.

yoojung purposefully did that.

-

“i’m sorry.” doyeon’s friend placed a hand over doyeon’s shoulder. doyeon looked away.

“you were right. i should’ve listened to you while i could.”

“it was good while it lasted, wasn’t it?”

“yeah.” doyeon nodded with a sad smile on her face.

“what was it like?” her friend asked, watching doyeon curiously.

doyeon looked down at her lap. “i could feel her heartbeat whenever we hugged.”

“was it nice?”

doyeon nodded.