Regrets.

He never told; he never knew.

Jungkook had always pondered on the definition of love.

Of course he was aware that it made one feel happy, sad, excited, miserable, angry, – a wave of mixed emotions. The years spent in school and constantly being surrounded by couples had taught him that much at least.                       

Yet the notion of loving someone flawed ardently without expecting reciprocation, offering everything to the point of losing discernment was incomprehensible to him. Love seemed very much like an act that only led to grave repercussions.

Maybe that was the reason why he’d always brush Jimin’s obvious feelings off with a laugh or joke; disregarded it as an unnecessary baggage and commitment he’d rather not make until he was older and ready.

But truth was, he just didn’t understand.

To love like a complete fool, to love like Jimin does - Jungkook doesn’t know how to.

The loathsome four-lettered word only made Jungkook flustered without end, but it didn’t seem to bother Jimin who so eagerly expresses love. He thus came to the conclusion that these feelings were not to his liking.

“Jimin sticks to me for some reason,” Jungkook teased in front of the cameras, “It annoys me sometimes.”

Maybe he was too oblivious to the looks of dejection, too ignorant to notice the forged laughter and too inconsiderate in his jokes. Yet the last thing he intended was to hurt one of the most important people in his life. It was a thought that never crossed his mind at all.

The one who brought joy, who taught him how to appreciate the little wonders, who showed him all the good a simple smile can bring, the greatest gift ever bestowed to his ordinary life – Jimin.

Their first meeting started with Jimin being overly excited in bombarding the shy maknae with series of questions, and Jungkook giving curt and awkward replies. It didn’t seem that he was ever going to open up and share equal affection for the older male.

But against all odds - much to everyone’s surprise and even his own - Jungkook started to unconsciously stare and grin at Jimin whenever the chance surfaced. There was something special about the older male that attracted his attention. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was.

It could be Jimin’s melodious voice, or the way his eyes creased when a wide grin accentuates his beautiful features, or the passion he radiates when dancing. Unfortunately, Jungkook would probably never find the courage to admit it out loud to Jimin, nor would the other members of BTS ever stop teasing if he did.

Jungkook wished he did though.

He yearned for the warmth of their hugs, the little whispers of conversations in the silence of the night, the exchange of glances unnoticed to others, the brief brushing of hands as they walk, the comfort of having lean against one another.

Jungkook wasn’t sure if he loves Jimin. But he did gain comprehension of one matter as he counted the steps Jimin took walking away.

Jungkook finally understood how excruciating and lonely losing someone was.

……….

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Jin’s voice was filled to the brim with worry as he inspected the maknae lying in bed, “You don’t look too well.”

Jungkook struggled finding his voice to reply, “Yeah. It’s just a sore throat.”

“I’ll bring you something to eat as soon as I’m done getting Namjoon to clean the damn toilets.” Jin tucked him in gently, “He’s not going to procrastinate for another month.”

“Good luck, hyung.” Jungkook croaked and grinned slyly, “Tell him I sent my deepest condolences.”

Jin gave him a smile and pat on the head before leaving to search for his captive - Namjoon.

In the absence of other members, Jungkook’s bedroom was as silent as the still night, with only his steady breathing and the ticking of the clock heard. He closed his eyes and let loose a deep sigh, wondering what they were doing to celebrate their day off that occurred once in a blue moon.

More importantly, he wondered what Jimin was doing.

Whenever he was unwell, Jimin would always be the very first people rushing to his side and cared for him; though it seems that the circumstances have changed ever since their last confrontation. He couldn’t help but wonder if the older male had any traces of lingering concern for him at all.

‘Jimin.’

Jungkook felt his lids grew heavier as he gradually drifted off, wishing that at the very least Jimin would smile at him again in his dreams.

……….

“Jungkook,” a soft voice made him stir in his sleep, “Hey, wake up.”

The comfortable bed and glaring lights made it rather difficult for Jungkook to escape from slumber. He peered through closed eyes in attempt to ma