Being the maknae of a world famous idol group came with responsibilities in and of itself. Though Sungyeol would make fun of him for thinking that as the baby of the group he had responsibilities it was true. There was also pressure, to be cute but sassy and to know virtually every single girl group dance and to be a good dongsaeng and to appreciate what he has and Sungjong thinks that maybe the pressure will be to much and he will finally burst.

--

A day off was rare for idols but it was even rarer when the whole group had a day off. No schedules, no managers and no fans and whilst they love the fans and being on variety shows was fun and even their manager hyungs weren’t so bad, it was still nice to be able to do absolutely nothing.

Sungjong realized that he missed his hyungs but not right now because he forgot how overwhelming it was to be in the presence of seven other guys for the whole day. With such busy schedules for all of them (except for Sungjong apparently, no he is not bitter), it was rare for them to be all together in the dorm and whilst the idea of that seems sweet and cute and fun it was decidedly not.

They were in the living room piled around the couch and watching an episode of a drama that Sungjong didn’t particularly care about but Sungyeol insisted was “fan-ing-tastic guys, I mean it.” Watching the two leads awkwardly touch lips, Sungjong decided that Sungyeol was “fan-ing-tastic at picking shows”.

It made him angry how he couldn’t really appreciate everyone together right now, Myungsoo cuddled up around Dongwoo because Dongwoo was the only one who appreciated constant skinship, Sunggyu and Woohyun talking quietly in the corner of the couch, Hoya playing with his iPad disinterestedly. It made him angry because just a week ago this is what he wanted, or so he thought.

What I think, Sungjong stood up from his spot on the couch and walked towards the kitchen, the low light of the lamp by the couch creating shadows as he walked, is that I can’t make up my ing mind. Snorting at the obvious train of thought he didn’t realize that Hoya had also stood up and followed him to the kitchen.

--

Hoya thought that Sungjong was a pretty good actor and if he ever wanted to get into dramas he certainly could because it had taken weeks of careful observation on his part to realize that Sungjong was ed up in the head.

Maybe ed up in the head was too harsh because that implies that Sungjong is crazy which he is not but his thoughts are ed up and it the dark shadow that was gradually creeping across his mind was becoming more prominent and Hoya wasn’t sure how he missed it in the first place.

Sungjong was a good actor but there was a reason why Hoya got so far in life, he had a talent in reading people. Years of being told to shut up and study or shut up period allowed him to observe people and in those observations he was able to see what people were hiding or more importantly what they weren’t hiding.

He believed that what people chose to show others was more telling then what people tried to hide.

Sungjong was one of those people who he clicked instantly with, the kid was sharp, funny, bright and calm. Hoya felt comfortable around him in a way that was different then how he felt with Dongwoo, who was his best friend. Sungjong, he liked to think, also felt comfortable around him. Or he did. Does. Whatever.

Leaning against the counter opposite of Sungjong he stared at him intently, it was dark as neither had bothered to turn on the light but the darkness of the kitchen didn’t hide the darkness in Sungjong’s eyes and wow that was over dramatic.

Raising his eyebrows Hoya coughed slightly, signaling his presence and he saw Sungjong jump a little bit which was odd because that had been happening more and more and Sungjong was never not aware of the situation, setting or person.

“Sungjongie…” Hoya trailed off because he didn’t really know what he wanted to say. There was so much to say but also so little and he was choking on words in the back of his throat because when did Jongie grow up? When did he become so tired?

Sungjong eyed him curiously and nodded, “Yes, hyung?” There was a hollow note in his voice and Hoya thinks that he isn’t the only one suffocating.

Becoming nonchalant because Sungjong didn’t do deep talks all the time and certainly not when he isn’t the one to instigate it, “Nothing I was just wondering how you were doing?” It was an innocent question, one that he would ask any of his band members but with Sungjong, sharp and clever Sungjong you had to be careful because if there was one thing he hated it was letting others see him falling apart.

Hoya thinks they’re close but he isn’t quite sure that he has seen Sungjong fall apart completely.

True to character, or not, Sungjong smiles and nods, “Yeah hyung, I think watching that ty drama made me tired. M’going to sleep.” A yawn escapes his mouth and he sets his glass of water down next to him.

Hoya nods and decides not to push tonight and for the rest of the night he wonders if that was a good choice.

--

Sungjong has always been in control. Even when they were filming Sesame Player and everyone thought he was the pushover maknae, he was in control. When they’re all doing filming for the various variety shows that Korea television programs have and he is “forced” to imitate girl groups and their dancing but no one forces Lee Sungjong to do anything and no one realizes that he is in fact the one to initiate the dancing because he knows it was what the fans would want.

Sungjong is not in control right now, as he cradles a tumbler of something strong with his hat too low to not be suspicious and the mask across his face that is only moved when he downs another drink.

His vision is blurry and he can’t quite feel his fingertips as they fumble the tumbler but he thinks that maybe this was okay, the whole not feeling anything.

“Sungjong-ah, you’re mumbling nonsense” Someone is shaking him and he thinks he sees blonde hair but he’s not quite sure.

Taemin sighs as he looks around the dank and seedy bar that they thought no one would notice them in and yeah it was working because no, no one had approached them yet but if Sungjong kept leaning to far backwards he would fall and then someone would notice them and yes, Taemin could practically smell the scandal. Idol maknaes get trashed at seedy bar, flip to pg. 32 for pictures.

Sungjong blinks up at him through bloodshot eyes and Taemin cringes, “We should probably get you back to your dorm.”

Sungjong blinks again and removes his mask, taking a large gulp of the liquid and then sighing, “I don’t want to go back.” He sounds composed but Taemin knows he is anything but.

“Sunggyu-hyung is probably worried right now.”

Sungjong shrugged his shoulders, “I…I-“ he hiccups, “I honestly c-couldn’t care less”. He is slurring now and Sungjong his frustrated because he doesn’t stutter or slur and just because he is very very drunk right now it does not give his mind permission to stutter or slur and wow who is this blonde guy?

Sungjong blinks again.

Taemin sighs and takes a drink of his water, he is looking at Sungjong but Sungjong doesn’t really seem to be looking at him, “What made you call me for drinks Sungjong-ah?”

Sungjong shrugs again, “M’not sure, I didn’t want to go to the dorm.” He mutters something under his breath but Taemin can’t make it out.

“Why not?”

“Why not what?”

“Why didn’t you want to go back to the dorm?”

Sungjong rolls his neck as he tries to gather his thoughts. After a long couple of minutes of Taemin staring at him and Sungjong fidgeting he finally opens his mouth. Taemin leans forward, anticipating.

“…Cause…”

Taemin never considered murder but right now he thinks that he might be.

“Cause why?” Sungjong leans to far forward this time and his forehead makes contact with the off-colored bar and Taemin cringes in disgust.

Sungjong mumbles something before he clears his throat, “Min-ah, I don’t know anything, ya know?” Taemin doesn’t know but he nods like he does, Sungjong continues, “I thought I knew a lot of things and I…I even thought I was good at somethings but…I don’t know…” Sungjong is speaking to the ground and Taemin is glad because he doesn’t think he can look Sungjong in the eyes right now.

“Everything is…everything is dull and I think that something is wrong with me because…cause I can’t really see anymore colors…where’d they go?” The question is directed towards him and Sungjong is sitting up and his eyes are red and his lips are pale and he notices this because Sungjong forgot to put his mask on and all Taemin can see his pale, sickly features and he thinks there is not enough make up in the world to hide his exhaustion.

Taemin grabs Sungjong by the shoulder and lifts him from his stool. Sungjong is protesting softly, still aware that he is not suppose to be Sungjong but just another sad person in a bar. Taemin is signaling a taxi and while it pulls up he readjusts Sungjong’s mask.

They get in the taxi and Sungjong is leaning on his shoulder, mumbling under his breath about different shades and colors and Taemin thinks that both him and Sungjong are too young for this.

--

It’s cold and wet and he is uncomfortable and all he wants to do is sleep but there is this blonde guy talking loudly in his ear and where was he?

“Where are we?” Sungjong’s words are slurring and his eyes are drooping, “Wait…who are you?” Taemin rolls his eyes as he enters the lobby of INFINITE’s apartment and he presses the button for the elevator at the same time trying to keep his grip on Sungjong’s elbow. The kid looks light and fragile but he is anything but not.

Taemin quickly dispels the thought that Sungjong is carrying something much darker to weigh him down.

“You’re going to sleep.”

Sungjong nods, “Mpajhsafhk”

Taemin snorts as he forces Sungjong in the elevator and then they are shooting up up up and towards the maknae’s dorm.

Taemin isn’t sure what time it is but he doesn’t quite care because he doesn’t have a schedule tomorrow but he isn’t sure if Sungjong does but he knows that he needs to get him to bed now. Knocking lightly on the door he is surprised by how fast the door opens and then he is greeted by a distraught looking Myungsoo.

Myungsoo takes one look at the pile of limbs that Taemin is barely holding up, squawks a little and then rushes to help him drag Sungjong into the dorm. Taemin blinks blearily at the shift in lighting. INFINITE’s dorm is brightly lit up and he sees the time on the microwave from where he is standing at it is 3:34 in the morning.

The rest of the INFINITE members are in various parts of the living room but when they see the maknaes enter the dorm they all shoot up with synchrony that they are known for. Sunggyu shoots up from his position on the couch and makes his way towards Taemin and Sungjong.

Through hard eyes he glances at Sungjong, “He’s drunk.” It’s not a question so he doesn’t answer. To his left Woohyun, Dongwoo and Sungyeol are fussing over Sungjong, making him take his shoes and jacket off, getting him water and sitting him up.

Hoya makes his way towards Taemin and Sungjong and he knows that he wants an explanation. Taemin clears his throat and rubs his eyes.

“He’s drunk?” Hoya echos Sunggyu and this time is sounds like a question. Taemin nods and clears his throat again.

“I should be getting home hyungs.” He bows and he is a little surprised when no one stops him. Making his way down the hall and towards the door he is glad that no one stopped him.

--

Staring down at Sungjong mumbling to himself on the couch with bloodshot eyes, Sungyeol thinks that he knows that “devastated” looks like. He himself is confused though because did something happen for Sungjong to embody that horrible adjective.

Sunggyu and Woohyun and Dongwoo, the hyung line, are whispering in a corner by the kitchen and he sees Dongwoo’s concerned eyes and Woohyun’s sharp gestures and Sunggyu’s pursed lips and he is glad that he is not a hyung.

“…hyung…wanna…a;fldka…down” Sungjong is making no sense but he thinks that he wants to lay down so that is what Sungyeol does. Positioning Sungjong carefully on the couch until he is horizontal and his head facing the room.

Sungjong is staring at him and his eyes are blank and this is wrong, Sungyeol shakes his head, why are his eyes so blank?

“You okay Sungjong?” He’s quiet, gentle and this is new for him because he doesn’t know how to comfort people and he especially doesn’t know how to comfort Sungjong, someone he thought was so put together and it is unnatural to see him falling apart.

Sungjong just blinks at him through red red eyes and Sungyeol has to look away because that was a stupid question and of course he is not okay, just look at him.

Sungjong clears his throat, “I don’t think so hyung.” His eyes are drooping and then before Sungyeol can actually believe it Sungjong is sleeping, soft snores coming from his mouth and eye lids fluttering.

The room is quiet and he notices that everyone is watching him, itchy and uncomfortable at the intense stares he is receiving even though he knows they aren’t directed at him, he stands up and wipes his palms on his sweatpants.

“Everyone should go to bed.” Sunggyu is using his leader voice and right now no one wants to oppose but they also don’t just want to leave Sungjong here by himself.

“I’ll stay with Sungjong” Sunggyu continues and he moves towards the couch and places himself on the floor beside a bucket that was placed for Sungjong to throw up in and Sungyeol is once again grateful that he is not a hyung.

No one is moving and Sungyeol is just about to push Myungsoo into their room but movement in his peripheral stops him. Dongwoo is sitting next to Sunggyu, pointedly ignoring Sunggyu’s glower and then Hoya is next to him, back leaning against the wall and then everyone is sitting around the couch and when did Sungyeol move?

Someone turns of the light and there is shuffling in the dark as they all adjust their positions.

--

They wake up slowly to the sounds of someone throwing up in the bathroom and the feeling of blankets on top of them.

.

.

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A/N: Tell me what you think, yeah? (: