He wasn’t sure.

He wasn’t sure.

There were so many things that Lee Sungjong was unsure about; when he would get a full eight hours of sleep, what he would eat for dinner, who would get the shower next, what his next schedule held for him, if he would mess it up, if his hyungs were tired of him, and if, maybe, when everyone would realize that he didn’t shine like the other members did.

Lee Sungjong was not a sure person.

Tired, lonely, playful, maknae, member of Infinite, young, scared.

These were words that Lee Sungjong would use to describe himself. Sure was not one of them. Never had been and most likely never will be.

He wasn’t sure.

--

Waking up tired was not uncommon in the life of an idol. Being able to go to sleep for more than an hour was a blessing and not something that Sungjong took lightly. The day before was jam-packed with constant meet and greets, fan signings and a performance so it was no surprise that he was exhausted, tired and worn out.

Groaning at the light that was filtering between the cracks of blinds on his windows he pushed himself up from his horizontal position and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. It was quiet in the dorm, most likely the members were out doing their personal schedules which meant that Sungjong had the dorm to himself for a couple of hours.

‘It’s cold.’ Hoya and Dongwoo were practically ing space heaters and since there room was the closest to the thermostat, it meant that often they were the ones in charge of controlling the temperature. ‘It’s always so ing cold’.

Finally deciding that the heater wasn’t going to magically turn on from his spot on the bed Sungjong pushed himself off his bunk and made his way into the living room, passing by the thermostat and quickly turning on the heater.

Mumbling tiredly he made his way to the couch and stared blearily at the television, not particularly wanting to watch anything but not knowing what else to do. He didn’t have a schedule for today which was happening more and more often and the other members were being shuttled from schedule to schedule leaving him by himself which was also happening more and more often.

Sungjong wasn’t bitter.

‘I’m not bitter.’ Sungjong grimaced slightly, ‘Why would I be bitter? There’s nothing to be bitter about, just the fact that once again I’m all alone while everyone else is working and once again I’m complaining about it and this was a never ending cycle and oh my ing god-‘

Sungjong shook his head quickly to dispel the long winded rant that was sure to happen within the confines of his brain and was it normal to be so exasperated with one’s inner monologue?

Sungjong grimaced again and stood up, not sure what to do or where to go. This was happening more and more, being not sure and confused and angry at nothing particular.

‘I’m angry because I’m angry at nothing in particular.’ Snorting he walked to the kitchen, maybe eating would alleviate some of his tiredness and anger at nothing in particular and maybe once he ate he would stop being such a ing baby because god he was a grown-ish man and if Sunggyu-hyung was here and saw that he was moping and being angry at nothing in particular he would nag at him and then that would make him angry at something in particular and-

Sungjong shook his head at the run-on sentence in his head and decided that being exasperated at one’s inner monologue was quickly becoming a daily occurrence for him.

Searching through the cabinets was fruitless because there was no food, there was never any food because no one was ever home except for him of course because he didn’t have a ing schedule everyday and oh my god he was ranting again in his head.

He’s not bitter.

“I’m not bitter.” His voice was scratchy from sleep and he was sure that his hair was going in several different directions and he didn’t wash his face or brush his teeth he remembered but that’s okay because it wasn’t like he was going to see anyone today.

“We need to go grocery shopping.” He called to no one. Sighing he shut the cabinet door and ventured towards Woohyun and Sunggyu’s room, hopefully Woohyun was cheating on his diet and he could find some chips or something to snack on.

--

For 15 minutes he searched for any sign of snack food but there was none which meant that Woohyun-hyung was not cheating on his diet probably because he had a schedule everyday and had people to see and people who wanted to see him and –

Sungjong sighed.

He’s not bitter.

“I’m not bitter.”

Except he was because no one wanted to see him, which was not true a part of his mind said rationally, you have Inspirits who want you. And yeah that was true, but they always wanted to see someone more; Myungsoo, Woohyun, Hoya, Sunggyu, Dongwoo and Sungyeol. There was always someone in front of him and yeah he was the youngest and he couldn’t dance as well as Dongwoo and Hoya and he couldn’t sing as well as Woohyun and Sunggyu and maybe he wasn’t charismatic like Sungyeol or Myungsoo and now he’s just getting more and more tired.  He wanted his brain to turn off.

He was not bitter.

“I’m so tired.” Rubbing his eyes and yawning he walked out of Woohyun and Sunggyu’s dorm and went to the living room and stared blearily at the tv from his position on the couch and wasn’t he just here?

“Need to sleep…” Laying down on the couch was nice because it made him feel better about sleeping once again because at least this time he was not in his bed and he could sort of say that he did some movement even if it was just from his room to the living room to the kitchen to Sunggyu and Woohyun’s room and then back to the living room.

Non stop cycles, non stop movement. It was like he was on an amusement park except the lights never turned off and the rides didn’t stop moving and he was getting so dizzy.

He yawned, larger and more fiercer and decided that sleep was probably the one thing he was sure of.

But with even that, he just wasn’t ing sure.