The hot shower did little to settle Yixing’s uneasy, muddled thoughts. He’d attended Luhan’s family’s annual Benefit Gala countless times before, but this night was not like any of the other nights. He was drying his hair with a towel when he walked out of his room and walked down the hallway. He felt restless, and he wanted to calm his nerves at the piano.

He turned the knob and stepped inside only to find Jinyu sitting on the piano bench. She snatched her fingers from the keys and turned in time to greet him. 

“I – ” she began to say but Yixing smiled and waved lightly with his hand.

“It’s okay,” he said, walking in and closing the door gently. “I just didn’t know you were in here.”

Yixing walked further into the room, putting the towel down on a box before walking to the piano. Jinyu watched him with a soft half-smile. 

“Did you want to use the piano?” she asked. Yixing stopped himself from nodding. He gave her a smile in response before sitting next to her.

“Well,” he said. “I was going to, but it’s fine. You can go ahead; I’ll just sit and…listen. What are you playing?”

Jinyu opened to respond but then looked back at the music rack. Yixing followed her gaze and saw his most recent song on the rack, “Don’t Cry”, which as of yet was only a melody without lyrics. Yixing smiled. He wasn’t sure when Jinyu had learned to read music as she could barely read words yet. Maybe she remembered it from the last time he’d played it for her. 

“This song, huh?” he asked and then lifted a hand to place it on the keys. Jinyu stared at the music sheet, at the scratches of ink and notes written in Yixing’s hand. 

“No wonder you’re always writing it,” she said. “It sounds magical.”

Yixing bit his lip as though it would hide his blush at her compliment. He cleared his throat and whispered his thanks before playing the first few measures of the song. Almost as soon as he did, Jinyu lifted her hand and played the left hand accompaniment. Yixing smirked a little and continued playing the right hand portion of the song, Jinyu following along on the left side. Occasionally their fingers would touch when the right and left sides of the song met in the middle, and Yixing tried not to look so breathless every time. It continued this way until the end of the song, and they both looked up at the paper and then at each other.

Yixing laughed nervously, and brought up another subject to cover himself up.

“So,” he said, raising his voice a little. “Did you have fun tonight? At the Gala, I mean.”

Jinyu smiled wide and nodded excitedly. “Yes, I did,” she answered.

“Good,” Yixing nodded. “Good. That’s good. Good to hear.”

“Did you?” Jinyu asked, returning the question.

“Oh, yeah!” Yixing said. “Yeah, of course. I mean, I had to intervene on Mei’s flirtation session for a bit, but otherwise, I can’t exactly complain, or at least not too much.”

Jinyu nodded slowly at his answer. “That’s good, too,” she said. Yixing nodded quietly, watching her face. She was smiling so much and he was afraid that he probably knew the reason why. He swallowed a lump in his throat, thinking about what had happened that night at Luhan’s house. There was a question that plagued him, but he wasn’t sure how to ask it without seeming to pry.

“You spent a lot of time with Luhan during the party,” Yixing said. Jinyu couldn’t even hide her embarrassingly wide smile. “Where did he take you? You two disappeared for a bit.”

Jinyu tossed her hair to the side, and Yixing had to remind himself not to stare at . “We went to his bedroom.”

Yixing widened his eyes a bit. He wasn’t under any delusions that Luhan wasn’t a regular, hot-blooded male like most boys his age were, but he didn’t know that Luhan was that comfortable around her. He cleared his throat again.

“Oh,” he said. A pause followed. “Uh… why?”

“He wanted to show me his balcony,” Jinyu answered. She began to push a few of the piano keys very lightly. “It has a beautiful view of the ocean. And it’s special to him. And it’s special to me, too; that was where I first saw him.”

“On…his balcony? When?”

Jinyu shrugged. “I don’t really know when,” she said. “I guess it was a long time ago. Before we actually met. I just saw him there and that was where I…”

Jinyu held her tongue. She was going to say that that was where she first fell in love with him, but when she looked up and saw Yixing’s expectant face, she wasn’t sure whether or not she should reveal that to him, in particular. Yixing waited some more before speaking up.

“Where you…what?” he said, prompting her. Jinyu smiled nervously and looked away.

“Where I fell in love with him,” she said softly, hoping that maybe he wouldn’t hear exactly what she said. Yixing sat still for a while hearing the words. Pausing a moment, he too, lifted a hand and played a few keys very softly. Jinyu couldn’t read his face, but the thought of the moments she shared with Luhan that night rushed back to her with the utterance of those few words, and she smiled again, despite the sad song that was becoming of Yixing’s playing the piano.

The polarity of the emotions in the room was heavily apparent to Yixing as he pressed more keys, making a song of them. He wasn’t sure what the heavy, sinking feeling in his chest was telling him. But he felt…angry, somewhat.

“Do you miss your home?” he asked her, staying composed. Jinyu shrugged.

“Sometimes,” she answered. Yixing waited.

“But?” he asked.

Jinyu sighed, a happy sigh. She thought of land and the many hardships she’d gone through. Yet despite all that, her experience had been truly worthwhile. And the spell would be broken soon, and she wouldn’t have to worry so much. 

“Maybe I have a home here, too,” she said. 

Yixing stopped playing for a bit to look her directly in the eyes, his face blank. Jinyu blushed a little. 

“And…” she said, a bit uneasily. “With Luhan.”

Yixing swallowed again and then turned back to playing the song. 

“Luhan,” he said, more to himself that to her. His voice was gruff, but Jinyu didn’t seem to notice. She just kept talking.

“When I first started this journey,” she said, looking down at her hands. “I wasn’t even sure I believed in love. I believed in mutual survival, but not in love. But since I’ve come here and since this spell started and I met him, I… I start to feel more positive of it.”

“Did he kiss you?” Yixing asked out of the blue. Jinyu smiled and shook her head shyly.

“Well, no,” she answered, blushing a bit when she remembered how close they had been to kissing before an interruption. “But when I met him today, I… I just know he loves me, too.”

“How do you know?” Yixing asked, bringing the song to an abrupt halt as he turned to her with stern eyes and a demanding tone. “Did he tell you?”

“No,” Jinyu answered, slightly breathless. “But… I know he does. I just know it, he has to.”

“He doesn’t have to,” Yixing answered solemnly. “It’s his choice.”

Jinyu caught his gaze and they stared each other down. Jinyu took a deep breath and spoke again, a whisper.

“He does,” she said. “He must. I know it.”

Yixing rolled his eyes and looked back at the music on the rack. 

“You don’t know anything,” he said. 

Jinyu stared at his profile, not sure how to feel. He’d never been angry with her like this before, and she was confused. What had she said? Didn’t he agree to help her? Didn’t he agree to be beside her during these rough times? Jinyu shook her head a little and swallowed.

“What do you mean?” she asked gently.

Yixing bit the inside of his cheek. “You’ve had as many as three dates, Jinyu,” he explained. “You haven’t seen him in months, you didn’t talk to him, you’ve known him less than a year. You can’t be in love with him, it just doesn’t work like that.”

Jinyu furrowed her brows at him, feeling frustrated at his answer. “How can you tell me things like that?” she said. “You don’t know my feelings. Maybe I am in love, you wouldn’t know.”

“Fine,” Yixing said. “Fine, maybe you are, but Luhan isn’t.”

Jinyu scoffed. “And how do you know that? Did he tell you that?”

“No,” he snapped. “But I’ve known him far longer than you have, Jinyu, and I’m a better judge of his feelings than you are. So you rode some bikes together and looked at his balcony; that doesn’t prove anything. It doesn’t prove that he loves you, and neither does a kiss. Around here, some people just kiss for fun, and it’s got nothing to do with love.”

“Well, perhaps if you hadn’t kept me away from him for so long - !” Jinyu said, raising her voice. But before she could continue, Yixing cut in.

“I kept you away from him?” Yixing repeated incredulously. “You could barely walk before I found you and I’m the one who set up your dates in the first place. If it weren’t for me, he’d barely be interested in you. I’m your only connection to him!”

Jinyu looked away from Yixing and let out slow, angry breaths. “You should have more faith in your friend,” she said slowly. “He admires you so much.”

Yixing let out a frustrated sigh and looked away from her as well. He ran a hand through his still-wet hair. 

“I didn’t know I was such a burden to you,” Jinyu said without remorse. “Maybe I should take Victoria’s offer, sleep at her place.” Yixing scoffed.

“Shut up,” he said. Victoria’s place? That was out of the question. 

Jinyu gasped quietly to herself; he was never offensive, which only made it worse when he said such things. Yixing’s breathing was deep and loud, too, as they continued to keep their gazes averted. He could hear his heart in his chest, beating like a war drum. And indeed the piano room felt as toxic as a war zone at that very moment.

“You don’t know anything about love,” Yixing said.

“And what do you know?” Jinyu said, poison in her voice. “The very first girl you loved hated you.”

Yixing opened his mouth to reply, but found no answer to give. He had told her about Sa Rang in confidence. He didn’t know she could use such a thing against him. He was appalled. He took a deep sigh and closed his eyes.

“That was a mistake,” he said. “I gave my heart to the wrong person.” 

Yixing’s mind traveled back in time to those days when his heart belonged to Sa Rang, as it did every so often. It would fill up with fond memories of happy times only to sudden seize up and clench his heart when the heartache came back along with the joy. And it was painful and he didn’t want to feel it anymore. Only then did he realize that he was living it all over again, and he was terrified to find out that once again, he was too far in to pull out. 

Could he save her? He scoffed suddenly; he could barely save himself.

Jinyu looked at Yixing as he turned away. She wanted to take back what she said since it wasn’t fair; in many ways, she and Yixing were exactly the same. They were both two people who were unsure of their feelings and unsure of the one they loved. 

“I have to break my spell, Yixing,” she said. “It’s the only way. I need Luhan.”

Yixing opened his eyes.

“But what about me?” he asked, turning to her suddenly. Jinyu widened her eyes and Yixing knit his brows as he looked at her. “What about me?”

Jinyu opened to answer and let it hang ajar for a bit. His outburst had caught her off-guard. “I…” she said. “I don’t understand – ”

“I…” Yixing began to say, but a stray laugh interrupted him out of nowhere. “I… I love you. I love you, Jinyu.”

Jinyu stood as still, pale, and quiet as a statue at the suddenness of the confession. She clenched her fist against the piano bench and tried not to quiver. She searched and searched Yixing’s eyes for any sign of jest, and her face paled. Her heart was calm before, but it was beating uncontrollably now. He was angry before, but his face was suddenly beaming and the switch was unsettling for her. A hundred thoughts swam through her mind and yet none of them could properly define her feelings at that moment.

“Jinyu,” Yixing whispered, and at the sound of her name, Jinyu turned away. Her walls were crumbling, the earth was shaking. Three words, and the world as she knew it was suddenly coming to an end. 

“Jinyu, look at me,” Yixing reached out and tried to lift her face to look him in the eye, but she suddenly stood from the bench.

“No,” she said as she rose. Jinyu hugged herself, leaning against the place where the side of the piano curved. She let out a sharp breath. “You’re… you’re in love with me?”

Yixing pressed his lips together. “Yes,” he answered, wholeheartedly.

Jinyu closed her eyes and for some strange reason, she felt like crying. Why? she thought. Why now that she was so close to the end? Perhaps this was somewhat her fault as well. She knew, perhaps deep in her heart, that Yixing harbored feelings for her, but she thought it impossible at the time. All her focus was on her spell, and on Luhan, too, to a degree. She should have stopped this from happening, stopped it from complicating everything. 

“Then you have to stop it,” she said to him. Yixing was quiet for a while, but she heard the legs of the bench screech against the floor as he stood.

“I’ve tried already,” he said. 

“Try again,” Jinyu said, swallowing back a cry. “You… you can’t Yixing, you just can’t.”

“Why not?” he asked, taking slow steps toward her.

“Because,” she said, her voice breaking. “Because that’s not how it’s supposed to happen.”

“Neither of us knows what’s going to happen,” he said. “All the same, my feelings won’t change. They’re absolute.”

“You’re confusing me,” Jinyu said, raising her voice suddenly. Her face felt warm and wet and she realized, with dread, that the tears had begun. “You’re confusing me. I’ve made up my mind, alright? I’ve chosen already, and I chose long ago. I picked Luhan before any of this even started.”

“Things are different now,” Yixing said, standing in front of her. “I confused myself, too, by trying to ignore it. But when I tried to stop myself, it just brought misery and unhappiness. But… I’m not lying to myself anymore. The truth really does set you free, Jinyu.”

He reached out and took her wrist into his hand, gently pulling it away from her face so he could see her blue, red-rimmed eyes. Yixing swallowed, trying not to let all of his feelings out too fast.

“And truth is you,” he said gently. “And the truth is that I love you. And when I finally stopped trying to escape that, I felt…” 

Yixing leaned forward and Jinyu let him rest his forehead against hers. He let out a slow breath. “I feel… the most satisfying sense of… strength.”

The contact between their foreheads was broken when Jinyu began to shake her head. “You mustn’t,” she kept saying. “You shouldn’t, I shouldn’t, just… it was never meant to be us, Yixing. This was never in the plan and it will never work.”

“Why shouldn’t it?” he asked. He tipped her chin up to look at her and felt an odd mix of despair and hope in her eyes. Yixing could see that there was so much she had to say to him and yet couldn’t. There were so many things he wanted to hear, too. He pressed his lips into a line.

“Luhan’s the only one who can help me, Yixing,” Jinyu said. Yixing looked back at her and stared before he scoffed.

“What are you talking about?” he said. “I’m the one who’s been helping you. Who pulled you out of the oil spill? Who cleaned you off? Who taught you how to walk and gave you a place to sleep and put Band-aids all over your cuts and was there when you were scared? Who gave you your name?”

Jinyu looked at her feet and shook her head again slowly, tears streaming down her face. “You did,” she whispered. Yixing tilted her chin up again.

“I’m not saying these things to make you feel guilty, Jinyu,” he said softly. “You don’t owe me anything. You’re not a burden to me or anyone. We love you. I love you. But… just, please, don’t you ever think of me?”

Jinyu looked into his hurt eyes and took a deep breath. “Of course,” she whispered. “Of course I do. More than you think. More than even I am aware of.”

Yixing couldn’t help himself any longer. As soon as the words were out of , he cupped her face and leaned into her, their mouths meeting in sweet recognition of something they both had secretly longed for. And instant feeling of relief washed over Yixing as they kissed, and as the seconds passed, his passion grew. Jinyu returned the fervor for a few fleeting moments before flashes of reality dawned on her. She pushed against his chest and broke the kiss.

“No,” she whispered as soon as was free from his. But unwillingly to let this moment go, Yixing only kissed her again, and again when she broke it off a second time. They were breathless and desperate, full of all the stubborn tenacity of a love suppressed. Jinyu, on the last kiss, pressed her lips together, not allowing him any more access, and Yixing finally stopped. Some of her tears had gotten on his face, but it didn’t stop her from crying. 

Jinyu lifted up her hands and wrapped them around Yixing’s wrists while he continued to cradle her face. 

“Can’t I save you, too?” he whispered. Jinyu closed her eyes and took deep breaths. Finally, she tightened her grasp on his wrists and sent her voice through his skin once more, the way she did before she could speak.

I’m sorry, her voice said in his mind. Jinyu swallowed back some tears, knowing that she was going to forever regret saying this to him the way she forever regretted making that deal with the sea witch, the way she now regretted ever meeting Luhan or making this decision.

If it’s not Luhan, it’s not broken.

Yixing’s jaw tightened. He took a deep breath as he withdrew his hands from her face and let his arms fall back down to his sides. His anger returned as a blazing flame in his chest that was sure to stay for a very long time. He hardened his gaze on her and chewed the inside of his cheek.

“I see,” he said. The silence that ensued was unbearable. Jinyu continued to shake as she tried to stop crying. Yixing only stood stoically in front of her. He unclenched his fist and looked around the room.

“Maybe you should stay with Victoria from now on,” he said, and Jinyu looked at him despairingly, wishing she could make him stop loving her so much and make his pain go away. A boy like him didn’t deserve this. 

The door to the room opened slowly and they both turned. Mei poked her head around the door and looked quizzically at the pair. Neither of them moved or reacted.

“What are you guys talking about?” she asked. Yixing looked at his sister and then at Jinyu, whose face was flushed and whose eyes still cried. And he put his hands into his pockets and shrugged.

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter,” he said. He turned from Jinyu and walked toward the door. “This conversation is over, anyway.”

He pushed Mei aside as he exited the door and stalked off to his room. A door slam sounded through the halls and Mei flinched at the noise. She furrowed her brow at Yixing’s bedroom door and then turned to face Jinyu. The poor girl still stood with her back against the piano, shaking. Mei sighed and looked at the mermaid.

“Don’t worry about Yixing. He’ll soon get over it,” Mei said to Jinyu. Mei sighed. “He loves you too much.”

Mei left the same way she came, and Jinyu fell to the floor, still leaning against the piano’s legs. She let out a deep breath and clenched her eyes. He loves you too much, Mei had said. Jinyu laughed at her own despair.

“Yes,” she said to herself. “That’s exactly the problem.”