Damn, I forgot to turn on my alarm last night and now I'm late to the office this morning. The traffic is not friendly too. I’m stuck in the traffic jam for fifteen minutes. As soon as I arrived at the office, I parked my car and rushed to the elevator.

“Wait!”

Someone helped me hold the door and I run inside. Still catching my breath, I said thank you. I feel hot after ran from the parking lot so I opened my bag looking for tissue to wiped my sweat. I stared at the mirror-like door and start wiping when I saw a man I shouldn’t met were looking at me from the back. He was taller than the others in the elevator so it’s easy for me to recognize him.

One by one the people in the elevator were going down on their destination floor, left only the two of us. We both keep our distance by standing on each corner. I tried not to look at him but I knew he stared at me. It’s so silent until he talked first.

“It’s been so long. How are you doing?”

“Fine.”

“I heard you’re promoted to manager, congrats.”

“Thanks.”

There’s nothing more torturing than having an awkward conversation with him. We’re talking like strangers and I have to admit we can’t talk like we used to be. The situation now has changed even though I don’t expect to meet him this soon. I can feel my heart still beat fast when I’m alone with him, how I wished this elevator run slower today.

Finally the elevator make a ding sound, sign that I already at my floor. I was gonna walked out as soon as the door opened when he suddenly grabbed my wrist and hold me stay at my place. I was shocked for a moment and turned my head, looking at his grip on my wrist then lift up my head to stare at him. He stared back at me meaningfully for seconds before he finally let go of his grip. I was still standing on my place like a fool, paralyzed from his sudden act before his voice awakes me.

“You’re on your floor.”

I stepped out from the elevator and looked back at him before the elevator door closed. Arriving at my office, I hold my wrist which he grabbed before and I feel something weird on my stomach. I never thought that the physical contact we had few minutes ago made my head feel dizzy. Call me crazy but I like the sensation but of course I'm not telling Byung Hee that I met Chang Sun when we go out for lunch.

“Hye Rin ah, can you make time tonight?” Byung Hee asked me during the meal.

“Why? Are you gonna take me to date tonight?”

“I’d love to but unfortunately I’ve got another plan already and I want you to come with me.”

“What plan?”

“I want to celebrate Chang Sun’s comeback by having a little feast. I only invited him, you, Sang Hyun, Hee Soo. Ga In will also come too.”

A dinner with Chang Sun? Even though it's not the two of us but what happened this morning in the elevator almost got me heart attack because of the beat. I'm afraid I can't control my feelings for Chang Sun in front of Byung Hee.

“I think I can make it.”

“Good, I’ll drop by at your office this afternoon.”

I had a little chat with Ga In while waiting Byung Hee. Actually I wanna tell her that I met Chang Sun this morning but I dropped it because I know she'll be anxious. Byung Hee came not long after and the three of us walked to the parking lot. I remembered that I drove this morning when I saw my car so I whispered to Ga In.

“I forgot that I drove this morning. Should I tell him?”

She whispered back. “Just leave it here. You can ask him to pick you up on Monday. I'm sure he’s gonna like it."

So I walked silently beside Ga In to Byung Hee's car. He already made a reservation at the meat restaurant and when we got there, only Chang Sun who's arrived first. Byung Hee took the seat in front of Chang Sun and I sit beside him while Ga In sat beside Chang Sun. Five minutes later, Hee Soo came with Sang Hyun. The food we ordered came few minutes later.

“First of all, I want to welcome Chang Sun to our office again. Cheers!” Byung Hee raised his glass and followed by the others.

I forced my smile, pretend to stay calm although in the inside my heart beat like a drum. It’s been two years and just when I thought I’m over him, he came back. Even his presence in this room makes me feel nervous, not to mention his stares to me since I came in. I can hardly swallow my food in a situation like this so I keep myself busy with the meat until the plate is empty but there are still two plates left at the end of the table.

“Can someone pass me the meat?”

It's my fault to not mention specific names on my request so it ended up both Byung Hee and Chang Sun passed me the plate at the same time. Only Ga In who noticed what happen so I immediately took the plate from Byung Hee's hand before everyone else realized. Ga In seems realized that Chang Sun has been staring me all this time.

“Hye Rin ah, how’s your wedding preparation?”

If she tried on purpose to make Chang Sun hear it, she succeeded because now he looks interested and waiting for my answer. When I looked into her eyes, it dares me to answer the question. I don’t want to talk about my wedding preparation in front of Chang Sun so I just smiled but her name is not Ga In if she gave up easily.

“I still can’t believe you’re gonna married in two months. You’re so lucky to have Byung Hee by your side all this time, you know that?”

I widened my eyes and stared at her, trying to warn her from my eyes to stop blabbering about this stuff in front of Chang Sun but she pretends not knowing. She keeps on talking about how good Byung Hee is to me. I saw Chang Sun listen very carefuly each words that Ga In's said.

“And I’m sure you’re gonna be the most beautiful bride ever. Don’t you think so, Byung Hee ssi?”

Now she changed her direction to Byung Hee. I saw Byung Hee turned his head facing me and he smiled. “Of course she’s gonna be the most beautiful bride ever and I’m supposed to be the one who’s lucky to have her.”

His words make me blushed, I feel my cheeks hot right now then Byung Hee holds my hand on the table. I looked at our hands but I feel the urge to know Chang Sun reaction to this so I raised my head up and looked at him. He’s staring at our hands from across the table then he looked up and stared at me. When our eyes met for seconds, I saw something different in his eyes but I don’t know what it is. Jealous? Then I turned to smile at Byung Hee while pulling down my hand from his grip. As for Ga In, she changed her direction again. Now she asked Chang Sun.

“So, Chang Sun ssi. You’re coming to their wedding right?”

He stared at me. “That depends.”

Ga In raised an eyebrow. “Depends on what?”

He didn’t answer instead, he keep staring at me. Somehow I feel my cheeks hot and my palms sweating, I was like a teenager who gets nervous easily so I switched my attention to Byung Hee. I keep talking with him until it’s time to go home. Byung Hee asked Chang Sun to send Ga In home and while he took me home.

I didn’t bump at Chang Sun at the office during the week. In one side I feel ease but in the other side, I missed him. I really don’t know what happen to me since he cameback, all the memories with him are playing in my head like a movie. I was having dinner with Byung Hee when he told me that we can’t have a date tomorrow.

“I got some work to do tomorrow but I’ll try to finish it faster so maybe I’ll come around evening.” He looked sorry.

I smiled. “No need to rush. Besides, I have no plans to go anywhere tomorrow, probably gonna stay at home all day.’

“Really?”

I nod. I plan to watch the DVD I rent yesterday and maybe do some little shopping to the minimarts on the neighborhoods. When he drove me home, he said that he’s not gonna let me spent whole day alone so he’s gonna come around evening. I just nodded and walked out from his car to my apartment.

This apartment looks empty without Ga In. I thought while putting my bag on the table and walked to the bathroom. I took a shower for ten minutes then prepared myself for some midnight movie time. After a while, I can't lift up my eyes again. Too tired with these whole Chang Sun things for today I guess, so I walked to my bedroom and threw my body on the bed.

Like usual, I woke up late this morning. I grabbed my cell phone at the small desk and checking any messages on the phone while walking to the kitchen. Someone either calling or leave me a message cause the red light on my phone is blinking. I opened it. It's a message from Chang Sun. My heart beat faster just by looking at his name on the screen.

I'll wait for you today at Lotte World. 11am.

He wants to meet me today. At first I thought of ignoring his request but then I remember how stubborn he can be, he'll never go from that place until I come. I looked at my watch, it's already 9 and I just woke up. I rushed to the bathroom, took a quick shower. In front of the wardrobe closet, I can't decide what clothes should I wear but then I scolded myself. He probably just wanna talk but why did I act like we're going on a date? I grabbed anything in front of me and apply some make up.

Again I scolded myself. I told myself again and again that it's not a date, he just wanna meet but even just think about meeting him already make me nervous. It is ten am when I walked out from the apartment and look for a taxi.

*****

I decided to postpone the works till Monday because the data is still not completed yet and because of that I can now go on a date with Hye Rin. I wanted to make surprise so I didn’t tell her that I’m coming to her apartment this morning. I was gonna walked out from my car when I saw a woman figure rushed to the side street. I drove my car approached her standing point and frowned, it’s Hye Rin. She told me yesterday that she’s gonna spend all day at home but now it looks like she’s going somewhere.

I didn’t mean to be a stalker but I’m curious so I follow her taxi from behind. At first I thought maybe she go to the supermarket nearby but when her taxi passed Jamsil station, I become more suspicious. If I’m not wrong, this is the way to Lotte World theme park. What is she doing here?

I parked my car then start searched for her among the crowds. I saw her walked towards the main gate and approaching someone. I squinted and walked closer to get clearer view, that’s when I hold my breath for a second when I saw it is Chang Sun whom she met with. From what I see, Chang Sun looks happy to see her but I can’t see hers cause her back facing me.

I was about to take my first step to approached them when I re-think about my action. If I approached them now, Hye Rin would think that I was stalking her and didn’t trust her and the situation between the three of us would be awkward. I don’t want to judge her now so I guess I better wait and see whether she will tell me about this or not. I spun around and walked towards the parking lot, leaving them at the park. I’ll let her tell me about this when she’s ready. I trust her.

*****

The taxi arrived at the theme park around. I walked out from the taxi and walked among the crowds to the main gate. He told me that he’s gonna wait me there. My eyes searching around for his tall figure while walking and spotted him waited for me near the gate. He raised his hand to me, I walked towards him.

“What are we doing here?”

“Just follow me.” He smiled and grabbed my hand, dragged me with him to the entrance.

In the theme park, he took me to try all the rides with his hand intertwined with mine without any sign to let it go. Just for today, I said to myself. Just for today I don’t wanna think of anything and just feel his touch on my skin. He took me to the last ride, balloon ride. We hop on and the balloon start going up. For a moment, none of us speak until it stable in the air and he started the conversation.

“Why you didn’t come?”

I looked at him, confuse with his sudden question. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“Two years ago. Why you didn’t come to the airport?”

So, he asked me out today to clear this misunderstanding. I thought he’d never brought this subject up again. My memory was flashbacked to two years ago when he left.

“I did come but your plane already took off.”

I said it without looking at him instead. I looked down to the crowd below us. We’re busy with our own thought so no one speak for a moment. Then I feel his grip on my arm, he makes me looked at him now.

“If you came to the airport, does it mean that you already forgive me since two years ago?”

I nod.

“Looks like fate joked with us. I think you didn’t forgive me cause you didn’t showed up till the end. And now I regretted it. We could have been married by now if we met at that time.”

I can’t say anything but to admit that he’s right. He once said that he’ll proposed to me when he cameback but that was when our relationship was in a good state, before Ji Eun showed up and ruined everything we had. Now I’m engaged with Byung Hee but one thing I still don’t understand, why did my heart still longing for him? Since he showed up at the office, I lost my mind and I can’t pay full attention to Byung Hee like I did.

I was busy with my mind when I feel the balloon shake a little bit. I cowered down due to shocked with my hands gripping the ropes on the basket line and my eyes both closed. Chang Sun immediately kneels down and hugged me while repeating words to make me calm.

“It looks like the balloon is having some problem down there so I guess we have to wait for a while until they fixed it. Are you okay now?”

I nodded but actually I’m still afraid so I loosen my grip on the ropes and switch to his arms. I think he can feel that I’m shaking so he tightened his embrace while patted my shoulder then rubbed my back with his free hand. He held me so close until my face were on his chest and I can smell his body scent, the scent that once so closed to me. When I smell it again now, it brought back all my memories with him.

Out of nowhere, I feel he kissed the top of my head. I didn't take account on his sudden action cause I think maybe he's trying to calm me down. But he continues kissing me on the forehead, going down to my eyes, my nose then my cheek. I was too shocked by his kiss to say anything when he stared at me, then he bent down to kiss my lips. It must be because of the first shock that makes me lose my mind when I finally reply the kiss. His lips feel so right on mine, I feel like I can kiss him forever but he's the one who broke the connection first.

“I’m not gonna say sorry for the kiss because I know deep inside your heart, you still have feelings for me. Please come back to me.”

His last words shocked me. He asked me to comeback to him when my marriage is only two months ahead. And do I still have feelings for him? Why he can see it through while I can’t? We both stood up when the ballon start working again after fifteen minutes, which I think the longest fifteen minutes I’ve ever felt.

When the balloon landed, it’s almost dark on the outside so we decided to go home. He sent me to my apartment but I have to say no when he wanted to sent me up till the front door. I told him that I need sometime alone. He nodded and drove his car away.

Back in the apartment, I threw my body to the nearest couch while asked to myself what have I done today. I go out with another man that's not my fiancé and to make it worst, I kissed that man. I cheated on Byung Hee! I let out a deep sighed, my sins were too much and unforgivable. I massaged my forehead, still can’t decide whether I should tell Byung Hee or not. And if I told him, how should I address this. I hate myself for being able to cheat on Byung Hee and for still having a longing heart on Chang Sun, so I feel like crying right now.

It took 3 days for me to think before I finally decided to tell Byung Hee about everything. I asked him to dinner tonight but he didn’t ask me the reason. Unlike the usual, I told him that we better met at the restaurant. I’m afraid I can’t hold myself if we go together. I took a deep breath before I entered the restaurant and walked to our table. I waited until our food came out before I spill it out.

“Mianhae.”

*****

When I saw her on Monday, I know something’s wrong with her and my feelings said that it probably have to do with her meeting with Chang Sun last Saturday but I pretend not knowing it. She finally asked me to go out for dinner tomorrow, which I found weird because she never likes to go out on weekdays unless something important came up and to make it more weird, she suggested that we should meet directly at the restaurant.

I arrived at the restaurant before her and asked for a private area, a little bit secluded from other tables and wait for her. She came not long after, walking to the table and put an order. She waited until our food came out before she start talking and her first word make me confused

“Mianhae.”

“What are you sorry for?”

She didn’t answer me directly. When I looked into her eyes, I see guilt. She can’t stand my staring and immediately looked down. She bit her lips, seems confused then put down her cutlery before she finally moved her hands and placed it on her laps.

“I know I shouldn’t do this to you.” She paused for a while then she lift up her head and looked at me. “I went out with Chang Sun last Saturday. I know I told you that I’m gonna stay at home all day but I didn’t plan this. He texting me in the morning, said that he waited for me. At first I want to ignore his request but I remember how stubborn he can be so I decided to meet him.”

I didn’t say anything because I see she still has so many things to tell me so I just waited until she finished.

“He wanted to clear the misunderstanding about why I didn’t show up at the airport two years ago. Basically we’re just talking but then suddenly h-he....he kissed me.”

I was taken aback a little bit when she told me that. I didn’t know that his presence still gave big impact to her, I thought she already over him long time ago.

“Did you reply to his kiss?”

She didn’t answer but just nodded. I let out a deep sighed.

“Hye Rin ah.”

She raised her head and looked at me. I can see regrets in her eyes, more like sorry for what she done.

“Since you’re being honest, I’ll do the same. It’s a lie if I said I don’t mind with what you did with Chang Sun. I’m also a man who can feel jealous and angry if his woman goes out with another man, adding with the kiss makes me want to punch him right now."

I let her absorb my words for a while before I continue.

“But I won’t do it. Why? Because I know you won’t kiss him back if you don’t have feelings for him.”

“Mianhae, Byung Hee ssi.” She looks like she can cry right now.

“Look, don’t keep saying sorry to me. We still have two months left before the wedding. I want you to think about it thoroughly. It’s now up to you, whom you will choose. I won’t force you to the wedding if your heart said no.”

“Byung Hee ssi…”

“Dont say anything right now. I don’t want you to regret later so think about it carefully.”

I can’t believe I’m freeing her to choose between me and Chang Sun. Deep inside my heart, I want her to choose me but I can't force her if she wants to go back with Chang Sun. The decision is now on her hands. I’m not saying that our engagement is over. I only gave her some time to think what’s best for her although I know I might be broken hearted if she finally chose Chang Sun over me but at least she’s happy and that’s the most important thing to me.