For nearly a year, Woohyun wondered if there were two separate Kim Sunggyus at the University: the one that he heard of and the one that he knew. The Kim Sunggyu that he heard stories of was courteous, kind, and protective of his friends. He was smart and clever in an admirable way. The Kim Sunggyu that he knew, on the other hand, he was reticent, intolerable, and didn’t seem to have many friends to his name. He was still smart and clever but in the most terrible of ways. He was cunning. He was scary. And Nam Woohyun used to think that Kim Sunggyu could see right through him, but he was wrong. Kim Sunggyu didn’t know Nam Woohyun at all.

Who was Nam Woohyun? Woohyun was the youngest son of a relatively stable BBQ restaurant. He had an older brother. He used to also have a dog (but the Nams don’t talk about Kongddeok anymore). He was currently studying business in hopes of better managing his parents’ restaurant one day and maybe making a chain out of it. He wasn’t the most motivated student in high school. It was almost a miracle that he got into as good of a college as he did. But he was more motivated to take his studies seriously now, motivated by scholarships and his dreams of becoming a successful adult.

Some would say that he was like a “golden boy,” but that was in looks only. Woohyun was often told, “This must come easily to you.” It never did. Everything in Woohyun’s life came after much struggle and hardships. Things never quite seemed to go his way.

He wanted to be the successor to his family’s restaurant, no matter how small it was, but his brother was instead as he was the oldest. He was the reason why the Nams got a puppy, and also the reason why they don’t talk about the puppy anymore. After his below average career as a high school student, he did eventually get accepted into the University, but it was through unconventional means (he applied to another, easier program and then transferred to the business school). He had finally immersed himself into his studies and tried to be the best student that he could, only to be foiled by Kim Sunggyu every single time. And no matter how hard he tried to be healthy, he always seemed to manage to change a dang cold (like the one he had now).

At the beginning of the school year, he had bleached his hair blonde, hoping to literally become the golden boy that everyone thought he was. But he was just left with a burnt scalp, damaged hair, and no change in his fortune. Changing his hair didn’t change who he was. Nam Woohyun would still be Nam Woohyun, even if he shaved his head.

Nam Woohyun might’ve stayed the same, but his perception of someone else changed: Kim Sunggyu. He had caught a glance of the Kim Sunggyu that he heard of the night Kate got inordinately drunk. Sunggyu had given up his night just to play with her and to lift her spirits. His friend became his priority. And at the end of the night, when Kate lacked a good portion of her motor skills, he looked after her with the same gentleness as a father would for his own daughter. Woohyun hadn’t expected Sunggyu to carry her all the way back to his place. Woohyun was fully prepared to take her onto his back at any point in time. But Sunggyu never gave her up (probably because he didn’t fully trust Woohyun with her, but that only added to his protective nature).

But that Sunggyu went away almost as quickly as he came. For the next few days, Sunggyu was as silent as the grave and stern. Sunggyu would glare at him out of the corner of those sharp eyes. Woohyun tried to ignore him the best that he could, ignore Sunggyu like Sunggyu was ignoring him (sort of), but it was hard to do so under the heat of that glare, slowly bringing Woohyun up to a boil, to his breaking point.

And then he broke. They both did, at the meeting Saturday night. They fought, then they ate, and then they called it a night. And Woohyun hoped that with it, their night ended too, all of those dark stares and even darker misunderstandings about each other. Tomorrow would be another day for them.

The new day already started to break that night, when Woohyun saw the Sunggyu that he heard of again that night, but this time, that Sunggyu was directed towards him. Sunggyu handed Woohyun his sweatshirt, and Woohyun was warmed by it and the sudden kindness. And that was when Woohyun started to think that he was wrong. There was only one Kim Sunggyu all along.

Woohyun also hoped for a new day, in general. If there was only one Kim Sunggyu, then maybe Nam Woohyun only had to be Nam Woohyun, not the golden boy, not the top student, just Woohyun. So Woohyun wanted to get back to his roots, literally, and dyed his hair back to black.

Now Woohyun didn’t really think that changing his hair color would really impact his life, but it was a strange coincidence that later that Sunday, he received an email from the University’s head librarian. He had applied for a job there and practically begged her for it (he had no money to even afford shame), and he got it. She didn’t care about his grades. She gave him the job because she liked him; she just liked Nam Woohyun, the shameless and desperate boy. That boy was just fine.

After Woohyun messed with his new hair, he stepped out of the bathroom and noticed the sweatshirt, draped over his chair. Tomorrow, their new day, Woohyun would give it back to him, to the one Kim Sunggyu.

Monday morning, Woohyun went to school early so that the librarian could show him around before his shift later that afternoon. After that was finished, he went to get some coffee. Woohyun wasn’t accustomed to waking up so early, but he would be eventually. Several of his shifts at the library would be in the early morning, when the sun was barely out and eyes were barely open. But today, now, the sun was shining bright and a gentle breeze urged him to keep moving forward, pushing at his back. And that breeze carried him all the way to the coffee shop, where he saw his friends. Well, his friends and Kim Sunggyu. Woohyun began to smile as he stepped inside. “Good morning! Fancy seeing you guys here so early,” he greeted them.

“Hey!” Kate welcomed him, surprised. “I never see you up this early.”

“I didn’t know that you could get up this early,” Sungyeol teased.

“I can. I just won’t if I don’t need to,” Woohyun retorted jovially. He then side-eyed Sunggyu who was staring at the counter, waiting for his order. Woohyun’s grip on his messenger bag tightened. It would be awkward if I returned the sweatshirt now, wouldn’t it? His gaze quickly snapped back to Kate and Sungyeol, who were both taking turns at yawning. Especially with those two around. Woohyun forced his smile a little wider. “Why are you guys up so early?”

“Morning classes,” Kate spoke through a gaping yawn. “Statistics too. My brain can’t handle numbers this early.”

“Same here, except different Stats class,” Sungyeol grumbled.

Woohyun then peered around the couple to see the man behind them. “What about you?” he asked Sunggyu.

“Homework,” Sunggyu answered. A coffee cup was then placed on the countertop, and Sunggyu snatched it up before the barista could even announce what it was. “See you around,” he muttered as he walked past the trio, quickly giving Woohyun a side glance and a half-smile before leaving. And the three of them remained silent for a moment or two while watching Sunggyu walk in one direction down the street, only to turn around and walk the other way while grumbling to himself.

The barista then announced into the still air, “Two Americanos!”

“Americano?” Kate repeated as she walked up to the counter, staring at the cups as her languid mind was running calculations. Then the results came in and she gasped. “Sunggyu took my caramel macchiato!” She pouted as she picked up the cup. “I can’t drink this,” she whined. “Too bitter. I need coffee to be sweet like me.”

“Do you want to get another?” Sungyeol suggested as he sniffed loudly and picked up his own drink.

Kate shook her head. “No, just hand me the cream and sugar,” she replied, and her lackey/boyfriend followed her order, handing her both. As she was pouring in copious amounts of each (enough to make a normal person’s stomach churn), Kate turned to Woohyun again. “So why are you up?”

Woohyun tore his eyes away from the door and gave her a shadow of the smile he had earlier. “I got a job.”

Had Woohyun’s new day already come to an end? Or was the dawn still breaking? He couldn’t tell, but he was getting cold in the darkness. Sunggyu’s cold shoulder wasn’t doing anything to help the situation either. Woohyun had waited for the other outside of Kang’s classroom, but Sunggyu showed up at the very last moment that he could. It was as if Sunggyu had waited for Woohyun to give up and go inside the lecture hall before going in himself. What was he doing? Was the fox really lurking in the shadows, waiting until he could sprint in safely? Probably , Woohyun concluded. Because Sunggyu’s face, when he noticed that the only spot open was the one next to Woohyun, went from relief to terror. It was as if he’d fallen into a bear trap, and the metal jaws suddenly clamped shut. Woohyun looked away and focused on the teacher again. I thought we were over this . Kim Sunggyu had split into two again.

Whether there was one or two of them, Woohyun was going to make use of the one he’d caught. Right after Kang ended her lecture, as Sunggyu was getting ready to make his escape, Woohyun growled as soon as Kang dismissed the class, “Why are you avoiding me...again?” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sunggyu fall back down in his seat. Woohyun sighed before continuing. “Don’t lie to me and say you aren’t. Just be honest. I can take it.” He slowly shifted his gaze to the other as he spoke.

“I’m wary around you,” Sunggyu answered after laboring over the question for some time.

It had taken the elder a while to respond, and when he finally did, Woohyun hated it. He didn’t understand it. “That’s an odd thing to say. Why? Am I really that scary?” he tried to make a joke of it. Woohyun had been a lot of things in his life, but ‘scary’ wasn’t one of them.

At least that was something he and Sunggyu could agree on, partially: “No. You’re not scary, but…”

“But what?” Woohyun urged him. This fox was greedily devouring all of his patience, slyly dodging a straight answer at every turn and trying to shake Woohyun off of his scent. But Woohyun wouldn’t let him go. “What’s scary?” he repeated.

Sunggyu finally turned towards him. “The way I feel is scary,” the answer bit, the truth slowly sinking its teeth in.

“Huh?”

“I like you one moment, and I hate you the next. I feel like I could tell you anything and nothing at all. I still don’t know if I can trust you,” Sunggyu’s answer bit down harder, striking the marrow. But he tried to soften the painful blow with an anxious smile. “Don’t you feel the same way?”

“What the...how am I supposed to take that?” Woohyun blubbered, looking down at his lap, at the bag in his lap. Why are you making this so hard?

“I don’t know,” Sunggyu gave a response to multiple questions with one answer. “But it’s the truth.”

“I don’t know,” Woohyun repeated as he ped his bag and roughly sorted through it. “I don’t know how else I’m supposed to convince you.” He pulled out the sweatshirt and dumped it in front of the other. “Here. I didn’t mean to take it, really,” he insisted adamantly because Sunggyu just kept staring at him in disbelief.

“Oh!” The both of them whipped their heads towards the sudden sound. Kate and Sungyeol were standing at the doorway, looking pleasantly surprised to find them together. “Woohyun-ah! Do you want to get lunch with us?” Kate asked.

“Sorry,” Woohyun apologized. He shot one last, pointed glare at Sunggyu. “I don’t eat lunch...anymore.”

The remaining three watched as Woohyun briskly walked out of the room. Kate’s gaze shifted quickly from Woohyun’s back to Sunggyu, who was still sitting in his chair. “What did you do?!” she snapped.

“Me?!” Sunggyu exclaimed as he finally got up from his seat and walked over to his friends. “I didn’t do anything. Maybe he’s not hungry.” It was a lie, and they all knew it.

Sungyeol also knew that it wasn’t a matter worth pursuing at the moment. “Forget it. Forget it. Let’s just eat now,” he stopped his seething girlfriend from asking any more questions. “ I’m hungry. I haven’t had anything besides that americano earlier,” he complained and lead the other two out of the room.

“Oh? Why?” Kate pestered him now, walking quickly up to his side. “You need to eat more. If you had told me, I would’ve gotten you something.”

Thanks, Yeol . The last thing he needed today was someone to ask him more questions that he really couldn’t give answers to. How was he supposed to know why Woohyun was so upset? Sunggyu (could admit it now) hardly knew him. And as they walked to the cafeteria, Sunggyu’s eyes continuously scanned for any trace of the wolf, but he couldn’t find a single golden flash anywhere in the crowd and nowhere in the cafeteria. Sunggyu shook his head, reprimanding himself. What was he doing? He wasn’t quite so sure anymore. And why was Woohyun so upset? Do you really not feel the same way? Not knowing whether to like or hate? Did you already make up your mind?

“Who ended up winning that bet? That drama with the one girl and a lot of guys?” Sunggyu suddenly asked while they were eating lunch. For some reason, his thoughts drifted back and anchored onto that drama, perhaps because he was yearning for a ‘simpler’ time, when he was happy, when they all were.

“There’s a lot of dramas like that,” Sungyeol answered, his voice drifting off as he sorted through his memory.

Kate knew what drama Sunggyu had meant. “Myungeun did. Taekkie was the husband,” she replied. Her shoulders then slouched; she was dejected. “I guess they suited each other.”

“You guess?” Sunggyu wanted clarification. He hadn’t watched the entire series but that character didn’t seem bad enough to warrant that reaction from her.

“I still think that Dukseon and Dongryong understood each other better,” she revealed. “And isn’t that important in a relationship? Understanding?” she directed the questions to Sungyeol, hoping to give her support.

“He still wasn’t good-looking enough to be the husband,” but Sungyeol refused to, and instead hit her with the hard truth that was dramaworld.

“But do all husbands have to be good-looking? People find different things attractive,” she argued and soon launched into a rant. “There are some really ugly guys out there, but their wives fawn over them as if they were Joongki. Just look at Inha and Peanut. It’s probably the same for all couples. Everyone thinks that their boyfriends are the most handsome and their girlfriends are the prettiest when they aren’t,” her voice then caught in . Her eyes slowly peered over to her boyfriend, whose eyes were shut tightly and who had tucked in his lips, holding onto his last fiber of patience that she was wearing thin. Kate now realized that. “But I lucked out because I’m actually dating the most handsome guy in the whole world. Seriously ,” she quickly added, patting Sungyeol’s arm with extra vigor.

“Nice save,” Sungyeol retorted, relaxing once more.

“Thank you,” Kate chirped and then focused back on her food.

“You have a point though,” Sunggyu remarked. The couple looked up and stared at each other before looking back at Sunggyu. “About how a relationship can’t thrive unless you understand someone very very well,” he clarified. He then dropped his voice as he rest his cheek in his hand, “Sometimes, misunderstandings can stop you from being friends.”

“Talking from personal experience?” Sunggyu raised his gaze and did not like the coy look on Kate’s face after she said that, and hated it even more when she wiggled her eyebrows at him. Then Sungyeol entered his sights with the same (annoying) expression on his face. Both of them gradually leaned forward, pressuring him to answer with their impeding presence.

“Maybe,” Sunggyu finally (and reluctantly) admitted.

Pleased with that, the couple fell back into their chairs. “We all know who you’re talking about,” Sungyeol spoke in a teasing tone. “Let me be the one to say the name: Nam Woohyun,” he added a dramatic pause for effect before finally dropping the name. Sungyeol then gestured over to Sunggyu. “Okay, so what’s the deal between you guys now?”

“Yea, tell us,” Kate tried to spur him on too. The two of them then stared at him so intently while they ate. Wait, I’ve seen this before . No...

“My life isn’t one of your dramas,” Sunggyu spat back. And god forbid that they make a drinking game out of his life too.

“I know,” Sungyeol retorted with a sly smile. “Those are more exciting.” He and Kate high-fived without looking at each other (and they missed and tried again).

But that didn’t slow them down and they kept teasing him. “We would’ve gotten a kiss scene by now,” Kate declared.

“Or two,” Sungyeol added with a nod.

“Maybe this is like one of those historical dramas with 50 episodes,” she suggested.

Sungyeol then cocked his head as his eye analyzed Sunggyu. “Yea. He is pretty old-fashioned,” he concluded.

And Kim Sunggyu finally had enough. “Go ask Woohyun, if you’re so curious. I’m not telling you,” he growled. He’ll like the attention , he thought, but that thought was soon followed by another which kept echoing: We’re more alike than we think .Sunggyu lowered his head into his hands, rubbing his head, trying to stop...everything.

“I already did,” Kate admitted. Sunggyu raised his head. She did seem guilty, and she was on her phone earlier, texting somebody (and with Sungyeol reading over her shoulder). Was it Woohyun?

“Really? What did he say? Did he say anything about me?” the questions shot out of Sunggyu’s mouth before he realized that they had even formulated.

Kate cocked an eyebrow. “Do you really wanna know?”

“Tell me,” Sunggyu insisted with a slight whine.

Her other eyebrow raised to join the other. “Are you sure?” she asked again.

Sunggyu hit the table with his hand. He had her. Kate didn’t feel guilty for talking to Woohyun behind his back, but because she was lying through her teeth. “You’re lying. You didn’t talk to him,” he declared with a grin as he watched her crumble.

“Okay so I didn’t,” she confessed. However she wasn’t done: “BUT you like him...as a person, maybe even as a friend” she added after Sunggyu scoffed. “It’s so obvious.”
“So obvious,” Sungyeol agreed. “Why can’t you two just be friends already? It’ll make our lives a lot easier.”

Kate pouted. “I feel like we’re children of divorce, spending half our time with one parent and then the rest with the other,” she spoke with a heavy sigh, sounding despondent.

“Yea except our parents never got together,” Sungyeol pointed out.

“Exactly! So just be friends!” Kate implored her old friend.

Sunggyu averted his eyes. He wished he could say ‘yes’ at this point. Honestly he did want to be friends with Nam Woohyun. It seemed like they’d get along and on Saturday they had played nicely with each other. However, it was awkward, mainly for three reasons. First, Sunggyu’s instincts and habits couldn’t change so easily with his new wish. He wanted them to, but it was something that needed time. Trust couldn’t be built in a day or over a weekend. Second, something about being with Woohyun was still unsettling. Sunggyu couldn’t put a name to it, but he still felt uneasy, and that was probably because of the third reason. Third, after all the misconceptions that he had about Woohyun and told Woohyun, he didn’t think friendship would be possible. Sunggyu himself held grudges, so why should he expect Woohyun to be any better?

“Isn’t it too late for that? For us to be friends?” Sunggyu surmised his feelings.

Kate shook her head. “Why? It’s not.”

“Is it ever too late for friends?” Sungyeol challenged. He then turned to his girlfriend. “Sorry, Kate. It’s after 1pm. We can’t be friends anymore.” While Kate was pretending to be upset, Sungyeol returned his attention back to Sunggyu. “Now doesn’t that just sound silly?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Sunggyu huffed.

“Then what do you mean?”

“He hates me,” he finally said aloud. “You saw him earlier. He hates me. He does. There’s too many grievances,” his voice dropped lower and lower. At the last few words, he barely moved his lips. It was hard to admit this to himself and especially to those who considered themselves to be Woohyun’s friends.

“He doesn’t hate you,” Kate said. Sunggyu raised an eyebrow at her. Lip service was all it was.

“He hated you though,” Sungyeol added. Well, that sounded more like the truth. “That’s for sure.”

“Right, past tense. Hated,” Kate pointed out. She then stared at Sunggyu, her eyes wider than ever, as if the bigger her eyes were the more honest she became. “But that’s all changed now. The moment you gave him a second chance at the meeting, he wants to give you another chance too.”

Sunggyu scoffed. Her lies were as big as her eyes now. “Did he say that?” he combatted.

“Well, not in those words,” she yielded. “But in his actions, yes.” Sunggyu rolled his eyes.

“Listen to her. She’s a good judge of character,” Sungyeol commanded in a stern voice. Kate started nodding in agreement, but unfortunately, she also happened to be drinking at the same time. She spilled her water all over herself. And Sungyeol had watched it all happen. He clicked his tongue at her. “She’s just not good judge of anything else,” he teased. Sungyeol grabbed a handful of napkins from the table. “You’re a mess. Come here,” he urged her as he wiped her chin. Kate took the napkins from him and began to dry herself. But then Sungyeol saw something else amiss. He picked a grain of rice from her eyebrow and flicked it away. “How did this even get here?”

“Don’t know,” she confessed with an embarrassed giggle.

Those two, Sunggyu was amazed that it took so long for them to confess their feelings for each other. Well, it didn’t take that long for Sungyeol to make his feelings know. Sunggyu knew it from the moment he had met the man (and Kate had known him for a full year before then). It took this long for Kate to confess, but Sungyeol didn’t hold it against her. He seemed to understand that it would take some time for her to do so. He wasn’t exactly a patient person, but he was for her, because he liked her. If you like someone well enough, it’s easier to be patient with them. If you like someone well enough, it’s easier to forget the grievances and the grudges you might have against them. It’s easier to forgive.

He just hoped that Woohyun liked him enough to put all of this behind them.

Later that day, after classes, Sunggyu was trying to studying at the library. ‘Trying,’ but he wasn’t successful. He couldn’t focus. His thoughts were all over the place and they couldn’t settle. Buzzing, buzzing, his mind was in a haze. Sunggyu finally gave up and closed his books, and he opted to stare out the window instead. Am I getting sick? I can’t concentrate. I can’t concentrate and now my eyes are playing tricks on me . There was someone blocking the window now, obstructing his view. This obstruction looked a lot like Nam Woohyun, but Nam Woohyun with a cart full of books and with pitch black hair. Does he have a doppelganger too? Hyunwoo? Oh! Hyunwoo is looking at me.

“Kim Sunggyu,” the man greeted him his a sharp nod of his head before pushing the cart towards the stacks across from Sunggyu. Sunggyu watched him disappear into the shelves.

“Aish,” Sunggyu cursed below his breath and brought his hands in fists against the sides of his head. He must be going insane. That wasn’t a doppelganger. That was the actual Nam Woohyun. And now he had made a bad situation even worse. Sunggyu abruptly got up from his chair and headed over to the shelves. There was no way that things could get even worse than they were, but there was a slight chance that they could get better. He was going to take it.

Sunggyu caught up with him much quicker than he thought he would. He almost ran into him, but he pulled back the last second, acting as if he were reaching for a book. Woohyun glanced at the other and decided to ignore him for his own work. Sunggyu sighed and took the book off of the shelf. “You dyed your hair,” he casually noted as he pretended to read the book.

Woohyun still focused on putting the books away but answered, “You didn’t notice earlier?”

Sunggyu snapped the book shut. He didn’t know if it was because they were in a library, but he’d never heard Woohyun’s voice be so curt. “No,” Sunggyu admitted with a chuckle. Don’t be like this. Say something nice . “This looks nice. The blonde didn’t suit you.”

“Well, thanks,” now Woohyun’s voice was cold as ice and he pushed the cart further down the aisle.  

Sunggyu carelessly stuffed the book back onto the shelf and followed. “Ah, no. I just meant you’re more handsome like this,” he amended. And it was the truth. This hair suited him better, not only his features but (probably) his personality as well. Truth be told, Sunggyu was old-fashioned. And although he lived in an age of wildly dyed hair, he still thought that those with such bleached hair looked like ruffians and punks. Sure, Woohyun had a playful nature to him. But he wasn’t a ruffian. He wasn’t a wolf. He was Nam Woohyun, and with this hair, he looked like a different person altogether.

“Oh,” Woohyun muttered. He paused and looked at the other again. A smile flickered but it went dark. “Thanks.” He then continued on.

They were wrong. Look at him. “Woohyun, do you hate me?” Sunggyu asked the source.

“No.”

“Why not?” Sunggyu was genuinely curious.

Woohyun turned around and leaned against the cart, crossing his arms over his chest. “Should I?” he challenged.

“Yes,” Sunggyu answered a little too emphatically.

There, Woohyun finally lightened and laughed at the other. “I try to make it a point not to hate people if I can help it,” he explained. He then narrowed his eyes on the other, not meanly but cheekily. “You’re a hard one.”

“I’m sorry,” Sunggyu blurted out.

“For what?”

“For, ah, um, yea...aish!” Sunggyu cursed. Did he really have to go over how much he insulted the other? Why couldn’t Woohyun just be satisfied with an apology? They were just running around in circles, nipping at each other’s heels whenever they got close. It was time to put an end to it, like Sunggyu hoped to. “At the risk of sounding cliche, I think it would be easier for us if we just started over again.”

“Start this conversation over again? Okay, but can we skip the part when you insult my hair?” Woohyun’s smile faltered as he said that. He was seriously pleading.

“I said you looked handsome!” Sunggyu snapped. Dang, his temper got the best of him again. Sunggyu ran a hand down his face before continuing, “See, this is exactly why we need to start all over again, from the beginning. From the very beginning.” These little grudges are holding us back. We expect the worse from each other.

Woohyun nodded. “Okay. Then let’s make it incredibly cliche,” he suggested. He pointed to the ground. “You stay here,” Woohyun commanded. He then put his hands on the cart and began to push it out of the aisle.

Sunggyu picked up a foot, about to take a step forward and follow the other, but then he remembered that he was supposed to stay put. He might’ve not been able to move his feet, but his mouth was a different matter. “Why? Where are you going? What are you doing? Why can’t I come?” he shot question after question at Woohyun who was turning the corner.

Woohyun peered around the shelf again. “You talk too much. We are in a library ,” he reprimanded with a laugh. “Just stay put.”

“B-but…” Sunggyu stammered as the other vanished around the corner. Sunggyu tried to look around the corner the best he could from his spot. It was useless. “Where is he going?” he asked himself anxiously. Sunggyu now tried to look for Woohyun through the shelves. “What?” Woohyun just putting books back onto the shelves, like he was supposed to. But what was Sunggyu supposed to do? Wait until he finished? No, no, surely Woohyun would do something ‘incredibly cliche’ once he was across from Sunggyu. After all, he knew exactly where Sunggyu was standing. What was Woohyun going to do? Pull out a book from the shelf, act surprised when he sees Sunggyu through the opening, and then ask if he could ‘check’ the elder out? Sunggyu chuckled at that thought. Okay, maybe not to that cliche. But Sunggyu found himself anticipating it greatly, and even more so the closer and closer that Woohyun got. Now, now they were nearly across from each other. Sunggyu let out a chuckle prematurely and looked at the other through the small gaps between the books. He stepped closer to the shelves. Maybe he could give Woohyun a good scare while he was at it.

But then Woohyun passed him over. He didn’t even look his way. Sunggyu pulled back. Huh? Now Woohyun was further down the aisle. Sunggyu walked up to where he was. Perhaps Woohyun had overestimated the distance. Or not. Woohyun kept pushing the cart down the aisle, slowly but steadily. And Sunggyu matched him step for step until they reached the end. Sunggyu was about to turn and confront the other, but he instead crashed into the cart.

“Aish!”

“Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there! Are you okay?” Woohyun apologized profusely and stepped around the cart, closer to Sunggyu who was rubbing his side where he’d just been hit.

“Uh, yea,” Sunggyu lied, while he cringed.

“My name is Nam Woohyun. If there are any damages on your person then…”

“What are you doing? What is this?” Sunggyu cut the other off and lightly pushed him away, grinning all the while.

Woohyun chuckled. “Our meet cute,” he explained. “Why? Is it not cute enough?”

It was cute, but it could be cuter. “I wanna try it,” Sunggyu announced as he gripped onto the handles of the cart. He then nodded towards an aisle. “Go over there.”

But Woohyun jumped in front of the cart before Sunggyu could move it. He put his hand out. “You need a license to push this cart. Let me see it,” he commanded.

Sunggyu batted Woohyun’s hand away and then tried to pull Woohyun, who now gripping onto the other end, away from the cart. “Just let me try it,” Sunggyu begged with the widest smile he could muster.

Woohyun wouldn’t budge. “No, this one is mine. Come up with your own,” he insisted, pouting. Sunggyu finally lifted his hands off from the cart and backed away. It wasn’t about the cart; it was about them, how much effort Sunggyu was willing to put in to make things right again, how he’d like them to meet under normal circumstances.

“Okay. Fine,” Sunggyu spoke in a distracted voice as he walked back to the shelves. His mind was running through possible scenarios of how they could ‘meet.’ None of them seemed good (not like Woohyun’s would be much better). “I’m not good with this stuff,” he admitted as he shot another glance at Woohyun who was waiting in anticipation. That’s not good . Woohyun was looking forward to see what he’d come up with. Pressure . No matter how many different scenarios that he came up with, they all began the same way. Sunggyu pulled a random book off of the shelf and handed it over to Woohyun. “Check out this book.”

Woohyun turned the book over and read the spine. His eyebrows arched, and he opened up the book to the title page. “This one?” he asked.

“Yea. Just do it,” Sunggyu whined. He wasn’t losing his patience (entirely) but his confidence. If Woohyun didn’t leave to check out the book now, Sunggyu’s determination to do something so cheesy would falter. “Just go.”

Woohyun smirked and nodded, eyes still fixed on the title page. “Okay,” he finally agreed and then left to check out the book.

Sunggyu stalked the other all the way up to the check-out desk. Woohyun was taking his precious time making his way to the desk. He even stopped to say ‘hello’ to a few people along the way. However... It’s all a part of the act . Not Woohyun’s but theirs. Sunggyu fell into his role as well, casually looking at books, taking a different route than Woohyun, and even saying ‘hello’ himself to a few people that he knew. Who is that person sitting with Dongwoo? Am I supposed to know him? He’s waving at me too! While Sunggyu was contemplating the identity of Dongwoo’s study partner, he noticed out of the corner of his eye. Woohyun was already at the check-out desk and handing the book over to the librarian. As he did so, he was looking about him, looking for Sunggyu. When their gazes met, Woohyun seemed somewhat relieved.

For a second, Sunggyu smiled, but then he remembered his role. Panic set in. “Ah! Hold on! I need that book! I seriously need it for my research paper!” he exclaimed as he ran over to the desk. “Can I have it? Please?” he begged the other while pointing at the book. “My name is Kim Sunggyu. If you give me your number, I can tell you when I’m done with it.”

“Really? You need this book?” Woohyun asked, astonished. Sunggyu nodded enthusiastically. Feeling his desperation, Woohyun shrugged and offered the book to Sunggyu. As Sunggyu was accepting the book with both hands, expressing his gratitude, Woohyun asked coyly, “What exactly are you researching?”

“Huh?” Sunggyu muttered as he finally read the title of the book, Fifty Ways to Feel Your Pudor. “Aish,” Sunggyu swore as he cringed, hitting his own head gently with the book before setting it down on the desk and stepping back far, far away from it. “Just forget it,” he commanded, pointing to the dreaded thing. “Do you want to get dinner?” he tried to change the subject.

And thankfully, it worked. “Will you be buying?” Woohyun asked in return.

Sunggyu gave a short nod. “I feel like I owe it to you.”

“You do,” Woohyun readily agreed. He then placed a hand on Sunggyu’s shoulder. “Let’s go.” They only walked two steps together before they fell out, and the hand dropped from his shoulder. Sunggyu spun around and looked at Woohyun who had just stopped for no reason. “Ah, I’ll put the book back first,” he explained as he picked it up. He then began backpedaling and spoke to the other, “I’ll meet you outside, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Woohyun repeated with a smile before turning around and scurrying off to put the book away.

Sunggyu sputtered into a chuckle as he walked out of the entrance, replaying what had all just happened over and over again in his head. As far as beginnings go, those weren’t so bad. They were surely better than the one they’d actually had, on the bus with the both of them just staring and judging each other. Yes, these beginnings were much, much better, even if one of them left Sunggyu with a bruised side.

When Woohyun finally came back, Sunggyu was reclining on the bench outside. Woohyun behaved much like he did at the check-out desk. He looked around the area, searching, and seemed relieved once his eyes fell upon the man on the bench. However, this time, Woohyun spoke first: “You’re still here?”

Sunggyu got up from the bench and walked towards the other, tilting his head and stuffing his hands into his pockets. “You sound surprised,” he noted.

“Because I am,” Woohyun admitted with no qualms. “I thought you’d try to get out of buying me dinner.”

There was no other comeback that Sunggyu could think of other than: “Well, I didn’t.”

Woohyun grinned. “No, you didn’t,” he repeated. He then pat the other on the back, hand gradually moving up to his shoulders as the both of them moved forward. “Let’s go. So where are you taking me?”

“Just somewhere,” Sunggyu vaguely answered, half because he wanted to keep Woohyun in suspense, half because where they were going wasn’t too exciting. They were going to the best place that he could afford, which wasn’t saying much. Sunggyu’s financial situation wasn’t much better than Woohyun’s, but with the additional strain of the Myung siblings who’d beg for food and snacks (and Sunggyu with his weak heart gave in more than he should, encouraging them to do it more often). And so the place place that he could afford was a guksu shop close to the bus stop. However, it was somehow impressive to the Woohyun.

“When you said that you’d be buying, I half thought you’d buy me 4 pieces of triangle kimbap and call it a night. This is nice,” Woohyun commented after they sat down.

Sunggyu laughed at the other. “It’s not like I’m taking out for meat,” he remarked. Now that would be nice, but all too nice for them.

Woohyun leaned in. “How can I get you to do that?” his voice was low as he asked the other to divulge his secret.

“You don’t,” Sunggyu quickly retorted. Woohyun pulled back, pretending to be dejected but he expected so much. Sunggyu studied the other closely. Woohyun seemed a bit on edge, as if he was waiting for Sunggyu to do something, something not good. Sunggyu then recalled how Woohyun kept appearing relieved when Sunggyu was where he said he’d be. “You must think little of me,” Sunggyu spoke his thoughts out loud. He hadn’t noticed it until Woohyun’s stared at him blankly. Sunggyu explained himself, “First you thought I was going to get out of treating you. Then you thought I’d be jipping you. Exactly what kind of person do you think I am?”

“I don’t know,” Woohyun replied, turning his attention to the menu. “It changes everyday.” And in a voice barely above a whisper (probably hoping that Sunggyu wouldn’t catch it), Woohyun added, “Sometimes every minute.”

So you are the same , Sunggyu thought as the waitress set dishes in front of them. Earlier Sunggyu had told Woohyun that at times he hated, but at others he liked him, that he felt like he could tell Woohyun everything and nothing at all. What he hadn’t said, what he should’ve added was that the times he was liking Woohyun were beginning to outweigh the times he didn’t. And more and more, Sunggyu wanted to tell him things, anything, just to have a casual conversation. Slowly but surely, he was starting to think he could trust Nam Woohyun. These things don’t happen all at once, not for Sunggyu. Woohyun would have to be patient with him. And Sunggyu would be patient for Woohyun in turn. Of course, Sunggyu couldn’t say all of these things to Woohyun. It was embarrassing. But he had hoped Woohyun was able to parse out the meaning behind his words.

And maybe Woohyun just did.

Or maybe Woohyun just wanted all of the side dishes. “Can I have these?” he pleaded and he pulled the small dishes closer to him (well, not all of them. Sunggyu assumed Woohyun left the ones he didn’t like for him).

Sunggyu was hungry, but... He skipped lunch today . “Sure,” Sunggyu acted as if he didn’t care.

While he was stuffing his mouth with as much food as his cheeks would allow, Woohyun asked, “So how far are we going to take this? Starting all over?” He clarified with the second question when Sunggyu gazed at him dumbfounded.

Sunggyu chuckled nervously. How far indeed. “Maybe not starting completely over again. Like you don’t need to tell me about your family,” Sunggyu drew the line. It would be silly for them to act like complete strangers now, especially after some intimate confessions.

“What about your family?” Woohyun’s question took him by surprise. “I don’t know anything about them, outside of the fact that you have a mom that hated hip-hop pants and a sister that you got into trouble.”

“I have a dad too,” Sunggyu added.

“What does he do?”

That simple question, which could’ve been answered with a single word, instead launched Sunggyu into a long monologue about his entire family, where he was from, and about Kate who was like family. After telling a rather mundane story about his neighborhood, Sunggyu wondered why he’d been talking for so long (how Woohyun wasn’t bored yet). But although Sunggyu felt like he was the only one talking, it wasn’t a monologue. It was a dialogue. Woohyun would interject with some childhood stories of his own (including a sad tale about a poor puppy named Kongddeok). It was the type of conversation that Sunggyu had wanted. It was the perfect conversation for meeting each other all over again.

After the meal, when they stepped outside, Woohyun stated, “This was really nice.” And this time it was appropriate.

“Yea it was,” Sunggyu agreed and pursed his lips for a second to stop him from smiling.

“We should do it again,” Woohyun suggested.

Sunggyu scoffed. “I’m not buying every time,” he retorted and then stopped. The shop was only a few steps away from his bus stop, meaning that time was time for them to part, time to say goodbye. And it was far easier than the last time they had to.

“Okay, next time, I’ll treat you,” Woohyun offered for backpedaling down the street, away from the other.

Sunggyu grinned broadly until he realized something. “Wait, you’re just going to take me to your parents’ place, aren’t you?” he shouted towards the other.

“Their food is the best!” Woohyun yelled back. He then waved to the other with both of his hands. “Bye Sunggyu!”

Sunggyu waved back. “Bye Woohyun!” With that Woohyun turned around and continued down the street. Finally, a goodbye with moderate and appropriate waving. It was also nice.

What wasn’t nice, what was terrifying, was to return back to his street with police cars blocking the entrance with their lights flashing and with a crowd buzzing around them. Sunggyu ran up to the scene, fast as he could. His eyes darted all over the scene, searching. What happened? He could only catch snippets of the conversation murmuring about him, like a low hum which was almost drowned out by the hammering of his heart. “An attack.” “A young lady.” “She lived with that boy.” “Yes, that boy.” “Was he attacked too?” “I think so.”

“MYUNGSOO-YAH!” Sunggyu yelled on the top of his lungs as he pushed his way to the front of the crowd. “MYUNGEUN-AH!”

A hand fell on his shoulder. Sunggyu jumped. “HYUNG!” pierced his ear. Sunggyu spun around grateful to see his neighbor unharmed. He wanted to hug the other tightly, making sure that he was indeed there, but what Myungsoo said next stopped him: “Myungeun, I can’t find her anywhere!” Myungsoo was terrified, eyes wide and unblinking.

“What?”

“I can’t find my sister!” Myungsoo screeched. “You have to help me find her.”

Sunggyu didn’t answer. He ran. He ran out of the crowd and down the street, calling for Myungeun with every good breath that he had. Myungsoo did the same and was at Sunggyu’s heels. They checked every alleyway in the neighborhood, every street and dingy corners. And they still couldn’t find her. They returned back to the entrance of their street, still blocked off by police cars but the crowd had thinned. And among them was a teenage girl.

“MYUNGEUN!” Myungsoo shouted and he embraced her tightly as soon as she turned around. His hand cupping the back of her head as he brought her even closer. “Myungeun,” his voice was shaking. “Where were you?”

“Mmmphmmm.” She couldn’t respond because her face was smashed into her brother’s shoulder.

“What?”

Myungeun pulled herself away as her brother’s grip lessened. “Dance practice,” she answered. “It ran late.”

“You should’ve called,” Myungsoo reprimanded her.

Myungeun looked guilty. “I couldn’t. My battery died,” she confessed sheepishly.

“Then don’t let it die!” Myungsoo raised his voice.

It was the most stern that Myungsoo had ever been with her. And it frightened Myungeun. She started crying. Myungsoo sighed, biting back his anger, as he wiped her tears. “I was afraid that something happened to you,” he explained. “All I heard was that a young woman was attacked.”

Myungeun sniveled a few times as she struggled to answer, “It...wasn’t...me...It was...dark ahjussi…’s wife.”

Myungsoo faced Sunggyu. “She means Karem and his wife,” he explained.

“Really? Miran-ssi?” Sunggyu mumbled as he looked up. Without rows of people to block his view, Sunggyu could see down the street clearly. The dark and tall man was sitting on the steps of Sunggyu’s building with a blanket hanging from his broad shoulders. His hand was being attended to by an emergency responder, and he was talking with the policeman next to him. Karem’s eyes kept darting back to the ambulance only a few meters away from him, where his wife was probably being attended too. Once his hand was wrapped, Karem was ushered into the ambulance himself, to be with Miran, and the policemen near Sunggyu told the crowd to back away so that the truck could leave. Sunggyu said a prayer as the truck went by.

Sunggyu had hardly known the man. He’d known that Karem’s family had lived on this street for a few years, and he found out from Kate, that the man was from the same part of America as she was. Karem had struck up a conversation with her after seeing her wear a basketball jersey of their state’s team. He was nice like that, friendly too. Miran as well. She was a bit quieter than her husband, more shy, but she had always waved when she passed by and smiled. Sunggyu hardly knew them, but he knew well enough that they did not deserve this. This was a heartless and hateful attack.

What Sunggyu didn’t know was this wasn’t the last attack this neighborhood would see.

A/N: I literally could not think of any other name than Karem Abdul Jabbar (basketball player and actor).

Also "Fifty Ways to Feel Your Pudor" is a chapter from a book I've been reading for research (Emotion, Restraint, and Community in ancient Rome by Robert Kaster). I've always thought it was a funny title. "Pudor" in Latin means "shame" or "embarrassment." So I guess you can say that Sunggyu was feeling pudor at that moment. Hehehe