Jiyong

Again, he blankly stared at the ceiling. His hand caressed his right side of the bed. Its getting cold and colder every night. He grabs onto your t-shirt and buried it onto his chest.

That t-shirt of yours. You didn't bring it with you at the time you left. Some of your perfumes and make ups was still there too. That's how he would take that grey t-shirt with him everywhere after spraying your perfume to it so he can feel your scent wherever he go.

With your scent, its like you're always there with him. He couldn't sleep without your t-shirt and perfume. He never forgot to bring it. But, there's some times that he forgot, so he ended up stay awake until the sun rises, he'd spend the night writing lyrics or else.

He cannot live without you.

Again he repeats those scenes where you first met until where you left. It hurts a lot to him. Your goodbyes affects him and his career a lot. He's being restless, just like how the fans see him, losening weights, eye-bags, pale face, every part of him looks awful.

He went out a lot more than before. He drank almost every free-times he had until way too drunken. How s can't stop him from being a mess since the day you left.

He realized his mistakes. He swore he could killed himself if he dares to. He has no way to go, this life means nothing without you. You're his only happiness and now you're gone, it ends.

All those rainbows turns into a dark clouds. Those sweet smiles fade into sadness. He sanked. Deep down there, without no one knowing it. Not even you.

You've been there since the very first.

How you'd comforted him from his thoughts about the plagiarism scandal of Heartbreaker, how you cheered him up and bring his smile back during the case. When he's sick, you're always there, cook him porridge, reminds him to take his medicine.

But, now, you're gone.

He remembers those promises. He remembers the pinky-promises. He told you he loved you.

I told her I love her.

And I really do.

And I wish she knows that.

I can't live without her.

Come back to me, love.

Sixty months ago.

“Jagiya, I want to always be here by your side like how you always be here for me”

“Well, oppa, you've always been here too” you innocently smiled at him which makes him slightly smiled back.

“No. I've always been busy. At work, at studio”

“Yes, yes, I know. But, what I meant is you've always been here” you placed your right hand on your chest, “here, oppa, inside here”

He smiled brightly and kissed you forehead.

“You know what, baby, I'll always be with you, whether there in your heart or physically here, I'll watch you grow,”

“What? I'm not a five year olds, I'm 18!” you pushed him slowly and pouted, he chuckles to see your pouts, he said your pout was the most beautiful thing on earth.

“Yes, you're 18. and i'm 24. And whatever, you're still a baby. You're always be my baby”

“That's so cheesy! I hate you” you kissed his cheeks.

“No kiss are meant for hates” he teased.

“Whatever! But...oppa...” you said in aegyo.

“Yes?” he pats your head.

“Teach me how to drive. My unnies and Taeyeon could drive nicely. And i can't. I bumped onto a tree last week, and it caused Tiffany unnie's car broken.” you pout again showing your aegyo.

“Glad you're okay” he pouts too after hearing your story.

God, dammit she's so in' cute.

“Oppa, I'm on a race with Sulli unnie. Since we're the only one who can't drive and we're the last to get our license, well, we'll get it soon. And, the one who could drive the last is the loser” you shake his arm causing him to chuckles.

“Alright, alright. I'll teach you how to drive”

“Yayyyy!” you hugged him from his left side and squezeed him lightly “Sooo.....when are you going to teach me, oppa?”

“As soon as possible, okay?”

“Okay!” you kissed his cheeks and took out your pinky finger to him “Promise?”

“Promise.” he held your pinky finger with his as you both smiled at each other and then place your forehead against each other.

***

I wish I watched her grow. She grew up so well without me, her music, I'm amazed by it. Her comebacks are the best to me. Even though we often see each other at YG building, there's no other interactions other than avoiding each other's gaze.

I wished I taught her Korean so she could communicate better. Well, her Korean is getting better now. As you may not know, she was born in Tokyo and raised in USA so she didn't speak Korean fluently, just like Tiffany.

I promised to teach her how to drive. It hurts me to see her driving perfectly, without any help from me. She got her license and I wished I was there to congratulate her on having her license.

That's all she really wants. Been able to drove anywhere she likes so she could escape easily during her dance practice. She must be really happy. I had the thought of hugging her while she told me everything she went through during the test.

At least, I'm glad she's happy.