“Iseul, you won’t suddenly come up on my porch with that expression if there’s nothing wrong.”

Holding the mug of coffee Baekhyun handed me, I look at his back figure as he pours himself some of it as well on a separate mug at his counter top. I initially wanted to approach Hana but I know that whether I have a proof or not, there would be war and she would surely attack Kyungsoo without second thoughts so I chose Baekhyun to seek comfort from.

I took this chance when Kyungsoo left for work and immediately, I went to Baekhyun next door with Yohan. “Where’s Gaeul by the way?” I try to divert his attention while glancing at my son who was placed right on top of the counter top across me while eating the crackers Baekhyun gave him. “I just drove her to school.” He turns while holding his mug of coffee. “Don’t change the subject. What’s wrong?” he asks.

I’ve only been friends with him for a few days but he already reads me well.

Or was it just too obvious?

“No, I’m just. . . having my. . . unnecessary suspicions. You know women.” I murmur but instead of sounding like I was answering him, I sounded as if I was trying to convince myself. “Suspicions about what?” He asks and went close to Yohan’s side and helped the toddler tear the cracker into a smaller piece. I simply my son’s thigh as I watch him enjoy the snack.

“You know. . . faithfulness. . . stuff like that.” I hush, I barely opened my mouth. “Wait, with Kyungsoo?” He asks in a quite shocked tone. He gives me that skeptical smile while raising his eyebrow. “What’s with the look?” I ask with a frown. I feel like I was wrong of choosing him for comfort. He’s a guy, he might just side on Kyungsoo whatever it is. “Sorry.” He lost his smile noticing my serious tone.

“What actually happened?” He asks afterwards and leaned half of his body on the counter closer to Yohan as if he wants to look after him as I worry myself there. “You promise me you won’t tell him. Nor Hana.” I mutter and his eyes widen. “W-why’s she included in here all of a sudden?” He asks in surprise. “Why, haven’t you started seeing each other yet since the day I brought you to her salon?” I ask. He turns away and shakes his head. “Nothing happened of any sort. We don’t have any contact, don’t assume stuffs.” He chuckles but it was obvious he was disappointed.

“What? I gave her your number.” I said and he shoots me a surprised glare. “Why did you??” He interrogates. “Wait—she accepted it? Did she say she will contact me?” He adds immediately. “Alright, so do I open up my problem or we just go like this? Just to be clear.” I said with uncertainty in my words and he turns away with a flustered look. His cheeks were burning already.

“Sorry, go on.” He clears his throat wile rubbing his neck. “Like I said. . . just keep this between you and me for now because I don’t want any issue to arise.” I heave a sigh as I speak. “I am listening. Go on.” He coos softly but his eyes were fixed on my son as Yohan plays with the furry edge of Baekhyun’s sweater. I then reach for the pockets of my pants and took out the note and pack of I found in Kyungsoo’s luggage a few days ago.

“I found these in his luggage.” I put it up to his level of sight and he just stares at it in complete silence. I opened the note wide and clear for him to read so I know he also saw it. “Did he say anything?” He finally speaks after some time. He grabs the pack and note like he needed a second and closer look to it with his own hands. “Why would he? And also, I haven’t told him anything nor showed him anything weird. What do you think he would say anyway??” I answer.

“I don’t know. I haven’t cheated yet.” He tells and my heart pounds painful at the word he said. “Oops—sorry. I mean. . . Iseul.” He realizes what he said right away and tried to take it back but my tears were already forming. “What if you’re just assuming things?” He asks and tries to pat my arm. “Does that note seem like I’m just assuming things?” I ask back and he opens his mouth to speak but nothing came out of him which hurt me even more.

“D-do you know whoever this woman is?” He asks. I look down as I wipe the tears that have escaped my eyes. “I don’t know but I only have one girl in mind and that’s the girl whom he travelled with. And he was. . . he was answering so vaguely when I asked him where he rode on their way back here. H-he said. . . he rode the university van but then. . . I suddenly heard the woman’s name being mentioned having his bag in her car and I-I d-don’t know. . . I don’t know w-what to think anymore.” I ended up bursting out of tears while trembling.

Baekhyun looks in panic as he tries to move close to me whilst glancing at my son who was also frowning at the sight of me. “It seems like you haven’t cried it out. You need to cry it out, Iseul.” Baekhyun hushes while rubbing my arm. He wasn’t hugging me and to be really honest—no malice combined—I really need a hug right now. I cover my mouth as I hold loud sobs from coming out. The pain is eating me out right now and I feel so weak.

It’s aching worse than my injured hand.

“I-I know it’s hard to believe when we’re talking about Kyungsoo. . . I swear I’m having a hard time too but. . . h-he’s still human s-so how am I supposed to. . . avoid feeling this way?” I cry out and had to bend down, my chest near my knees when Yohan begin having his crying face. I just had to hide myself. “Wait a sec.” Baekhyun lifts my son up and rushed to the living room. I watch him as he places Yohan to his couch and then he opens the TV to a cartoon channel.

Then he comes back to me right away.

“Calm down. Sit.” He pulls me up again and made me sit on the high chair by his kitchen counter again. “Look. . .” He puts a hand on top of mine. Is it weird if I say his hand feels so fatherly? Even just a little, I feel as if I’m being comforted by my father. Even his tone does. “Keeping it to yourself. . . is hurting yourself. Why don’t you ask him straight?” He asks and I eagerly shake my head as I sob. “I-I’m scared. What if. . . W-what if it’s true and it ruins eve—“ So you want to act oblivious about this forever? Is that it? Just because you’re scared?” he asks.

I look back at him with my firm expression.

“Baekhyun, I have a family to keep. Fine, asking him might fix the pain I’m feeling but being prepared for what if’s is better than suffering if only. Our son’s so young, you know that. . .” I hush. “Besides. . .” I look down as I crumple the paper in my hands again. “I-if they know it’s just a onetime thi—“That is bull. If this is real, if Kyungsoo did this for real. . . Onetime things are bull. It can happen again if he sees that he’s safe. So Iseul, listen to me and talk to him.” He tells firmly.

Maybe it’s hard to understand me right now. . . but it’s harder to do what he wants me to do.

It’s like forsaking my son’s happiness and peace for my own benefit or whatnot.

I still shake my head as I look down. “A-as long as he’s acting fine. . . as long as everything’s normal between—“So does that ease your pain? Do you think with what you have in your mind right now will make everything between you two ever normal? As long as you keep that thought in you?” Baekhyun cuts me off. “You came here to have someone to listen to your foolish decisions. You won’t come here if you don’t want something to be done.” He tells.

That’s the thing. I want something to be done. . . to be fixed.

But I’m scared.

“Iseul. . . no matter how you say he acts normally. . . that thing in your mind will keep changing everything as long as you’re not letting it out to him. Do you understand me?” He asks. He leans more closely and held my hand again. He heaves a sigh. “I. . . I wasn’t given a chance. . . or I wasn’t given a long time to experience marriage but. . . it’s a beautiful thing. Especially when it’s created with honesty and faith.” He tells and gives me a solemn smile.

What he said made me cry like a kid, sobbing hard while having an awful face.

“It’s even funny how. . . people actually know their spouses better than how much they know their parents. It seems wrong but it’s possible.” He chuckles as he reaches for my face and wipes my tears. “So what’s to be scared about?” he asks. “B-but I don’t know how to ask him. . .” I muffle. He smiles again and taps the table this time. “It’s easy.” He gives me a reassuring nod. He clears his throat before speaking.

“Do Kyungsoo, did you another woman or not? Yes or No are the only choices. Yes, get the hell out of this house together with your stuff because you’re an who can’t keep promises. No, let’s talk and explain to each other and I will say sorry for calling you an .” He tells and somehow, it made me smile. How he says it calmly made me feel like I can say it as well.

He made it sound so simple and it gave me strength to actually do it.

“See? Is it hard?” He asks afterwards giving me a light smile. “You serious?” I ask while chuckling. “Damn, I am.” He laughs back. “Thank you. . . I mean. . . I might not say the exact same thing you said because it’s just too powerful but. . . you made me think otherwise.” I mutter while wiping my own tears. “Yes and. . . you don’t really need to rush yourself. Take your time. Go and corner him when you’re ready.” He tells with a charming smile.

I give him a nod.

He is such a sweetheart. Gaeul is lucky to have a father like him and I know whoever is it that will be with him in the future is also lucky.

“Anyway, may I know the woman’s name?” He asks as he takes a sip on his coffee. “Park Yuhee.” I answer and he suddenly spits his coffee out which made me flinch in surprise. “A-are you alright??” I ask and held on his arm. I grabbed a few sheets of tissue on the tissue rack and handed him some. He wipes his own mouth before giving me a bewildered face. “That was my ex!” he exclaims and my jaw dropped.

“R-really??” I ask and he nodded eagerly. “Just a few months ago. I was just new here that time when I met her in a café near the studio I was working at. Are you serious??” He asks and he looks more disorientated than I do. I try to open my mouth to speak but I couldn’t say anything. I am too shocked of such fate. He held my shoulders. “That girl is a flirting machine. Ask Kyungsoo now. Immediately, don’t you ever take your time, quickly.” He grunts in panic and I just blink right there in confusion.

“I-is she that bad?” I ask. “She’s not bad. She’s a flirt.” He tells with his gritting teeth. “Why what happened with the two of you?” I ask out of curiosity because he looked so furious. “So we met at a café and of course, she was the first one to make a move on me. So we hung out and then blah blah blah, exchanged phone numbers and then met again one time. Then we decided to date that day and boom, the same day we had , and mind I tell you, in her car! And that is her initiative, not mine.” He said.

—her car again?? What’s with her car??

“S-so. . . why do you sound so angry?” I ask while blinking. “Because that flirt was cheating that time and we were caught! She had a boyfriend who had a huge body and can just crash me into pieces and I—Oh my god, I’m so angry right now, I look weird, sorry. Don’t go out of this house without planning to corner your husband right away. I am telling you. If you don’t make this clear yet, don’t ever talk to me.” He suddenly bursts and I was so surprised. I never saw him this angry before but it actually looked hilarious.

“So. . . were you crashed into pieces?” I ask and held my laugh when he showed me his displeased face. “Yes and for your information, it’s only been a few months so there is a possibility that this Johnny Bravo is still her boyfriend and if your precious husband is really doing something inappropriate with her, don’t expect your husband to go home with a complete pair of hands or feet.” He tells. “Did you get injured?” I ask. He points to the top portion of his right brow. “See the scar there? Do you know how long the stitches were? I almost burst my forehead open and it scared my daughter like hell. Okay? Clear enough??” He asks and I eagerly nodded.

I gotta stop, he looked so affected already.

And it’s hilarious.

“Hoo~ I think my blood pressure’s elevating.” He sighs loudly and takes a sip on his coffee again. I cover my mouth as I try to hold my laugh. He’s damn funny and I know it’s wrong because he’s sincerely angry. “Are you alright?” I hesitantly ask while patting his arm. I glance at my son, Yohan in the living room and fortunately, he didn’t seem affected of Baekhyun’s loud outburst and was still watching the TV show. “I am but. . . Iseul, don’t ever feel lesser than that woman. You’re much better than her. She might be a bit brainy but she’s still a big turn off. Go claim what’s yours.” He tells. “Okay. . .” I mutter calmly as the nervousness starts building up in me again after that brief comedy segment Baekhyun gave me unplanned. Then he speaks again,

“I’m not siding on Kyungsoo alright? We still need to know what’s the real deal but. . . with Yuhee’s personality, I don’t think Kyungsoo would ever have hots for her. Just saying.” He tells. “How about you? You had hots for her. You dated.” I mutter and he frowns again. “Because of the outer appearance, she was really my type. Tall, curvy and—why is this on me again? This is your issue.” He asks and raises an eyebrow. “Hana’s slim though. . .” I muffle with a pout. He purse his lips together as he looks away. “But she eats like a construction worker.” I add and I fail to ignore the smile threatening to reach Baekhyun’s lips as he avoids my eyes, still.

“Anyway. . . is Yuhee good in ?” I hush softly and darts a glare at me again. “Please, I just want to know. . . c-cause. . . if something really did happen. . . the reason might be my lacking. . .” I look down to my lap. “It’s hard to say, Iseul. It’s not easy to compare you two, I haven’t had with you so—why are you making this so awkward, tell me. This is so wrong to be talking about.” He frowns and folds his arms. I look away and ended up laughing. The way he speaks is so funny at the same time comforting and dependable.

“Okay fine. . .” I close my eyes but I still had that grin on my face. “If that’s Kyungsoo’s only reason then he is indeed an . A . Now if he didn’t do it, then all’s well. As simple as that. He wouldn’t be married to you for like what? Almost three years just to have discontent for such a little thing.” He tells.

I gave him a look.

“Little thing?” I raise an eyebrow. He looks down to himself and gave me a glare after. “I’m not judging your husband and I’m not saying he’s small—well, literally he’s kind of small, in the height—don’t kill me. And I’m not gonna deny, I haven’t been active for a while but I’m not married which. . . is kind of depressing—but anyway, this isn’t about me, alright? Like you said. . . you have a family to keep and so you need to keep it the right way. Don’t be scared, okay? Is everything clear now? Would you be able to come out of this house with your full-blown courage to talk this through with your other half?” He asks while putting his hands up in defense.

I gave him a nod and a smile.

I never knew he could be this funny and sweet at the same time. I am older than him by a few months but he’s like an Oppa.

He’s right. . . I want to keep my family the right way. With honesty and loyalty. I need not to be scared to ask Kyungsoo myself and extend the suspicions and anxiety I am feeling inside of me. I need not to be scared of my own husband.

I want to trust myself. . . and therefore it includes him because he’s my other self.

I hope everything goes right. Well or not, it needs to be right first.

Hashtag Author's Note:

Hashtag, ending soon. 

Hashtag, there's no forever.

Hashtag, I'm not bitter. Don't judge.

Hashtag, this is romcom don't forget that.

Hashtag, I ate dumplings and I'm happy.

Hashtag, why am I using the actual word of hashtag instead of the symbol hashtag.