I was in the middle of sleeping when my stomach grumbled and I turned over my bed, glancing over at the digital clock we had on the night stand. It showed 12.42am in white letters. I sat up, wondering why it was actually grumbling at this time of the night. Thinking for a little bit, I realised I haven’t had anything to eat ever since I left the house for Jongdae’s funeral. Furrowing my brows, I looked over to the compiled list of letters that was together with the first letter. Scanning through the list once, I thought I saw it written just now. I looked through it another time and picked out the letter that I was looking for. Opening it slowly, I took a deep breath before reading it.

Open When You’re Hungry

“Dearest Hyemi,

I was pretty sure that this would be the first one you would open. Am I right? I should be offended you didn’t open “Open When You Miss Me” first but I know you all too well and that’s alright. You would always complain about being hungry despite eating every hour. How can someone your size even eat that much? Even the biggest guy I know, Chanyeol, don’t even eat as much as you do. Or were you perpetually pregnant all those while and it was all just cravings? Haha, I’m kidding.

Don’t be lazy and order something. Even if it’s way past midnight, order something. I’m not there to order for you anymore, so you have to order them yourself. I’ve written out the whole list of the numbers and it’s on the notebook right beside the phone in the living room. Now we don’t have to bicker about who’s going to pay for the food, since, well... I’m not there anymore. But eat well, like always. To be honest, that’s the least of my worries because you always eat well. There’s no need to remind you to do that right? Haha.

Go ahead, order some fried chicken even if it’s late at night. It’s good to be unhealthy sometimes. Not that you actually calculated every calorie you ate, you know? You can continue reading this when you’re done eating. “

I put the letter down and the lights in our room. Walking over to the living room, I flipped through the notebook and saw the whole list of restaurants that Jongdae had written out for me. It was even categorised according to their specialty. Flipping over to the fried chicken section, I picked up the phone and dialed the number.

“Hello, Jongin’s Fried Chicken! It’s nice to receive a call from you again, it’s the Lee-Kim Household right? May I take your order?” A chirpy voice said and making me jump up at how excited the person sounded.

“Hi, um, yes it is.” I stuttered, it’s been a while since I was the one actually calling them. This restaurant was Jongdae and I's favourite Korean Chicken lace and the owners know us all too well. “I’d like an 8 piece soy-chicken,” I continued before hanging up once my order was confirmed.

Not even half an hour later, Mr Kim, the owner appeared at my doorstep with the chicken I’ve ordered. I gave him small smile as I extended my hand to collect the plastic bag filled with food. As I reached over, to my purse, he told me that he had it covered and that Jongdae had paid for it before he passed away.

Before I could reply and say thanks, he continued speaking, “Jongdae loves you so much. I can see it in his eyes, and the way it brightens when he talks about you. He wanted to pay for your food, a life-long supply, but I rejected. Just call us or drop by, the food is on us. I know how much it would mean to him. Promise me, that you’ll visit the restaurant soon?”

I slowly nodded as Mr Kim took a step forward and patted my shoulder. “You’ll be alright.” I watched as he turned his back and walked out of our flat. His back slowly disappearing as he entered the lift outside our flat. I took the plastic bag and placed it on the dining table and sat at my usual seat, but this time without Jongdae opposite me. I ate until I was full before keeping everything else inside the fridge. Grabbing a glass of water, I headed up to my room and picked up the letter and continued reading it.

“Did you eat well?” I nodded to the letter, knowing really well that Jongdae could see me from where he was.

“I’m pretty sure you ate that 8 piece chicken from the Jongin's Fried Chicken a couple of blocks away. I wish that I can eat with you but I’m so far away. And by far away, you know, in heaven, watching you and taking care of you. I remember when I first watched in utter amazement when you ate four pieces of chicken in one sitting. You would even your fingers clean after you’re done. It didn’t gross me out unlike other guys, maybe it was just your charm. You’re really different from other girls, you know? Maybe that’s why you’re the one who caught my eye.

Anyway, eat those cubed radish that comes along with it as well, don’t waste your food. I’m sorry this letter is pretty short but I’m sure the other letters will be a tad longer.

I love you. Always.

Love,

Jongdae”

I reached over to my phone and dialed his number. My thoughts were filled with how much time Jongdae had actually spent preparing all these for me, just so that I would be okay when he left. My train of thoughts were disrupted when I heard Jongdae’s familiar voice over the phone.

“Hey, it’s Chen. Sorry I can’t pick up the phone. Please leave your message after the beep.”

“Hey Dae, I’m here again. You must be pretty surprised that I’m here a lot sooner but well, what can I do if I’m hungry, right? I was obviously NOT pregnant. Are you trying to say that I’m fat? Even when you’re so far away, you’re still teasing me?” I rolled my eyes as I paused to think of what to say next. Even in his last few moments living and writing the letter, Jongdae only knew how to tease me. How annoying.

“How did you know I’ll order from Jongin’s Fried Chicken, are you some mind reader or something? How did you prepare all this? Mr Kim told me you tried to pay a life-time supply of fried chicken for me? What in the world, Chen.” I bit the inside of my cheeks, knowing all too well he didn’t like it when I called him by his other name. He would whine endlessly until I finally call him his "real" name. It was cute when he whined, but sometimes it became really annoying considering how nasal he sounded. 

“I have so many questions, don’t I? Too bad, you left too early to answer all of this. I ate it all. Even ate those cube radish that I hate. But I grew to like that a little, thanks to you. I should sleep now, I still have work tomorrow. I mean, later since its past midnight now. I miss you so so much and I love you. Always.”

I hung up as I curled up on the bed. It felt empty and cold without Jongdae’s arms wrapped around my waist. It felt weird that I didn’t have to fight over the blanket with him. Somehow, I felt a presence with me – his presence, and before I knew it I drifted off to dreamland.