He opened one eye and rubbed the other one. The morning light was already flooding in the room.

He turned towards the nightstand and checked the time. With relief he noticed that he had still time until the alarm clock. He couldn't wait for this day to start, but still he rolled up under the duvet, he sighed and he thought that finally the big day arrived.

°°°

“Ok guys, now please choose your partner and start working on your project” the teacher said passing between the desks.

Chanyeol took a look around searching for a partner to work with, but he noticed that everyone was already working on the project. He unwillingly raised his hand.

“I'm sorry, but I think I'm alone”

He wasn't new to this situation and he was kind of used to it. During gym class he was always the last one to be picked and not to say, during class projects he wasn't even asked for advice.

“But you're not alone son, there” and he pointed to the back of the class “you can work with the new student”.

He passed most of his time sitting in his desk with headphones in his ears, but how couldn't not notice the new guy? His mom was right by calling him Alice in Wonderland! He was tidying is desk when he heard the sound of a chair positioned in front of him. He looked up and for a moment he stopped breathing. What was that pit in his stomach? And why he just wanted to run to the bathroom and throw up his breakfast? He counted to ten and took two deep breaths to calm down.

“Byun Baekhyun, at your service”

“Parkchanyeol” he said all in once.

“So parkchanyeol” he mocked “should we start?”.

Thank God, this Byun Baekhyun was a smart guy, because Chanyeol was totally deafened by the sound of his heart beats. He was completely dumbfounded, his eyes too occupied in looking every single details in the other face: the way his brows furrowed when he was focused, the eyes twinkling like two little stars and that mole....but he was only when he smiled at him that he knew he was in front of his first love.

°°°

The water dripping from the shower suddenly took him back to reality. He had some troubled dreams that night, but he had the sweetest awakening: he couldn't stop thinking to the first smile he saw rising from Baekhyun face.

He remembered how the shy guy that he was, was completely overwhelmed by the Baekhyun storm. He was funny, charming, smart, in no time he was able to be part of the soccer team and soon he became the popular guy in school. Many of the people around him kept asking way he was friend with a person like Chanyeol and, with extreme naivety, he answered it was 'cause Chanyeol was the first person in school who spoke with him’. When Baekhyun told him, Chanyeol could barely keep his happiness with him. Finally he found someone who liked him just the way he was: clumsy, quiet and with no particularly interest in any of the school activities. During the day his mind was preoccupied with only two things: music and Baekhyun. The first one was known to everyone, the second was a secret that he jealously guarded in his heart.

He checked the knot of his tie and his blue velvet jacket. A winter wedding of course was a brilliant idea of Baekhyun. When Chanyeol knew the date he basically run to Gangnam ready to spend his entire salary in a suit he saw on his way to work.  He looked really good, almost like one of those models on the papers. He turn around once more to check himself on the mirror and then he headed to the kitchen.

“Oh love, you're so handsome” his mom said pinching his cheeks.

“Mom please, you're embarrassing me” he muttered trying to escape from the older woman “stop hugging me, I'm not leaving to war. You're going to ruin my suit this way, stop it!”

“Ok ok get it” she raised her hands, defeated “Don't get mad. Here, I don't want you to faint before you arrive to church” she said serving him breakfast.

“I'm not. By the way, Shouldn't you be with Yoora to be checking on the last details?”

“Your sister is going to be fine. Plus, I forgot something” she said heading to the bedroom.

Chanyeol ate in silence, his mind occupied by many thoughts. He was anxious but yet relieved for what was happening to him. He was sure that from now on everything was going to be better and the future was going to be brighter. All this optimism made him smile.

“Alice please, get out from your wonderland and answer the phone” shouted his mom.

“I'm not sixteen anymore, stop it! Hello? Yoora, what’s wrong?”

“Yah, don't be the prima donna! Mom is stressing you out?”

“Obviously. You need something? Help maybe?”

“I just wanted to tell you that I took the wedding rings so don't keep searching them. And please send me mom. These idiots don't even know how to arrange flowers in the hall. I'm going to get a heart attack!”

“I can't wait to kick her out!”

There was a moment of silence between them and then “Can you forgive me?” Yoora said, almost like a whisper. “Always”. And he cut the call.

His mom was coming back so he didn't have the time to think to anything.

“Who was on the phone? Yoora? Do I need to go?”

“Yes mom. Take a deep breath and keep calm.” he said patting her back and she took his hand.

“How can I keep calm?” and then she hugged him tight.

He was almost drowning in his own feels, tears were ready to flow on his cheeks, a lump on his throat kept him from speaking. He couldn't cry. He had to be strong and go on. He had to grow up.

“You know, dad would be proud of you”

“I doubt it...he didn't even know that...”

“Don't be silly” the older woman looked at him straight in the eyes and Chanyeol felt his stomach twist. She his cheeks. “ Be strong” and she went out.

°°°

“Yeol, where are you?”

“Yura called me saying that you're missing from a week”

“Yeol answer the phone dammit”

Baekhyun kept calling him for days and left thousand of messages to the voice mail and Chanyeol kept listening to and erase them. He didn't want to hear anyone. He just wanted to snuggle in the blankets and maybe die in the trash that he gathered those days. His boss was kind enough to let him have a week of vacation to pull himself together. But the weekend arrived and he understood that nothing changed. Maybe not even a lifetime was enough.

He rolled out the bed and he went to the bathroom, going through the pile of clothes and trash on the floor. He was about to going back to bed, when he faced his reflection on the mirror. He couldn't be him. He touched his cheek and then the stranger on the mirror did the same. He raised his arm and the stranger did the same. No. That can't be. He didn't know the zombie in front of him.

Anger was ripping his heart, he rested his hands on his knees and he bent a little: his breath was starting to become uneven and his sight was clouding. He needed to calm down, to lie down on the floor and then just forget everything. But his body was unresponsive.

He raised his hand and then he punched the mirror with his fist. Then everything became clear. He took a look around and he realized that he was in the bathroom. What was he doing there? And what was that strange heath invading his hand?

“What the hell are you doing?”

At first he didn't recognize that voice. He turned around abruptly and stilled. That couldn’t be him. He couldn't see him in that state.

“Chanyeol! Your hand” the voice shouted.

He looked down and he saw that the cause of the heath he felt was spreading through his right arm. Blood. Blood that was falling on the floor. What happened. He didn't remember. He gently lifted the arm, helping himself with the left arm. The cuts were not only on his hand, they arrived till the elbow.

“What?” he whispered and the last thing he saw was Baekhyun running to him and then nothing.

Daddy, I'm so happy you brought us to the see.

Look how blue it is

A seagull dad, look!

Dad, take my hand let's go swimming

That I can't touch the ground

Dad don't let my hand go

Don't leave me here

I'm drowning

Dad

His throat and nose were burning so much that he was forced to open his eyes. All he could see was water. A panic attack got him and he tried to lift himself but a sharp pain stabbed his right side. He was about to faint because of the pain, but a pair of arms kept him. Surfacing was a shock. His throat burned and the only thing he could do was spit out the water he swallowed. He calmed down eventually and then  he rested his back on the tub. He didn't quite know what he was doing there. But Baekhyun was by his side, so nothing bad could happen.

“Five seconds Yeol....I left for five seconds and what you do? You try to commit suicide?” he shouted.

His eyes were almost scary. Full of anger and yet full of tears.

“Baek...” he tried to say...but Baekhyun slapped him in his face.

“I'm sorry! Yeol, I'm so sorry...I didn't want to...it's just...Your sister kept calling me saying that she didn't have any news from you, so....it wasn't easy coming here, I thought.... but you are alive. I mean, surrounded by trash and with a hand almost gone, but you are alive! You don't even know how relieved I am” he kept sniffing and Chanyeol's cheek.

“I had a dream, a very realistic one. But it was just a dream” he felt Baekhyun's hands gently touching his face.

“It's ok, cry, take all out and the you'll feel a little better”

Chanyeol didn't even notice the tears that were streaming down his face. He cried so much those days that he didn't think he was still able to do it...

Baekhyun sat on the side of the tub and gently redo the bandage on the hurt hand. Chanyeol let his head fall on the edge of the tub and close his eyes. He could feel every single tear, and his sobs were more and more violent. He could feel also Baekhyun's hand removing the bandage and touching his cuts, carefully disinfecting them.

He felt himself being lifted and he didn't even know how but he was standing on the tub. He covered his eyes, trying to ease the burning sensation and, shaking, he called Baekhyun, voice faint. Hearing no answer, he stretched his arms to find his friend, but finding no one he started panicking once again. He was about to faint again but then he felt himself being hold tight. He couldn't do it without him, the smaller was his strength, the fixed point of his life. Now that he felt safe in his arms, Chanyeol opened his eyes. Beakhyun smiled to him.

“I was taking some clothes” he said pulling Chanyeol's arm on his shoulders.

Chanyeol, feeling Baekhyun's arm circling his waist, shyly let his head fall on the shoulders of the brunette. He wanted to cherish him, hugging him, thanking him for everything, but he was exhausted.

Baekhyun helped him getting out from the tub and then he dried him gently. Chanyeol's heart was about to burst, the happiness caused by those little demonstrations of affection was ruined by the sense of guilt he felt inside. He couldn't let himself being happy, not in that situation. He let the other dress him, his fingers brushing is skin. His eyes already flooding with tears.

Hand in hand they went to bed, in a comforting silence. They never needed many words, just a glance or a sigh was enough to know each other thoughts. Baekhyun tried to fix the bed as well as he can and the he positioned himself under the covers. Chanyeol stood there, not moving. Almost like he was waiting for his best friend to allow him in. It was only when he look up that he saw his best friend smiling to him, patting the empty space beside him. The smaller took his hand and Chanyeol, not thinking twice, took it and squeeze it. He let his head on Beakhyun's chest, letting the latter's heartbeat lulling him to sleep.

“Baek...” he whispered, feeling the other's hand his back. Tears were flooding again, soaking the other's shirt and Baekhyun, hearing his sobs, hold him tight.

“He's gone Baek. He's gone and I didn't have the chance to tell him that I'm gay. Why did I wait so long?” he said, breathing heavily “He would have accepted me as I am? Or he would have hated me and kicked me out? I should have told him and I didn't because I'm a coward. I'm a coward Baek and he didn't deserve a son like me. He was everything to me and I wasn't honest with him...” but before he could finish he feel his best friend's lip brushing his gently. Chanyeol's eyes widened. He dreamt for that moment from the very first time he knew he was in love with Baekhyun. Years and years passed hiding himself and his feelings and now...now he didn't want to waste any more time. He close his eyes and he got lost in the sweetness of the kiss. Chanyeol felt the other's hands his face and then his lips rest on the cheek, letting a last kiss there. Chanyeol opened his eyes and searched for the brunette's eyes, who was smiling to him.

“Mr. Park would have loved you and supported you, I'm sure” he said, drying the taller one tears with his thumb “so don't feel guilty anymore, ok?”. Chanyeol nodded. “Ok, now sleep.”

“You're staying here with me?”

“Always.”

Chanyeol snuggled himself towards the other's body, head hiding in the crook of Baehyun's neck, lulled to sleep surrounded by the arms and smell of his best friend.

°°°

After fighting for the parking, Chanyeol began to run like crazy, he only had five minutes to arrive.

He couldn't be late. Heavy breathing, he entered the wedding venue. He needed few minutes to find the hall, then he saw his sister trying to get his attention.

“Prima donna until the end, aren't you?” Yoora playfully said.

“ I tried my best not to be late, but I messed up with the tie, then this guy tried to steal my parking and then....” but he didn't want everything to her, so brushing the back of his neck, he apologized. 

Yoora took a step closer, she did the knot of his tie and she his cheek.

“You know, you look really handsome today! Are you trying to steal my future husband from me on my wedding day?” she laughed.

Chanyeol tried to smile, but now that the moment was near he wasn't sure he could rely on his own strenght.

“I tried, but that idiot has eyes only for you”.

One of the wedding planners cut them off, luckily, asking them if they were ready.

“Are you ready noona?” he said, offering her his arm.

“I'm ready” she said.

The doors of the hall were opened wide. Everyone was looking to them, everyone affected.

Chanyeol took a look to his sister: she was literally glowing, so he thought he was doing the right thing, for her. Not for himself. With a lump on his throat he followed her gaze and then he saw him.

Baekhyun was simply stunning, in his black suit, hair styled up and a slight pinky shade coloring his cheeks. The taller wanted to run to him and hold him ,kiss him, hug him...but he couldn't.

He kissed his sister forehead and then he turned to Baekhyun, who hugged him, unexpectedly.

It took a moment for Chanyeol to react to this, but then he lifted his arms and, shaking, he hugged him. He hide his face in the crook of the other's neck, inhaling his scent, remembering that night, after his father passed away. That night he hoped for a future with him, but it was just an illusion. He wanted to be mad at him for that kiss, but he knew that Baekhyun didn't intended it the same way as him. He tried to hate him. But he couldn't.

He let him go, he took his sister hand and put it on Baekhyun's one. Then the ceremony officially started and he placed himself beside Baekhyun, as his witness.

That was Yoora and Baekhyun's big day. But it was also his big day. The day he would have say goodbye to his first love.

°°°

“Hello!”

Chanyeol looked up and he saw a short boy with big doe eyes.

“May I sit here?”

“Sure”

“Bride or groom?”

“I'm sorry, what?”

“Are you here for the bride or the groom?”

“Uhm....both...I'm the bride's brother and the groom's witness” he said, internally groaning. It wasn't the best day for an examination by a stranger.

“So you're Chanyeol”

How did he know his name and why the heck he was blushing?

“I introduce myself” he said “ I’m Kyungsoo, I work with Yoora. That's why I know your name” he said blushing furiously.

Chanyeol tried to remember if Yoora talked about this Kyunseo or Kyungsoo guy. He didn't know what to say and he diverted his gaze. But then he felt someone patting his shoulder. It was Kyungsoo trying to get his attention.

“Yeah?”

“Wouldyouliketodancewithme?”

“Uhm.....what?”

“Would you like to dance with me?” the doe eyed said, taking a deep breath.

“I'm sorry, but...”

“It's ok, nevermind. I'm going now”.

The disappointment in Kyungsoo eyes was evident and Chanyeol felt sorry for him. Just because it wasn't the best day of his life, he had to make this guy sad.

“I'm sorry. It's just that i can't really dance”

“Oh, it's ok don't worry” and he took his hand dragging him to the dance floor.

It was just a dance right? What could happen?

Thank you so much for reading♡