07-Phantasm

It’s been a week since Yuri had told her about her Taeyeon unnie being her childhood friend and it’s like everything clicked for her. The way Yuri would always perk up some more when she sees Taeyeon, the way she would try to do everything for Taeyeon, the little gifts she would give Taeyeon, she noticed everything and it’s so painful to watch yet she can’t do anything about it.

“Are you okay, Jessica?” Taeyeon voiced out, she hadn’t notice that she’s been spacing out. She looked at her sister before looking away, she’s mad, she’s hurt, she wants to yell at the older one for taking Yuri away from her.

Hah.

She didn’t take Yuri away. Yuri made the assumption herself and she doesn’t have the power to tell her otherwise. She looked back at her sister who was now looking at her with worry in her eyes. She sighed. It’s not Taeyeon’s fault. She’s oblivious to everything that’s happening as far as Jessica can tell.

“I’m okay. I’m just really stressed about school and the projects.” She half-lied and Taeyeon smiled at her, the alleviation shining through those rayless eyes.

“I’ll make you some tea then. Maybe it’ll help with calming you down and your projects.” Taeyeon smiled at her and she smiled back. How can she be mad at her sister who has cared for her, for them--her, Wendy, and Joy--without asking anything back. How can she be mad at Taeyeon for not knowing how her soulmate feels for her.

“Hey Sica~” Yuri called out to her as she was walking out of her class. She stopped in her tracks, half wanting to just get away while half wanting to be closer to Yuri’s presence.

“Hey~” She whispered, trying her best to smile.

“Are you busy?”

“A bit”

“Oh...If you have time, we should hang out~ My treat!” The taller one exclaimed, fixing her messenger bag. “I miss spending time with you.” she whispered and that’s all it took for all her reserves to crumble.

“If you want we can hang out now.” and Yuri grinned at her, and she was lost once again. She was ready to jump and to fall but she knew no one would catch her. It pains her so and she tries not to show it especially to the one that carries her heart without even knowing it. They decided to go to the school’s garden after buying some snacks in the convenience store in their university. The garden was filled with both purple and blue hyacinths and irises and she sighed at the beauty and melancholy of it all. They sat down at the empty benches, silence engulfing them for a while before Yuri talked about how much she missed her. But every time the tanned one says something about her sister, Taeyeon, she could feel her insides clench but she kept it in until they had finished their little get together.

She went home. Drained and just wanting to lie on her bed and be miserable for the whole week but she was stopped in the middle of the living room by Wendy and Joy who were discussing things.

“I really think it’s her. It’s Irene unnie~” Wendy swooned, she was sitting in the couch, eyes unfocused and glazed over.

“Are you sure, unnie?”

“I mean, how could you explain me suddenly aging?”

“It could be another person you’re overlooking.” Joy commented.

“Joy’s right, Wendy. Don’t go jumping to conclusions you’re not 100% sure about.” She piped up, couldn’t help but making her niece see reason.

“I’m decided that I’m going to confess to her!~” Wendy announced and Joy sighed in defeat as she shook her head and just sat down on one of the couch, math book in hand.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Joy murmured before doing her homework. Jessica shook her head before going inside her room.

Seeing Yuri inside her home has become a habit for the next few weeks as the latter would always drop by or get invited by Taeyeon to play Mario Kart with her. The tanned one sometimes brings Seulgi with her and the younger kids would play and talk by themselves, sometimes she brings Sooyoung and Tiffany and she notices how Sooyoung would sometimes glare at Taeyeon while Tiffany often starts conversation with her while glancing curiously at Taeyeon once in awhile.

Today was one of those days where Yuri had brought her whole squad with her and it was chaos in their home. With Sooyoung and Tiffany losing the game to Yuri and Taeyeon and Joy and Yeri cheering for another round. Seulgi was asking Wendy if she wants to partner for the next round while Wendy was asking Irene to be partners for the next round and Irene looking at Seulgi apologetically. It was funny in a disconsolate way, or maybe it’s just her because she has resorted to finding pain a funny thing as her defense mechanism, either way, the scene in front of her is bittersweet.

She saw Yuri look at her before grinning and asking her to join in, but she declined, seeing how Yuri had put her arms around Taeyeon and the latter laughing at Yuri’s behaviour. She tried to smile, she really did, but she thinks it turned more into a grimace rather than a small one because Yuri had scrunched her eyebrows in worry and excused herself, passing Seulgi the controller, before walking towards her.

“Hey, can we talk?” the tanned one asked and she just nodded because she’s helpless when it comes to Yuri. She had led the latter towards the balcony, where a nice view of Seoul can be seen along with the stars glimmering in the night sky.

“What is it?” She asked.

“I just want to tell you, since you’re my bestfriend,” Yuri paused, “and she’s your sister...I just wanted you to know that I’m planning on confessing to Taeyeon.” She blinked. Was she having a nightmare? Is this real? Did she just hear Yuri...her Yuri say that she’s confessing? Confessing to someone that’s not her? Confessing to someone she knew and held close in her heart? Confessing to her Taeyeon unnie? She’s sure she’s having some sort of phantasm. Yuri snapped her fingers in front of her and that brought her back to reality. “You okay? You seem  a bit out of it since earlier...”

“I-I’m okay” not. She forced a smile, and this time it looked like a genuine one. She caressed Yuri’s face, “Are you sure about that?” and they were stuck in a staring contest that felt like the first time they saw each other, she might have imagined the emotions behind Yuri’s eyes to be confused, but when the latter uttered ‘I’m sure.’ to her she quickly dropped her hands back to her side and looked past Yuri, eyes landing on the wall behind the girl.

“I wish you all the best, then.” This is it. She can’t do anything more than this. She’s not allowed to do anything more than that. “When do you p-plan--” her voice broke at the end and she was thankful that it was masked by Sooyoung’s scream of defeat.

“Maybe in the next few weeks or so.. I’m still waiting for the right time.” Yuri looked at her, “and Jessica,” she looked at Yuri, “even if she says no, I’ll still be here for you.” she saw the sincerness behind those brown orbs she loved and she couldn’t help but smile for real as she nodded her head in understanding.

You will be but I will not. Just like that, she ended her day filled with sorrow.

Days passed after Yuri had told Jessica that she’s going to confess to Taeyeon and it was a blur how she suddenly felt like something’s not right and she can’t pinpoint what it is. She noticed Jessica though. She always notices Jessica. How the latter had not smile so much the past few weeks. She had assumed it was because it was hell week and everyone’s stressed, but that was over. It’s been over a few days ago and Jessica still hasn’t smiled much. It was hurting her in some way and she thinks that it’s because she cares so deeply for Jessica. But Taeyeon’s here now. Her childhood friend. The one she’s been looking for for a long time. Yes, Taeyeon is here and they’re closer than before.

But why is it that she feels erroneous?

“You’re humming again.” Seulgi whispered as her sister entered her room and plopped down beside her on the bed, spilling tons of papers and catalogues on her bed. She looked at it curiously and rose her eyebrows as she saw ‘Art Center Los Angeles California’, ‘University of Los Angeles Arts Program’, ‘The Art Institute of California’, and many other schools, not only in California but also in New York and even Canada!

“W-w-what?”

“Oh, I’m applying early for college.” Seulgi said nonchalantly as she opened the brochure for one of the schools.

“But why is it in schools miles away from here….?” She asked, kind of alarmed at this sudden information.

“Hmm, my friend Soojung said that art schools there are the best, so I did some research and these are some of my choices.”

“.............There’s also art schools here in Korea…...”

“.............................”

“.....why are you applying so far away?”

“It’s just options, unnie. If I get accepted, then that’s when I’ll think about it.”

“Oh?” Her sister looked away from her, eyebrows scrunched and furrowed in distress, looking like she wanted to tell her something. She waited a few moments and Seulgi had glance back at her.

“I plan on telling Wendy my feelings for her. I don’t know when yet but I’ll definitely tell her.” She smiled at her sister before patting her head and pulling her in for a hug.

“Aigooooo~ My baby bear’s growing up too fast!”

“Unnniiieeee~~~” Seulgi whined but hugging Yuri back nonetheless. They were enveloped in a calm quiet, just hearing each other’s breaths, for a few moments before she spoke up again.

“I’ll confess to Taeyeon too.”

“....are you sure, unnie?”

“Yes, I am.”

“I sense a ‘but’ there somewhere...”

“........” should she? Should she tell her little sister what’s eating her up on the inside? Her sister has been with her through the toughest times of her life. She trusts her with her life. She took in a deep breath, “but I feel like something’s amiss, like something’s not right? I’m probably overthinking things, right?” She smiled like she’s not sure, looking at her sister with puppy eyes.

“Hmmm, probably, unnie. I feel the same way, but I think it’s because we’re nervous about what we’re going to do...”

“I guess you’re right...” She said, getting out of the embrace and looking at the brochures and papers scattered on her bed and picking one up. “You already printed the application form too?”

“Yes~ I’ll fill them up and send it soon~”

“I’ll help you, then~” She said as she handed her pen towards Seulgi so that they could start writing on the forms.

The more the days passed, the more she felt unease seep into her every being. She can’t sit still anymore, every time she did, she feels like a part of her’s disappearing, like she’s losing a major organ. It’s not painful. Not yet, anyway, but it’s slowly getting there and she doesn’t know how to stop it.

She invited Jessica over, because she feels much better when she’s with her and talking together. Jessica had brought Taeyeon and she felt thankful for that but precarious. She has no idea why she’s feeling this way and it’s making her jumpy and jittery. She looks at Jessica who was munching on some chocolate dipped strawberries that Seulgi had given her and Jessica looked back at her, those brown eyes piercing her soul and she can feel that the stars from the eyes she adored so much had suddenly dimmed and she felt herself becoming forlorn. Why are those stars suddenly losing its brightness? She unconsciously tilted her head to the side and that’s when Jessica decided to cut their eye contact, looking back at the strawberries in front of her. She blinked, coming out of her little trance. Taeyeon had pushed some strawberries in front of her and she grinned, forgetting about her little contemplation and instead her mind was filled with scenarios on how she’s going to confess to the smaller person in front of her, completely ignoring the little side glances of the brown haired girl beside her.

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We're getting there~

See you next week~ ^^