hello i'm alive and still don't have creativity lol so this is an old fic that i wrote for a ficathon which i realized i haven't crossposted here. 

XVIII.

It was only an ankle injury, is what Amber tells everyone. 

And for a while it was. She was back in L.A. and was having the time of her life having her sister do almost anything for her because of her injury. After a while it started to get boring and she didn’t enjoy it anymore. Jackie was a lousy servant anyways. 

How’s your ankle? is what Henry texts her about two weeks after she left Korea. He left for Boston a week before she went back to L.A. and the hug that they shared just before he boarded his plane still makes her knees go weak.

Ankle braces . How’s Berklee? she replies a little bit too quickly, fingers eagerly tapping on her phone. She wonders if she should have waited for a while before replying. 

His texts come everyday after that. He tells her about his school and how he was late for his first day; he tells her about his newfound friends and how he will definitely introduce her to them; he tells her how happy he was and she rejects the thought of getting on a four-hour-flight to Boston just to see that stupid grin of his. 

When are you coming back? he asks one day and Amber’s grip on her phone tightens. She doesn’t know how to answer so she didn’t.

Am?

You’re coming back, right?

Amber, please.

Amber turns her phone off. 

He stops texting her for a while after that and she feels guilty and stupid. Henry is her best friend and deserves at least a decent answer from her - that it was not just an ankle injury; that she’s planning on not coming back and is actually considering of getting into a good university. 

She thinks about texting him but her phone rings before she can do it and Henry’s name flashes on the screen. 

“Hello?”

“Am, just please tell me that you’re coming back. You are, right?” Amber ignores the desperation in his voice. 

“I-I don’t know, Henry.” she mumbles. “I don’t have a reason to come back. The fans don’t even like me.”

“You know they do. Stop that. And what about your members? Can’t they be the reason?” 

Amber bites her lip and they were both silent before Henry whispers, voice shaking, “What about me? Am I not a reason?”

“Henry I--”

“We made a promise, Amber. We’ll do this together, remember?” she glances at the black checkered cap sitting on her desk and her heart twists painfully. 

“Think about it, okay?”

She hangs up, suppressing her tears for all she’s worth. She knows it’s unfair for her to leave after she practically begged Henry to stay when he was on the verge of quitting. 

Henry didn’t contact her again. Neither did she. 

It’s funny, Amber thinks. She says that she lives her life without any regrets but why does she feel so empty? It’s been three weeks since she last talked to Henry. He’s probably back in Korea, still working hard for his dream. Ah, no, their dream. The dream that they made under the bright lights of the company’s practice room, hands interlocked so tight, their knuckles were turning white. She wants to come back. She really does. She wants to stand beside her members again. She wants to see Henry’s smile again. 

But she’s scared. She’s scared that no one would want her back - that maybe, the company realized that she’s not needed in her group. She’s scared that she’ll ruin it for everyone. 

So she tries to forget it. She starts looking for a good university that she can apply to. Her dad tries to talk her out of it because he knows that that’s not what she really wants. But Amber is stubborn. She has always been stubborn. She swallows that pang of regret and ignores him. 

She’s filling up college applications, her hands too clammy to hold the pen properly, when her phone rings and a message from Henry pops up. It was only a three-word-message but it was enough to break her resolve.

I need you.

Amber hates that she could feel his pain.

She ends up going back to Korea, nervous hands gripping her luggage and a black checkered cap hiding her face from the rest of the crowd. She spots a guy with the same cap leaning against the wall, waiting, and it takes all of her strength not to run to him. 

“Hi.” is what she manages to say. 

Henry stares and she thinks that he’s mad but he takes her in his arms, burying his face on the fabric of her jacket and she has to stand on her toes to hold him properly. 

“Don’t do that again.” he mumbles on her shoulder and she thinks that he’s crying but doesn’t point it out because he hates crying.

“I promise.” she says.

Amber figures that it’s okay to be scared as long as she could be in his arms like this where she’s the bravest she could ever be.