Twelve.

Changmin closes the ward door quietly. Junsu has been moved into Hyacinth treating ward. Junho told Changmin he could see Junsu there. He was told to refresh himself or else he’s not allowed to step in the ward since he’s spent the longest time by Junsu’s side in emergency care.

Junsu’s father gestures at him to come in.

“He’s just put to sleep again.” The father informs. “He woke up half an hour ago.”

The disappointment and regret in Changmin’s look are so obvious that the father can’t stop his hand from patting Changmin’s back to soothe the young man. “He’s doing better. He’ll wake up again later. It’s alright.”

Not alright, Changmin feels so useless and helpless. Junsu came to when he’s not around. He misses that crucial moments.

“He’ll wake up soon, Min.” the father understands Changmin. He pulls Changmin down to sit on his chair next to Junsu’s bed. “He’ll be fine.” He assures the tall man.

Changmin knows it’s embarrassing to show his weak side to people especially important certain ones like Junsu’s father yet his eyes can’t lie better.

The father exhales. Perhaps it’s better to leave these two men alone. He’s no good in giving the needed comfort. His wife does it better.

“I’ll talk to Shin Ae.” He excuses leaving the room in light careful steps. It’s complicated. He vaguely remembers Junsu and Changmin together but seeing Yunho’s worried figure outside also reminds him of the current arrangement. But, having witnessed how fragile and determined Changmin is, he can’t decide what’s coming to them.

The sleep induction injection holds Junsu no longer than twenty minutes. He pushes the curtain-like layer of sleep calls not wanting to meet the watcher creature if he wanders on in dreamland. The edge of other door of present reality appears closer and closer as he leaves his sleep. His ears hear faint sound within reach.

Changmin gives up. He shuts his eyes refusing to admit that the tears leaking from his pair of dark brown orbs are his. His nose reddens as the effect of his effort fighting the persistent salt tears. His restrained cry results in his moving shoulders and trembling hand holding Junsu’s.

The quietness might calm other people but for Changmin, it aggravates his breaking free emotions. For the past long year, he has held someone else’s hands, hugged and kissed someone else, cuddled and comforted someone else, belonged to and loved someone else other than Junsu. For those twelve or thirteen months, he was swayed, unable to recognize his very own heart shelter and destination. He walked on the same road of love and commitment but with different person. It’s not his sole mistake but still, he feels so lost where to begin. The flooding feelings when he kissed Junsu run back and forth within him, corrupting and drowning him in absurdity. Does Junsu still love him now after seeing how Changmin and Yoochun together? Has Junsu ended their old relationship for good and actually sees Yunho? Will Junsu be okay? Will Changmin be okay? Will they be fine?

“Changmin..”

Changmin’s red tired crying eyes slowly flutter open. His hand is squeezed by Junsu’s cold IV-ed hand.

“Sorry.” Junsu speaks in dry voice. “I’m sorry.”

Changmin scoots closer. “How-how does it feel?” His eyes are closed for a moment and reopen. “Giving me away to someone else, how does it feel to you, Su?”

Junsu’s free hand moves pointing to the drawer in the room, napkin. Changmin shifts to get the asked item. He stretches his other hand picking the napkin and gives it to Junsu who uses it to wipe Changmin’s cheeks and nose instead.

The very small gesture of affection takes Changmin by surprise. Junsu still cares about him. Changmin has hope.

“It hurt.” Junsu finally answer Changmin’s question. His hand can’t move much yet in his current sleeping position. “It hurt a lot I.. I didn’t know which one hurt worse, my head or my heart.”

“You still did it.” Changmin can’t accept it. “You tied me and Yoochun together.”

“You were happy.” Junsu huffs. “So was Yoochun.” Junsu needs to sit. Talking while lying down usually ends up in less good outcome.

“It’s borrowed happiness. I loved him thinking that he was you. My feeling for him was mirrored from my feeling for you. It should have been you, Junsu. We would be happier.” Changmin rises up from his chair helping Junsu to sit up. Their holding hands do not part as Changmin slowly reaches Junsu’s back to pull him up. “We are happier together.”

“Thanks.” Junsu murmurs thanking Changmin’s help sitting him up. Changmin reaches the pillow to support Junsu as he sets the bed’s position for more comfortable sitting. It’s not VIP ward that provides flexible beds.

Changmin’s red nose and Junsu’s pale one are near. They sit face to face closely. Changmin easily smell Junsu’s natural body odor mixed with the hospital typical air.
“You could lean on me.” Changmin whispers. “I haven’t bathed since last night, though.”

Junsu chuckles. Yes, he could lean onto Changmin’s chest but he thinks it’s better not to do so.

“You know what?” Changmin speaks softly. Their close proximity sets his heart burning. Their chemistry and attraction are as strong and thick as ever. “I would remember you as my fiancé sooner or later. No matter how long or late it would be, I would remember you.”

Junsu shakes his head. “No, Min. It’s my mistake. You’d have been fine with Yoochun if I didn’t search for you in that pool.”

Their eyes are finding each other’s solace.

“You came or not, I would remember you.” Changmin smiles automatically. “Whether we were fighting or not, Yoochun and I would eventually break up sooner or later.” Changmin leans nearer. “You can’t deny it, Su. I would remember you. You’ve been too deep residing here.” Changmin brings their hands to his chest. “It will remember you as the owner.”

“It won’t be.” Junsu breathes low. As long as he doesn’t fish their past out, Changmin wouldn’t remember him.

“I will.” Changmin assures. “I’m glad you searched for me in the pool before things become too late. What if I remember you later when Yoochun and I are already married?” Changmin shudders at the idea. It stings him. “Or you and whoever you choose to be your spouse are married. It will be bigger chaos than now.”

Junsu lowers his head. “Can’t we..” He bites his dry lip. Unsure.

“I’m single now.” Changmin says. He gains confidence. “Are you?”

“Min.” Junsu exhales heavily. “Yoochun was heartbroken when he called me. He didn’t say it all but I heard how miserable he was from his voice.” He looks up. “The reason why I made that one mistake looking for you is to ask for your consideration. How would I face Yoochun now if he knows you left him for me?”

“How did you leave me for him?” Changmin touches their noses. “How did you manage to hurt yourself, to hurt us for him?”

“It’s different.” Junsu should lean away from Changmin but he doesn’t. “It’s.. I can’t explain it.”

“You can’t.” Changmin agrees. “I can’t either. People think I’m messed up when I tell them my fiancé isn’t Yoochun. They say I’m crazy. I am, aren’t I?”

Junsu has no proper words to reply. That watcher said he would be the only one responsible for the change. Changmin or Yoochun shouldn’t meet the impact of his decision switching them up.

“You don’t want to know how I remember you?”

Junsu can guess it. “The pool?”

“No, though it triggered my curiosity.” Changmin lets go their holding hands. “This one brings you back in me.” He cups Junsu’s chin and kisses.

Changmin needs to know whether Junsu still wants him or not. Whether their feelings are reciprocal or just one sided. Whether Changmin still has a share of Junsu’s heart.
He kisses slow, asking and wondering, risking his only chance to get Junsu back to him. His lips greet Junsu’s lips carefully, playing, poking, pleading. His heart is drumming in escalating irregular speed wishing and hoping for the positive welcome.

Junsu has brief thinking. Changmin remembers all and is kissing him, asking for him. Changmin was struggling with tears when Junsu saw him. Despite what Junsu has done to them, Changmin is asking him to be together again.

Junsu could easily say no to it since he doesn’t know how much time he has left but again, he has no clue how much time he has in his hand. He saw the watcher in Shin Ae’s figure. Either it means he is going soon or…

“Min..”

Changmin’s wounded eyes and look have to deal with more hurt and disappointment. Junsu doesn’t kiss him back.

“There are other ways to show love.” Junsu needs to erase the pain in Changmin’s eyes. “You love kissing too much, owh?”

Changmin uses his remaining self-grip to cope. Junsu doesn’t kiss him back. It’s a good answer that Junsu doesn’t see him as the fiancé anymore. It hurts but at least Changmin gets his chance. He’ll manage (hardly). Junsu doesn’t need to deepen the wound by joking about his kiss.

“Lower your head a bit.”

“Huh?” Changmin is in haze.

“Lower your head, Min. I can’t move my head too much with the bandage and all.”

Changmin obeys even though he’s at loss why he complies with Junsu’s mean joke. He lowers his head.

Junsu’s hand goes cupping Changmin’s right ear and jaw. His thumb softly caresses the skin between Changmin’s jaw and cheek. “I cried a lot night after night seeing how happy you were with Yoochun.” He confesses. “I told myself it’s what I wanted, what I chose, what I did. I should let you fully go.”

Changmin instinctively closes his eyes. He has no heart to hope or to accept the confirmation of Junsu’s actual rejection.

“I made distance from you and them to not feel hurt. To deal with the consequences of my choice. Your both happiness should be mine too.”

Their breaths meet in the middle.

“But, however much I told myself to forget you, to be happy for you, I couldn’t.” Junsu kisses Changmin’s chin. “I kept waiting for your wedding to happen. I kept praying you would marry Yoochun soon so that I could move on completely. I could really see that you’re not my Changmin anymore.”

“Junsu..

“Ssshh.” Junsu’s other finger lands on Changmin’s lips. Changmin deserves to hear and know the honesty. It’s the least Junsu could do for now. Changmin has the right to know what Junsu really feels.“I loved you, Shim Changmin. I just didn’t know that I loved you that much.”

“Loved?” Changmin’s lips tremble. Loved? Past? Not present? Not today?

“It’s hard.” Junsu rubs the frown on Changmin’s forehead off. “Really hard. You’re the reason I couldn’t let Yunho in. You and Jaejoong.”

“Su.. Please..”

“You are the reason.” Junsu repeats. “Yes. I still love you.” He kisses Changmin’s cheek twice. “It’s crazy but I still love you, Minnie.”

Changmin pulls Junsu into his arms. “You cruel ******!!”

“Sorry.” Junsu hugs back.

“Really need to separate you from Jaejoong and Yoochun.” Changmin sniffs. “Should have had done it long long time ago!”

“You don’t.” Junsu mirrors Changmin’s racing heartbeats. “They are my brothers. You can’t separate us.”

“Don’t care. Don’t care.” Changmin is so happy. “You are mine.”

The hug lasts for quite long while before it loosens up. The wall has been crumbled down. The long shaking bridge connecting them has clicked and rebuilt though it’s very young, very fragile, prone against any defects and risks. Changmin allows the breaking dam of feels shown and captured by Junsu’s eyes. Their love is there; taking its baby step to regrow and spring. Junsu’s eyes have more worries and concerns despite the acceptance. Changmin understands it. He kisses Junsu’s cheek softly.

“Nevermind Yoochun. I’ll talk to him.”

Junsu is torn between asking Changmin to leave it to him and finding courage to actually talk to Yoochun and Jaejoong. To Yunho too. Whatever he decides, it has double sharp ends for the mentioned names yet sitting and being so close to Changmin lit hopes in him to try to be happy, at least for the ongoing moments.

“Would you forgive me, Min?” He asks Changmin instead.

Changmin loves seeing Junsu’s warm tricky eyes apologizing to him though he loves them better in their usual playful glints.

“You know you owe me the real explanation, don’t you?” Changmin nuzzles their noses. How much he wants to kiss Junsu again it doesn’t make sense. He has to stop the urge or he’ll ruin his just approved chance to be together. “However peculiar or inexplicable it is, I would hear it, Su. I want to hear what and how you did to us.”

“But.. It.. I mustn’t..

“Take your time.” Changmin comforts the troubled look. “Whenever you are ready, I’ll listen. You think I would allow you wander away from me? You didn’t learn, did you?”

“Sorry.” Junsu sincerely apologizes. “But, Min. I have to take care of some things before I could face everyone outside.”

Changmin nods. He knows who everyone Junsu is talking about. “You know how bad I sulk, right?” He warns. However fine and good man Jung Yunho is, Junsu should only think and see Changmin.

Junsu’s smile lits Changmin’s inside brighter and free. “I could sulk too.”

“You can’t.” Changmin pouts. “Not till you are legally mine. You owe me that much."

----

The rain resumes its course on the evening. Might as well cover the night too if the stable drizzle falling from Palgan’s evening sky is the obvious sign of no clearance. It has its perks too whatsoever. The cool weather tempts people to lend their time for early sleep or simply relax. Work ends sooner. Food and beverages stalls sell thrice than on usual days. Yoochun returns to hospital around nine pm. It’s Jaejoong’s turn to go home. They take turns with Junho showing true meaning of brotherhood among them. Jae’s sisters also drop by before six to meet Junsu’s family as well as the Parks. They greet the Shims and several of Changmin’s close friends lingering around the hospital expressing the same concerns and sympathy.

“How’s academy? I heard Jae cursed at his phone not long after you left.”

Yoochun grins. He feels lighter and somewhat happier for no reasons. “Veronica should have learns not to call Jaejoong when he’s not in the mood. I move some schedules to Monday. Is Junsu awake?”

“He is. We have to persuade him to sleep now.” Junho tsks. “He keeps waking up after ten or fifteen minutes sleep."

“Need me to stick his eyes shut with tape?” Yoochun offers. “It worked in high school.”

Junho punches Yoochun. “Come on. Your mom brought a lot of food for everyone. It feels like picnic instead of patient ward. Jae’s sisters also brought much food.”

“Changmin hasn’t eaten them all?” Yoochun’s eyebrow furrowed. “He can’t let free good food pass his radar.”

“He left an hour ago.” Junho explains. “Said he’d be back soon.”

Yoochun follows Junho heading to Junsu’s ward. “Are they together again or what?”

“Ask Junsu yourself.” Junho suppresses his smirk.

“How about Yunho?” Yoochun wonders. “My head goes funny whenever I think about Yunho and Changmin.”

“Jaejoong said the same.” Junho holds the ward’s doorknob. “Ask him nicely, though. Someone would spit fire if he hears Junsu talks about Yunho.”

Yoochun rolls his eyes. “Like we don’t know how bad tempered he could be.”

Junsu is sitting in bed; one