Key grabbed his chest as he began to cry, of all the bad things that could have ever happened in his life this was the worst. Key choked on a sob as he fell on his knees. He couldn't breathe, he felt like the walls were closing in on him, like there was no air in the room and he was coughing, wheezing uncontrollably. He clutched the material of his shirt near his chest, crying loudly.

Pathetic, he was pathetic and disgusting and stupid.

"Why?"

He wanted to die, he wanted to make the pain go away, why wouldn't it go away? Key pulled his lower lip between his teeth, his mind  filled with Jonghyun, all the times they stole secret kisses behind closed doors, when no one was looking, at night when all the members were asleep and the only think that could be heard in their dark room was the soft press of lips and Jonghyun's heaving breathing. All the times they hugged on stage, with wet cheeks and bitter sweet smiles, Jonghyun's tan skin glistening underneath the stage lights. All the times they laughed with teeth baring and performed. Did he seriously think he wouldn't find out?

The bathroom floor was cold--harsh, unforgiving and wet from his tears and salvia. His fragile fists slamming onto the ground weakly, bile quickly rushing up his throat.

He was going to vomit.

With hands on both sides of the toilet, he threw up, he threw up his sadness, his regrets, the memories and stupid words he held onto for so long and foolishly believed. Wiping his lips with the back of his hand, he flushed the toilet and crawled his way to the sink to wash his mouth slowly, his motions languid and sad.

A loud knock on the door startled the fragile man. Looking up from the floor, Key eyed the door. Please don't be him. Please don't be him

"Key?"

Key's heart stopped and he wanted to throw up again.

"Key are you in there?"

Go away, please just go away, Key wanted to yell at him but his throat was dry.

"Key, open the door. Why aren't you responding?"

"Hyung, I think you should leave him alone." Another voice said.

"No, I won't leave him alone, I-I need to explain, Minho, please just give me the key to the bathroom."

No.No.No.No.

"Hyung, just-" Minho began to say but was cut off my Jonghyun's sudden scream.

"Give me the ing key!"

Key could hear the younger sigh, he could hear his footsteps echo from behind his door until it was silent and the only thing the boy could hear was his own ragged pants and a wobbling doorknob.

Key crawled to the space between the toilet and the bathtub, hoping to God, to anything that Jonghyun wouldn't see him, that the key would somehow not open the door and the boy would be left alone to wallow in his own misery.

That didn't happen though and when Jonghyun opened the door, Key closed his eyes tightly, trying to blend in with the wall.

"Key. . " Jonghyun breathed, walking to the place he was hiding at, the singer extended his hand, reaching out to the younger boy who was looking down, anywhere, but at him, but he flinched, his body vibrating when Jonghyun's fingers so much grazed his shoulder. Back now pressed against the wall, Key covered his face with his hands, fresh tears rolling down his face that he tried so hard to hold back.

"No, please don't cry you weren't suppose to find out like this, please just let me--"

"Shut up." Key croaked, his throat raspy and dry from all the pain and exhaustion.

"Key, no let me--"

"Did I not tell you to shut up?" Key rubbed his hands on his face roughly, trying to get a hold of himself.

"Look at me."

Key rubbed his face rougher than before, making sure not to look, not to give the er a glance he desperately wanted. 

Jonghyun grabbed Keys wrist gently, his rough digits slowly, softly, curling themselves around the boy's shaking skin and pulled them away from his face. "I said look at me," his voice was a slight whisper, a slight wisp of booze and mint hitting Key's cheek and the raised his head.

When Key finally connected his eyes with Jonghyun, angry tears began to pool from his eyes and down his neck. With a loud hiccup, the younger boy began to pry his hands free, his arms shaking with shame, but Jonghyun was stronger. He was always stronger.

Shaking his arms, Key began to thrash his whole body a shuddering cry escaping his lips and bouncing off the walls, "Let me go," he yelled, his eyes shutting tightly. "don't you ing touch me!"

His moves were lacked luster, the angry spark Key usually had when he was irritated was missing, and Jonghyun knew that. The older boy felt his disappointment, he felt the broken rapper in his bones and it scared him. It scared him because the man he was holding in his arms wasn't Key, it wasn't the Kim Kibum he knew. With a shake of his head, Jonghyun pulled the younger boy out of the dark corner and brought him on his feet, but Key only fell back down onto the floor. The rapper on his knees, the sense of familiarity sickening him; he began to think about all the times he was on his knees, fulfilling this bastards needs.

Hands suddenly cupped Key's cheeks, and before he could recover, a pair of lips slammed against his, the familiar hard press and pull made the rapper's knees buckle as he tried to pull away. It felt disgusting, he was used, he wasn't fully his, with those same lips he lied to him, with that same mouth he mumbled lies Key stupidly believed because he loved the other man, because Key was so in love with Jonghyun he believed anything.

He was strong, way stronger than Key and when the younger boy tried to pull him away, Jonghyun only brought him closer, dragging the boy, his knees scrapping against the unforgiving floor as Jonghyun ran his fingers against his hair, bunching the tresses into his fists.

So Key kissed him, his body doing what it always did when Jonghyun held him, when Jonghyun kissed his lips, his tongue slowly dragging a pattern against the other male's upper lip, dragging against his teeth. When Jonghyun mouthed around his chin, letting his lower lip slide up his jaw. When Jonghyun's hand began to get softer, his fists slowly turning into a soft palm that skated across his scalp, his head turning to kiss the other boy deeper, heavier, until they couldn't breathe, until they couldn't feel anything but each other. 

"I love you." Jonghyun whispered against Key's lips, his breath ghosting over his skin, goose bumps drawing chills onto his arms and down his back.

"Liar." Key shook his head, lifting his arms and pushing his flat palms onto the other's chest. "All you do is lie and think about yourself."

"I love you, Kibum." Jonghyun whispered again, his nose tracing pattern against Key's cheeks. 

"You love Shin Se Kyung."

Jonghyun said nothing, heaving out a sigh."Is it wrong to love you both?" Hands still cupping the younger males cheeks, Jonghyun began to rub it slowly, his eye peeking through his eyelashes.

"You love anything that has a ing pulse," Key shoved his hands off his face, "She is no exception, I am not an exception."

"That, I--"

"Save it for someone who actually cares." A tear rolled down his face as he untangled himself from Jonghyun's arms.

The singer stared at the other male's direction, watching as his shaking arms brought him up, the wetness from his cheeks falling and hitting the ground loudly, the slams of tears digging into his ears, scrambling he followed Key into his room, tripping when he reached the door.

Key was pulling something from underneath his bed, a large black bag that Jonghyun seemed to recognize instantly.

Jonghyun's heart dropped suddenly "What do you think you're doing?"

Taemin was sleeping on the bed next to them, so Jonghyun made sure to keep his voice down. "Key, what the hell are you doing?" Jonghyun grabbed some of the clothes that were in the bag and threw it on the ground. 

The other man just calmly looked at the heap of clothes on the floor and turning away quietly back into his closet, pulling anything he saw and shoving it into his suitcase, pretending the singer wasn't there, wasn't next to him taking all the clothes out back out.

"Are you leaving?" Jonghyun whispered softly, hand slipping around Key's wrists, preventing him from moving to get more things.

The rapper ignored him at first, his bangs covering his eyes as he mulled the words over and over again. "Yes," it was barely above a whisper, but the younger boy knew the singer heard him.

"You," Jonghyun began, shaking his head, his hair moving violently around his head. "you, can't just leave. What the is wrong with you?"

"Wha- What the is wrong with me?" Kibum said in disbelief, throwing Jonghyun's hand from his wrist. "What the is wrong with me? What the is wrong with you!" Key screamed throwing a piece of clothing onto the ground forcefully. "You cheat on me then expect me to stay with you?"

"Are you ing kidding me?" Jonghyun breathes, baring his teeth as he scrunched his eyebrows. "You son of a--" a groan cut him off, Taemin rolling around his bed, his mouth opened to let out a soft snore.

I think we should keep out voices down, Jonghyun was about to say, but he didn't need too, not when Key already knew what he was going to say.

He let out a frustrated growl. "No, I will not keep my ing voice down, let Taemin wake up and hear this, let the whole ing world hear how much of a lying cheater you are, Kim Jonghyun. Let them!"

Opening his eyes slowly, Taemin grumbled and covered his ears, turning to his side, facing the fighting couple. He watched as Key picked up one of his shirts and stuffed it to the bag, his face red with anger.

"You lying cheating , did you think I wasn't going to find out? Did you really? Are you that stupid?" Key yelled as he stuffed more things into his bag, his movements erratic and quick.

"Hyung," Taemin croaked. "Hyung, why are you yelling?"

Key's body froze when he heard Taemin's soft voice. Blinking away  tears, Key placed a fake, small smile onto his face. "Sorry, Minnie, did I wake you? I didn't mean to."

Taemin slowly got up, blinking away the haze from his eyes as he tiredly sat on his bed. "Hyung, what are you doing?" Taemin looked at both boy's, his head turning to the side as he rubbed his face.

Key sat on the maknae's bed, his eyes looking down. "Just throwing away some clothes," he smiled sadly, brushing Taemin's bangs to one side. "It's almost spring after all."

"Oh," the younger one mumbled, his head falling back into his pillow. "Okay,"

Key hated lying to Taemin and he hated how Taemin believed him so easily. Key pulled away and kissed Taemin forehead lightly. "Now go back to sleep, you have a heavy schedule tomorrow, I dont want you to be tired, okay?"

Taemin smiled and nodded slightly. "Will Umma sing me to sleep?"

Key wanted to cry, to cry and to hold the cute maknae all night. "Not today, tomorrow. I promise."

"Okay, Good night."

"Good night." Key whispered as he slowly brushed Taemin's bangs away from his face.

Key turned around and glared at Jonghyun. "You." He whispered harshly and pointed at Jonghyun, walking towards him in slow, long strides. "You are making me do this and I hope the fans tear your when they find out whats happening."

Key finished packing his bag and zipped it up quickly about to walk out the room until Jonghyun grabbed the hem of his shirt. "You're really leaving aren't you."

"Yeah."

Jonghyun sighed as he looked at the back of Key's shirt. "Nothing I do or say will make you change your mind?"

"I think you already did enough." Key smirked as he turned his body and faced Jonghyun. Leaning, Key kissed Jonghyun, biting his lower lip and tugging on it roughly. "I hope you're happy."

Key walked out the room and into the living room, where he saw Minho.

"I knew this would happen." Minho whispered as he snatched Key's bag and opened the door for Key. "Hurry up."

Key smiled gratefully as he walked out the door with Minho.

"Take my car, keep it. You'll need it."

Key's eyes widened as he watched Minho put his luggage into the the truck of his truck. "Thank you."

"I wouldn't want you taking the bus now would I? You're an idol after all."

"R-right," Key in a deep breath, "Minho?"

"Hmm?"

"C-can you tell Taemin I'm sorry for lying to him, I love him and that I will come back to visit some day? And can you sing him to sleep tomorrow, sing him that lullaby he likes, the one his mother always used to sing to him. Oh, and tell Jinki-hyung that I love him too and not to cry too much, okay?"

Minho's eyes soften as he watched Key suppress a sob, in another breath and square his shoulders. "Thanks Minho, I'll see you soon."

Minho nodded and gave Key a soft hug. Key nodded as he stood in front of the dorm, looking at the window. Wishing, hoping for the best. The young rapper and singer walked to the car and got in.

He didn't even look back when he heard loud foot steps and Jonghyun scream his name.