REVIEW 004

Doyoulikeyou | Loving him was red

REVIEWED BY Camillevendetta

Title: 3/5

So - I understand why you chose the color in the title to be red (and amazing reference considering the title of your oneshot collection in general by the way) but it just doesn't seem fitting. The story itself tells the story of how they meet, their first date. "Loving him" seems to be something that would have happened later on in their relationship.

And then it's in past tense which irks me a lot because - that's not what your story is about. Had it been a reference to Jinki and Kibum's relationship, then I would have loved it, but it's not. It's a reference to Jonghyun's suit and the colors he brings into Kibum's world again after the break-up with Jinki. At least that's how I read your oneshot.

So I think there is a title out there more fitting for the story, if I have to be honest.
 

Description: 10/10

Very simple. It's a oneshot collection, your layout is beautiful and it even has a little list of oneshots that (I guess) are going to come sooner or later. So I have absolutely nothing to say about this.


Plot: 23/30

Your plot is very cliché but not at all bad. I like the beginning a lot, I love the build-up what with Jinki leaving him, it has a bittersweet beginning and it fits the story very well.

Your plot is relatively fast though and I know that it's a oneshot and it may be harder to make the long, slow build-up chaptered stories have, but nobody has ever put a wordcount on a oneshot, so I don't think you have to rush so much.

Paint Kibum's anger and frustration and sadness when Jinki breaks up with him. They've been together for 3 years after all, there is a lot of feelings you can delve into. I would have loved that. Also - I somehow think Taemin deserves an appearance. He's one of Kibum's best friends, so at one point I could've wished that he came to Kibum's apartment and dragged him out of bed, enough moping around - and then he sets up the blind date with Jonghyun. That would've made the transition from "heartbroken individual" to "functioning human" a little smoother. I'm just left with so many questions about the entire break-up and Kibum's feelings, because he seems to be hurting so much yet there's so little heartbreak.

His meeting with Jonghyun is actually pretty sweet. I love that Jonghyun is late, but I would've wished Kibum had been more annoyed. That would have made a great start. Are they at a café though? Since they're drinking coffee? You should just briefly mention that they're at a café then, at first I thought it was a fine restaurant.

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