Eunah awoke to the sound of her alarm clock, and aimed her hand at the clock, attempting to hit it, missing several times before she got angry and outright punched it, stopping the alarm’s annoying wails. She immediately regretted her action, wincing and shaking her hand out as she blurredly sat up in bed, messy tangles or hair falling all over the place.

She rubbed her eyes wearily, getting out of her bed and heading over to the washroom and splashing water over her face to wake herself up. Eunah had somewhere to be today, and it wasn’t school. There was school today, as it was a Wednesday, but Eunah had somewhere important to be.

“You awake?” called her sister, Eunmin, from her own room.

She let out an incoherent sound, signalling that yes, she was, indeed awake.

Eunmin walked into the bathroom. “Are you going to see… him today?”

Eunah turned to face her sister. “Is that even a question? Of course I’m going.”

Eunmin smiled sadly. “I would go with you, but I have a huge exam today. And you know how important my mar—”

“It’s okay, unni, I’ll be fine. I’ve gone by myself plenty of times.” She put a hand on her sister’s shoulder. “Just… pay a visit to him later on, okay? He misses you too, you know. You haven’t gone to visit in a while.”

“Yeah, tell him sorry for me. I forgot to mention, Eunah, but umma and appa called yesterday. They thought it was today, but you know how complicated the time zones are. They said that they’ll be there in spirit,” said Eunmin softly.

She nodded thanks. “I know they will. As always. Now let me go and hurry up and get ready. Can you call the school for me and just give them a random excuse? I don’t want them knowing about… where I’m going.”

Eunmin nodded. “Of course!”

Eunah was fully awake now, and she quickly took a shower to get ready. She needed to look good for him. She quickly got out and applied light makeup; he didn’t like it when she put on too much, he said that it hid her true beauty. Then, Eunah put on a purple dress that she knew he’d like, with a white pullover on top. She never wore dresses, except when she was visiting him, and the only time she wore skirts was for school.

She grabbed a purse and threw her phone into there and yelled a goodbye to her sister, slipping on some black flats. She pushed the button for the elevator and waited for the elevator doors to open.

Ding!

The elevator doors slid open and she glanced up to see none other than Kim ing Minseok. He smirked at her, and she took a deep breath and walked in. She didn’t have time to waste today. She reached to click the 1^st floor button but it was already lit up, someone, presumably Kim Minseok, had pressed it. She moved to the side of the elevator farthest away from him.

“I don’t think you’re dressed up all fancy to go to school?” he asked.

“No,” replied Eunah with a clipped tone.

“So you’re going to skip school? Straight A student Eunah, skipping school?” Minseok mocked.

She closed her eyes and willed herself not to punch him. She had already punched the alarm clock; she didn’t want to harm her hand anymore. He would hate it if she told him that the reason her knuckles were sore was because she punched an for being an . He would have said that she should have called him, so that he could go punch him. He would have--

The elevator started its descent, and suddenly the elevator swung down and stopped abruptly, causing both Eunah and Minseok to stumble. Then, the lights flickered off, on, off, on… off. There was a bit of light shining through the top of the elevator doors, enough to barely see each other.

“What’s going on?” Minseok said to no one in particular, swearing under his breath.

He took out his phone, and she did the same, but there was no signal for both of them.

He moved forward to try and open the elevator doors, to no avail. Eunah began to panic. What if they were trapped here forever? What if no one knew that they were there? What was Chanyeol going to think, if she didn’t get there on time?

“,” she swore.

She kicked the elevator door, to no avail, and hopped on one foot, wincing.

“Nice one, babo,” said Minseok, rolling his eyes at her.

“Shut up,” she snarled. “I have somewhere important to be right now!!”

“You think I don’t?” Minseok shot back.

She laughed patronizingly. “Like you care about school.”

“Who said I was going to school?” he replied.

“You’re wearing your ing school uniform. I honestly don’t think you’re going somewhere else with that on.”

He sighed, and sat down. “I don’t think we’re going anywhere any time soon. Might as well sit down.”

“I can’t ruin this dress. It’s for…” Eunah stopped in the middle of her sentence.

“For what? Or for whom, should I say,” he asked.

“Why do you care?” she snarled at him, before relaxing her body. “I’m… sorry. Today’s… not a good day.”

He widened his eyes. “Is this real? Is Park Eunah really apologizing to me?”

She was silent. He sighed. “Look, I know that we’re not in the best of relationships—” she snorted. “—but I think we should at least get along for however long we’re in here. Arguing won’t exactly help.”

He shouldered off his uniform jacket and threw it to her. She stumbled to catch it, before looking at him curiously. “Why are you giving this to me?”

“Just sit on it.”

Eunah hesitantly put his jacket onto the elevator floor, and sat carefully on it. “… Thanks.”

They fell into an uncomfortable silence, not knowing what to say to one another. Finally, Minseok broke it.

“So… where were you going today, anyway?”

She flinched noticeably. “I… it’s not something that I really want to talk about.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?!” shouted Eunah, before sighing and resting her forehead against her knees. “Just please… don’t bother me today. Any day but today.”

He stared at her, obviously dying to ask her, but stayed silent, instead leaning his head back against the elevator wall and closed his eyes.

After a few minutes, she spoke up. “I… I was going… to the graveyard.”

He opened his eyes, processing the information. “Then wouldn’t you wear… black?”

“He doesn’t like depressive colours like black. He likes it when I wear bright colours. He says it makes me look happier, and he likes it when I’m happy,” replied Eunah, a sad smile on her face. “He would always buy me colourful clothing, and eventually my completely black closet turned into a rainbow coloured one. Though I suppose, I’ve grown out of the clothes he bought for me back then.”

She had changed from present tense to past tense, probably without even noticing it.

She was silent for a moment, before speaking once more. “I don’t like wearing black anymore.”

“Can I ask… who he is?” asked Minseok carefully.

She bit her wobbling lip, before taking a deep breath. “He… he’s my boyfriend. Park Chanyeol. The Happy Virus of all.

“He’s a giant, he’s 185cm tall and is always teasing me about how much taller he is than me. I find it abnormal for a seventeen year old to be that tall. But… at the same time, we love each other’s heights. I fit in his arms like a teddy bear, and when his arms wrap around me I just feel so safe.” She closed her eyes, sighing in content, remembering; imagining; dreaming. “He has this adorable dimple. He once grew his hair out long. He plays a million instruments, and he taught me how to play guitar, and I taught him how to play piano. He has this great deep voice, which doesn’t match with his cute smile at all. He has these adorable elf ears which I love to about. He’s a great singer, and he can rap, too.

“He loved piggy backing me for no reason. He has this obsession with snapbacks, had this whole collection and everything and—” a shudder racked through her body and her voice shook. “—and… his umma gave me it, though I can’t bring myself to wear any of his hats or any of his clothes at all because they smell like him. He dyed his hair brownish red once, and it looked really good. But I told him to never dye his hair again, because it’s bad for your health. He composes music, and whenever I want to listen to his songs he won’t let me, says they’re a secret and he’ll let me listen to them when they’re finished. But he—” she took a deep breath. “—he never ended up finishing any of them, or at least never ended up showing me any, and no one knows where he saved his songs. I know he had a USB for them but I can’t find it!” she said in between sobs.

Minseok wasn’t sure if she even knew that she was crying.

“He wanted to become a singer, or a rapper, or even just a composer, he wanted to get his music out there! His parents didn’t want him to, they said it was too unlikely and hard, but I wanted him to follow his dreams! We were going to go to Seoul University together, in the Music Department. We promised each other!! He’s crazily optimistic about everything, and can make me smile no matter how sad I am. I didn’t know how he could be so optimistic, with those parents who didn’t support any of his dreams, but he still loved them so much. And he told them that, every single day.

“He was the most perfect son, the most perfect boyfriend. He listened to me whenever I had a bad day, and comforted me when I was down. He could tell immediately, too. He would stop whatever he was doing and come hug me. We… we still had arguments though, he thought that Luhan was a bad influence on me, and he was right, I just didn’t know it then.” Her voice choked, but she didn’t stop. Her words stumbled after one another; it was clear these were words she had wanted to say for a long time. “And he knows me so well, even better than I do, and he never pressures me to do anything. He kisses all my scars away, both physically and mentally. He was… he was just such a good person! He didn’t deserve to die. He didn’t deserve to die!”

He was surprised she knew Luhan; Luhan was his best friend and he had thought they had never even exchanged words. Whenever they passed each other in the hallways neither of them made any sign of acknowledgement towards each other. But maybe this was why Luhan simply watched as Minseok tormented her. At the moment though, Eunah was clearly in an unstable condition, and Minseok didn’t know what to do. He shuffled closer towards her awkwardly, before pulling her head onto his shoulder gently.

“Sshh, just cry,” he soothed. “Cry it all out.”

He could feel her body shaking uncontrollably, and felt her tears soaking through his grey school jacket, through his white button up shirt, felt her body racking up in sobs; she felt pure and innocent, like a baby, as if she needed to be protected. He automatically put his arms around her, and she finally let herself cry it all out, just sob it all out. No holding herself in.

He thought that she might fight back against him, but he realized that she simply had no energy to.

But another reason was because she’d never told anyone about him like she’d just done, and she’d never been able to let all her thoughts and sadness and stress out, and she’d never been able to cry full out as she was doing now.

After a while, after her body stopped shaking and she reluctantly removed her head from his shoulder, he blurted out the question that had been bothering him for a while. “How do you know Luhan?”

She flinched, but started to talk nevertheless. “I… we used to be best friends. It was Chanyeol, Luhan and I. Well, at first it was just Chanyeol and I, but then Luhan moved here from China. He didn’t speak Korean very well and Chanyeol and I started helping him. It was the three of us, best friends for three years. Then, Chanyeol and I started dating. Luhan wasn’t really a third wheel though, Chanyeol and I didn’t leave him like that. A little after we started dating, though… he… started taking drugs. Chanyeol warned me to stay away from him; said that he was dangerous when he was high, and even when he wasn’t, from after effects. But he was my best friend! He worried me, I…” she bit her lip. “I reported him to the police. He got so pissed off at me after that, and the next time he saw me he slapped me. Chanyeol got really mad, and they got into a fight. I tried pulling them apart; it tore me to pieces seeing them fighting like that.

“Luhan slammed Chanyeol’s head against the table… there was blood everywhere. He got a concussion and had to go to the hospital. He got better, though. It wasn’t that that… killed him. We were driving home from the hospital; Chanyeol’s mom was driving. Chanyeol was shotgun, and I was in the backseat.” She closed her eyes, then took a deep breath and continued. “It was a drunk driver. It hit the right side of the car, at the front. Where Chanyeol was. Chanyeol’s umma broke a few ribs, and her arm. I… other than my arm, got out of it perfectly fine. When I woke up at the hospital, I heard sobbing. My unni was crying, telling me that he was… gone. That she was sorry. I didn’t believe it. I started laughing, telling her that it wasn’t really a funny joke. And God, she just kept crying.

“Luhan… Luhan came to the funeral. I screamed at him there, even though it wasn’t really his fault. It was the drunk driver’s fault, a hit and run. I told him that if he hadn’t hurt Chanyeol he wouldn’t have gone to the hospital and we never would’ve gotten into the accident in the first place. My unni was holding me back from murdering him. And I guess that’s true, but it was something in the past and I had no right to blame him for it. Luhan looked so sad and hurt when I did, but at the time I was too caught up in my emotions to feel any guilt. Then, he lowered the flowers he had brought, purple Hyacinths, onto the ground and left. I searched up the meaning, later. I am sorry, Forgive Me, Sorrow. And when I saw him at school after that… I couldn’t bear to look at him. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t talk to him. I felt so bad for blaming him, but I just couldn’t. And now, whenever I go to school, the day after Chanyeol’s death anniversary… there is always a purple Hyacinth taped to my locker.”

Minseok was quiet. He realized that her hand was white from clenching the railing above her head. He reached over to peel her hand off the railing. “You know… Luhan skips school a lot. He doesn’t take drugs anymore, I’m sure about that. But he skips school a lot, and… I guess I never pieced together the fact that he skips the most around this time of the year.”

Her hand was rested limply in his now, and he realized that she had a scar on the underside of her arm. It was faint and thin, but it was there. Not from self harm, but from the accident.

“I… miss him,” she admitted.

He wasn’t sure if she was talking about Luhan or Chanyeol.

“Both of them. I miss us just being together. Luhan blatantly flirting with me, and Chanyeol holding me to him and glaring at Luhan, and me laughing at both of them. Or Luhan dragging me to Sehun’s bubble tea shop and Chanyeol finding out about it and being a jealous prick. Or Chanyeol and I being a date and Luhan spying on us and stalking us and filming all of it. Or just the conversations we used to have. Just… everything. I wish Chanyeol was alive… and I wish I had the guts to forgive Luhan for something he didn’t even do.”

“I… I’m sorry for being an these past two years… I… I didn’t know.”

She sighed. “It’s okay. But, you know, Minseok? Everyone has something. Everyone has their own problems and everyone has something sad happen to them. It’s not just me. It’s everyone.”

He was quiet, and a rush of dread and guilt hit him. “I… I know. I of all people should know that… yet… here I am, tormenting people for my own amusement.”

“What’s… what’s your story?” asked Eunah hesitantly.

“Let’s just say that the person who birthed me is a . And my appa… well he’s drunk most of the time. But you probably already knew that.”

She nodded. They lived in the same apartment, of course she knew that. “There’s more to it, though.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement.

He sighed. “Well… I have a younger sister, you know. My father… he’s a violent drunk. I… he… my family is known to have really strong arm strength. He… he choked her one day. He strangled her. I wasn’t home yet, I was out with some of my friends, trying to avoid coming home at all costs. Which was stupid… Minju… she was too young to be out by herself. And… Minju died because I wasn’t there. Because of… me.”

Instead of comforting him with a hollow ‘I’m sorry’, she gave him a wordless hug. From her experience, condolences were best shown by actions, not words. The amount of I’m sorry’s she’d heard made them seem meaningless.

She felt him swallow, trying not to cry. He was forcing himself to stay calm, but she could feel his body trembling. “It’s okay… guys can cry too.”

He buried his face into her neck, and started crying. She felt his warm tears, soaking into her dress, but she didn’t push him away. Chanyeol would want her to comfort someone who was in pain, no matter who that person was and what they’d done to her. He would have done the same, even if it was his enemy.

She made no attempt to soothe him; soothing him would make him try to stop crying. She guessed that this was his first time actually crying about this, and he might as well let it all out. She simply hugged him. Some time passed, though neither had any idea how much. Then, Minseok’s sobs died down, and he stopped shaking so hard. When he pulled away, though his face was still wet, there were no longer tears rolling down his cheeks. Though his fingers still trembled, he was no longer shaking as if possessed.

“I wonder when we’re getting out of here,” said Eunah brightly.

He started to answer her, when all of a sudden the elevator lights flickered on and the elevator started moving. “Well… speak of the devil.”

She snorted. “You’re not really supposed to use that term in that way…”

The elevator came to a stop, and the doors swung open. They both got up, and she handed him back his jacket, but he just shook his head. “Wear it. Your shoulders are soaked from my tears.”

She looked down to see he was right, and it looked quite strange. She shrugged his jacket on, though it was a bit big for her. “Um… Minseok?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you… thank you for today.”

He looked at her. “Thank you too. I… I didn’t cry once, for some reason my tears wouldn’t come, not even at her funeral. This is the first time crying. Thank you for helping me feel human again.”

“It… it was nothing.” She smiled at him, and he felt himself warming up at it. “I was… wondering… can you… do you want to come see him with me? I mean, since you’re already late for school and all, might as well ditch.”

“Of course I’ll come with you,” answered Minseok. “It’s the least I owe you. And we can report the elevator when we come back.”

She nodded. They exited the apartment, and she walked over to the street where she hailed a taxi. The only time she spoke was to tell the taxi where to go, as well as when she’d stopped the taxi and bought a bouquet of multi-coloured daisies (he remembered her telling him how Chanyeol liked colourful and happy things), and for the rest of their journey, they were both silent. It was not an uncomfortable silence though, in fact, it was strangely comfortable. Maybe it was the crying on each other’s shoulders part, but they had somehow… bonded.

The taxi came to a stop, and she thanked the taxi driver and paid him. Minseok followed her through the many paths in the graveyard until she finally stopped in front of a plain but pretty gravestone that read:

Park Chanyeol

1993-2010

A beloved son, friend, boyfriend, and musician.

“When I die, name me a musician on my gravestone.”

“Hey Chanyeol,” she murmured, crouching down to remove the wilting daisies, that looked much like the new ones she held in her right hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t visit last week. You know, tests and everything.”

Minseok felt like he was intruding in a very private moment, and right when he started backing away, she said something that made him stop.

“I brought someone with me today. He’s my… frenemy, you could say. We were enemies; he was really mean to me Chanyeol! But then today, we were stuck on an elevator and we bonded. Eh, he doesn’t seem as bad as I originally thought. Don’t worry; if he tries anything on me I’ll kick his balls.” She smirked at Minseok, who subconsciously moved his legs closer together.

“Unni couldn’t come today, and she asks me to tell you sorry. Umma and appa said they’re here in spirit, but they called yesterday, apparently. Mixed up the time zones again.” She chuckled. “And um…” She turned back towards Minseok and gave him a pleading look, and he nodded and quickly retreated away so that she could have some privacy.

After he was away from hearing distance, she started talking again. “I… I really miss you, Chanyeol. I still couldn’t find your USB, you know. I really wanted to hear your songs… and… I know you’d want me to go and forgive Luhan and say sorry for blaming him, but I still couldn’t do it. I’m sorry, Chanyeol. I… really wish you were with me right now, and I know you are with me, but I mean physically, not spiritually. I want to kiss you again, to hug you again, to look up at you and see your smile again. I’m forgetting your deep voice, and the only thing that reminds me again is when I listen to the recordings of you and me and even that isn’t the same. I forgot for a second once that you have a dimple. It’s really scary and I don’t know what to do.

“And… I know that I should get over you, and start living a life again. You’d want me to be happy, even if that meant I was with someone else. But it’s hard, Chanyeol. Who can possibly replace you? I’ll feel really guilty, too.”

She was silent, and she took off Minseok’s jacket and sat on it for a while. “I miss your big hand intertwined with my tiny one. I miss everything. But… I swear to you, I will start living a life again. And when I do, I’ll come visit you again. Like I did for every little milestone. When I started talking again, I came here. When I started proper guitar lessons, I came here, remember? I’m getting really good at guitar, I promise I’ll bring my guitar… your guitar next time so that I can play for you. And when I fall in love with someone else, just remember that I still love you and am in love with you. Thank you… thank you so much for everything. I love you so much, never forget that. And I’m sorry for everything I could have done but I didn’t, and everything I should have done but I didn’t.”

She placed the bouquet down carefully beside the gravestone. Then, she turned to call Minseok back, to see him talking with… Lu… han… Her face whitened, and she could practically hear Chanyeol in her head, telling her to go now, to apologize, to become friends again. Before she could do anything, Luhan’s eyes met hers, and he tried hiding the purple hyacinths behind his back as he looked to the ground.

She took a step forward, then another, until she was running, running towards him. She could see a bit of fear in his eyes, as if he thought she was going to attack him, but knew that even if he thought this, he wouldn’t stop her.

He closed his eyes, waiting for her to punch him, but instead heard her loud sobs, trying to say something but not being able to get coherent words out. He quickly reopened his eyes to see her sobbing, using her hands to try to say something, words coming out but none of them making sense. He went to her side in shock, hesitantly putting an arm around her shaking form to comfort her somehow, dropping the hyacinths in the process.

“I just… I couldn’t… I-I-I know I should’ve a-and Ch-Chanyeol would have w-wanted me to but I j-just couldn’t and—” she sobbed.

He murmured soothing things to her, telling her everything was going to be alright and for her not to cry, and it brought back a flood of memories, of him comforting her when she was crying about a fight with Chanyeol and how he’d done his pathetic attempts to comfort her which didn’t really work but made her laugh and therefore stop crying. In this case though, she just started sobbing even more because of the memories, and Minseok quickly came over in front of her and took her face in his hands. “Breathe, Eunah, breathe. With me, okay? In, out. In, out.”

She followed him, taking a shaky breath in, and letting that air out, following his rhythm until her body stopped shaking so much and she could breathe again. Minseok let out a sigh of relief and let go of her face, before tousling her hair. “Now I’ll leave you two to make up and become friends again.”

He walked over to Chanyeol’s grave, swiftly picking up the hyacinths as he walked, and took a seat where his jacket still was. She could see his lips moving, he was talking to Chanyeol. Then she remembered Luhan.

She took another deep breath, and Luhan let go of her and took a step away, looking down to the ground.

“I… I don’t know where to start…” she mumbled. “It… it wasn’t your fault. None of it. It wasn’t you who killed him and the only reason I blamed you was because I NEEDED someone to blame and after that, when I could think clearly I regretted saying those words so much, but I’m a coward. You know that. I couldn’t ask for your forgiveness and I couldn’t tell you sorry. And when you asked me to forgive you that day, I couldn’t. I couldn’t even forgive you for what you didn’t do, and I think it’s because I couldn’t even forgive myself. And I’m really sorry because of that. But I think I’ve finally forgiven myself, and I’m willing to give myself a second chance. I… I really missed you, Luhan. There were so many things that reminded me of you, or of you and Chanyeol, or of me and you, or of what the three of us were. And I… I know this is really selfish to ask now, but… would you become my friend again?”

She bit her lip and looked up nervously at him, to see him holding back tears. He’d always been emotional. He wrapped his arms around her tightly. “I… I… how can you be willing to forgive me after everything? How do you even want to become my friend again? I’m a despicable human being!”

She hugged him back. “It wasn’t your fault! And you’re a beautiful human being, Luhan.”

He sniffed. “Well, I am beautiful.”

She laughed amidst her tears. “I missed you so much, you know? I never knew it was possible to miss someone who was right beside you so much, but I did.”

“I missed you too,” Luhan said, and though she couldn’t see him she knew he was crying.

If someone other than them saw them, they’d think that they were a cute couple. But neither of them felt any romantic feelings towards each other; it was totally platonic. This was friendship, true friendship. And they were both just so glad to have each other in their lives again.

“Oh shoot, Minseok,” Luhan swore as he finally pulled out of the hug and wiped his tears away with his sleeve.

Minseok had just gotten up from talking to Chanyeol, and picked up his jacket while he was at it. He glanced at them, and saw that they were both staring at him, and smiled at them. He started walking towards them.

“Did you two finally work it out?” he asked. It was more of a statement than a question: he already knew the answer.

They both nodded.

“Thanks, Xiu,” Luhan thanked.

She looked at him questioningly, wiping her tears away with her fingers. “Shoe?”

“No… you know how you get given a name from the second language you’re learning?” Luhan asked

She nodded. Her second language had been Japanese, and the name she had been given was Akira.

“Well his was Xiumin, but I call him Xiu for short, since he says Min is too girly.”

“How’d you become friends with an like him?” she asked, smirking.

Minseok gaped. “I-I-”

“Well, it turns out that he’s only s to girls he likes, you know? He’s actually pretty nice and a chill guy if you’re not the girl he likes.” Luhan winked at the two of them.

“LUHAN I’M GONNA FRIGGIN KILL YOU!!!!!!” Minseok roared, and Luhan laughed, running off towards Chanyeol’s grave.

“I need to have a private talk with Yeol, so you guys have a sweet talk together, okay?” Luhan winked once more, this time at Eunah, and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

---

Minseok would never be a replacement for Chanyeol, but it was okay. She didn’t expect it, and she didn’t want it, either. Minseok would only be himself, and she loved him just the way he was. He knew and accepted that she was still in love with Chanyeol, and that she was also in love with him as well.

Instead, he came every year on this fateful day along with her, thanking Chanyeol for changing her into the beautiful person that she was, and promising that he would take care of her.