‘I think we should break up, I’m sorry’

     Her words kept resonating in his head as he continued to stare at the now empty door way. Jackson was too stunned by the sudden news that he just watched her silently leave through blurred vision. Once he recovered for his shock he made his way to the table, where he sat in the empty apartment with various emotions overpowering each other. Jackson was now left in his own thoughts that consisted of question.

Who?

     Who was the man that made him fall into the shadows of her mind?

What?

     What could he have done differently to change the outcome?

Where?

     Where did the feelings that she once had run off to?

When?

     When did things get so bad that this was the only resort?

Why?

     Why did she leave him with so many unanswered questions?

How?

     How could she leave without giving him a voice in the situation?

     Jackson was left with so many questions and emotions that his ability to process everything slowly dissipated to the point where he hadn’t realized he had pressed call before it was too late.

     “Hello… Jackson?” Her voice striking a familiarity within him that he wished he could forget.

     “I’ll be waiting 6’oclock at the place where we had our first date, underneath our – the mistletoe… if you don’t come then I’ll give up” Jackson paused before continuing.

     “Please” She didn’t respond but Jackson didn’t want to hear it, not yet. Once he hung up he felt a simmer of hope within him that he knew was useless, but he still wanted to hang onto it no matter how foolish it seemed. The whole day Jackson sat with the television on to drown out the silence that surrounded him, and to provide some sort of distraction before it was time for him to go.

     The time soon came for him to start his dire journey to where his hope hung by the thread that connected both him and his love, the question in the back of his mind was – will she cut it and severe the ties they once had? – But he didn’t ponder on it too long before he pushed it to the farthest corners of his mind, instead he focused on distracting himself by his surroundings. This strategy worked for awhile until he came across various items and places that brought memories to play in his mind. This time Jackson didn’t shut them out though, this time he chose to allow himself to reminisce.

     He relished in the memories that brought him to smile even if it was one full of sadness. They consisted of the bakery they always passed, the playground they would sit at just to talk, even the path they would always take made his smile widen. Jackson then wondered if she had seen these memories he cherished as nothing special or if she even remembered half the events he did.

     He was doing this due to the fact that apart of him still had hope, while the other part wanted closure. For Jackson he was always the talkative one but he never said anything he didn’t want to say. He believed that the dangerous thing towards a person psyche was words left unsaid, but deep down he knew that these words within him at the moment would never be able to escape.

     Jackson smiled at the moments they once shared but that smile soon faded as he reached his destination with no sign of her. However, he still made his way to the bench where he had tied the mistletoe, which was 3 years ago.

=3 years ago=

     “Why did you take the mistletoe?” she asked looking at Jackson then to the mistletoe in his hand confused.

     Jackson looked down at her laughing at her confusion but finding it somewhat endearing “Because they were giving it out for free”

     “That’s the only reason?” She replied astonished by his reasoning but laughing at how random he was as well.

     “Well we could do something else with it” Jackson said with a devious smile across his face, he looked around before pulling her to a bench beside a bare tree.

     She looked at him as he give her a wink before climbing onto the bench. “Jackson get down, the bench is wet you might slip”

     She only received a laugh in response to her concern “Don’t worry, hey do you still have the ribbon that was wrapped around our bag from the bakery?”

     She quickly pulled it out of her pocket before handing it to Jackson who tied the mistletoe to a branch of the tree smiling the whole time. She stood there amused by her date thinking how crazy he was but how lucky she was to have met him. Jackson then got down from the bench looking at his work and then to her.

     “There, now come here” He said leading her to stand directly underneath the mistletoe.

     They both looked up at the poorly tied mistletoe but it still brought a smile to their faces, “This will be our mistletoe okay?” Jackson said looking at her with a loving smile plastered across his face as he leaned in.

     That happened 3 years ago and now they have reached the end of their high but for Jackson he believed, or at least want to believe that they still had something left to fight for. So he sat there waiting on someone who was already gone, he was always told that he was stubborn and that had gotten the best of him this time. A minute turned into and hour and that turned into three, by then he was as cold externally as he was internally. He sat there watching people come and go the noises were just the background music for the circus that was going on inside his head, but as the noises settled so did his thoughts.

     As Jackson reached total silence within himself, he was able to come to terms with the truth – she wasn’t coming. He didn’t feel the anger or sadness that filled him before, but instead those feelings went numb inside him and truthfully he didn’t care. While he sat alone, an all too familiar face was watching him through a curtain of guilt that she couldn’t bare to lift. The truth was that, the only one standing in the way of both of them was her. She couldn’t bring herself to go to him because she feared that she was holding him back from reaching the fame that he deserved, so she settled with cheering him on from afar. Though she wanted to run to him to take away the pain she had inflicted disappear, her decision was final and so she just stood there watching the man who was once whole slowly shatter in front of her.

     ‘This is only temporary, forget about me and find someone better. I love you…’ she thought to herself as she continued to watch him, wiping the tears that were able to slip through her weak front of being strong.

     Jackson unknowing of the individual watching him thought, ‘Where are you? Was I that easy to forget? I loved you…’

     Even though Jackson wanted to keep waiting underneath the mistletoe…

     He was exhausted – from trying to be positive, from chasing someone who had run off long ago, from holding the thread that held his hope – so he let it go allowing it to shatter. Just like he promised her he gave up and walked away from the spot where everything started, not looking back.