Chapter 4

“So, what’s the problem, Baechu yah?” There was a traffic at early morning Seoul downtown street, and Seohyun was driving very carefully -typical Seo Joohyun-. Bae Joohyun thought it might be a great idea to tag along with Seohyun to go at company in this greyish cloudy winter, since her same aged friend seemed too kind to ask her about her solo album whatsoever, but it turned out to be otherwise.

Yesterday, after all tiresome retaking some part for their Tokyo dome concert, their manager gathered them to a meeting, announced their projects on early 2015. Bae Joohyun solo album became hot topic somehow, because of many reason. Joohyun, on the other hand, looked exasperated whenever they asked about the album; ‘so, you decided to launch it?’ there was Sooyoung who asked, and ‘might be, Unnie, I don’t know’ a short, uncertain, dodging sentence was chosen by Joohyun to answer it.

And it turned out leave curiosity to Seohyun, as she spurted the question, when they were alone, much of difficult situation for Joohyun to evade it.

Joohyun sighed. “Simple. I have no mood to remake this project. Too exhausted to remake it.”

“Then what will you do with your song? It’s too good to ignore, Baechu-ya. See? Your friend here is even admitting that you are a good composer.” Seohyun jokingly said. “what will you do with that? Let it someone sing it as their song?”

Joohyun shrugged “Might be.”

“Then I want to,” Seohyun grinned.

“You must be not serious.” Joohyun bewildered. “I am sorry Hyun-ah, but I think your vocal is-“

“Not really match with that kind of genre, I know.” Seohyun admitted. “That’s why you should do it.”

“Later, when I have enough courage to work on it from the scratch” Joohyun said. “It almost looks like I need to start it from very beginning, Hyun-ah, see, I need to look for duet partner, -“

“They said Seungwan will be your new partner, though.”

“I know Seungwan,” Joohyun messaged her temple, “I know her image. Our company made her some kind of, you know, good mannered, smarty dongsaeng who smiled a lot, that’s totally different image when you compare with, Jessica Unnie-“Joohyun chocked when she needed to mention Jessica’s name, “And That’s not something that we want to see through the song.”   

“Why you care too much about image,” Seohyun suggested. “Seungwan has a great vocal, we all know that. Isn’t that enough to comply as your partner?”

“Image is a matter, Hyun-ah.” Joohyun became serious. “Okay let see, Me and Seungwan, singing lyric like this, ‘this is so unfortunate, what do I do with this heels’ do you find it appealing?”

 Seohyun took a brief silence of thinking before answered, “No.”

“See? We don’t have, what do you call it, naughty vibe? Something like that. And honestly, this endorse things kind of impossible for me. if it’s project has double purpose to endorse Red Velvet through us, I don’t think it doesn’t work since they are all made to be ‘nice downtown girl image’ so far.”

“Then you need to change the lyric, in my opinion” Joohyun suggested

“That’s exactly what I think, Hyun-ah. With me and Seungwan as new partner, I need to, somehow, change all of the album concept, image, lyric, mv, almost all. “Joohyun said. “But even with or without Seungwan, the lyric of the song must be changed anyway.”

“Why?”

“Jessica Unnie wrote some parts of them.” Joohyun said, uneasy.

“Then what about it? She’s still part of our company, until, um, sometime,” Seohyun struggled to arrange her sentence nicely, “And I recall statement that our company could use our artwork easily.”

“But I don’t want to tangled with matters with her. In anyway” Joohyun affirmatively said.

Joohyun recalled of how 30^th September morning began. After many exhausting discussion, the company had decided about Jessica’s status as the member of Girls’ Generation, that she should take of her hiatus earlier than they planned. On the price they should pay, all the members had been prepared of all the possibilities of question they would give on the fan meeting ‘very busy with her schedule’, ‘Passionately pursues her new dreams’, such as nicely-wrapped answered drafts had been distributed. All planned. All prepared, for the sake of group’s image. There was nothing much in their mind on the early morning, when suddenly they stricken by words, only few words of the news.

Clean slate. Kicked out.

Kicked out by own members. Even Girls’ Generation couldn’t comprehend with these words by themselves.

The eerie feeling, madness, and questions filled their mind a whole day, and worsened when they held the fan meeting only for hearing chants from her own fans ‘Jessica, Jessica’. All of members could feel they were thirst of an answer. Why? What happened? Can you clarify her post? But all of the members also demanded the answer. They wanted to know the answer as much as their fans wanted, and answer was something that they, unfortunately, couldn’t provide.

Except for Joohyun.

Joohyun knew. Kicked out by own members. Joohyun knew exactly what that meant, what happened, and why. Guilt. Regret. But on the contrary some part of her was also filled with self-defensive system, redeem her own pride and protect her own soul, thought that Jessica was also not a victim. She was also the culprit, and that was how angered planted on Joohyun’s head. 

And that was more than enough to pushed her to the zero, impregnated her with traumatic feeling and decided to cut off all her connection with Jessica. What would happen if she releases the single that at very beginning meant to sing by them? What would happen if she did sing the song with the lyric that clearly written by Jessica? What would happen if she answers the question from medias, ‘what is your inspiration when you compose this song?’ when the answer was Jessica? What would happen? What would Jessica say from her SNS? ‘Joohyun’s song is originally partly composed by me’ ’we supposed to be a new subunit together’ could those statement announced by Jessica someday? Or worst, would Jessica tell public what happened? 

Joohyun clearly didn’t want to argue with Jessica, or her new backing company, or her new representative, or her family, her sister, and everything that has connection with her. That’s why she backed off her solo project, slowly ignore it hope she could start anew someday with new song, which she didn’t sure it would happen or not. That was until the company asked about it after some time, ruined her mood all along with new adjusted schedule of Girls’ Generation for Tokyo Dome.

SM already asked her about this solo project, and Joohyun always declined. Until yesterday they Suddenly brought Seungwan, the innocent Son Seungwan who didn’t know anything and implied that this project it a must do, already scheduled, and there was no way for Joohyun to dodge it.

It was .

And more about it was when the trauma drove Joohyun to cancel few endorsement and shows. For the sake of her exhausted mind, she demanded a little break from her busy schedule. The   company misunderstood her action as if it was a signal that Joohyun might be not signed the contract. The rumor spread fast that everyone could imagine, and Girls’ Generation felt expectedly panic about it. Joohyun honestly wanted to let her member know what actually happened, but at the same time, Joohyun had no courage to announce her past sin.

So, Joohyun chose to be speechless instead.

 “Speaking of Tokyo Dome,” Seohyun started, cut the awkward atmosphere thanks to Joohyun’s answer. “How was yesterday recording? Sorry I had to come late yesterday, but I heard from Tiffany Unnie that earlier there were, um, arguments about who get this and that part.”

“Better than expectation.” Joohyun answered. “Soonkyu Unnie and Tiffany Unnie did well yesterday, the arguments indeed exist but it was for our own good. So, it was okay.”

“I wish I can do well on today’s recording also.” Seohyun anxiously mumbled.

“Which song?” Joohyun asked.

“Catwalk.” Seohyun answered. “The last song that we need MR to be recorded. And then after this we are left with remembering new formation of our new choreography.”

Joohyun inhale deep breath. Remembering formation was not an easy job even she already on her 8^th year of her idol career. “And don’t forget we need to remember our own part to sing the song fully live without MR, Hyun-ah.”

“By the way, what will you do at company at this early hour? You have no schedule for recording, I guess?”

“Meeting,” Joohyun Answered, half-heartedly. “With Seungwan.”

“You seem hesitant whenever we talk about your solo project, Bae Joohyun.” Seohyun said. “But somehow I found it cute.”

 “Seo Joohyun,” A mere short groan left out Joohyun’s mouth as a reply.

“You know that you will make it. I believe you. We already know each other for years now and I know very well that you can do it.” Seohyun give her an encourage smile, “And you know I’m always here to support you, though.”

----

It was not so hard for Bae Joohyun knowing where Seungwan was.

As soon as she arrived at 4^th floor, the soft-hummed familiar melody caught her attention.

It was her song. Her supposedly duet album title track with Jessica. No one willing to play for no reason. But Seungwan had the reason, therefore Joohyun more than confident to guess that Seungwan must be there.

And little did Seungwan knew about Bae Joohyun arrival at the entrance. She kept took a note diligently, pointed one by one tiny detail of each lines of the song as the song played from the speaker, deprived by herself. That was until Joohyun cracked the door open, intentionally used method therefore somehow it made sound in a process, to waken up Song Seungwan from her own world.

Son Seungwan automatically jerked up from the chair, stood up, and greeted, stuttered, “An…annyonghaseyo Irene Sunbaenim!”

Irene smiled, the hoarse greeting from Seungwan gave enough hint that the girl must be not her best condition. Joohyun knew. First, second year as an idol never been so easy. “Annyonghaseyo. It has been a long time, right, Seungwan-ah?” She replied, noticed dark shade below Seungwan’s eyes. “Have been Busy?”

 “Uh,” Seungwan took a peek of her note on the desk, had no idea what to say to answer.

“No, not that,” Joohyun cleared , pointed exactly below Seungwan eyes, emphasize the dark shade, “You look tired, must have been busy with your schedule, I guess?”

Seungwan felt hesitant. Even if she told Joohyun, would she interested? But she need to answer it anyway, so she said, “Been busy lately to prepare comeback, Sunbaenim,”

“Drop off the Sunbaenim,” Joohyun awkwardly demand. “Unnie is okay.”

“Ah, yes, uh, Irene.. Unnie?” Seungwan look for Joohyun’s permission, and she relieved when Joohyun smiled sweetly as she said,

“Better. Joohyun Unnie is even better.”

Instantly Seungwan felt it was very different looking at Joohyun this way. Joohyun was her mentor back then but she never really interacted with her directly. Even if she did, it was for a brief moment, and the Joohyun she knew back then had been always having serious expression, gave them this and that advice directly without chit chatting or empty talking, left cold image of herself in Seungwan’s memory.

Of course she had seen Joohyun’s smile, it was available in many ways. Internet, merchandises, albums. But seeing her smile in this very close way and live right in front of her eyes was indeed very different.

Joohyun was beautiful.

 “When is your comeback scheduled, anyway?” Irene cut Seungwan’s train of thought.

“This spring, um,” Seungwan still dazed.

“Red? Or velvet?”

“Both.”

Joohyun nodded slowly, “I hope they give you a good song this time. So how is it living as an idol?”

Seungwan smiled, “It’s good, very tiring but it’s good. I enjoy it.”

Not an easy task for a girl group to maintain her image to not be hated, but Red Velvet somehow did make it. Malicious comment was there, but it was barely nothing compared with what Girls’ Generation had to face in their first and second year. Joohyun understood, as an idol with over 5 years’ experience she was, that the company built their image so hard to become ‘girl next door’, ‘friend-like girl group’, with an obvious intention to grab female fans ore than those on the military mandatory.

It was a good strategy, -typical strategy that SM usually have-, but on the contrary it meant that they might be couldn’t get enough attention to be discussed in variety shows, news, or to be written in articles. So that was her job to do something with it. But Joohyun already aware how hard it was. Seungwan’s image was difficult. But Joohyun needed to start from somewhere.

“Good then,” Joohyun said. “Seungwan-ah, I bet you already heard the duet song, eh?”

“Yes Unnie,” Seungwan struggled to get awkwardness whenever she called Joohyun ‘Unnie’

“How was it?”

“Uhm,” Seungwan wondered if an honest opinion was allowed to be spoken.

“Not really match with our image, does it?” Joohyun smiled again, sweetly.

“Uh, kind of. I am thinking to ask you how to pull out the cuteness when we sing this song.”

 “You know even I don’t have an aegyo,” Joohyun laughed

“Bu..but, it is a good song, Unnie. I like the chorus. It is composed by Unnie, right?”

“Thank you,” Joohyun grinned. “But somehow, Seungwan-ah, we need to make this good song work on us. Changing the lyric, changing the package.. Actually after our meeting last week, me and other staff tried to think what kind of image we will do, and we might be come up with some idea, but I still need to adjust it with you.”

“Ah.. I see..” Seungwan mumbled.

“I want to see your vocal color, Seungwan-ah. Of course I can do that by playing ‘I have to Forget You’ right now, but original vocal color shouldn’t be covered with synthesizer or an effect if you want it to analyzed, right?” Joohyun gave Seungwan a hint.

“You want me to sing live?”

“Yes.” Joohyun said. “That was why they arranged our meeting in recording booth.”

Seungwan felt nervous. Joohyun wanted her to sing live, in front of her, only her, was a crazy idea that she never had been thought before. “Okay.”

“You can freely choose the song you want, Seungwan-ah,” Joohyun said as Seungwan went to recording booth. As soon as Seungwan grabbed the headset, put it on her ears, Joohyun gave her an instruction, “Ready?”

“Yes.” Seungwan said, there was an affirmative tone in her speech. Seungwan might be timid and nervous when she needed to face community, might be clueless when she needed to act in front of camera, but in front of mics, she was someone else. Singing was something that fill her up with confidence.

“Okay then, start”

Seungwan cleared . Nothing much came to her mind when she started to sing the most first song she could recall,

nal moreunayo
naega yeogi inneun iyuneun
geudaende nuni siryeowa
mareul hal su eomneyo
honjaseo baraman bolppun

Joohyun saw Seungwan, sang while closing her eyes, ‘Missing You Like Crazy’, eh? Such as rare option remembering there were many more popular of single song of Kim Taeyeon.

ireohge gaseum ggeuti apado
ireoke songgeuti ddeollyeodo,
geudae saenggakman najiyo

michige bogo sipeun saram
michige deutgo sipeun neoui hanmadi
saranghae saranghaeyo geudaeneun eoditnayo
gaseumgipi bakhin geuriun saram geudae

naege mal haejwoyo nal ganjik handago
hayake jiumyeon andwaeyo
nae jeonbuinikka

Joohyun realized something after listen that very part. This Seungwan, as expected good at expressing ballad. So ballad it is? Joohyun thought hard. Her song was originally not so bubbly, and still can be arranged with ballad vibe, but Joohyun couldn’t help to admit that ballad itself sometimes was not enough to grab an attention. Kim Taeyeon was at the different case, after all.

michige bogo shipeun saram
michige deutgo shipeun neoui hanmadi
saranghae saranghaeyo geudaeneun eoditnayo
gaseumgipi bakhin geuriun saram geudae

yeongwonhi ganjikhallaeyo
saranghae saranghaeyo

Joohyun amazed. That very last part was pulled off beautifully. Anyone listen of Seungwan’s ‘Missing you like crazy’ would felt her ‘loneliness’, ‘her feeling to miss someone’ that sculptured neatly at that part. Seungwan had great vocal, she must admit. Should we do the ballad then?

Seungwan opened her eyes, swallowed her spit as she took a peek to Joohyun, nervously. She felt uneasy when saw Joohyun sat there, gave her no comment as she bite her nails. “Uhm, Unnie?”

“Seungwan,” Joohyun said, “It was amazing, really.”

Seungwan smiled, “Thank you,”

“But do you have something else?” Joohyun asked, much of Seungwan’s surprised.

“Something else?”

“Yes, something else”

“Uh, I can play guitar” She mumbled

“Guitar?” Joohyun enlightened. It might be able to used.

“Yes,”

“Show me then. Just a short piece will do, Seungwan-ah”

Seungwan grab the guitar fast and try to synchronized her mind. What song she should present Joohyun? She thought a little while before start strummed,

But I can't spell it out for you.
No, it's never gonna be that simple.
No, I can't spell it out for you.

Not like when she sang ‘Missing you like crazy’, this time Seungwan sang rather more energized, her eyes met with Joohyun as she smiled.

Colbie Caillat, eh? Joohyun couldn’t help but felt fully anticipated.

That was a time when Joohyun realized that this kid can pull off many genre of variety of music. She anticipated the chorus part. Wendy stop for a brief silence, gave Joohyun surprise. On the chorus part, rather than playing ordinarily with standard keys, Wendy strummed slowly, played with one by one string, gave a dramatic feeling in the process.

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other,
And we'll never find another.

Seungwan’s honey vocal pull out the song even more. Joohyun smiled. This could be a great idea, she thought.

Just realize what I just realized.
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.

Seungwan finish her serenade, and Joohyun softly applauded, made her blushed.

“Good Job, Seungwan-ah” Joohyun said, her eyes filled with a new hope.