One month was just thirty days. It could pass by quickly without us knowing. But, for some people it could feel agonizing and slow. The latter might fit Taeyeon and Tiffany. It felt like the beginning of their relationship again, when they tried to take things slow, when they put a lot of consideration on their interaction. Taeyeon read the email in her phone from both SM Magazine saying that her profile would be up tomorrow, and another email from Ministry of Women Empowerment notifying that her profile would be up next week. She really wished she could turn back time to the moment she told Mr. David that she changed her mind. She wished she didn’t impulsively said that she would take the award and promised him that she wouldn’t be in a relationship for a while.

Ding

Her phone notified an incoming message.

Fany: Tae, are you awake?

Taeyeon changed her position on the bed and slipped herself under the duvet.

Taetae: Not yet. I can't sleep

Fany: Why?

Taetae: I feel time flies too slow

Fany: Huh?

Taetae: I can’t wait for tomorrow and next week

Fany: Are you excited?

Taetae: Other than excited, it’s more like I want this to over soon :(

Fany: Ah, whyyy?

Taetae: You know why :(

Fany: LOL. You reap what you sow, baby

Taetae: True, true

Taeyeon frowned and put the phone on her chest. She heaved a heavy sigh, thinking about what would she do after this. The only thing she wanted was just to be with Tiffany. During their break-up, she learned how dull was her life without Tiffany. She thought she would be okay but apparently not. She wasn’t fine. Everything she did reminded her of Tiffany, started from opening her eyes in the morning until she closed her eyes at night.

Ding

She took her phone again to read the message.

Fany: Anyway, can I come over this weekend?

Taeyeon frowned at the question. There were times when Tiffany could just come over without asking permission and the other way around for her. It felt like they started all over again. 

Taetae: Of course. You can come here anytime you want

Fany: I just want to ensure I got your consent before crashing over :p

Taetae: You never asked permission before

Fany: We were in a relationship, dummy. What was yours, mine as well.

She pouted at the reply she got. Tiffany was right, even though Tiffany mentioned that she’d be waiting, it didn’t mean that they got back together yet.

Fany: Do not forwn

Fany: Do not pout

Taeyeon chuckled at the sudden reply she got. It was as if Tiffany could see through telepathy that she was frowning and pouting.

Taetae: I don’t

Fany: Liaaarrr

Taeyeon laughed at the reply.

Taetae: How could you know tho?

Fany: I was just guessing. Testing my intuition

Taetae: LOL. So, when will you come here? Friday? Saturday? Sunday?

Fany: What about Friday?

Taetae: Tomorrow?

Fany: Yes, is that a good time? Or do you prefer Saturday instead?

Taetae: Friday is fine. You’re gonna stay over until Monday, right?

Fany: Nooo, I am going back to my place on Sunday

Taetae: Whhyyyyy?

Fany: LOL, why? Do you want me to stay longer?

Taetae: Of course!

Fany: What do you hide in your sleeve, hmm? ;)

Taeyeon gasped at the question. She really got no intention to do anything funny. She just wanted to spend more time with Tiffany. Even though they already made up, but both had been busy with works this past month. Taeyeon had countless meeting with BOD related to digital marketing transformation in the company, meanwhile Tiffany had been busy working on East Indonesia Development project. They barely spent much time together aside from quick morning routine in Chris’ cafe.

Taetae: Nothing really. I just missed you. You’ve been very busy

Fany: Says the one who even skipped lunch for meetings :p

Taetae: That’s why I want to spend more time with you, Fany

Fany: Okaay, okaayyy

Taeyeon smiled wide at the reply.

Taetae: So, you will stay over until Monday? So we can go to office together?

Fany: What about my car, tho?

Taetae: Leave it in office parking on Friday. We’re going to my place with my car

Fany: You’re thinking so fast! LOL. Someone is excited, I guess

Taeyeon smiled even wider. Of course she was excited. Who wouldn’t be excited if ones can spend more time with the loved one.

Taetae: I am! :D

Fany: Me too. I miss you, Taetae

Taeyeon felt her heart got fluttered just by reading Tiffany’s reply. She also missed Tiffany in her life. She missed Tiffany who could give warmth to her heart. She missed Tiffany’s morning kisses. She missed the comfort having Tiffany’s in her embrace. And she believed Tiffany meant the same thing. It wasn’t just an ‘I miss you’ it was deeper than that.

Taetae: I miss you too. More than words can convey

oOo

Taeyeon just stepped into her office after having breakfast with Tiffany. Chris was so nosy this morning. It had been more than a month since they started to have their usual morning routine in Chris’ cafe and Chris was wondering whether they were getting back together again. The question she wished she could answer. The situation was a bit complicated right now. She and Tiffany were not in relationship. But, it was hard for them not to do things they used to do, like the way Taeyeon sneakily grazed the back of Tiffany’s hand with her thumb, or the way Tiffany tucked Taeyeon’s hair behind her ear and sneakily Taeyeon’s cheek with her palm.

Taeyeon heaved a sigh as she took her laptop and turned it on. She stared blankly at the laptop, as her mind wandered somewhere else. Her mind replayed memories of her career achievement and how she got to where she was right now, followed by the memories she had with Tiffany. She then imagined what if she never achieved anything in her career, and what if she needed to lose Tiffany forever. She bit her lips as she could feel that imaging to lose Tiffany was way harder to cape than the feeling of failing in career. 

She still remembered the reason why she decided to pursue her career journey like crazy, she remembered the reason why she wanted people to recognize her for her career achievement. It was to secure herself from personal question that might uncover her ual preference. It was to distract her not to have any interest to anyone — or any girls — around her. It was to prove that she got something she could be proud of despite her own insecurity. Everything was because of her insecurity. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes. When Mr. David told her that he needed to decline the offer from SM Magazine and Ministry of Women empowerment, she felt the world was unfair because after all the hard work she did for her career, she didn’t get to taste the sweet result. She forgot the reason why she worked hard. She was too greedy and the result of her greed was to lose Tiffany. What was the point of getting all those reward if she needed to lose the person who loved her, the person who would stand by her side despite her insecurities, the person who would stood up for their relationship, the person she loved.

She opened her eyes and looked at the laptop once more. Weighing the action she was about to do. She took a deep breath before opening up office messenger and typed a name: Panjaitan, David.

Kim, Taeyeon: Good morning, sir

Panjaitan, David: Morning, Taeyeon

Kim, Taeyeon: May I have your time today? I would like to discuss some matter with you

Panjaitan, David: My schedule today is a bit packed. Do you mind to talk over lunch?

Kim, Taeyeon: No problem, sir

Panjaitan, David: OK then, see you lunch time

Kim, Taeyeon: Thanks Mr. David.

She closed the chat window and opened her email, starting off her day as a senior manager as per usual.

oOo

“So what is it you want to talk about, Taeyeon?” Mr. David opened up the conversation as he took the spoon on the table.

Taeyeon cleared , trying to ease the tension she felt at the moment. She couldn’t help but to think of it since last night after her chat with Tiffany. She reflected on what had happened, and she also thought about it again this morning before decided to chat Mr. David.

“I assume, it’s not work related, right?” Mr. David casually asked as he started to dig in his fried rice.

“Well, it’s not related to digital transformation project we are having at the moment.” Taeyeon nodded. She tried to compose herself. She looked at the man in front of her. Mr. David was one of the most respectable BOD in her company. He had a lot of experience in the business and on top of that, he was also well known of his leadership. He was Taeyeon’s mentor when she first joined the company and Taeyeon learned a lot from him. He was the figure she looked up to. Even though, it was also him who informed her that the company might reject the proposal from SM magazine and Ministry of Women Empowerment, she knew Mr. David never meant to pry on her personal life. It was company’s decision and Mr. David as her supervisor needed to tell it to her. 

Mr. David looked back at her and smiled, “So, what is it you want to talk about? Is it about your personal life?”

Taeyeon opened in surprise at the response she got from Mr. David. “It’s not one hundred percent personal life though.” She finally let it out slowly. “There is some connection with the company.” She tried to speak as calm as possible.

“Tell me, then.” Mr. David didn’t seem surprised or on guard. He was so composed as if he already knew what Taeyeon was about to say.

“First of all, I would like to thank you for your support. My profile is up on 30 under 30 of SM Magazine today. And next week, Ministry of Women Empowerment will also release my profile as Best Women Leader. It’s all thanks to you who gives me opportunity.” She straightened her seat, as she looked into Mr. David eyes, trying to convey how grateful she was.

Mr. David only smiled and shook her head. “That’s the least I can do for you, Taeyeon. You paved your way there.” He took another spoonful of fried rice and swallow it before continue. “And no need to be too formal. We are not really in a meeting.”

Taeyeon smiled at the response she got. Mr. David always did that, he would prefer a more casual talk outside of formal meeting. She truthfully felt a bit at ease with the atmosphere Mr. david built at the moment. She took a deep breath and continued her talks. “I know this might be too sudden. But, I don’t think I can keep my promise to you, Sir.”

Mr. David only nodded in response.

“I…” She hesitantly continued her sentence. “Well, I…” She didn’t know how to say it properly to the man in front of her. Even though Mr. David already knew about her preference — and her previous relationship with Tiffany, but the man in front of her was also part of the BOD. She didn’t want to cross the line between professionalism and personal life.

“You never promised me anything, Taeyeon.” Mr. David suddenly said. “You only mentioned that you didn’t plan to be involved in any relationship.”

Taeyeon looked at Mr. David in surprise. She didn’t expect Mr. David could see where the conversation was going.

“Well, you also mentioned that you guaranteed that.” The man chuckled. “But as per my understanding in the business, when we talk about guarantee, it usually documented and formalized. You didn’t do that.”

Taeyeon still couldn’t say anything. She remembered that was exactly what she said to Mr. David when she came to him, asking his support to get her the opportunity she almost lost.

“Sorry, I interrupt what you’re about to say.” Mr. David smiled sincerely, and it gave Taeyeon more strength to continue what she wanted to say.

“I understand that once I took the opportunity from SM Magazine and the ministry, I can’t separate my personal profile and my position in this company. People will see me as Taeyeon Kim, Country Senior Marketing Manager of GG Corporation. These past months, I took time to reflect on what I’ve been gone through, and what I’ve aspire to be.” She took a pause to see the man in front of her who didn’t seem to be bothered at all. 

“I relooked at my career and life priority. I know it’s not wise to say it just now. But I think it’s only fair to you and to the company to let you know in advance,” She took another pause and a deep breathe before continuing, “I believe you already know by now that, I had special relationship with Tiffany. Before asking you to reconsider the nomination, I also mentioned that I broke up with her. But, I came to realize that I need her in my life. More than the awards, more than any career accomplishment I aspire.”

Mr. David didn’t say a word, he just kept smiling, letting Taeyeon to finished her explanation.

“Mr. David, I plan to get back together with Tiffany.” She finally said it.

Mr. David nodded, the smile never left his face, as if he already predicted this situation. “Well, I knew this would happen.” He clasped his palms in front of his chest.

Taeyeon tried to keep her composure but she didn’t see this coming.

“When I was your age, I could even skip work when I broke up with my girlfriend,” He chuckled, “When it comes to love and feelings, sometimes we made impulsive decision. Some decisions results in less complicated situation, some other could impact more complication,” He took a sip of water before continuing, “In your case, it impacts more complication.”

“I know, sir.” Taeyeon looked down to her meal she hadn’t touched. “I know it’s complicated, and it can impact the company. I am willing to accept any consequences for my lack of commitment in this.”

Mr. David rested her back at the chair. “Then, tell me what do you expect, Taeyeon?”

oOo

“Taeyeon?” Tiffany waved her hand in front of Taeyeon’s eyes, making the latter blinked her eyes in surprised.

“Yes?” She blinked her eyes again before straightened her seat on the bed.

“You seem really distracted.” Tiffany took the remote and turned off the TV. They were in Taeyeon’s apartment, watching TV but Taeyeon seemed out of focus ever since Tiffany met her after office.

Taeyeon only smiled and nodded. “I am sorry.”

Tiffany shifted her position so she could face Taeyeon. “Want to tell me?”

Taeyeon nodded in answer, and that surprised Tiffany. Taeyeon usually had difficulty on sharing her problems but today the blonde girl didn’t seem to hesitant on telling Tiffany what was bothering her.

“What is it?” Tiffany took Taeyeon’s hand and held it in hers.

Taeyeon’s eyes fell to their holding hands but soon they moved to see Tiffany’s eyes.

“I talked to Mr. David today.”

“Is it about the digital transformation project?” asked Tiffany.

Taeyeon shook her head, “I told him that I might not be able to fulfill my promise.”

Tiffany furrowed her eyebrows, she didn’t know what promise Taeyeon had with Mr. David.

“I told him that I didn’t plan to be involved in any relationship when I decided to take the award from SM Magazine and the ministry.” Taeyeon looked at Tiffany’s eyes with guilt.

Tiffany nodded as her thumb grazed the back of Taeyeon’s hand.

“It is a complicated situation because my personal life as Taeyeon and as GG employee is kinda collided.” Taeyeon continued.

“Taetae,” Tiffany retracted one hand and cupped Taeyeon’s cheek with it. “I told you, I will wait for you no matter how long it takes. I understand that the situation is complicated.”

Taeyeon shook her head, and placed one hand on top of Tiffany’s. “But Mr. David also mentioned that basically company doesn’t have the right to control employee’s personal matters. What matter for the company is the company reputations. Any unpublished matter of employee’s personal life is none of company’s concern,” She frowned as she continued, “But, in this digital era, anything published in employee’s social media might be regarded as publicity as well.”

Tiffany didn’t understand where the conversation was going. 

“I was thinking, it won’t be fair to you.” Taeyeon finally started to explain. “I know that you’re more open than me. I know that you are braver than me. I also knew that one of the reasons you quit from your previous company was to be able to date openly with your boyfriend. But I also can’t provide that to you.” Taeyeon’s eyes glistened with tears.

Tiffany could see how fragile Taeyeon at the moment. It was maybe the only time Taeyeon let Tiffany saw through everything. The look on Taeyeon’s face conveyed it all. The guilt, the sadness, and regrets. But at the same time, Tiffany felt that Taeyeon wasn’t giving up. There was a glint in her eyes showing hopes. And Tiffany noticed one thing missing in Taeyeon’s eyes. One thing that had always been haunting her, every time they were engaged in arguments. She didn’t see doubt in Taeyeon’s eyes. And that was enough for her. She didn’t need anything else at the moment. To see Taeyeon’s eyes shone in certainty was enough for her to give her heart once more to the woman in front of her.

“Mr. David mentioned, as long as I lay low, it shouldn’t be a problem. Like he mentioned before, company can’t control employee’s personal matter. But, I can’t help but to think beyond that.” Taeyeon took Tiffany’s hand which on her cheek and held it tight. “I feel like I don’t do any justice to you if I am asking you to have a relationship with me with certain condition, in this case to keep our relationship hidden.” 

Taeyeon bit her lips, trying not to cry before continuing her sentence. The situation she explained to Tiffany was complicated, but the feeling she felt inside her heart was way more complicated. She couldn’t be selfish and ask Tiffany to be her girlfriend again and asking her to hide their relationship. But at the same time, she also knew that she didn’t want to live another day craving for Tiffany.

“On top of that, I’ve never been really coming out. Ever since we’re together, I come to accept myself and my preference. But, coming out is another thing. Because of the discussion with Mr. David, I also thought how should I tell my parents about this? About me, about us?” She looked at Tiffany with a pair of eyes, asking for help, asking for advice. A thing Taeyeon rarely did, since she usually kept everything bottled inside.

Despite the complicated situation Taeyeon just explained, Tiffany somehow felt warm at heart. She loved to see this side of Taeyeon. The most honest version of Taeyeon she had ever seen was before her eyes. It brought her to a relief that Taeyeon had changed. Taeyeon was able to communicate what she felt, Taeyeon was able to open up to her, Taeyeon showed the most humane version of her. Tiffany looked deeper into Taeyeon’s eyes and she still didn’t find the uncertainty in them. She didn’t say anything just yet, she pulled their holding hand towards her, and giving Taeyeon a big hug.

“It’s okay, Taetae…” She whispered as she hugged Taeyeon. Her eyes were burning trying to hold her tears. She was really proud of Taeyeon. The Taeyeon she knew before would never do this. The Taeyeon she knew wouldn’t take the risk, wouldn’t even let her know what was the actual insecurity she felt. But this version of Taeyeon was different. “It’s okay, I understand.” She whispered again.

Taeyeon’s hand wrapped Tiffany’s waist and she burried her face in Tiffany’s shoulder. “I can’t promise you a proper relationship, I can’t promise you a marriage. I can’t even promise you that I will be able to come out to my parents.” she mumbled against Tiffany’s shoulder. “The only thing I can promise you is I will try my best to make you happy, to shower you with care and love like what you’ve given to me. I promise I will stay by your side.” Taeyeon pulled away and saw Tiffany’s deep in the eyes. “You are a very important person in my life, Fany. I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to disappoint you again. But to be with me is not an easy thing. I don’t want to be selfish and put you in a difficult situation.”

Tiffany smiled and cupped Taeyeon’s cheeks with her hands. “I know, I totally understand, Taetae. I know where we live. I know things won’t be easy for us.” She Taeyeon’s cheeks with her thumbs. “I can’t promise that I will eventually come out to my dad as well.” She chuckled and pulled Taeyeon to another hug. “To have you in my life, to feel your love and your touch, to know that you will stay by my side, to love you and to be loved back is enough for me. Really.” She planted a soft kiss on Taeyeon’s cheek. “It really is enough.”

“But that won’t do you justice, Fany.” Taeyeon frowned as she spilled her biggest concern. “It won’t be fair to you if I also do not put any clarity to our relationship.”

And it was Tiffany’s turn to pulled out from the hug, looking at Taeyeon with confusion. “I never say I don’t want any clarity.” She chuckled as she noticed that what she said previously might be taken wrongly by Taeyeon. “I don’t mean us to have some open relationship or friends with benefit kind of thing for sure. What I meant earlier was, I don’t mind with all the complication we must face. The bottom line is, I love you, you love me. I don’t need the world to know. What I need is to know that if we sail this ship, we sail it together.” Her eyes turned into two crescents that never failed to mesmerized Taeyeon. The smile that always put the assurance in Taeyeon’s heart.

Taeyeon smiled along, she could feel half of weight in her chest had been lifted with the words Tiffany just uttered. “Are you sure that would be enough?” She whispered carefully.

Tiffany nodded in answer.

“I love you, Fany.” Taeyeon smiled and leaned forward to kiss Tiffany but soon stopped by Tiffany’s index finger on her lips.

“So, what are we now?” Tiffany had this teasing smile on her face.

Taeyeon chuckled and took Tiffany’s hands in hers, “Will you accept me back in your life and give me permission to take care of your heart better than before, Fany?”

“That almost sound like a marriage proposal.” Tiffany laughed at Taeyeon’s question, earning a laugh from Taeyeon as well.

“Can I call you my girlfriend again?” Taeyeon continued, answered with a nod from Tiffany.

“Now you’re allowed to kiss me.”

Eiyo GG! Lol. Hi there~ yes, another update from me! Thanks for waiting patiently. I even got some chances to talk to many of old reader. Gyaaaahhh I can't believe you guys are still here!! I can't wait for Soshi comback. I think that's the reason why I get back to writing again. Thanks for staying around, sweeties. Love you!