Taeyeon blinked her eyes after hearing the question. “What’s the question?”

Tiffany lost all her courage previously and shook her head. “Never mind, let me find more trivia questions.” She unlocked her phone and opened the browser. She was about to type something on google when Taeyeon’s hand stopped her by covering Tiffany’s phone screen.

“Fany…”

Tiffany looked up to see Taeyeon’s face: a pair of hazy eyes stared at her.

“What’s the question?”

“I said never mind, Tae. I am trying to find another question from the internet.” Tiffany forced a smile and took Taeyeon’s hand off her phone screen. Taeyeon didn’t protest when Tiffany did so, but soon the hand landed gently on her cheek. Tiffany did not expect such a gesture. Surprised was an understatement. She could only look at Taeyeon, without saying a word.

“Don’t give me a hard question.” Taeyeon grinned like a fool before retracted her hand off Tiffany’s cheek.

Tiffany chuckled awkwardly and nodded in agreement before continuing to find a trivia question for Taeyeon. It was a lie if she said she wasn’t disappointed by the response she got. She was kind of expecting Taeyeon — despite her drunk state would answer her question in honesty. But maybe talking with a non-sober Taeyeon was not the right idea.

if I do something silly, please understand, it’s an alcohol effect, okay?

Tiffany sighed, remembering Taeyeon’s remark earlier that night. She blamed herself for expecting Taeyeon to answer her question by saying that the latter still loved her.

“Fany…”

Taeyeon’s voice called out her name again.

“I am still looking for a good question, Taetae” Tiffany answered without sparing a glance at Taeyeon.

“Can I get one more glass?”

She stopped browsing and put her attention back to Taeyeon. Her boss didn’t seem to be sober at all. Her eyes were hazy and she talked like a kid who asked permission from her mother. She chuckled at the sight before checking the time on her wrist. It was only just past midnight and it was still Sunday.

“Are you sure you want to drink more? What if you can’t go home on your own?”

Taeyeon pouted childishly. “I thought you’re going to be the sober duty and making sure that I am going home safe and sound.”

“But are you sure? Can you cope with the hangover after this?” Tiffany suppressed a smile, finding how cute Taeyeon when she was drunk.

A wide grin was drawn on Taeyeon’s face, followed by an excited nod. “Very, very sure! I only need to drink a lot of water tomorrow morning!”

Tiffany couldn’t hold her laugh upon receiving the response and she patted Taeyeon’s head. “Okay then. You’ve warned me about how lame you are when it comes to alcohol, so I think I am pretty much prepared if this happens.”

Taeyeon raised her hands excitedly. “Yay!!” She then motioned the waiter to refill her glass.

“So, are you gonna test me or no?” Taeyeon asked Tiffany once she got her glass back in her hand.

Tiffany was no longer occupied with her phone, she put her full attention on her ex who was now obviously under alcohol effect.

“No need to test you. It is crystal clear that you’re drunk, Tae.” Answered Tiffany before she sipped her own drink. “I think you’re just too smart, that you can answer any question I ask even when you’re drunk.” She finished her glass and asked for another refill.

“Do you think so?” Taeyeon gulped his old fashioned before putting the half-empty glass on the table. “Why aren’t you drunk? Why you can drink a lot?” Taeyeon pouted as she threw the question. “It’s unfair.”

Tiffany chuckled at the question as she took her drink from the waiter. “I don’t know. I think this is my strength compared to you. I can stand more alcohol than you!”

“Have you ever got drunk?” Taeyeon shifted her seat, to face Tiffany comfortably. “I am always drunk every time I drink.”

A soft laugh escaped Tiffany’s lips. “Of course. I’ve got drunk before.”

“What did you do when you’re drunk?” Taeyeon looked at Tiffany’s margarita. “Can I try your drink?”

Tiffany handed her drink to Taeyeon as she thought of Taeyeon’s question. “The last time I got drunk, I texted my ex, and got mad at him because he wouldn’t stop trying to get back with me.”

Taeyeon furrowed her eyebrows, listening to Tiffany’s answer while sipping the margarita. She gave the glass back to Tiffany and took her own drink. “You never get back with your exes?”

Tiffany held her glass which was given by Taeyeon, biting her lips in uncertainty before answering the question. “Well, as long as I remember, I never getting back together with any of my exes.”

A frown now plastered on Taeyeon’s face. “Does it mean, there would be no second chance for me?” She asked innocently.

Tiffany heaved a sigh, sipping her drink silently. She was unamused by the question Taeyeon asked. As a matter a fact, before Taeyeon, she never believed in second chances when it came to relationships. There was always a reason why a relationship ended, and she believed one of the reasons was because the two people were not meant to be together. But with everything she had with Taeyeon, she secretly had a wish that there would be a second chance for them to be together again.

“Anyway…” She decided to brush the topic off. “What you did when you get drunk?”

Taeyeon laughed at the question. “Do you really want to know?”

“Of course I do. I won’t ask if I don’t.” Tiffany laughed along. Happy with the fact that Taeyeon was not sober enough to demand her answering the previous question.

“Hmmm… I did a lot of stupid things. Like, taking over the live music and sing one full album of my favorite singer. I also once dared the whole bar to compete on trivia quiz with me.”

Tiffany couldn’t hold her laugh at the explanation. “How could you remember all that?”

“I always remember, Fany…” Taeyeon finished her fourth glass and put it back on the table. “No matter how drunk I was, the next morning, I remembered exactly what I did. It was just, I couldn’t stop myself not to stop saying or doing stupid thing when I was drunk.” Her face suddenly turned sour. “I also remember that I confessed to my crush when I was drunk.”

Tiffany raised her eyebrows in interest. “And what happened next?”

Taeyeon smiled bitterly before taking Tiffany’s margarita and chugged it down . “She was…. disgusted… End of story. I was lucky enough that she didn’t spread any rumors or news about me in college. You have no idea how afraid I was if the news ever gets spread to the whole university or even to my family. I am not brave enough to tell anyone, yet.”

Tiffany frowned upon listening to Taeyeon’s story. She never knew this story before. She started to understand why Taeyeon was so insecure about their relationship. It wasn’t easy to get such a response from a person you like, and she couldn’t even imagine how frightened it was for a teenager to be found out about their ual orientation that might not be perceived as normal for society. Tiffany put her hand on Taeyeon’s knee, it gently.

“It was all that happened in the past, right?” She then retracted her hand only to hold Taeyeon’s empty hand. “Look at you now. The one who’s going to have her profile on ’30 under 30’ of SM magazine!”

Taeyeon squeezed Tiffany’s hand which is in hers and stared at her ex. Her eyes were still hazy but they now glistened in tears. “But I lost you…”

Tiffany was surprised by the statement. She didn’t see this coming. She thought that Taeyeon was fine, Taeyeon did everything normally as if everything was the same with or without Tiffany in her life. But here she was, witnessing her ex honest confession.

“Taetae…” She sighed heavily.

“I am sorry, Fany…” Taeyeon took both Tiffany’s hands in hers and looked at her ex. “I was the one who said I do not want anyone or anything hurt you. But in the end, I was the one who ended up hurting you.” A lone tear rolled down her cheek.

Tiffany’s lips trembled and her shoulder heaved with emotion. She could feel the heat in her eyes, and her sight turned blurry. She took one long heavy breath, bottling up all of her feelings inside before squeezing Taeyeon’s hand.

“You’re right. I have no idea about things that you might say or do when you drunk.” Tiffany chuckled bitterly. If Taeyeon was in a better state, Tiffany might feel different things. But Taeyeon’s remarks earlier that night kept ringing in her ears:

Just in case you started to see me doing something weird or stupid after the second glass, you know it is alcohol, it is not Kim Taeyeon

“Should we go home?” Tiffany pulled her hands off of Taeyeon’s. “I think you’re too drunk right now.” She raised her hand, gesturing to the waiter for a bill.

Taeyeon said nothing and swirled her empty glass. She only watched Tiffany paid the bill and ordered a taxi from her phone before finally, she put her glass down.

“Can I just stay here? You can go home if you want to.”

“What’re you saying?” Tiffany stopped looking at her phone which showed that the taxi is three minutes away. She now looked at Taeyeon in confusion.

“I don’t wanna go home just yet. I don’t wanna be alone.” She heaved a sigh and threw her back against the couch. “I don’t wanna be alone.” She covered her face with her hands.

Tiffany closed her eyes and stood up while taking one of Taeyeon’s hands. “I need to be responsible since I am the one who asked you to accompany me for a drink.” She pulled Taeyeon’s hand, making the latter stood up as well. “Come on, the taxi is three minutes away. We better get down to the first floor now.”

Taeyeon stood up wobbly but Tiffany was ready to support her obviously drunk ex.

“Hey, be careful.” She immediately wrapped Taeyeon’s arm around her shoulder, supporting Taeyeon in balancing her steps. They managed to get to the first floor safely at the same time their taxi arrived. She put her effort to get them into the taxi and finally asked the driver to drive to Taeyeon’s place.

“Are you staying over?” Taeyeon who sat beside her was barely able to open her eyes.

“No, Tae. I am dropping you off, before going home.”

Taeyeon frowned at the answer and shifted her position, laying her head on Tiffany’s shoulder. She then silently took Tiffany’s hand and slowly intertwined their fingers. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. “I miss this…”

Tiffany furrowed her eyebrows as she pinched the bridge of her nose with her free hand. Having Taeyeon acted like this around her was not easy for her. She tried her best to hold herself not to do and say anything that might bring their relationship into a much worse state. In Taeyeon’s state right now, Tiffany never really knew how the latter would react to anything.

She stared at the empty road through the window, ignoring her will to rest her head on top of Taeyeon’s head. They spent the rest of their ride in silence. Taeyeon didn’t seem to be sober enough to initiate any conversation and Tiffany didn’t want to risk anything by initiating any conversation. After approximately twenty minutes ride, they finally arrived at Taeyeon’s apartment. Tiffany paid the fee and helped Taeyeon to walked to her room.

“Where is your key?” Tiffany asked once they were in front of Taeyeon’s door. The drunk girl said nothing but fishing her bag and handed the key to Tiffany. With a bit more effort, Tiffany managed to open Taeyeon’s apartment and dragged the drunk girl inside the apartment. She closed the door before continued dragging Taeyeon to her bedroom.

Once they managed to get inside Taeyeon’s bedroom, Tiffany carefully put Taeyeon on the bed.

“Do you want to wash up?”

Taeyeon only grunted and shook her head in answer, making Tiffany chuck at the cute face she made.

“You act like a baby.”

Taeyeon plastered a stupid grin on her face and shifted her body to a more comfortable position.

“I am a baby.” She giggled. “Your baby.”

Tiffany chuckled bitterly but not saying anything. She then helped Taeyeon to get a proper position on the bed, taking off the shoes, and tucked the drunk girl to bed. She wiped some strands of hair from Taeyeon’s face and patted the latter’s cheek gently.

“Rest well, Taetae. See you Monday.” She turned upon her heel and was about to walk when her hand was held.

“Don’t go…”

Tiffany bit her lips in hesitant. Of course, she didn’t want to go. Of course, she wanted to stay a bit longer with Taeyeon. But she wasn’t sure about this.

She halted her step and turned back to Taeyeon. Who looked at her still with a pair of hazy eyes.

“Don’t go, Fany.”

“I need to go home, you know?”

Taeyeon only pouted in answer while Tiffany smiled and taking Taeyeon’s hand off of hers.

“Don’t you wanna know my answer?”

Tiffany halted what she did and put her attention back to Taeyeon.

“Your answer?” She tilted her head in confusion. She did not understand what Taeyeon talked about.

“You asked me a question I haven’t answered.” Taeyeon chuckled and let go off of Tiffany’s hand. “You asked me, whether I still love you or no. I haven’t answered that question.”

Tiffany stood still on her spot. She wished she heard it wrong.

“You asked me that question, right?”

Tiffany took a deep breath and nodded. “Yes, I asked that question. But I thought you didn’t hear it.” She smiled nervously. When she asked the question Taeyeon, she was prepared with whatever answer she would get. But now, she wasn’t ready at all. She wished she never asked that question at all.”

“I heard it. Do you wanna know my answer?” Taeyeon tilted her head, still staring at Tiffany.

“I think I’ve told you that I wouldn’t ask if I don’t wanna know.”

Taeyeon smiled and closed her eyes, not giving any answer to Tiffany. Tiffany didn’t move from her spot, didn’t know what to do. She was dying to know the answer but she didn’t want to look desperate for it. She silently counted the seconds of silence in between them and planning on going home after she counted to ten. She just counted to five when Taeyeon’s hand suddenly grab hers.

“Please, stay… I want to spend more time with you.”

Tiffany squeezed Taeyeon’s hand before taking it off of hers. “In one condition.”

“What is it?”

“Tell me the answer.”

Taeyeon’s lips turned into a very wide smile as she nodded in excitement. Just like a little kid who just got permission to play outside.

“Do you still have my pajamas here?”

Taeyeon tried to get up but was stopped by Tiffany.

“No need to get up, Taetae. I was just making sure that you didn’t throw away all my clothes after our break up.” 

Taeyeon only pouted in answer, Tiffany would assume that Taeyeon didn’t really like what she said just now.

“I am gonna wash up and change first. Don’t you dare to sleep on me.”

“Okay…” Taeyeon smiled a little and tried to get up from her bed again.

“What are you doing?”

“Sit…” She sat up on the bed, her back resting at the bedpost. “So I won’t fall asleep.”

Tiffany could only chuckle in response before opening up Taeyeon’s closet, looking for her pajamas. Once she found one, she went to the bathroom but before she got in, she turned to Taeyeon once more.

“Do I still have my toothbrush here?”

“Yes, and your face wash as well.”

oOo

Tiffany got out of the bathroom with her pajamas and fresh face. The time she took in the bathroom was well spent preparing herself to hear Taeyeon’s answer. Whatever answer she would hear later, she would be ready to hear it.

She looked at Taeyeon who was still sitting on her bed, eyes opened looking at something on the wall. She walked towards her ex while trying to figure out what Taeyeon was looking at.

“What are you looking at?”

Taeyeon blinked her eyes a couple of times before grinning. “Nothing, just trying to be awake.”

Tiffany burst out laughing. “Really Taetae?”

The blonde manager nodded in excitement. “It works! I stay awake while waiting for you to wash up!”

Tiffany shook her head in amusement as she walked towards the bed and plopped herself, sitting next to Taeyeon.

“So, what’s the answer.” She didn’t beat around the bush.

“Do you still love me?” 

Tiffany was not ready with the sudden question. “Wait, wait. I thought you’re gonna give me an answer, not a question.”

“Yes, true.” Taeyeon reaffirmed. “I was just making sure that was the question you wanted me to answer.”

Tiffany let out an audible breath. “Yes, that question.”

“I thought you already know by now…” Taeyeon looked down and played with her own fingers.

“I don’t want to assume, Taetae…” Tiffany Taeyeon’s knee.

“Ever since we’re together, even after we broke up, my feelings to you never change…”

Tiffany smiled in relief, at least their feelings are still mutual. She took Taeyeon’s hands and held them in hers.

“Don’t you wanna know about me?”

Taeyeon looked up and shook her head. “You said you never got back together with your ex.”

Tiffany shook her head as well. “Well, as a matter a fact, historically speaking, that’s true. I never got back together with my exes.” She released Taeyeon’s hand and stood up from the bed. She wasn’t sure whether she should make it clear to Taeyeon about her feelings or not, but maybe they just need to sleep it off.

“Let’s sleep shall we?”

Taeyeon only slid herself down to the bed and slipped under the duvet. She was about to close her eyes when she saw Tiffany walked out of her bedroom.

“Fany, where are you going?”

Tiffany halted her step and turned her head at Taeyeon. “Living room. I am sleeping on the couch.”

“Don’t.”

A smile on Tiffany’s face. “Taetae, I don’t want to wake up later in the morning and we feel awkward around each other. You’re drunk right now.”

“That won’t happen.”

“OK. OK.” Tiffany walked back to the bed and slid inside the duvet, laying next to Taeyeon, making sure there was some distance in between them. She stared at the ceiling, somehow feeling weird inside. The last time she was on Taeyeon’s bed, they were celebrating their six-month relationship, Taeyeon hugged her to sleep while singing a lullaby for her. But now, here she was, laying on her back, making sure there was some distance in between them. A sigh escaped her lips before she closed her eyes, trying to sleep.

“Good night, Taetae…”

“Good night, Fany.”

A slender finger slipped in between her pinkie and her ring finger before hooking her pinkie gently.

Tiffany opened her eyes and turned her head to the left, only to see Taeyeon was looking at her.

“What’s wrong?”

Taeyeon bit her lips before pulling her hand along with Tiffany’s hand since their pinkie was intertwined. She then repositioned their hand so their fingers intertwined. A small smile formed on her face as she closed her eyes.

“I wanna hold your hand…” A pause, but then she opened her eyes again. “And I wanna hug you to sleep. But I am afraid you will be uncomfortable with that.”

Tiffany lost count of how many times she sighed today, the only thing she didn’t need right now is Taeyeon who constantly being blunt and clear about what she wanted to say or do. It was hard already to act nonchalant and not reacting to whatever Taeyeon had done ever since they were at the bar. She decided to close her eyes again, signaling the other girl that she wanted to sleep and to brushed off whatever Taeyeon just said before 

“Fany…” Taeyeon called out her name again.

Tiffany only hummed in answer, did not even try to open her eyes. She had enough effort to hold herself for these past hours. She did not plan to play along with her drunk ex anymore. She was too tired to hold herself.

Tiffany could sense Taeyeon scooted closer to her, hand still holding hers.

“Do you hate me?”

Taeyeon’s voice sounded closer than before.

“No, I don’t hate you, Tae.”

“Then why are you putting so much distance between us?”

“Because…” Tiffany didn’t finish her sentence right away, weighing what reason she should come up with.

“Are you uncomfortable with me around?”

“No, of course not.” Tiffany let out the umpteenth sigh for the night and opening her eyes, and turned her face to Taeyeon who lied on her right, facing Tiffany with a pout on her face.

“Fany, is there any chance for us to be together again?” Now Taeyeon’s eyes glistened with tears.

Tiffany shifted her position mirroring Taeyeon. “Tae, are you even ready to start a relationship again? Do you think we are ready to be in a relationship again?”

Taeyeon frowned upon hearing the answer and shifted her gaze to their intertwined hands. “I… promised the BOD not to be in a relationship for a while…” She took a deep breath. “When we broke up, I decided to take the offer for SM’s ’30 under 30’ and Ministry of Women Empowerment.” She looked back at Tiffany. “Because I thought there would be no second chance for me.”

Tiffany huffed a loud sigh this time, somehow felt disappointed with Taeyeon’s answer. Even though she played it cool, she honestly wished that there was a slight possibility of them being together again. But given the condition Taeyeon just told her, the possibility didn’t seem to exist. “Tae, you can’t get everything you want in this world, right? You need to choose. This time you’ve chosen the future of your career. That’s not wrong. But you know the consequences. One of it is you can’t have any relationship with me.”

“If only I could turn back the time…”

“Hey, no regrets, okay?” Tiffany patted Taeyeon’s cheek softly.

“But I need you, Fany.” Taeyeon put her hand on top of Tiffany’s. “I know I hurt you badly. I know… but I want to fix everything. Ever since we broke up, there wasn’t a day I spent without thinking: if only Fany was here.” She took a deep breath. “I thought my life would be just fine. I’ve lived my life independently for as long as I remember, but now… I can’t imagine living a day without you.”

“Tae…”

“I made my mistakes, I am well aware of that, Fany. Could you forgive me? I am not asking for a second chance as a girlfriend. All I am asking is a chance to start over again.” She held Tiffany’s hand which was on her cheek. She now held both Tiffany’s hands and squeezed them gently. “Please… give me a chance to fix everything once. To start over again.”

Tiffany’s mind processed everything she just heard from Taeyeon. It has never been in her discussion with Jessica. The only options she knew she had were only to be back together again or to end everything at all. The option was all or nothing. Her mind went blank and she could not respond with anything at all.

“Fany…” Taeyeon squeezed her hands once more. Tiffany could see how nervous her ex was, waiting for her answer.

“Do you know?” She took a deep breath and stared through Taeyeon’s glistened eyes. “I am not ready.” She could feel heat rush to her eyes, remembering the end of their relationship. “I am not ready if you’re not ready.”

Taeyeon’s expression turned to gloom as a lone tear rolled down from the corner of her eyes. “I…”

“Taetae…” Tiffany took both her hands from Taeyeon’s and cupped her ex’s cheeks. “I am not ready to be hurt all over again, by the same person, by the same old story. I don’t know about you. Are you ready to face whatever would happen in the future? Are you willing to fight together with me? For our relationship? For us?”

Tears kept rolling down on Taeyeon’s cheek as she listened to Tiffany’s question. She knew that every question Tiffany asked was because of her fault in the past. She knew Tiffany was the type of person who would take whatever challenge in front of her, but to hear that the latter was not ready, made her felt worse than what she already felt. If Tiffany wasn’t ready, then she must be the one who was ready with everything.

“The thing is… if you’re in, I am in.” Tiffany continued, smiling sincerely at Taeyeon.

Taeyeon bit her lips as she sobbed harder and nodded at the last remark from Tiffany.

Tiffany smiled a bit wider at the response she got and pulled Taeyeon into a hug. “Shhh, don’t cry…”

But Taeyeon sobbed even harder in Tiffany’s embrace. Tiffany on the other hand could no longer hold her own tears and sobbed along with Taeyeon.

“Hey… Stop crying. You make me cry too.” She chuckled to lightened up the mood before breaking the hug and cupped Taeyeon’s cheeks once more, wiping the tears which didn’t seem to stop.

“Anyway, do you wanna know something?”

Taeyeon looked at Tiffany in confusion. “What is it?” She asked in between her sob.

Tiffany released one hand from Taeyeon’s cheek and showed her hand in front of Taeyeon. “Are you noticing anything?”

Taeyeon wiped her eyes with the back of her hand trying to get rid of the tears that kept making her sight blurry. She furrowed her eyebrows but soon smiled upon noticing what Tiffany meant her to see.

“You still wear the ring…”

Tiffany nodded, still with a smile on her face. “The ring never leaves my finger at all.”

Taeyeon chuckled and showed her hand to Tiffany as well, showing the ring on her finger as well. “I told you, my feelings never changed.”

They chuckled together and Tiffany pulled Taeyeon into her embrace again. “Please be strong this time, Taetae.” She nuzzled her nose in Taeyeon’s hair, before kissing the top of Taeyeon’s head. “I can’t be in this alone. I need you to stand beside me. To stand for us.”

Taeyeon buried her face at the crook of Tiffany’s neck, inhaling the sweet scent she had longed ever since they broke up. “I will, Fany…” She pulled away a bit to look at Tiffany, staring at the smiling girl, only to smiled along. “I will be strong this time. I can’t lose you again.”

Hello! I am back so fast this time! I wrote this on a flight to Yogyakarta! I will have 3 full-day workshops start from tomorrow, so I might not be able to update during that time. I hope this at least can accompany you during another MIA. LOL. I hope you enjoy this chapter, fellas! See you in the next chapter!

XOXO,

Kim Sara