Dear Taeyeon,

Enclosed is the presentation for the next BOD meeting regarding our Lombok Project. Shall there any questions, kindly let me know.

Best Regards,

Tiffany Hwang

Taeyeon clicked the attachment and read the presentation attached in the email. She smiled a bit noticing that Tiffany did very good with the presentation. It was almost perfect she would say. There was no miscalculation just like what the latter did at her first project presentation. The graphics and figures explained the market condition very well. She clicked on reply button and typed her reply.

Dear Tiffany,

This is a very good presentation. No question for now. It covers most of our objectives clearly. Good job! See you on BOD meeting.

Thanks and Regards,

KTY

She clicked on the send button when her phone suddenly rang, showing the name of The Head of BOD on the screen. She immediately took her phone, answering the phone.

“Hello Mr. David,” Replied Taeyeon in her professional tone.

“Hi taeyeon. Busy?” The man from across the line answered her greeting.

“Not at the moment, Sir. Anything I can help?” Taeyeon rustled a bit, reaching out for her agenda and taking a pen, ready to take notes about what Mr. David was about to inform.

“Can I discuss for a moment about your proposal to reapproach Ministry of Women Empowerment and SM Magazine?”

Taeyeon could feel her body tensed at Mr. David’s question.

“Sure, Sir.” She gulped nervously.

“Both parties have agreed to have you nominated on their list. Congratulation, Taeyeon.” The man’s voice sounded excited.

“That is awesome, Sir!” Taeyeon could not help but to smile wide at the good news.

“I’ve shared your contact to them. They said they will contact you for the next step. There would be some stages you need to do like presenting your leadership method, and some interviews.”

“Sure, sir! Thanks so much for giving me second chance.”

“That’s all I wanna inform to you for this time being. Don’t forget to prepare your presentation for BOD meetings anyway. I don’t want you to neglect the company while busy making your name on top of the list.” Mr. David chuckled.

“Of course, Sir. I hope I won’t disappoint you.”

“Okay then, See you in the meeting, Taeyeon. Bye.”

“Okay, Sir. Thank you. Good bye.”

After ended the phone call, Taeyeon could feel her heart beat erratically at the realization that what she had been dreaming of was now right in front of her face. She really wanted to make it into the list and made her family proud. Her mind immediately jumped into a certain person who would love to hear about the good news. She opened her contact list in her phone and typed in “FAN…” She stopped at the third letter, noticing that the person might not want to hear the news. Tiffany.

Sighing heavily, she put down her phone, felt somehow empty even though she just heard about the good news. She wanted to share the joy with someone special, yet she no longer had that special person.

She laid her head on the table while her fingers absentmindedly tapped on the screen of her phone.

“If we’re still together, will you be happy when I tell you this news, Fany?” Mumbling to herself, she could feel a clench in her heart. It was two-week after their break up, and at some moments she still thought that they were still together. Her relationship with Tiffany had been better than the first week of the break up. They started to converse normally, without Tiffany ignoring her all the time. Their conversation would mostly about works but it was better nonetheless.

She let out another sigh and sat up before taking her phone again. Tapping on the device, she decided to text her brother instead.

“Oppa, I will be interviewed and nominated for SM Magazine ‘30 under 30’ and also for an award from Ministry of Women Empowerment. Cool, huh?”

A reply came short after

“That’s cool! Never knew you’d be that cool! Let’s celebrate! I will visit you on the weekend. How?”

Taeyeon smiled a bit. It’s been a while since she contacted her brother, and it’s also been months since she met him.

“There is a nice small café I often visit. Let’s meet up there. I will send you the location.”

“OK! See you there! Imma forward the news to Mama and Papa.”

She chuckled at the reply. Jiwoong was the mood booster in the family. He always knew how to brighten the mood and made everyone laughed with his jokes. Taeyeon loved jokes too but her humor taste was somehow lame, and her professional aura made it even worse. She then put her phone down and continued working again but her mind kept wondering, if Tiffany heard the news, would she be happy and proud?

***

“Did you bribe the minister and the CEO of SM Magazine?” Jiwoong asked before chewing a mouthful of fried noodle in .

“How could you say that?! Of course not. It’s all about hardwork, Oppa!” Taeyeon protested at the random accusation, earning a laugh from her brother.

“I know, I know. I was just teasing you.” Jiwoon grinned wide before continued eating again. They were in the café mentioned by Taeyeon, catching up with how each other have been doing. Jiwoong looked happier than the last time Taeyeon saw him. He also got a new haircut, making he looked way younger than his real age. The baby-face gene was surely running in their gene.

“Why do you seem so happy? Are you happy for me or for any other reason?” asked Taeyeon while she sipped on her long black.

Jiwoong raised his eyebrows and swallowed the last bite of his meal. He then put his fork down before wiping his mouth with the napkin. “Of course I am happy for you and I also am happy for other thing!” He took his phone and showed a text to Taeyeon. It was from their mother, saying that she invited Jiwoong’s girlfriend for dinner to celebrate Taeyeon’s nomination.

“Hey! I didn’t even know Mama will make a dinner celebration for me!” Taeyeon protested as she tapped a reply on Jiwoong’s phone, saying that it wasn’t fair that she was not invited to her own dinner celebration.

Jiwoong only laughed at Taeyeon’s reaction and snatched the phone right after his sister sent the text to their mother. “Of course you are invited. But, it’s such a miracle for me. Mama never really likes Naomi. But she suddenly invited her to family dinner it is such a huge progress!” Jiwoong made a punch gesture on the air with a wide grin on his face.

Taeyeon smiled a little at his brother. She could feel a pang in her heart at how happy Jiwoong to know that their mother finally approved their relationship. She silently wondered, if she was still with Tiffany, and their relationship would go well for years, would her mother approve their relationship too?

“How can you handle it, oppa?” Taeyeon asked while absentmindedly plays with the cup of her Americano.

“Huh?” Her brother looked at her with confused face. “What did I handle?”

Taeyeon chuckled a bit at the response she got. “I mean, how could you be that persistent even after Mama obviously against your relationship with Naomi. It wasn’t easy, was it?”

Her brother only grinned at the question, the similar grin Taeyeon also had. “You know what. Some says, love is deaf, love is blind, love is insane.”

“Since when are you a poet?” Taeyeon laughed at the answer she got.

“Ssshhh! I haven’t finished talking.” Her brother protested before finally grinning once again. “Maybe I am deaf because Mama’s words never really got into my ears. Maybe I am also blind because no matter how often Mama said that Naomi is not pretty, all I can see is the perfect woman. And maybe I am insane because even after all that, I will still say to Mama that Naomi is the one. But for me, the way I love Naomi is all about honesty. It is not about whether I can show her off or not, it’s not about whether Mama agrees or disagrees, it’s not about how people would think of me, or her, or us. It’s all about being honest to what I feel towards her.” Jiwoon ended his speech with a dreamy smile on his face, earning a soft smile from Taeyeon.

It was not the first time Taeyeon saw that kind of smile from her brother. Every time they talked about Naomi, the older one always had that dreamy smile, as if stating that it was like a dream for him to be Naomi’s boyfriend.

“You still haven’t answered my question. The question was how do you handle it? It’s not easy, right? Don’t you feel like it’s you against the world? Or at least it’s you against Mama?” She lifted her cup and silently sipped on her Americano while waiting for Jiwoong’s answer.

“Never knew you’re not only getting cooler but also getting nosier now, Sis.” Jiwoong replied playfully before hummed while thinking of the best answer she could give to Taeyeon. “Feeling against the world…” He mumbled and furrowed her eyebrows. “I never feel that kind of thing.” He finished it with a shrug.

Taeyeon put down the cup and raise her eyebrows, not convinced by what the brother had said.

“Naomi and I…” Jiwoon took a pause only to smile again, like what he always did every time she mentioned Naomi’s name. “We are in this together.”

Taeyeon froze. Remembering what Tiffany said to her. We’re in this together, aren’t we?

“Like what I said to you earlier. It’s all about being honest. There are moments when I felt tired of fighting for our relationship, especially when I had a bad day. But I always told her. By sharing my own burden to her, she would understand and be my source of comfort. It never failed to help me to be strong again.”

It was as if she was slapped hard on the face. Another words from Tiffany echoed in her mind. I thought after six months we’re together you can start to be more open to me but apparently, no. You never share your burden to me. I feel useless.

“Also…” Jiwoong continued. “It’s never been ‘me against the world’. There’s not me, or her. It’s always us. I never feel I am the only one who fight in the relationship. It’s always us.”

Taeyeon could feel her eyes started to get teary as another remembrance of Tiffany’s saying. Why do I feel like I always be the one who fight in this relationship?

She averted her eyes from looking at his brother to the side, trying to act cool while staring at some random people who walked by the sidewalk.

“And you just turned your head away after I gave you a very beautiful speech about love.” Jiwoong scoffed before flicked Taeyeon’s ear.

“Ouch! Oppa!” Taeyeon turned her attention back to her brother while rubbing her now read ear, result of Jiwoon’s flick.

“Why are you asking that, anyway?”

Taeyeon pouted, still felt a little pain in her ear. “Just curious.”

“There’s no such a thing called ‘just curious’. There’s always a reason behind curiosity.”

“It’s nothing, oppa.” She finally let go of her ear and took another sip of her coffee.

“Is it related to Fany?”

Taeyeon almost chocked at her own coffee upon hearing the question. “Wh-what?” She put down the cup and took a sheet of tissue to wipe . “Why does it have anything with Fany?”

She never really told her family about her relationship with Tiffany. But sometimes, when she called her family, Tiffany was in her apartment and she introduced Tiffany as her close friend from office. So, it was normal if her brother knew about Tiffany, but she did not expect that Jiwoong would relate her question to Tiffany.

“She is your girlfriend, right?” Jiwoong casually asked.

“Wh-what?” Taeyeon kept stuttering, did not know how to respond appropriately. Thanks to the unexpected question.

“I saw your Instagram post. You posted a picture of you and her, hugging in the bed, with a caption: Sleep over, heart emoticon, hashtag TYLTF –which I assume stands for Taeyeon Loves Tiffany –, hashtag my girlfriend, hashtag happy sixth monthsary.”

Taeyeon mentally face-palmed herself for forgetting that Jiwoong followed her on Instagram. When she posted that picture, she only thought of coming out to her friends, instead of her family. She could not imagine how her family, the closet people she had, would react if they found out about her ual preference.

“How could you remember every single detail of my caption like that. That’s creepy.” Taeyeon tried to escape from the question.

“So, I was right? It’s about Fany?”

“No, oppa. It was a dare from our friends. We were playing truth or dare, and I was dared to pose with Fany and posted it on Instagram, and put that caption.” She made up an excuse.

“And Fany was also dared to do the same thing? Because I saw she updated the exact same picture.”

“Uhm. Yes. She also put on the same caption.”

“With additional: You’re wrong. I’ve always loved you so much, and I can’t say how much is ‘more’. PS: you are so unromantic hashtag TFLTY.”

“It’s really creepy knowing someone remembers every single detail of your post.” Taeyeon faked a shudder.

“Do not change the topic, and do not look down at my ability to remember something. It runs in the family, you know?”

Taeyeon laughed awkwardly and took out her phone, pretending to read some emails.

“I am still unconvinced that it was a dare.” His brother continued. “It was too genuine to be staged.”

Taeyeon only raised her eyebrows without averting her eyes from the phone. “Let’s say we’re good actresses.”

“Why would someone dare you to do that and post it to your instagram?”

Taeyeon took a deep breath at the non-stop questions from her brother. She wished that meeting her brother would be refreshing. But with all these interrogation about Tiffany it was rather distressing. Especially when she was not ready to completely come out, and when she had not really recovered from her break up. She said nothing while kept putting her gaze on her phone until she heard a loud sigh from across the table.

“I might be wrong.”

She heard Jiwoong’s voice.

“But I’ve suspected it couple of time already. You’re into girls, aren’t you?”

Faking a chuckle, Taeyeon looked up from her phone. “What are you talking about?”

“You never have any interest to guys. I know you’re introverted but I never even see you get attracted to any guy. Like literally never.”

“Maybe I never met the one that attracts me.”

“Or maybe you will never get attracted to them?”

Taeyeon did not say a word and took a deep breath.

“Oppa…”

“Taeyeon…”

Taeyeon could not help to laugh at that. “What?”
 

Her brother chuckled along and ruffled her hair. “You will always be my sister no matter what. Even if you’re into animals or vegetables, you will still be my sister.”

Taeyeon gasped at what her brother said about her being into animals or vegetables. “Oppa!!!!”

The man across the table only laughed hard at the response he got. “Now, now, tell me.”

Taeyeon let out a loud sigh, leaning her back against the chair rest and closed her eyes for a while. She took a deep breath and finally opened her eyes, giving a weak smile to her brother. “Oppa is right. She was my girlfriend. But it doesn’t matter anymore. We broke up already.”

Jiwoong said nothing, waiting for Taeyeon to continue whatever it was she was about to say.

“I think it is the best for now. I don’t even have any idea how to talk it out with you, or Mama and Papa. I can’t imagine how all of you would react if I really come out. It’s a relief that at least you are okay with it.”

Jiwoong waited for a while but Taeyeon said nothing more. “Even though I am okay, it doesn’t mean Mama and Papa will accept it right away. You might notice that they’ve came into a point where they did not expect you will never get married because you are so workaholic. But I am still not sure how they will accept your ual preference.”

Taeyeon nodded weakly. She knew it already. No parents in this world could accept that kind of news calmly. No parents in the world ever expected their child would be gay.

“Is that why you broke up with Fany?” He asked again.

Shaking her head Taeyeon put her gaze at the cup on the table. “Well, that’s not the main reason at least. It was more because of me. After six-month, I came to realize that I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. It was always Fany who fought for our relationship. I only was a burden to her. I never fought for her or for our relationship. I was too afraid.”

A smack on her head made her gasp and looked at her brother in surprise. “What’s that for, oppa?” She was shocked at the sudden smack and did not even expect it at all.

“For being stupid.” Jiwoon landed a knock on the top of Taeyeon’s head right after. “And that is for being selfish.” He answered calmly.

Taeyeon had not recovered from her shock and only rubbed her head while looking at Jiwoong questioningly.

“Relationship is not a game, Taeyeon. Why would you even start a relationship if you were not ready to be involved in one?”

Taeyeon did not say anything while trying to digest what her brother said.

“Relationship is complicated. Sometimes it is full of love, sometimes it hurts a lot. Sometimes when it hurts, we are the one who is getting hurt, sometimes we are the one who hurt our partner. Don’t be the latter.”

Taeyeon felt a lone tear escaped the corner of her eyes as his brother’s words now replaced by Tiffany’s voice. Her mind replayed their conversation when they started dating.

“What if you’re the one who will hurt me? What if it’s not other people but you?”

“There is a possibility of that. And there is also a possibility that I will be the one who hurt you as well, Taetae. We are in a relationship. There will be ups and downs. You might hurt me in some ways, and vice versa, I might hurt you as well.”

“I didn’t say you want to hurt me, baby. I only told you that there are possibilities of us unintentionally hurting each other. This relationship we have is about us. If there are people who hurt me in anyway, they might not give a big impact on me. But if it’s you, it will surely leave a damage for myself.”

Her brother moved from his seat and sat next to her, soothing her back as she buried her face in the older’s shoulder. “I hurt her, oppa.”

“The point is, Taetae… Let’s not focus on what people think, don’t worry about how would people hurt us in anyway.  Let’s just make sure that we won’t hurt each other, okay?”

She started to sob and hugged his brother tightly. “I told her I don’t want her to get hurt, but ended up I am being the one who hurt her. What should I do, oppa?”

***

The camera shook a bit, making her face all blurry. The dim light inside the room was not helping at all in making the video looked better. She tried to aim better and made sure the front camera on her phone could focus on her face and finally she smiled the beautiful eye-smile once the camera could take her full face. She shifted her phone a bit to her left, recording the figure of her petite girlfriend sleeping while spooning her. Her heart fluttered at the sight she recorded at the moment. Taeyeon was always cute. But she was exceptionally cuter when she was sleeping.

“Taeyeon is so cute when she is sleeping.” She talked to the camera while giggled a bit.

A sudden movement from Taeyeon surprised her. Her girlfriend pulled her closer than they already were. She squealed in surprise before giggling loudly at the way Taeyeon snuggled at her back. She tried to put the camera focus back at Taeyeon’s face.

“Hi, girlfriend,” She said in her husky, sleepy voice, earning a soft grunt from Taeyeon.

“Hi, girlfriend,” She repeated once more, as she moved the camera closer to Taeyeon.

“Hmmm… Sleep.” Taeyeon replied lazily without opening her eyes. She was half awake now but too sleepy to open her eyes.

“I don’t feel like sleeping.” Tiffany answered without moving her camera, keeping Taeyeon’s face in the frame.

“Why?” Her girlfriend finally opened her eyes and frowned a bit because she could not see Tiffany’s full face in front of her.

“Because the sight of you sleeping is too cute to be missed.”

“Then, don’t give me your back. Hug me to sleep and watch me sleeping. And stop recording.” Taeyeon’s hand tried to grab the phone in Tiffany’s hand but the latter moved faster, making the video all shaky again but immediately aimed at them once more.

Tiffany shifted from her position so she could face Taeyeon and smiled at the sight in front of her. She still held her phone, recording their interaction.

Taeyeon smiled along when she saw Tiffany’s smile and leaned forward, giving a light peck on her girlfriend’s lips. “Sleep, Fany.”

Tiffany giggled softly at the peck and puckered her lips. “One more kiss, please.”

It was Taeyeon’s turn to chuckle and she leaned forward once more landing a soft kiss on the lips. Her lips stayed there for a while before she started to nibble the bottom lip lazily. No matter how she loved to kiss Tiffany, she was too sleepy to do so.

Tiffany laughed at the way Taeyeon kissed her and reciprocated gently before she pulled away only to leaned in once more, landing a soft peck at her blonde girlfriend’s lips.

Taeyeon smiled dreamily after the peck and pulled Tiffany by the waist, tucking the younger girl under her chin. “Now, stop the recording and sleep.” She landed a kiss on the top of Tiffany’s head before closing her eyes.

“Taeyeon…” Tiffany closed her eyes as she felt comfortable in Taeyeon’s embrace.

“Hmmm?”

“Don’t stop loving me, please?”

Taeyeon opened her eyes again, before landing another kiss on Tiffany’s head. “I won’t. Will you always love me?”

Tiffany smiled wide and pecked Taeyeon’s neck softly. “Always.”

The video ended and she found herself a crying mess already. Ever since she broke up with Taeyeon, it was not easy for her to sleep at night. It was weird for her to sleep alone in the bed. Even though it was only a six-month relationship, she could not even count how many times they spent the night together. It was either Tiffany had a sleepover in Taeyeon’s apartment, or Taeyeon had a sleepover in Tiffany’s place. She could not remember the day when she slept alone at night like tonight and any other night after they broke up.

She played the video again. The only video of her and Taeyeon cuddling, and kissing each other good night. The video she took a couple of day after their Lombok trip. She paused the video when Taeyeon tucked her under the chin and she could not help but to cry again.

She missed everything about Taeyeon. The fact that they still saw each other every day, from Monday to Friday did not help at all in curing her longing for Taeyeon. It only added more hurt in her heart. She learned something about her heart. It hurt a lot for not being able to meet your loved ones every day, but it was even harder to be able to meet your loved ones every day but not able to show or receive love at all. She took a deep breath and tapped on the play button, continuing the video.

She could hear her own voice from the video.

“Don’t stop loving me, please?”

Taeyeon’s voice was heard after.

“I won’t. Will you always love me?”

She bit her lips, trying to muffle her cry.

“Always.”

She broke down again that night. Just like any other night without Taeyeon. She kept breaking down, over, and over again.

“What should I do, Taetae? I still love you…”

Hello! Sorry for the long waiting! And sorry again for the short chapter. Hiing~ I hope I still can see you around. It's been a while and I miss you all, guys! See you on the next chapter!

Love,

Kim Sara