Seunghyun had just started on his fifth cup of coffee, even though noon was still several hours away.  A night of restless sleep had left him exhausted, physically and mentally.  Daesung had said he loved her.  Love.  Seunghyun hadn’t allowed himself to think that his feelings could have been that serious.  He’d only known her for a few months, right?  Was it possible to love someone that quickly?  That’s when Seunghyun knew he was a hypocrite – he had started falling for Daesung within a few weeks of knowing him.  Whatever the case may be, yesterday’s conversation had left his heart unsettled, and he was still unsure of his next steps.  Well, first things first, this coffee needed a kick, where had he put that bottle?

Before he could start searching, he heard his front door opening and looked up to see a despondent Daesung at the entrance to his kitchen.  Shoes still on, jacket still on, Seunghyun noticed Daesung hadn’t even changed out of his clothes from yesterday.  He must have been in a hurry to get here, he thought, steeling himself.  This is it, he’s going to ask me, and I’m going to have to lie to her.

“How could you, hyung?”

He had really hurt Daesung, he heard it in the raw state of his voice.  Staring at his slippers, he swallowed the jagged lump in his throat as he repeated his apology.  He wasn’t sure he’d be able to get any other words out anyways.

“I thought about it again and again.  You just said you’d do it.  How?  How could you just do it?  Would it be so easy for you?” Daesung’s pain was clear to Seunghyun, but he realized he wasn’t exactly sure what he was referring to.

“Daesung, I’m sorry.  It’s not that it was easy to do, I told you, I just forgot when we were on stage,” Seunghyun said.

It became clear Daesung hadn’t even processed what Seunghyun had said, when he continued.

“You just said you’d do it.  You’ll stop talking to me, just like that,” Daesung asked, anguish plain in his eyes.

As much as it hurt to do so, Seunghyun nodded.  His mind knew he had to do it, but verbally acknowledging the deal with the devil he was about to make would break his heart.

“So easy.  Just like that, you say yes.  I was a mess just thinking about it.  Not talking with you, how would I survive that? How is it so easy for you, hyung?  Breaking off our friendship, closing me out of your life?” Daesung asked, unable to hide the sadness of his thoughts as his voice wavered.

Despite his best intention, Seunghyun felt his anger rising.

“Stop saying that.  It isn’t easy.  But I said I’ll do anything, so I’ll do anything for you, Daesung,” he retaliated, more forcefully than he intended, not understanding why Daesung wanted to discuss this in any more detail.

“For me… I don’t know about that… anything?  Even if that means not talking to me ever again?  Why?  Why would you agree to that?”

Seunghyun was confused.  Daesung didn’t seem upset about what happened with the girl, rather he was focused on something different.  The problem was, Seunghyun didn’t know how to answer Daesung without telling him the truth.  How else could he explain agreeing to the worst idea he could ever imagine?  Well, Seunghyun reasoned, if today was the day, then it was now or never.  This may be it.

Taking a deep breath which completely failed to calm anything, he said, “Because I love you.”

Seunghyun didn’t know if Daesung’s head flew up first or his eyes, but the chaos was evident. 

“What?”

Another deep breath and another failure, but Seunghyun pushed forward, as he had nothing to lose now.  “I love you, Daesung.  So much that I lose my senses when I’m next to you sometimes and forget what I’m doing.  She was right to be suspicious of me, it wasn’t just fan service for me.  So I couldn’t stop, even though you asked.  So now, I’ll do anything you ask, even if it means breaking my own heart to save yours.”

Still looking stunned, Daesung managed to whisper, “Since when?”

“Since when not.”

At that, Daesung’s face grew a smirk, but it looked ironic, not amused.  Shaking his head, he looked in the direction of his shoes, but it was clear he was thinking of somewhere else.

“I’ve been trying to get over you for years, hyung.  Years.  Just when I thought I had it worked out, had figured out a way to think of someone else, this happens.  She puts the impossible in front of me, and I lose my sanity thinking about you not wanting to even talk to me.  I was up all last night, hyung, not one second of sleep, just thinking about how readily you agreed to disown me.  I meant so little to you.  And now, you’re saying you love me.  You love me enough to leave me.  I asked you yesterday, how is that love, hyung?”

At his last question, Daesung looked up to see Seunghyun blink, clearly unrecovered from the beginning of his speech.

“That’s not what I… Wait, since when?  Wait, what?”

“I loved you too, hyung.  For so long.  But, why does everyone I love want to hurt me?  I didn’t understand it yesterday, but how could you say yes now, hyung?  Don’t you want me in your life, if you love me?”