“Not not see you, per say.  Just not interact with you.  She said she was reasonable, she didn’t want me to quit Bigbang, but the fan service flirtation was too much for her and she said she didn’t want me to encourage it.”

Reasonable.  Seunghyun hated that word.  Seunghyun never wanted to settle, to be reasonable in any aspect.  But the reasonable option would at least allow Daesung to be in his life, he’d still get to see him.  It wouldn’t be the same, but it wasn’t an instant life sentence.  Seunghyun shuddered as he inhaled, dreading the words he was about to say.

“What do you want me to do, I’ll do anything.”

Daesung’s head shot up, eyes seemingly flashing with pain for a brief second, before he shook his head.

“It’s over, hyung, I told her no.”

“No.  Why would you do that?  I’m sorry.  You asked me, you knew it was hard for her.  I messed this up for you, but it can’t be too late.  We, I mean, I can fix this.  I’ll stay away, just tell her you’re okay with it.  I promise, I won’t mess up like this time.  She’ll take you back, if you agree, she’ll take you back.  You love each other,” Seunghyun nearly pleaded, the last sentence slipping out in a whisper.

“Hyung, I broke up with her.”

Seunghyun was sure he had heard wrong.  Why would Daesung do that?

“It’s an ultimatum, hyung.  One I wont agree to.  I love her, hyung, you’re right.  Enough that I did something I’ll always regret.  I actually considered it.  In my desperation, I thought about it, saying yes to her.  I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry?  For what?  You have nothing to be sorry for, Daesung, I’m sorry.  I’m the reason, I’m the one that couldn’t remember a simple thing you asked of me.”

“No, hyung, what I did is unforgivable, but I have to ask for it.  I actually sat here and thought about how I could shut you out.  I thought back to when Seunghyunie and I didn’t get along.  For all intents and purposes, I shut him out for years, hyung, I could do it with you too?”

Seunghyun realized he was holding breath and forced himself to breathe normally.

“But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I couldn’t do it.  It’s too hard, I can’t just not talk to one of the members.  Before, I didn’t even know Seunghyunie, so I could be immature.  But now, hyung, it’s just not possible, we have too many schedules, too many prying eyes,” Daesung said, his voice raw.

Seunghyun didn’t fail to recognize that Daesung was talking about highly practical reasons.  Reasons that involved public perception, not private turmoil.  He hoped his words didn’t betray the pain Daesung’s were causing him.  Daesung had admitted he loved her, and he loved Daesung, so he could do this, right?

“Oh… well… Daesungah, we’ll figure it out.  I’ll talk to the members and we’ll figure it out.  You said you, uh, love her.  We’ll all make it work,” Seunghyun said.  As he said it though, he swore he saw hurt reflected in Daesung’s face.

“Hyung, uh, thanks.  But, um, that’s not necessary. It’s not possible, hyung, because I won’t do it.  Shut you out?  I was crazy for even debating it.  How could I even think about not talking with you, not laughing with you?  I put years of friendship at risk because of a girl.  A girl I thought loved me.  But that’s not love, hyung, right?  Someone who loves you wouldn’t ask you to make a choice like that.  And a good friend would never even consider it.  I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry,” Daesung said.

For the first time, Seunghyun realized that Daesung was more upset with himself than the outcome.

“Stop saying that, you have no need to apologize to me.  You’re in this situation because I messed up.  I’d never be upset with you, period, let alone over this.  Of course, you considered it, she’s your girlfriend,” Seunghyun, acknowledging that word out loud for the first time.  “And, I think you’re upset still, you’re not thinking it out fully.  You probably haven’t slept enough.  Go to sleep, clear your head.  What I said still stands, I’ll do whatever it takes to fix this.”

Daesung got up and headed toward the door.

“You probably need to go, hyung,” he said, opening the door.

“Uh, okay, yeah.  Call or text me tomorrow.  But of course, only if you want,” Seunghyun managed to say before the door was closed behind him.