What Could Have Been

Don’t believe me in me like a fool

Saying that I’ll protect you

Forever is a lie

A lie

It was a boring Friday night for Donghyuk. He wasn’t used to spending nights like this alone.

*dingdong*

His doorbell rang. His heart beat went fast. He didn’t expect to feel this way but he did.

He ran towards his door just to be disappointed that it was just the delivery man.

Oh right, I ordered chicken… I forgot…

He then paid the guy and brought the chicken inside.

The night’s loneliness was getting to him. He hadn’t been this sad since his dad died. It’s not like someone died again. It’s just that… he lost her. He chose to let go of her.

Sudden memories of her occupied his thoughts…

FLASHBACK

“Are you sure it’s okay to enter your apartment? Wouldn’t your mom be mad? Your sister perhaps?” Hyemi asked.

“No, it’s okay. I live alone.” He smiled at her, giving her all the chills she shouldn’t be feeling right now.

They were already on their seventh month together and they knew each other for a year now. Hyemi has never fallen for a guy as much as she has with Donghyuk. He was different from all the guys out there. He was charming and gentle. Traits she’d been looking for in a man. There was something in him that makes her fall deeply into this so-called thing as relationship.

He could feel that she was tensed from the moment they entered his apartment. They two made a promise, on their seventh month; they’d make love with each other and cherish each other more than they usually do.

Donghyuk was all up for it. It wasn’t like he was a saint following all the norms and stuff but he was worried about her. He had a feeling she wasn’t ready to.

“It’s fine if you’re not ready for it. I’m not forcing you to do things you don’t want to.” He gave her a reassuring smile.

With his words, she felt safe. And she knew, she wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else but the guys she is with now.

“No, I want this.” She said as she took a step closer to him and kissed him softly.

He was relieved with what she said. Now, he doesn’t have to restrain himself anymore.

He kissed her back, slowly removing the buttons off his shirt at the same time. They pulled back for a moment and he gladly her dress for her. Going back to the kiss, they slowly walked up to his room and continued on their little romantic activity.

END OF FLASHBACK

“That’s never going to happen again, Donghyuk. Wake up.” He told himself as he was feasting over the chicken he just ordered.

*beep*

From: Hyemi

I’m delayed…

He was shocked with what he saw. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes to see it clearly this time.

From: Eomma

My flight’s delayed. See you tomorrow, I guess. Good night!

He was relieved when he saw the message clearly. But then again, it wasn’t just his hallucination. It really did happen.

FLASHBACK

From: Hyemi

I’m delayed…

Donghyuk choked on the water he was drinking when he read the message.

*cough* *cough*

What the hell? He thought.

He immediately called her.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Hyemi-ah…” He called her out.

“Donghyuk, I’m scared.” Her voice seemed to tremble as she said that.

“No, don’t be. I’m here, okay? I’m never leaving you.” He said.

She cried out hearing his voice. Once again, she felt reassured and safe.

“How many weeks are you delayed?” He asked.

“Two.”

“Are you usually like this?” He asked again.

“No…”

“Okay, come by my apartment this weekend. I’ll buy you pregnancy test and from there, we’ll see what we’re going to do.” He told her.

She sighed out of fear. “Yes, I will.”

“For the meantime, take care of yourself, okay?” He said.

“Yes. You take care of yourself too.”

“Yes, bye Hyemi-ah.”

“Bye.”

The call ended and he was surprised he took it more maturely than he thought he would. He wasn’t prepared for this situation at all but he knew he had to think like an adult with this one.

END OF FLASHBACK

It was almost 2 AM but he still couldn’t force himself to sleep. So, he decided to turn on the TV to kill off some time.

He started to watch a replay of one of Return of Superman’s episodes. He had fun watching the dads play around with their children. Then again, it only made him thought of her…

FLASHBACK

Donghyuk was watching TV as he was waiting for Hyemi to come. The show he was watching featured a girl in her late teenage years narrating of how life has been hard for her. She got pregnant at such an early age but his boyfriend stayed by her side and formed their own family. The guy was unemployed and had rough times earning money for his family. The guy was good-looking but the girl wasn’t which made her more insecure of herself. She was so depressed that she thought a plastic surgery operation can help her ease her depression.

(Author’s Note: I did remember watching an episode of a TV show where they give out free plastic surgery operations just like that. I forgot the name of the show though.)

He was so into the show he was watching. He then suddenly thought of what their future might be when the test turns out positive. Yes, he’d like to form a family with Hyemi but he sure wasn’t prepared for it. The thought of Hyemi being in the same position as the woman on the show scared him. What if he wasn’t responsible enough and he couldn’t provide Hyemi and their child a proper way of living? These thoughts scared the hell out of him.

*dingdong*

Donghyuk came back to his senses and opened the door.

“Annyeong!” She greeted him.

“Annyeong.” He said and opened the door widely for her to enter.

After a little talk, Hyemi went inside his bathroom to try the test on.

As she was inside, Donghyuk thought deeply about the things that were about to happen. More and more he thought of what he just saw, the more he was scared of the test result. Whatever it may be, he was now sure what the proper thing to do is. Positive or negative, he was now sure of it.

Hyemi came out of the bathroom with a blank expression on her face.

“How was it?” He asked.

“It’s okay… The result was negative.” She told him.

Donghyuk sighed in relief. Man, that was the most nerve-wrecking test he had for a while.

“That’s a good thing, right?” She asked.

“Yes, it is.” He answered her.

“So, it’s still okay for us to see each other, right?” She asked again.

Donghyuk went mum with her question. He already made his decision or earlier. If it turned out positive, he might consider for an abortion although it was against his norms. If it turned out negative, he’d do it maturely this time by breaking up.

“Hyemi, I’m sorry.” He hung his head low.

“Why?” She was puzzled.

“I’m glad that the results were negative and we’d be happily continuing our lives as college students but I guess I have to break up with you…” He hung his head low.

“Why? Why are breaking up with me? Things are okay now, isn’t it? Why are you breaking up?” She held unto his arms.

“Hyemi, I almost destroyed your life and I won’t let it happen again.” He told her.

“What? That’s non-sense! We made that decision together. It’s negative, okay. We don’t have to worry about anything anymore.” She tried to convince him.

“No, it’s not okay.” He told her. “We almost ruined our lives, don’t you realized that? This would be the best for the both of us.”

“No, it’s not. Why are you saying this?” She cried.

“Hyemi, stop. You’re not pregnant. This means you’re as free to go as any other girls. You’re a beautiful girl and you have a good life ahead of you. Don’t let me ruin it for you.” He said.

He wanted to hug and comfort her but if he did, he knew she’d just come and hug him until she convinces him to not break up.

“Did you even love me? Or did you just want to take my ity away that it’s fine for you to leave me like this?” She asked.

“Think whatever you want. But that’s it, we’re over, Hyemi-ah.” He turned his back from her but she stopped him from walking by hugging him.

“Don’t. Please don’t do this.” She cried.

“I’m sorry…” Donghyuk took her hands away and walked away from her.

END OF FLASHBACK

He came back to his senses after some reminiscing. He shifted his attention towards the show he was watching and it was already showing the preview for its next episode.

He smiled looking at how happy the fathers were when they were with their children.

“What could have been…” He muttered.

Sorry sorry

Sorry for not being able to protect you

I hope you live well

Sorry Sorry

Forget about me

(Although) It hurts…

I swear writing this story was hard. Hahahaha! I know for a fact that Donghyuk is one of the most religious members of iKON. I've seen him lead the prayers in their group before they perform. It's kind of against my will to demoralize his character but I couldn't help it. He was dressed sensually, having some buttons wide oped and he was in a freaking bed. I couldn't help myself but think his story might a bit sensual. Okay, this story was just completely out of my imaginary. Sorry Donghyuk! (Or maybe I'm not sorry???)

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