Soonyoung blinks.

“But you didn’t do anything to me.”

Sure, Seokmin hasn’t been the best person to him. He can recall all the arguments they had earlier this year, all the thinly-disguised animosity that had vanished over the past few months. And even though he recalls hating the guts out of the past Lee Seokmin, Seokmin isn’t the type of guy to intentionally hurt people.

He can’t recall a time where Seokmin did anything to hurt him. A few cutting words here or there, maybe. Perhaps an insult that actually dug at his ego once in a while.

But anything worth apologizing for?

Soonyoung really can’t think of one.

If anything, he should be the one apologizing. He’s made mistakes too, choosing to think the worst of Seokmin even when Seungkwan told him to look past his sharp tongue and give him another chance. Jumping to the worst conclusions about Seokmin and insisting that he can’t be a good person even when he hasn’t been anything but nice.

They haven’t been friends that long and there he is pouring out all his insecurities and grievances onto a Seokmin who always listens. More then listening, he always seems to have this quiet understanding. Somehow knowing how to say all the right things, only speaking soft words that somehow make him feel better.

So why does this stupid boy always think the worst of himself? Lee Seokmin is perfectly capable of being a good person, his default is to be one. The guilty look doesn’t suit him at all. Just looking at it makes Soonyoung want to shrink away, to close this conversation and rewind to maybe fifteen minutes earlier where Seokmin was peacefully singing his rock songs.

“Really. You haven’t done anything bad to me.”

Soonyoung looks so innocent like that, normally small eyes pulled wide and voice high almost like he’s whining. But his earnest insistence is based on what Soonyoung thinks of Seokmin, and not of who he is. 

And hell yes, as much as he will like to pretend he hasn’t, Lee Seokmin has done terrible things to Kwon Soonyoung. And as much as Seokmin will like to be that relatively nice guy in Soonyoung’s eyes, he deserves to know the truth.

“You’ll probably only believe it if you see the originals. Come to my place for a bit.”

The entire trip to Seokmin’s house is uncomfortable. Soonyoung can’t really recall how they’ve been interacting for the past few months, but they’ve moved straight back to the start of the year. Standing far away and when he moves closer, looks at everywhere else except at him. For the good half of the bus ride Seokmin was staring at his shoes. And while they’re pretty dirty and there’s this unexplainable gash of red paint across his right sole, aren’t actually all that fascinating.

Last time he would have been glad that Seokmin was ignoring him. Now, he’s the one trying to pester Seokmin, making some of the lamest small talk that becomes one of the most pathetic monologues of Soonyoung’s short life. He should have recorded this, he could show this to Seungkwan before his emcee performances and he’ll gain all the confidence in the world.

And as they walk up the stairs, for the first time Soonyoung notices how harsh Seokmin’s features look like in the light. Normally he’s laughing at something or another (mostly at some of his somewhat witty remarks) and his eyes crinkle upwards, softening his entire face. But right now all the smiles and playfulness is gone as he narrows his vision, browsing through some files or another on his computer.

Even though Soonyoung swore up and down that the next he came to Seokmin’s house he’ll rummage his bookshelf and read his diary, he’s sitting on the side of Seokmin’s bed nervously petting Pony-Pony over and over again. It’s not as comforting as Mr. Fluffles, but it does come pretty close. And he pulls the ragged stuff toy closer to his chest, fussing at the creases in his fur to distract himself from Seokmin’s soft sighs.

Alright, Seokmin thinks. Get it over with. And make sure the door’s open so Soonyoung can get rightfully pissed off and storm out of his house after this.

“Watch this.”

Soonyoung leans towards Seokmin’s computer screen. It’s a video of the Dance Club performing at last year’s dance festival. A pretty bad memory, one that Soonyoung likes to pretend doesn’t exist. There are always people filming videos during these festivals, that’s nothing surprising-

Hang on.

This video looks way too familiar. Maybe the aspect has been changed a little, this two times the size he remembers, but this video. He’s seen it before. Many times over. He’s watched this with anger, fear and tears in his eyes. 

He’s seen this video on the pledisplagiarisers Youtube site. The very first comparison video, the one that spelt the beginning of the end.

“Yeah. That was me.”

Seokmin’s voice is laced with guilt, a soft muted tone. Lies, Soonyoung wants to scream at him. All you did was take the video. Right? Seokmin wasn’t the one making the comparison videos. Seokmin wasn’t the one spreading it all over the Internet. Seokmin wasn’t the one out to destroy the Dance Club.

Seokmin wasn’t the one who ruined Soonyoung’s happiness.

Reality is more cruel. And so is Seokmin, who’s changed the screen to the Youtube channel. Logged into the pledisplagiarisers channel, showing off all the videos that slowly destroyed the Dance Club.

And he plays the very first video again, this time complete with comparisons and adjusted music. Soonyoung can’t seem to tear his eyes away, not even at the point where he and Jihoon high-five and smile to the crowd.

Not even at the point where he always, always, turns the video off because after that all take a bow. And that was the very last time the entire Dance Club was on stage together.

It’s silent after the video ends. Soonyoung’s head is loud as all the thoughts swirl and scream in his head. Seokmin did this, he’s the one you can blame. All this while you’ve been swearing to hunt down this heartless bastard and stab him straight through the heart and guess what, he’s right in front of you. Pretty damn defenceless. Here, you’ve found the reason for all your unhappiness, now you can lash out at him and take revenge like you’ve always wanted to.

But instead of all the screaming and violence Soonyoung had desired back then, he looks up, eyes misty. And a single word come out trembling.

“Why?”

Seokmin shrugs.

“I was angry at Jihoon. So I wanted to make him suffer. I wasn’t really thinking about anyone else. He destroyed my club, I guess I thought that it was fair to wreck his back.”

“Why did you tell me?”

Soonyoung likes to pretend he’s over it. Doesn’t talk about it, doesn’t investigate it. It’s all in the past, he likes to blank out that part of his memory, erase all the happy and painful memories in one broad .

“You deserve to know.”

A pause.

“I’m sorry I caused you so much suffering. Really.”

Then Seokmin looks straight at him for the first time, the guilty look overtaken with a more familiar expression. The determined face he puts on only when he’s dead serious. 

“But I would do it again. Just more carefully. Even if I made you cry. You shouldn’t be friends with someone who will backstab you so easily. You shouldn’t trust someone who will makes you cry so often. And I’m willing to be the bad guy that you hate if it means you don’t get hurt later on. Better me be the cause of your sadness and unhappiness than someone else.”

That does it. His tears start falling and he’s crying out. Soonyoung can’t control it, can’t blink back the salty beads from rolling down his cheeks. He doesn’t like crying, doesn’t like showing weakness in front of others. But here he is crying into Seokmin’s arms and hitting at him weakly.

Now that’s he’s so uncontrolled he can remember the unhappy memories he always ignores. Forget the bad memories, block them out to be happy, that’s what Soonyoung thinks. But right now the memories from last year play clearly in his head, almost as if it was happening again.

Practicing in the dance room with so many others, the clean sound of bare feet hitting the ground at the same time. Jihoon teaching the choreography to the entire Dance Club. Them staying back after club time to perfect the latest set of moves. The short bursts of freestyling that Soonyoung was way too fond of.

He was happy then. But it wasn’t Seokmin that destroyed that, it was Jihoon. The problem wasn’t that Seokmin had issues with Jihoon, it was that Jihoon was plagiarizing choreography.

And suddenly newer memories of this year rush through Soonyoung’s mind.

The Dance Club acquiring space on the Rooftop Shed. Them munching on chips during rehersals because the teachers wouldn’t pass by and catch them eating outside the canteen. The noisy rehersals where they tried to count louder than Seokmin could sing. Their spontaneous rounds of freestyling and the enthusiastic arguments over which move was better. Them lazing around with the Rock Band and coming up with choreography using guitars and drumsticks. He and Seokmin arguing over some silly issue or another while waiting for Seungkwan’s Broadcasting Club to be over.

Isn’t he also happy now?

He doesn’t hate Seokmin. He can’t. How can you blame someone who’s concerned for your future happiness, concerned about how your friends will treat you in times of difficulty? Maybe Jihoon would have never been caught for plagiarism without Seokmin, maybe they’ll still be happily dancing in the dance room in the Art Block until graduation. But if anything went wrong, Sooyoung knows now that Jihoon will throw him out like unwanted trash.

While Seokmin may have ruined his happiness last year in the dance room, Soonyoung’s found happiness in the rooftop shed this year.

And in that happiness equation, Seokmin plays a big part.  A huge part, more than he probably deserves.

“I hate you.” Soonyoung murmurs. “Now I’ve got ideas for the festival chorerography and I’m going to stay up all night trying to finish it. It’s all your fault.”  

Seokmin presses the edge of his hoodie to dab Soonyoung’s tears. For some reason it looks like he’s been forgiven. Because Soonyoung is the most understanding and kindest creature that Seokmin’s ever met and can’t seem to hold grudges, even when people are terrible to him.

“Can’t wait to watch it at the festival. I’m sure it’ll be a great choreography.”

Soonyoung struggles to blink back the remaining tears as he smiles.

“You better film the performance and make sure it gets as many views as your comparison videos okay. Make everyone watch the new Dance Club.”

“I’ll try my best.” Seokmin says indulgently as he the back of Soonyoung’s head. Pony-Pony is a little flattened and damp with tears, but it’s still smiling.

And so are the both of them.

a/n:... I hope this was a good chapter for you? thank you for continuing to read my work despite all the angst I put you guys through TT

if you're feeling sad? you can read my april fool's post for quick laughs ^^