Mature. For as long as Sandara could remember, being mature has been something attached to her name. She doesn't quite remember exactly when adults started saying it, but it must have been when she was four or five, right about the time she started schooling. Ah, Dara is so mature for her age! Because while the other children cried for their parents, she went immediately to her desk and checked if she brought all her things-- new notebooks, new pencils, new books-- the things her father had help her tuck in her new bag. He had adoringly patted her head telling her she'd do well before he told her good night. Neither her mother or father had a chance to see her off on her first day, her mom being out of country for work, and her dad in some important meeting, but they explained it to her, and she being so mature meant she understood. She will do well, both of them said, both of them believed. Sandara was never the fussy child. She was mature. The pride of her parents.

Sandara was sixteen, shortly after Durami was born, her parents told her they were getting divorced. Sandara was genuinely confused. They were both in their late 40's, but they just had Sang hyun, then Durami. Sure, both were unplanned, but shouldn't children mean that they love each other? Wasn't that the prerequisite of childbearing? But they both told her in their study, her mother holding a swaddled Durami in her arms, we're getting divorced, like they were just telling her they had a business trip or that she'd have to take care of herself for a month or so in their absence which happened often enough. So Sandara accepted the news as she had accepted all the others with an I see, then her father said. that's my girl, you were always so mature.

And at that, Sandara felt quite odd, like she was hearing the word for the first time. Mature. What does that mean exactly?

I knew you would understand.

But what does she understand exactly? The details settled after. Her father being with another woman. Someone younger, someone who was closer to her age than her mother. A few years later, that woman would be her stepmom. On her mother's side, it had been the same. She worked hard, like she always had, and she was always grateful for Dara's ever-present maturity, and being the caring older sibling to Sang hyun and Durami. At sixteen, Sandara was already an over-achiever, top of the class, winning academic awards, and at home she was the closest figure to a mother and a father to both her siblings. She was old enough at least. She was mature enough.

Mature. No word has ever felt as slippery to Dara. Mature. What does that even mean?

It was like a box she was in and everything immature was outside. She was a hard worker, and she was extremely serious, and the only place she was ever out of that box is with Sang hyun and Durami. How long did she hold the three-year old Sang hyun after that conversation about divorce? How long did she ask Sang hyun to bear with her embrace as she cried at not understanding why she was crying? Sang hyun was a good kid. He was Sandara's safe place where she can laugh and cry and he always called her Noona no matter what and he never once thought she was mature... just his noona who he loved. Sang hyun and Durami, they were Sandara's secret gooey centre wrapped in her perfectly hard exterior.

Mature and perfect Sandara Park. There are days she doesn't even know how other people see her. Even Bom, her closest friend, looked at her in a certain awe. Bom once joked that Sandara was like Beyonce and did an impromptu performance of Independent Women which Dara laughingly joined in.

But nowadays, she felt like that joke was on her, on top of her, crushing her. She was having a massive headache.

Sandara was pressing her palm on her temple, trying to sift out the buzzing in her ears from arguments. She had driven to this location for three hours in heavy traffic, and she had missed that lunch she promised Seung hyun. She was hungry and her head is threatening to split on her and this meeting was a loud circus she doesn't want to be part of. She raised the hand that held her head together and at least the squabbling stopped.

"I refuse to have this conversation." She declared. She flipped through the contracts and tossed them on the table. "You're saying you are backing out of the contract. Fine. Go ahead. You will hear from our legal department."

There was a general consesus of "What?!"

She stands up, buttoning her coat, "Did you expect me to come and negotiate with your tantrums? I am the head of marketing. You are breaking legal agreements. As far as I'm concerned dealing with you is already out of my job boundaries. Good day."

Then she leaves.

At the door, she was already on her phone contacting the legal department. While having the conversation, she was already mentally listing down contacts of probable replacement. In a borrowed computer, while she was on the phone, she had drafted a proposal, by the end of the day, she was already reading it for proof. Tomorrow, she would have to call in for an unforunate skype business proposal to the other directors. Around 9:00 pm, she dismissed the location management, and at eleven, finally, she allowed herself to head to her hotel room. She mentally plans a room service meal, yes, with wine, and a well-deserved bubble bath. A brief thought flutters about that missed lunch with Seung hyun as her stomach finally grumbles. Seung hyun... who would thought she'd meet that kid again? She smiles while driving. Her tabi-cat. She shakes her head. Who would have thought he'd grow up so... impressive? She chuckled to herself, and let herself think of that interview they had just some hours ago but felt like it had been ages ago. He said he wanted to be a children's book illustrator! She smiled the same smile she gave him that morning. That would suit him much better than sales and marketing. At least, the child she remembered would. Her heart is light at the thought. She always find children quite endearing. That Tabi Cat who painted her flowers, ack, she thought, an adult! She felt as fuzzy on the inside when she first saw Sang hyun wearing scrubs for a class in med school. She felt so light in her heart, she almost feels happy. She was hungry and still having a headache, but her heart... even when it was broken, felt sort of full. She decided she would call Sang hyun and suffer through his whining about midnight calls. She just missed him so much, and she needed that morale boost.

She also needed to tell him about Ryu Jin.

Sang hyun is really attached to Ryu Jin. It would be hard to tell him, but a it's been a month, and she has yet to tell anyone. She needed to say it at one point. Not saying it doesn't make it less real or her apartment less empty. She needed to