Do you believe in life after death?

Have you ever imagined what it looks like?

The moment I opened my eyes I was welcomed by a beautiful scene. I am in the middle of a large field of flowers. Baby's breath. The pureness and beauty of it gives a serene feeling to anyone who passes by this field. Just like the innocence of a newborn baby, it makes anyone automatically smile. It feels like all problems and worries can vanish just by looking at this view. Speaking of it, where am I? How did I get here?

I tried to remember the last things I have done but all I got was a headache. I massaged the sides of my head to ease the pain. If I can’t recall what happened then I should at least know how to find my way out of here right?

I looked at my left and right. On my left the pathway leads to the foot of the hill while the other side leads down the road. I automatically turned to it thinking that I would find my way home but a voice stopped me.

“You cannot find a way to go back anymore.”

I faced front from where the owner of voice is and I found a tall man wearing all white. “Who are you?”

“My name is Yunho, and I am your keeper.”

“What do you mean by keeper?” I asked starting to get confused. Is this some well planned prank for me? 

“I am the one watching out for you down on Earth. And now that you’re here I need to fulfill my last duty, to guide you so that you reach the afterlife safely.”

My jaw dropped and stared at him in disbelief. What does this person wanted to imply? “Tell me is this some joke? Are you telling me that I am dead?”

“You don’t remember anything?”

I shake my head.

“Close your eyes and try to remember. You were in a car accident and was heavily injured…”

As soon as he mentioned the word accident the memories started rushing to me slowly. He is telling the truth because I can recall riding inside a car with somebody… Kyuhyun! I remember now. We had just gotten engaged at the night of our anniversary. We were so in love and happy, but all of it was taken away in a blink of eye. I cover my mouth in shock and it took my remaining strength not to fall down. “No… this can’t be happening. Tell me, this is just a dream and my body is lying down on the hospital bed waiting for my soul to come back.”

“Its too late. Ryeowook you are dead. At this moment your family is now mourning for you. I know its too early but it is really your time to go.”

“No…no… this can’t be! What about Kyuhyun? Tell me, where is he?”

“He is severely injured just like you but he is expected to survive it. Its not yet his time,”

I cover my face ready to cry in panic and fear. I cannot help it. What do you do when you open your eyes and someone tells you that you’re dead? I’m still young and I have planned a future for me. A future where I will find the love of my life and build a family with him and spend the rest of our lives together. I had found him and apparently we had plans for the future already. And this is not included in those plans.

And then I remembered my parents. How are they taking in the news that their only son is gone? My last conversation with my mother is still vivid in my memories. ‘I would die if I have to outlive my son.’ She must be devastated to see my body lying in the casket.

“Why it is so soon? I have been a good child to my parents. I am kind to others. What wrong did I do to deserve this?”

“The length of life is not measured by the amount of good deeds a person did on earth. If fate decided to cut the thread then it is the end of your stay. You cannot do anything to change the course of fate.”

I scrunched down in defeat and hugged my knees. I cannot go back now and the only thing I have to do is move forward and accept my fate. “I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye to them, to the people who loved me.”

There was a long silence. He gave me enough time to calm myself but I don’t think I will recover from it soon. Its like I am waking up to a real nightmare. I must have looked so pitiful to him that he spoke again.

“Do you want to see them again?”

My head snaps up immediately upon hearing it. “You’re going to let me go back?”

“I am going to show you the people you love for the last time,”

Its not what I am expecting but the thought of seeing my loved ones again somehow gives me comfort. Even if its for the last time, I will treasure and engrave it in my memories forever.

“Let me see them again please. Just this once,”

~~~~

I thought that I can accept my death if I could see my loved ones again even for the last time. I was wrong. It hurts that I never had the chance to say goodbye to them. But it is twice the pain to see them cry for you.

When I asked my keeper to let me see them, I opened my eyes to see myself standing on a hallway. The place is not familiar and I see people walk along the hallway. To find out what this place is, I continued walking. I walked and walked until I saw someone I know. My friend Sungmin came out from the elevator and I ran to him.

“Minnie! Sungmin!” I called loudly but he didn’t glance back. I yelled his name until I was beside him but it was useless. It was like I am invisible to him. I noticed his red and sullen eyes even though he is looking down the floor while walking.

“Min, listen to me. I have to tell you something important I don’t have eno–” I grabbed his arms but I stood shocked when my hands passed through his body like an air. I am really invisible. It dawned to me that my keeper let me go back as a ghost. 

If they can’t see or hear me then how will I say goodbye to them? Seeing them is not enough! I need to talk to them.

I recovered from my initial shock and followed Sungmin until he reached a large glass door and went inside. I didn’t need to pull the door just to get in like him because I passed through it. I could have been amazed if this is super powers but I am dead, and this is the reality.

When I looked around the large hall I saw almost all the people that I wanted to see for the last time. And when I looked at the front, I never thought that I would see this view. I slowly walked toward it. To where my body is lying inside the casket. Because this place is where my funeral is being held.

I wanted to touch the glass and try to lie down on it and see if I could return to my body but I know that it is useless. That only happens in those movies I watched as a child. When I saw my body I didn’t know if I would cry for myself. The traces of the accident were gone as the wounds were stitched and covered with make-up. I looked peaceful lying in there like I was just sleeping. I didn’t know how long I stood there staring at my body when I heard someone come up beside me.

Soft hands started caressing the glass above my face and then I heard cries of grief. I turned my head to see my mother, her face filled with tears. My eyes watered instantly and I wanted to hug her tightly and comfort her. I wanted to whisper to her that I’m here beside her. I wanted to assure her that I am now okay but all of these are just hopeless wants of mine. She cries heartbrokenly while staring at my dead body not knowing that my soul, or my ghost is here beside her. I saw my father walk to her side and wraps his arm around her. I saw visible tears in his face too.

I broke down and cried loudly, nobody would hear me anyways. I wanted to shout, to curse, to blame anyone but nothing will change. I stared longingly at my parents and thought of when was the last time I am enveloped in their embrace. If I knew that I will die earlier I could have spent a lot more time with them. I could have texted them, saying ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ everyday. I thought I didn’t have any regrets in life but now that I’ve lost the chance, I realized that it wasn’t enough.

"What would I do with my life now? There's no point in living now that my baby is gone!" she cried while dad remains silent. I think that if he utters just one word he would break down altogether.

I noticed my mom clutching a photo in her one hand. It was a photo of me when I am still a baby. I remember those times when she fetches me from school and I run into her arms, wide open for me. I remember the times when mom and I would stay in the kitchen and teach me how to cook certain dishes for the first time. I remembered how dad praised and ate the entire dish that I cooked for the first time. I remembered my dad’s proud smile when I delivered them the news of me passing the entrance exams. I remembered how the two of them smiled for me as I excitedly hopped on the bus ready for a new life in Seoul. I was too eager to discover the world to notice how the sunshine in their life slowly fades away. The calls and messages I sent to them can’t be compared to the joy they felt whenever I visit them.

Just when I thought I was living my life to the fullest I realized it was not enough. It is never enough. Not when there are many important people in my life and twenty six years of life is not enough for me to show that I care.

I looked away from my parents and my eyes roamed around the hall. I spotted Sungmin again with some of my co-actors at the theater.

I went near him and observed his reactions. His lifeless eyes was staring at the casket as if expecting my body to move and come out alive. His tears were already dried but its obvious how the exhaustion had taken its toll on his face.

"I'm sorry Min but I think my happiness is not really meant to be forever. Don't blame yourself for anything that you didn't do," I whispered hoping that he would hear me. "Please don't be sad that your best friend is gone."

I look like a crazy person now, talking to a person who doesn't even know my presence. The sight next to Sungmin was not also good as its my first time to see the usually cheerful Luna to be crying endlessly. She doesn't care about how she looks at that moment because her favorite oppa was not there to listen to her random ramblings anymore. Sungmin and I used to treat her as our younger sibling after working together for numerous times in the theater. She is a good friend and one of my relationship's counselor whenever Kyu and I were arguing.

I could only stand there and watch her helplessly. I can't talk to her and assure her that I'm alright when the truth is I'm not. My heart is breaking every time I see people crying for me.

Just when I was about to turn away someone walked right through me. It was Seohyun holding two cups of coffee and two sandwiches. She gives it to the two, forcing them to eat even when they don't have the appetite.

"I beg you two to eat. Even just a bite please. I know that we are grieving right now but Wookie wouldn't feel good to see you two starving yourselves," she pleads gently.

"If he was here, he could have lectured you two for skipping your meals."

Sungmin snaps from his thoughts and looks at Seohyun before grabbing the food and eating slowly. She sighs in relief. At least one w